He tends the garden!

Hi blog! Happy almost February!

At our retreat last weekend Bryan had us look again at what it is to abide and bear fruit. Honestly this moment was one of my favorite moments of the weekend because I got to affirm the fruit that I see growing in my lovely friends!! And it's super special bc I had already planned to write my blog about the fruit of the spirit, it just feels even more timely now.

So here’s a (nonexhaustive) list of some ways I see the Fruit of the Spirit play out in my friends. Grateful for a God that grows and sustains these in each one of us through the rain and the pruning. And so grateful I get to see his heart in these 14 faces I love so. 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Jenna daily shows me the love of the Lord. Being with Jenna is like a warm hug, a whisper of “you belong here” that pulls people in and shows them the heart of the Father. A line in one of my favorite worship songs is “Unreserved, unrestrained. Your love is wild, your love is wild for me. It isn’t shy, it's unashamed. Your love is proud to be seen with me.” Jenna makes this deep love of the Lord visible to me. It’s a gift to be loved by her, it shows me Jesus. 

I am so grateful for the ways that Elijah displays what it is to have the joy of the Lord be your strength. There is a deep joy evident whenever he speaks about the things of the Lord whether that be a specific text we are reading, something he is studying for work, the movement of the Spirit, or really anything. Elijah shows deeply what it is to not just follow the Lord, but to follow the Lord with deep joy and excitement for the work that he is going to do.

In AG I frequently see the joy of the Lord. But it's not a passive surface level joy, its a hard fought joy that has been formed in clinging to the Lord in the ups and downs. AG is quick to enter into the joys of others, so many times she has made space for me giving even the smallest joys and sorrows full attention. She reminds me that even those small joys have eternal weight. She reminds me to hold close to those even when things feel heavy.

In Skip I see the peace of Christ, but it is a peace that is so much deeper than the shallow passivity I often confuse with peace. Skip holds deep convictions and he is not in a rush. And through him I am learning that that is much more what peace looks like. It's a willingness to sit with things, to say “I want to think about that more”, it's a willingness to both listen deeply and speak clearly, both in their time. 

Bryan is so often the first to listen without a rush. He has listened to me compain hundreds of times about the same things and yet his patience still feels so genuine. That is a deep gift that so quickly shows me what it is that the Lord listens to my cries without shame and without rush. Bryan is so willing to sit with people in joy and sorrow and just the ins and outs of day to day life without the expectation of anything in return. That patience with people is a fruit that points directly to the gardener.

In Tessa I see the kindness of the Lord. The kindness to see others, to create space, to lean into vulnerability, to speak with truth, to notice and acknowledge and encourage. I have seen the Lord’s kindness to me in the way that Tessa has seen me in moments I really needed to be seen and known. In her is a strong and steady kindness that points so steadily back to the kindness of our God. 

Bailey is truly the most incredible reflection of the kindness of God. He loves people faithfully and truly and seeks their well being, always with care and intentionality in big and small ways. He cares to show up for people in even the littlest ways, like making sure the kind of pickles are right. You can see it in the ways that he talks to people and also so fully in the ways he talks about people- I am so frequently impressed by the ways his kindness shows me Jesus.

Celeste’s heart is so beautifully oriented toward the goodness of God. She wants to seek/know/implement what is good and right, to wrestle with it if it's not immediately apparent, to fight for it if necessary. It’s something that I learn from daily. This week she told me how much she values seeking truth even if we know we won’t ever fully get there. To me that is the work of the Spirit, that is believing we will see the goodness of God in the land of the living. 

When I think about Josh and the way he reflects the heart of the Lord I think about Eugene Peterson’s phrase ‘a long obedience in the same direction’. Josh is wise and steady and so frequently shows me the Lord’s faithfulness. I see it in his kindness to teach me things about my job I don’t know anything about, in his intentionality to ask questions and learn more about things, to show up over and over again for people when its easy and when its not. That is faithfulness that sings of the faithfulness of our God.

Emma shows me what it is to be faithful. I saw her faithfulness so clearly this week as she told me how she thinks and plans and prays for the future. The way she courageously holds her hopes with assurance but also complete surrender and willingness to follow the direction of the Lord. I see faithfulness in the way that when she tells me she will pray for me I know without a doubt that she means it. A faithfulness that over and over points me to the God who is worthy of all our faith and worship.

Joe has shown me the gentleness of God as we try to sort out this next season. He is quick to be inquisitive and learn more about what I want for my future, quick to show me options and opportunities, and all without the pressure or fear or scarcity that I am so quick to heap on myself. Joe’s friendship shows me a gentle kindness that reminds me that I don’t have to flail through a job search all by myself. This is a gentleness that mirrors the heart of God.

Evy is a safe space. A gentleness of spirit and heart that echoes the calls of the Lord which bid me come and rest. She is honest and kind and vulnerable with a gentleness that shows me that my deep fears and emotions and longings are welcome and safe. She shows me that I am seen and loved by her and by the Father. I could not be more grateful. 

I see the fruit of self-control in Ryan as he seeks to follow the Lord faithfully. I am consistently impressed and challenged by the ways that Ryan is willing to put himself aside to ask the question not how do I make following the Lord work for me, but how do I faithfully follow the Lord? And he does so with curiosity, wisdom and honesty. I learn more about following the Lord from his friendship.

As I reflected on ways Ashley has shown me the love of God the words that came to mind were intentionality, empathy, honesty, and as I sat with so many of those I realized how much of that is self-control. Ashley has such good awareness of herself and the ways that she needs to show up for others. I have been just so incredibly and consistently impressed by her vulnerability and compassion while gracefully navigating the demands of this role. The more and more I watch her lead the more I see how incredibly difficult this job is and the more I am just so impressed with the way that Ashley shows the love and care and self-control and very heart of Jesus to each one of us. 

One thing David Spikard said in Just Leadership that I still think about frequently is that we need different people not just for the sake of checking a box, but we need each other because it is in our individuality of thought and experience that we get to glimpse a little more fully at the fullness of God’s character. I am so grateful for all of the little pieces of God’s heart that I get to see reflected here.

January Stats:

LinkedIn connections- 215

Snows- 2

Cries- 15

Crafternoons- 1 (but they're in in 2025 so here's to making more happen)

New year, new verse of the year, new benediction! 

So, even here his hand will lead and hold me!

All my love!

Lola

Joe's blog pt 4

Hello world its Joe.

Today I went on a run with Bailey and Celeste and they encouraged me to have my blog be about running. Wow what a great idea. Running has been a staple in my life the past two years and so I have had some memorable runs over these past few months. I am going to highlight two runs.

First pic- This picture was taken on November 18th at 5:25 am in Managua, Nicaragua. Coburn, Eric, Celeste and I went on a 3.5 mile long run through the back roads near the property.

Second pic- This picture was taken today (January 10th) at 2:44 pm at Shelley Lake in Raleigh. Bailey, Celeste, and I are training for the Tar Heel ten miler that is on April 19th!

Don't let the door hit ya 2024!

So glad to be in a new year. 2024 was better than I prayed for and also one of the hardest years of my life. One of my biggest takeaways from Fellows so far is the “both and”ness of life, I think my feelings on last year are a prime example of that.

I’ve been obsessed with “in and outs” lists lately, I think I’m going to make them quarterly for 2025. Here is my “Ins and Outs for the next 18 weeks (aka through the end of Fellows)” list.

In:

• Listening to God’s thoughts on me over my thoughts on me

• Asking for help

• Getting to know Alumni/ greater Apostles community more.

• Glimmer hunting (this is a term my Attachment prof in college used, basically a gratitude practice but with a fun little name!)

• Emotions

• Assuming best intent

• Solitude as a time to surrender to true self, not to rebuild false self

• Reverend Eric Bolash

Out

• Holding in compliments

• Just watching a movie when fellows hang out

• Over apologizing

• Food allergies at round table.

• Being late (literally no one hold me to this)

• Chris Renzema

This Month’s Motto:

“Love is holy because it is like grace--the worthiness of its object is never really what matters.” - Marilynne Robinson

Raleigh Rookie: Episode 4

Apologies for the late post, but I wanted to share a bit about the time I spent back home in Georgia over the holidays. I had a great time catching up with old friends—spending days at coffee shops, hanging out at a lake house, and celebrating New Year’s Eve together. It was so refreshing to hear how everyone is doing in this next chapter of life. I’m really grateful for those connections, though I do wish I could have stayed longer and shared more of this journey with them.

Afterward, Jacqui flew into Atlanta, and we made the drive back to Raleigh together. It was a blast showing her around the city—visiting local coffee shops, browsing through record stores, and getting lost in some of my favorite bookstores. It felt great to introduce her to my fellow Raleigh Fellows too, and they made the experience even more memorable.

They even threw me a birthday celebration, and it was one of the most special, fun moments I’ve had since being here. I’m thankful for the friendships I’ve made here and for the chance to share those connections with Jacqui. It's been a great start to the year!

-Skip

Late December Blog - Bryan

Howdy travelers! Happy New Year!

I’m more than a little late to the blog game this time around, but hey, new year, new me, am I right? Wow, that’s so many commas. December was a good one, but I’ll write a little about my New Year’s experience and then give some highlights in bullet form.

For New Year’s I drove down to Greenville, SC to spend time with my former roommate Drew and his wife Bailey at a party they were hosting. Fun fact: Drew is high school friends with Josh (we met this summer at his bachelor party) and Bunner (fellows class of 2024). I have pretty much been in fellows mode nonstop since getting here in September, so this was a good opportunity to slow down with older friends and remember that there is life outside of Raleigh. This opportunity was definitely taken advantage of, because right away time slowed down and fellows kind of melted away from the front of my brain. We played pickleball and made pizza as we waited for everyone to arrive, and I realized that my happy place might just be playing pickleball with Drew (we have probably spent days of our lives pickling together). Then, on New Year’s Eve, we spent the whole day cooking (charcuterie and dips, coffee/chocolate trifle, a counter full of nachos, a goose that Josh got off of Farmer Gene’s land, etc.), going to the store multiple times for things we forgot, watching football, playing cornhole, and laughing. This was absolutely a highlight of the whole year. Then, once everyone else left on New Year’s Day, Drew and I went to Walmart and bought $10 fishing rods so that we could go to a totally public fishing spot and not catch a single fish. Those few days were packed, but they felt slow and enjoyable. I really think this helped me to refocus on a wider perspective than just being in fellows, which I believe will help to make fellows an even more valuable experience.

Other highlights:

• Roller derby with Skip, Tessa, and Chris Byron

• I am now 1-1 in Canes games

• Zumba with Chris, Ryan, and Emma

• Secret Santa shenanigans (see Josh and Evy’s blogs)

• seeing my niece Winnie (1 year old in 11 days!!!)

• getting a $130 fishing reel for $50 (I accidentally left it in Greenville… oops)

Anywho, I’m looking forwards to the rest of fellows!

Tootles!

Bryan

Christmas Came Late

Hey guys,

A lot of fun stuff happened in December, but the craziest thing was a shocking betrayal from within the guys.

We did a secret santa within the fellows. In the weeks leading up to the exchange, people were getting “elfed”, and we were doing our best to predict who had who. “Elfing” is little surprise gifts/actions from your secret santa. I thought Ihad it all figured out after a couple people blew their cover. However, Bryan had fabricated a whole cover story to deceive us. He staged elaborate (and thoughtful) elfs to someone he didn’t even have. It set off a chain of incorrect guesses, to the point where I don't think I had a correct single prediction. The guys and I were RATTLED.

Turns out Bryan had me and NOT Evy. I can’t get that mad though because he got me a couple of very nice cigars (Romeo y Julieta 1875, for those who care). Side note on cigars, don’t be like me and accidently buy fake ones at the airport in Nicaragua.

Another side note, Bryan is best friends with my high school friend Drew, who once convinced me we were in the same online class together for an entire semester. I put his name on group projects and peer evaluations... I was RATTLED then, so I guess it makes sense they are friends. (Bryan and I first met at Drew’s bachelor party).

Work:

RDG Commercial has 2 buildings under contract! Both of contracts were “hopefully going to get signed in the next week or two” for about 3 months, but that’s the name of the game haha. I’m not exactly the most crucial gear in the machine, but I learn something new every day. One thing about Commercial Real Estate is we love our fancy terminology. I learn a new buzz word every day. For example, if you are looking to “deploy some capital”, give me a call (jk…unless).

Duck Duck Goose:

Over break, I was able to enjoy spending time with some good friends in the blind. I was pretty unsuccessful on the duck front, but I was able to get the job done with the geese in Madison county. Farmer Gene wanted them gone, and I was able to help. And just like that, my season is over, and I’ve set my sights on the red rum in OBX. I’m counting down the days until Spring!

Until next time,

Josh

Ryan blog December... in January

Im late, and people just like to look at fun pictures anyways. This was December:

New Years is my Super bowl !!

This blog isn’t at the end of December and tbh I’m not even going to talk about December bc YAY its a New Year!! If you know me even a little you'll know that New Years is a BIG deal to me. I love the chance to begin afresh. Who doesn't love a chance to dream of becoming a whole new person the second the ball drops? Who doesn’t love a vision board? But all of that has me reflecting on what it is to grow, and what it is to have spaces where I can grow. 

I’m starting this blog from my childhood home (not my childhood bedroom though bc my brother stole it from me when I moved out) after a week of working my high school and college summer job. And tomorrow morning I head back to the camp where I’ve worked the past three summers. Yet in a lot of ways those spaces don’t feel the same anymore. I’ve spent a lot of time pondering this. Because I’m not one to move on from a space. I like tradition. I like things to work forever. It makes me sad when spaces don’t hold the same emotions they used to. But my cousin put it so clearly tonight as I tried to articulate my mixed emotions about a weekend back at camp. She just said “you’ve outgrown it, that's good”. I struggle to hold the tension of the fact that things can be good for a season. But I can so clearly see it here. I am not the same 16-year-old girl stepping into a nanny job needing to learn her voice and how to stand up for herself. I am not the same 19-year-old girl stepping into a summer at camp at her lowest point, so desperately needing to relearn what it was to have a friend. Those lessons were so needed in those seasons and it was so good and gracious of God to put me there. And its gracious of him yet again to pull me to say goodbye to those seasons and step into the next ones. 

That’s a really really long-winded way of saying that I’m grateful to be in Raleigh. I’m grateful to have outgrown past seasons and spaces and get to step into new ones. And how glad I am to have a community that surrounds me so well as I step with shaky legs into new seasons. So this is really a thank you to each one of you. Thanks for helping create a space that I’m excited to return to, a space that I’m confident I will grow in, a space for my current season. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 are words I have read with frustration for most of my life. But all thanks to God little by little I am learning to trust the wisdom of seasons. 

Prayers for 2025

• That I would learn a little more what it is to be held (my word for the year!) in the arms of a loving father.

• That I would lean into the wisdom of seasons- thanking him for past seasons, being present in my current season, and trusting his kindness for all future seasons.

• JOY in the second half of fellows! 

• The Lord’s faithful guidance and provision in next steps

December Statistics

Christmas Parties: 8

Cries: 8

Glasses of Eggnog: at least 8 (shoutout my dad)

Live nativities: 1

Gingerbread tabernacles: 1

That's what I’ve got for now! Surely His goodness and mercy will follow me!

All my love!

Lola

December Fun Fellows Flicks

HI BLOG!

Okay. I am going to be so honest. I am tired after this month. BUT it’s a good tired, one where I just need a couple of good nights of sleep and a break from socializing. During this holiday season, there were many parties and get-togethers that Fellows were invited to! As much as I love a good Classy Christmas cocktail (s/o the Cominsky’s) or a cider and Christmas story hang (s/o the Bolash’s) I realized that I do need some downtime in my life! Currently I am reading Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning for Fellows and have loved the time to quietly feel loved and known by my Father. Andddd back to what I came to share with y’all! The shared album currently has 1,537 pictures and 176 videos!

<3, AG

LOLA SNEDDON in the house!!! or CAMEL BUTT in the manger!!!

This year Lola was a crucial but hidden role in our live nativity scene. She was the back half of the camel and played the role perfectly! But Lola is so much more than just her role! She is kind, patient, loving, and VERY competitive. Like you would have never guessed that this sweet friend would come after everyone in any game! Thank you for being you Lola!

I admire Elijah McGrath so much!

Elijah is a guy who has had a lot of firsts this year! From his first plane ride, to his first time going to a bar, and his first time going to an Anglican Church! This man had been the king of firsts, and I admire how down he is to trying new things and being open to learning and experiencing things. To the one we can count on to have the best Christmas sweaters and the best onesie, keep being you and never stop trying new things!!!

Halfway Done and Feeling Good

Oh December, what to even say!

I suppose since the end of December serves as a sort of halfway point in our time as Fellows, I finally feel like I have fully developed thoughts and opinions about the program. As others have said, I still don’t know that there’s a straightforward way to explain “what a Fellow is,” but there is plenty of room to speak about my experience as one.

Firstly, I am fully convinced that Raleigh Fellows is likely the best group of Fellows you could decide to be in if you were going to sign up for the mild insanity that is a Fellows program. Not that I don’t think there are probably dope people doing programs all over, but I do have to say that in my entirely biased opinion, these are some of the dopest humans around. I genuinely have been so impacted by the way that these other 13 Fellows (plus Ashley and several “honorary Fellows” like Sam, Chris, Eric etc.) balance a deep commitment to and pursuit of the Lord and ALSO make it a point to not take themselves too seriously. It has been incredibly refreshing to be in a context where we can have intense, important, and personal conversations about our walk with Jesus AND laugh at times in prayer when others might deem it inappropriate. I just think that if a group of Christians are going to miss the mark on being too serious or too silly, that this feels like the direction to miss in. I also know that it is not the direction most other groups of Christians (or even Fellows) tend to miss, and I think it makes them less approachable and accessible.

As for the city of Raleigh… sure I like it. I won’t lie and write rave reviews that it is the best place in the U.S. to live, but I really have enjoyed the experience of a new place after the initial shock of adjustment wore down. The reality is that my experience of the city of Raleigh is pretty limited to a few places that I do life in weekly, and while they are special to me, it’s more about the people than the location that makes me love them. On the flip side, this month was the first time since the beginning of October that I got to be back in Michigan and the first time since the program started that I got to be home, and I was honestly curious how much I’d really miss Michigan. I got my answer when, as I was finishing my 12-13 hour drive home for break, I saw the first Michigan license plate with MSU stickers and actually started crying. Then, as I passed the Welcome to Michigan sign in the snow, I teared up all over again. Emotional? Yes. Dramatic? Maybe a little. Yet, there’s something special and important about a place that feels like home, and for me that means snow and freezing temperatures, crappy roads, and the Midwest mentality during the holidays.

There’s plenty more to share about, but I think what likely will speak louder than my ability to share my experiences of other parts of the program is what I am looking forward to most back in Raleigh:

1. My host parents, Marsha and Harry, who are some of the sweetest, most caring and consistent people I know, who I can’t wait to see again.

2. The other Fellows, ARE YOU KIDDING?? I hope you could tell from my blog post that I LOVE those nerds, and I seriously can’t wait to debrief break with everyone. (Special shoutout to our first Girl’s Night back)

3. Work, weirdly enough though I am not necessarily pumped for the work itself, I am actually excited just to catch up with my co-workers and hopefully be a help in catching up on work from the holidays.

4. Tutoring! I didn’t expect to enjoy tutoring with Neighbor 2 Neighbor nearly as much as I do, but I cannot wait to see Tyler again after break!

Basically, there’s lots to look forward to and I am excited to jump back in with people who truly feel like friends and community.

Love,

Emma <3

December blog! -Jenna

Hello everyone, as I reflect on the first part of the fellows program I am just reminded of how good and gracious God is. The lord will provide and man DID he. I remember praying in my shower (sorry tmi) and on my bedroom floor for the lord to place me in a community where I could be myself and feel his presence. I am happy to announce that this has been it. These people and this program has taught me what it means to turn to the Lord first, and wake up and choose to live for the Lord. I am writing this blog from a house I lived in during some of college where some of my best friends still reside and I am thankful that I get to go back to Raleigh and know that these people and Apostles also feel like home. I would like to share some things that I love about each of the fellows:

Ashley: She is boldly herself, unafraid of challenging others to be better, and truly a woman who walks with the Lord.

Emma: She is a voice of reason in the chaos and a breathe of fresh air when I need to decompress. (especially at work, I hope I can do the same for her)

Lola: She is warmth, mystery, and love wrapped up all into one. She is a comfort embodied into human form.

Bailey: Home in a friend. He is solid ground. He is quick to listen and validate, I love talking in the driveway as well (we are neighbors)

Joe: He is passionate about so many things and watching him be excited is one of my favorite things. Joe at the fair is my favorite animal.

AG: She gives what she haves and is such a gentle and kind spirit. I love her hugs and her perspective. She to me is just so cool. I love when AG is in a room!

Celeste: She always brings in a new perspective on every topic and I love it. Her laugh and silliness bring me so much joy, I also like how we have a mutual love to showing up somewhere (mostly church for class or carpooling) and sitting in our cars for a few minutes then getting out. It seems to happen a lot and I like it.

Tessa: When I met Tessa I knew we would be friends, she makes me laugh like no other, she is quick to love and she is FOR THE GIRLS, and I needed a friend like her in Raleigh. Her love for creation (our world and creating her own art) blows me away everyday. She drives me to do better.

Evy: I truly believe we share a heart connection. She gets me! The lord knew I needed evy in my life at just the right time.

Skip: He is wise, and on our walk during prayer partner time I remember noticing how good skip is at asking the right questions and I admire that (and of course his outfits, bro is always fitted up)

Elijah: He is always thirsty for more! Whether that is knowledge, depth with the lord, or going the extra mile on a mod on Mario cart. I just really love that about him.

Bryan: He is down to hangout, and talk about random nothingness or something extremely deep. He is also quick to turn a conversation to the Lord, which is so refreshing. In that he is really good at spreadsheets, which I never expected but he is (pls ask him about it).

Josh: He is a servant, for the Lord and fixing all our cars! I admire how true he is to himself, truly no one else like Josh.

Ryan: I never know whats going through his head and I absolutely love it. He fits the definition of a good friend in so many ways. He is quick to ask questions, make others laugh, lead a plan, and I love it.

Anyways there are not enough words to describe how I love each and everyone of these fellows but I hope this gives a glimpse of how they have invaded my heart.

Recommendations:

• rolled neck sweaters

• listening to the lord

• hanging with the Byrons

• Jared and Megan Miedema (I have missed them so over break) (best host parents)

• laying things at the feet of Jesus (and I mean truly letting it go and letting the lord work, man does it help)

• being around kids, nothing like the laughter of a child or the feeling of holding a baby

• ATVs and my uncle mikes farm in SC

• binge watching the entire Harry Potter series

• blueberry pancake at Waffle House

• pastor nicks trampoline (during the Christmas party)

• learning to love your work

• SECRET SANTA (the fellows did secret Santa, and as my witness former fellow Derren, I had THE most fun)

• espresso martinis

• film camera (its been on a break cause I accidentally did something to it but don’t worry its coming back cause my friend Evan fixed it)

- love you, Jenna :)

My Fourth Blog Post

Hello everyone. Happy New Year’s Day Two to all who celebrate. I think I’m retiring from all New Year’s Eve festivities for the foreseeable future. I just can’t hang anymore. I had pretty big aspirations to write a meaningful Christmas blog. My plan was to talk about the lyrics of this song called “Baby Son” by John Mark McMillan, and then relate them to a lovely message that Elijah shared with the youth ministry the other day regarding the humility of Jesus. Unfortunately—albeit tragically on brand of myself—I missed the due date of that Christmas blog by about a week. This isn’t even remotely close to the latest I have submitted an assignment (that record belongs to my EdTPA rough draft submission two months after the due date), but I figured I would decide on a new topic for my blog since not many people are ‘tis-ing the season anymore. My new topic is actually gonna spark up a little bit of controversy… real quick sidebar though. I did a google search for “Baby Son” to make sure I spelled the artist’s name correctly, only to discover that such a google search results exclusively in stock pictures of babies. I figured that was worth sharing before I got into it.

My heart belongs in Boone and I don’t like Raleigh. There I said it. That’s my big secret. I’m sorry to all the loyal Raleigh fans out there. Please don’t take it personally, I’m just not a big city guy. I understand that there are way bigger cities out there, but for a guy that has Davie County in his blood, Boone on his mind, and Utopia Texas on his résumé (do a little google search on Utopia Texas after you do my “Baby Son” experiment), there’s a little too much going on in Raleigh for me. Though the aforementioned statement I made is genuine, I have no malicious intent towards the Raleigh faithful. I just needed a good segway to talk about God’s favorite pla- I mean my favorite place in the whole wide world. I actually just got back from Boone yesterday. I was with my friends celebrating New Year’s Eve a couple days ago (for the last time ever I guess since I retired in the first paragraph). Though it was fun and eventful, I’m actually going to talk about this past Sunday… in which I was also in Boone. I had been wanting to visit the church I attended while I was in college, so I decided to drive up for the day and spend some time with my friends Barrett, Libby, Gracie, and Meg (Meg Spickard, Fellows Class of 2024 and avid pickleballer, you know the one).  

I made it just in time for the church service (4 mins late), and afterwards I got a chance to catch up with my friends Vern and Matt. Vern is the pastor of Boone United Methodist and Matt was my spiritual mentor while I was in college. Those two guys poured into me way more than I have time to write about, but just know that they mean a lot to me. After church, my friends and I got lunch at Comeback Shack. I was a WyldLife leader at Green Valley School for three years while I was in Boone, and I saw one of the guys I led while we were eating. His name’s Brayden and he’s now a freshman in high school. He has grown a lot taller and his voice has gotten a lot deeper (I don’t know who let him get away with that but it’s whatever I guess). It truly was a blessing seeing him, even if it was only for a minute. After we ate we went to Blowing Rock to dilly dally for some time. While we were dallying–just after dillying–Barrett asked me to be one of his Groomsmen. This was actually the highlight of my year, but don’t worry I’m playing it cool (but also if you wanna know more about it let me know because I’d love to share). Following this sweet moment, we ended our evening at Vern’s house, spending our last couple hours in Boone together with him and his family.

It was the best two hours of the entire day. Six out of the seven Collins family members joined in with me and my four friends. According to my calculations, that comes out to be eleven people total. No I did not show my work. Anyways, we had eleven people around a table that can only sit seven comfortably, and there was no place I would have rather been. We talked about what felt like everything, but my favorite thing we talked about was Sonic 3. I say “we” very loosely because really only I talked about it, but it came out in December and is actually incredible so y’all should go watch it (after seeing Sonic 1 and Sonic 2 of course). Our topic of conversation doesn’t really matter. More importantly I want to zoom in on the picture of eleven people gathered around the dinner table. They’re not family. Well, not all of them are family, but they might as well be. There’s a lot of joy on their faces. Some of them are enjoying the cheese, ritz crackers, and peanuts that were provided as the evening's hors d'oeuvres (for sure had to look that word up). Others are belly laughing at a comment made. When I think of that picture, I think of everything that I’ve left behind, and It’s part of the reason I cherish Boone so deeply.

But, for everything that I have in Boone, I feel as though it’s been multiplied in Raleigh. Many of my friends have asked me what I love most about the Raleigh Fellows program, and my answer is always the same: the people I’m doing it with and the church that we’re a part of. Upon moving to Raleigh, I had a hard time explaining to people what it means to be a “Fellow” (if anyone’s figured it out let me know). From my point of view, the reason it’s so hard to explain is because it doesn’t make sense to have sought after things such as loving community and wise leadership handed to you so seamlessly. It’s hard to paint that picture clearly for people. Now, that’s not the all encompassing embodiment of what a “Fellow” is, but I think it’s the most polarizing characteristic of it all. To be the beneficiary of something like that is truly a gift, and back in August, I wasn’t aware of how much of a gift it would be. Now, at the halfway point of the Fellows year, I’m starting to fully understand just how rare and special it is, and it’s something I’m very grateful for. I know I’ve only been a Fellow for four months, but I used to be a Fellow for zero days, so gratefulness feels appropriate.

Boone will always be better than Raleigh though don’t even get it twisted.

My song recommendation for this blog post is “Baby Son” by- actually, if you don’t remember from the first paragraph just google “Baby Son” and you’ll figure it out.

Love, Bailey

RALLOWS MONTH 4: Memories

Hi, I am at home sitting next to my cat right now and thinking a lot. Thinking a lot about how two weeks is too long to be away from all the fellows. Thinking a lot about how I can’t believe we finished the first semester. Thinking a lot about how we are all thinking a lot about post-fellows plans. Thinking a lot about how I figured life would all be downhill after college, and thank heavens that’s not the case. Thinking a lot about how freaking awesome these past four months have been and how I have way too much to write about in my journal. And also thinking about my razor scooter I got for Christmas. But most of all thinking about little memories with each fellow that I will cherish and thank the Lord for as often as I remember to.

Here’s a little memory with each fellow from this first semester…

Joe: I had the honor of being Joe’s secret santa and it was so much fun. I gathered little notes from people who love Joe and it was so ~ tender ~ to see how loved Joe is. Thank you for pretending like you didn’t already know I was your secret santa and always being so tender.

Skip: Remember that time we were cutting vegetables and chicken in the kitchen the first week of knowing each other? Yeah, that was lit. I figured that night that I would like to be your friend. Thank you for appreciating the bot that I am, as I appreciate the bot you are.

Celeste: One rainy morning before class, Celeste and I went to get breakfast at some random breakfast place and just spent time catching up. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I have always had a friend crush on Celeste. Thank you for being you.

Bailey: Bailey and I tend to enjoy a good teacher workday (meaning we are the only ones in the whole school and we get to laminate and cut stuff and draw stuff all day). And one time we got to deliver presents all around Raleigh and that was a highlight of the semester. Thank you for enduring the post office with me.

Emma: I bet Emma already knows the exact memory I am thinking of. I will never forget that time sitting in the back of the car and laughing the hardest I have laughed all four months. Oh and by the way, tell your cat I said pssst pssst pssst. Thank you for always getting my humor and making me laugh.

Tessa: Yeah we are gym bros no big deal. Going to the Y with Tessa was something I would look forward to each week. It’s a space where we could get real (and also jacked and so fit). Don’t tell anyone about how we haven’t gone in the past month or maybe two. Thank you for being real.

Ryan: Ryan loves Pokemon and we love Ryan. We’ve ripped a ton of packs this semester (pokemon cards) and it has been a joy. Thank you for making me download the game and always being so fun to be around.

Bryan: Bryan was my ultimate fake secret santa. Emphasis on the fake. Bryan had me thinking he was my secret santa the whole time. But he did make me a margarita and I will never forget that. Thank you for being so thoughtful.

Jenna: One night Jenna and I decided to read a book for class together aloud. As we were standing in the kitchen taking turns reading, I took a picture of her reading because I was so thankful for that moment and the fact that we get to be friends and I wanted to remember it forever. Thank you for loving Glee and loving me.

AG: My sweetest memory with AG was when we were watching Inside Out 2 with our 6th-grade girls. I remember sitting there, outside on a blanket in the cold with popcorn and giggling girls, and thinking how there is no one else I would rather lead this group with. Thank you for being full of all things sweet.

Lola: Well I happen to have a ton of epic memories with Lola because we live together!! If I had to choose one it would be teeth brushing parties every night but also knitting with you in the big comfy chairs. Thank you for being a source of comfort and ease.

Josh: There was this one time we went on a prayer partner walk and stood on the bridge watching the ducks and geese in the water. I know I’ve talked about this on my blog before but it was really so special I have to mention it again. Thank you for all the duck calls that scares me every time. And thanks for fixing my car.

Elijah: Me and Elijah have a shared love for Mariokart. And I am looking forward to making a new memory of finally playing Mariokart together. But as for a memory already shared, I will always appreciate the time at AG’s house after class where we continued talking about what we talked about in class. Thank you for always being curious and down to discuss.

Ashley: I think every time Ashley hugs me I seal it into my cherished memories forever. Ashley gives the best hugs. And the last class we had before the break, she gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. I’ll always remember that little memory. Thank you for your hugs and warmth.

I sure am glad to be a Raleigh Fellow with these guys. Thank you all for a beautiful first semester. And see you in another week.

This month I recommend: appreciating how awesome cousins are, razor scooters (and riding them with your cousins), gingerbread tabernacles, my cat named Macie, live nativities, Charlie Brown, and “I Love” by Tom T. Hall.

Evy

Fellows Blog 4! Christmas Galore

December was a time of refreshment and joy

After a very long November (and a 3rd blog written whilst half awake) Advent was a lovely change of pace. Taking intentional time to meditate on the fragility, humility, and profound “humanness” of the Christmas story helped me come to grips with my own limitations. Sometimes I think we experience the most growth in busy seasons that feel dry, but fail to recognize it simply because we don’t have time to process our feelings and experiences. This can make fellows difficult, where sometimes every month feels like a year, but December gave me time to reflect to recognize all that God has done. I think having to navigate all the new relationships fellows requires brought up unhealed insecurities in me I thought I had dealt with. It made me realize how much I often assume others won’t like me and reject myself despite being invited somewhere, how I avoid conflict and suppress my emotions in the name of being productive and moving forward, and find comfort in validation of others rather than in what God says about me. Gods reveals our hurts so that we can confess them and then he will heal us, but confession is that crucial step that many are too afraid to cross over. Honesty, both with God and community has been a major blessing to me as of late. Thank you Jesus for your willingness to expose what I would prefer to hide.

On a less serious note December was a ton of fun. Some of what I loved included

The endless Christmas parties

Pastoral care visits with sweet older ladies who tell me about their grandkids

Watching movies and sharing stories at guys nights

Random theological conversations in the middle of a Christmas dinner (yes this is my idea of fun)

The return of prayer partners

Spending the nights playing Spiderman (Christmas video game sales are amazing)

Ryan driving the lift to hang Christmas decorations in the sanctuary

The most AMAZING secret Santa game I have ever had the pleasure to participate in

Continuing to the learn how to cook!

And so much more

In addition Christmas break with my family has been great! God gave me lots of opportunities this year to share the gospel with much of my extended family, which would normally make me nervous but this year felt quite natural. I got some pretty great gifts, ate awesome food (shout out to my aunts jalapeno poppers), caught up with friends and family, and overall felt very refreshed and encouraged

Until next time

Elijah

Merry Christmas!! Happy New Year!!

Happy almost new year!! 

Oh the things I could write about in December. Probably my favorite month so far.

I started the month back in my hometown of College Station, Texas!!! (gig ‘em forever, horns down, whoop, farmers fight, you guys know the drill by now) It was my first time back since starting the program, and it was maybe my favorite weekend of my life. If you took a shot every time I said “this is the best weekend ever!!” well… you’d be unwell. I arrived in College Station at 10pm on Friday where I immediately went to my old college house to surprise two of my roommates (the other three knew I was coming!) I’ve never done a surprise homecoming before (I’ve literally lived in College Station my whole life…) but WOW it shall not be my last one!! Tears!! Hugs!! Screaming and jumping up and down!! Oh how I missed shmack shack!! A place I was known and loved, where I twinned with my roommates, watched a million movies on our hand-me-down couch, hosted parties and threw pickles over the roof, chased racoons out of our ceiling, had first-date debriefs late at night, screamed over cockroaches in the kitchen, made & ate meals together, and chased our dog around the neighborhood when he’d jump over the fence. Side note, the air in College Station is so soft. I can’t explain it any other way than that, but I simultaneously hate it and love that it’s so different from anywhere else I’ve been. (I can only say I love it now that I don’t live there anymore. I resented it so much when I was there). Saturday was full of more people and family Thanksmas fun and spinning under the giant Christmas tree in central park and riding the Aggie Spirit Bus again (fun fact I used to be a bus driver) and ahhhh it was so good!! BUT moving ahead to Sunday, I ran the Bryan/College Station half marathon!! The reason I was in town again!! I remember last December I knew I was moving to Raleigh, so I told myself I would move mountains if needed to be able to come back this year to run it. Partly as an excuse to come back since I knew it would be tricky during the holidays, but mostly as a way to say goodbye and honor the town that raised me and formed me into who I am today. What better way to say goodbye than to run through the major streets of town and add a new medal to my collection!! To make a good thing even better, one of my favorite people in the world got into running this year so I got to run the race with her :’’’’))) (biggg shoutout to alyssa, the “a” in shmack shack, and my ultimate twin!! If you guys think I’m loud now… you haven’t seen anything until you have the two of us together in a room. So sorry to our old neighbors and roommates, we were a lot.) We ran! We laughed! We screamed! We cried a little!! We did the dang thing!!

I had a flight back to Raleigh shortly after the race, so truly it was a quick trip. But I left feeling SO refreshed, and reminded of how beautiful life is!

Remember how I mentioned how often I said “this is the best weekend ever!!”? Well what I didn’t mention was that it was almost always followed by an equally as enthusiastic “I’m never moving here again!!” NOT because I hate the town, not because I left feeling like I had no one there for me, not because I didn’t have a wonderful time growing up and going to college there. I hope my chaotic description of my weekend conveyed the complete opposite.

Somehow it seems two things can be true at once. I can love and appreciate College Station and all of my favorite people in it and feel sentimental and nostalgic of my life there. AND I can also dream of a life just as beautiful in a new place where it’s not suffocatingly humid and has wayyy more outdoor activities than just Lick Creek Park to walk around (iykyk) and is just plain different from where I grew up. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why I feel the need to leave “home” and family in Texas and come to Raleigh. I don’t quite know why I feel drawn away to a completely new place with no intention of going back. If you have any thoughts on how someone decides where to “settle” down and live, I’m open to your ideas! But for now, I’m thankful for this semester and the coming months where I’ve found a new home away from the one I’ve known my whole life. For a new church community where I’ve experienced worship in a new way. For a new city with an abundance of new coffee shops and breweries to explore! For families who have welcomed me into their homes and fed me and cared for me and shown me what they love about this place they call home. And for an EPIC group of friends to explore this new city with and who even at this very second when we are all away from each other on winter break are still blowing up the group chat. I MISS YOU GUYS COME BACK SOON!! Crazy how we’re halfway done :’)

I think I’ve yapped way longer than you bargained for. And I only talked about the first weekend in December!! To make a long story short, the rest of December was also wonderful. Some quick honorable mentions:

• Movie night at Chris and Pauline’s house - anyone else bawl their eyes out watching “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse”?

• Went to a Canes game! (but we lost and no one got in a fight, so really what was the point?)

• A plethora of Christmas parties. Truly so many.

• Was a camel with Lola for the live nativity… Up for debate who had it worse in that costume but so worth it haha!

• Homemade Lantern Festival at the NC Museum of Art with Skip and AG. The most wholesome thing ever?? I highly recommend if you’ve never gone.

• Finally made it out to Durham to see Duke! SO pretty

• Our Old Testament projects HA

• Spent Christmas in NYC with my family! Had my first white Christmas!!

• Bagels in NYC, need I say more?

• Took a train back to Raleigh from NYC, very demure

• ANDDD I’m going to watch the acorn drop on New Year’s Eve!! Could December get any better??

2024 was one of my favorite years yet. I’ve said that every year for the past several years now, so BUCKLE UP 2025 is about to go crazy.

OKAY BYE.

Celeste

Joe's blog pt 3

Hello world its Joe.

November was a special month filled with lots of new experiences. Every weekend I was in a different place-Wilmington, Washington DC, Nicaragua, Asheville. In honor of it being thanksgiving the other week I am going to express what I’ve been thankful for in the month of November.

Wilmington- In Wilmington, the fellow guys attended Apostles mens retreat. I am thankful for the men who sought to befriend me. I am thankful for Mark Hall and the other dads that took Skip and I kite flying. Also, I am grateful for the time I got to spend with the boys.

Washington DC- In DC, the fellows attended the national TFI conference. After being at the conference I was reminded how thankful I am for each of the Raleigh fellows. Not that I wasn’t previously thankful for them, but being in their company during those days reminded me of how sweet friendships can be. I also am thankful for the US! That was my first time at our nations capital and it was pretty sick. It was humbling seeing all the memorials and statues that show our history.

Nicaragua- In Nicaragua, Coburn helped lead a trip for all of us. I am thankful for his leadership and his willingness to make this trip happen. I am thankful for partner @Luis. I miss him and I look forward to seeing him in the future. Throughout the trip the children had my heart and so I would be amiss if I were to not mention how thankful I am for them. They were so much fun to be around and I’m thankful God had our lives cross paths for a few days.

Asheville- In Asheville, I got to celebrate thanksgiving with family. It was nice being home for a few days as I got to rest from such a busy month. Though I don’t live in Asheville currently, I am so grateful for the city and the people and places it has given me.

Third month's the charm

Wow….

November was a whirlwind of a month. 2 retreats, my first ever mission trip, and thanksgiving break meant that every weekend had something new in store. Safe to say there was a reason this blog came out 6 days after it was due

This isn’t to say that November was bad. Quite the opposite in fact. Its just one of those months that I’ll have to process and reflect on for the rest of the program. I’m the kind of person that lives in my head a lot. If you ever ask me what’s been occupying my mind recently, and really want to listen, prepare for an entire improvised podcast of a response. If I say nothing, that probably means I’ve been moving too fast to consciously be aware of what’s been on my mind. For the Nicaragua trip alone, my mentor asked my to type a reflection on my experience and it ended up being 10 pages long double spaced, or about the length of an average college essay. Even that felt short winded for all God has been teaching me, challenging me, and encouraging me this past month. Its been stressful, but that’s a good thing. I’ve been pushed to love deeper than I am comfortable with, start conversations when I’m afraid meet new friends, listen without judgment when I’ve been convinced my own way is better, and leave behind my sense of autonomy over my life trusting that God has been holding me through it all. So forgive me for this abnormally short blog, but I need more time to think things over with the Lord. I’m not quite in the stage where I can put words all that I’m feeling, but I know that God is stirring something, and I’m excited to see what it is.

-Elijah

Better Late Than Never...tehe:)

I needed an extra 5 days to write my blog because this month was just so eventful I needed to process!!! (I forgot and everyone is yelling at me).

There really is so much to say about November, I think it’s best to bullet point.

Highlights:

• Driving with Skip to DC, we were the only two that had to drive separately due to work conflicts. Skip is an easy and comfortable presence to be around. I respect him and his insights a great deal.

• Seeing the young girl I do after school tutoring with at Neighbor 2 Neighbor be proud of herself and gain the courage to ask questions. Please pray that Kelly would never know a day apart from the Father, never doubt her inherent value or her intelligence, and that I would be source of peace and encouragement for her. Pray that she uses the distinct voice God has given her. In our limited time together, she has made a lasting impact on me. I am honored to be someone whom she feels safe enough to speak to and share her opinion with, it is not easy for her to do.

• Nicaragua. I heard the Spirit really audibly during this trip. He never says what I think He’ll say. His responses are always kinder, wiser, more patient, gentler, than what I deserve or assume He’d say.

• Something in me broke during Nicaragua. I am always striving to be stronger and live in fear of any cracks or breaks in my armor. But God is breaking down the house I have built within myself. It is freeing.

Lowlights:

• I am becoming more and more aware of how little grace I have for myself.

• I chipped my tooth while eating rice. Yes cooked rice, and frankly I’m offended that people keep asking me if it was raw. Hello??

• My spotify wrapped. No questions at this time thanks.

• I keep trying to put shackles that God has freed me from back on (I know this contradicts my last highlight, I don’t know what to tell ya about that)

• I have not been warm since we touched down in Raleigh and unlike the apostles I do not handle suffering gracefully. My shivering is about to be everybody’s problem in a big way.

November! long but also short!

HEY!!

Alot happened this month!

I turned 22! (whoop whoop)

We went to nicaragua! We served, we prayed, and we even did a little ziplining. I was in nicaragua in March and had no idea I would be back but the lord likes to surprise us in that way! I loved going back and seeing the same country from a completely different perspective. I was much more prayerful and present during this trip! I was able to see these people more closely and I loved sharing this expiernce with all the fellows and CHRIS BYRON and ERIC BOLASH. Truly the highlight of my trip was getting to know these incredibly wise and patient men (Sam Crutchfield is also included in this but I already knew he had all of these traits). Getting to work, eat, and even play along side them was a breath of fresh air!

Thanksgiving happened! I went home for the first time since moving to Raleigh and it made me so thankful for how at home I feel here, Shoutout Apostles because I was so excited to be at church I drove up sunday morning just to be here!

Recommendations:

• Insulted jackets that arent puffers

• coffee cups without handles

• bluelight glasses

• wearing flipflips

• lululemon align wide leg pants (i bought them on black friday and havent stopped wearing them oops)

• walks with Derren around the building at NeighborHealth (shoutout to Derren, Shes my blogs biggest fan :)) (she has reminded me to post this 4 times)

• SECRET SANTA Elfing (we each have a fellow secret santa and we are basically just loving eachother through gifts this month) (also this is the first time ive had to keep a secret from my fellows and its so HARD!)

MUSIC Recommendations:

• The musician Waylon Jennings

• West Texas Wind by NEEDTOBREATHE (campire sessions)

• scarecrow in the garden by chris stapleton

• and my NUMBER ONE on SPORTIFY WRAPPED …….SNOW ANGEL by RENEE RAPP (.01% top listener)

Thank you for reading (derren),

Jenna!

Ryan's November blog

Hello! This month has been long and full of many things… also I’m late posting my blog so I’m going to get to the point of what has happened this month.

First, my friend Kevin got married! It was so wonderful to seem them so happy. Gracie and I drove to Richmond and got to see a bunch of our friends there including the milkmen. MMMM

Second, the day after the wedding I went to Wilmington for the Apostles Men’s Retreat (the Fellow’s church). It was hectic but oh my gosh it was some of the most fun i’ve had in awhile. About 30 men ranging from the ages of 22-40 played football for almost 3 hours. My team didn’t do the best but it felt special.

Third, the fellows went to DC for a conference with TFI which is the organization the houses all the fellows programs. We just had fun.

Fourth, I went to JMU to help the brothers initiate the beta class of BYX at JMU. It was actually so life giving to see these young men get brought into something that I know God is working so heavily in. The brothers did such a great job this semester building the pledges up.

Fifth, the fellows flew to Nicaragua to help out some communities there. These people ended up blessing us way more than we could ever bless them. A lot to say about this trip, a lot that God has and is doing there.

Sixth, missing my family for thanksgiving but so excited to see them for Christmas. It was so sweet to spend the weekend with Gracie and her family who just got a new puppy! I love them and am very grateful that they have accepted me into their family. We shot guns and ate a lot of food!

My job has been very life giving and Ive enjoyed my responsibilities a lot!

Some side notes: Kendrick album is AOTY. Pokemon TCG Pocket is magical.

OKay bye. Ryan McKean