Hi Blog-February was for sure a MONTH

Hi!!!! This month has been emotional, so this blog will be as well but don’t worry it won’t be too bad.

This month has been all about encouraging for me. All my life I have always been subpar at most things like, school, sports, choir, writing essays, you name it. I was always good but not the best and I was completely fine about it. BUT one thing I could always bring to the table and was the best at was encouragement. I am always cheering people on and bringing other up. That was my thing, that was my contribution. For the first time in my life, I really truly feel encouraged and built up by other people who truly know me for who I am. The fellows see me and when they encourage or give my a compliment, its really easy to believe them. (Shoutout to Evy, Celeste, Bryan, Bailey, Josh, and Emma. I doubt you remember the little things you’ve said but they meant a lot) At our career-calling-vocational retreat we had a lot of talks about strengths and weaknesses. And to be very honest, it was really hard to think of my strengths and easy to recongnize weaknesses, but the weaknesses I thought I had weren’t even true, so that was a whole thing of really looking at true weaknesses. During this whole debacle we were each put on the “hot seat” basically and were pretty much just telling each other what strengths and good stuff we see in each other. Basically this brought me to tears, I have never been in a space where so many different people have shown that they each love me differently. I was completely overwhelmed with the idea that thirteen people I’ve only know for 6ish months have some much good to say about me. I am just in awe of how the goodness of God is shining through each and every one of the fellows, and now I am really starting to see that it is shining through me too.

Something that has really stuck with me over the last month is this quote From the shack: (I know controversial): “I am very fond of them” which is God talking about some person, but God is very fond of us all and I just want to look at all of Gods children like that.

I want to let all the fellows know that I have spent 5 hours alone on purpose this week to try to be better at being independent.

Women’s retreat was a dream. I often find myself having friend crushes (you get excited to be their friend because you think they are cool and fun and want to be their friend) when I am in a new space and I developed A LOT this weekend. There were so many amazing women I am so excited to get to know better. Two who stand out are Wendy Shultz and Joanna Refvem. Wendy was at my table all weekend and was also one of the speakers. I wish I could portray how cool I find her but words can’t do justice. She’s awesome and was wonderful to talk too. Joanna, in a nutshell this woman is a vibe and if you’re reading this Joanna please know that is a compliment. I admire how she carries herself and speaks to others. She is so fun and tearing it up on the dance floor with her during silent disco AND contemporary dance was the highlight of my weekend. She is just incredible, I can’t wait to know her more. Seeing how huge and amazing the women’s ministry is was such an amazing experience and I will do everything I can to go back next year!

Back to the regular scheduled programming of recommendations.

• dancing your heart out

• staying up late and getting up early

• the miedemas front porch swing. (probably my favorite spot to sit ever)

• lavender anything

• getting snowed in with celeste

• going on walks

• talking about other peoples interests

• the bounce curl define styling brush

• the movie Waitress, just watch it and get back to me with feedback

• getting pierced! (I got my thirds done, I forget everytime that is actually hurts and takes time to heal)

• picking people up! (like with a car, to go places)

• trying new foods (had seafood boil, loved it)

Music recommendations:

• All I need to hear - Mitchell Ferguson

• The Ballad of Boot Hill - Johnny Cash

• Pay no Rent - Turnpike Troubadours

• Slow Hand - Conway Twitty

• Weight of the World - Chris Stapleton

• Playing on the Tracks - Luke Grimes

• Dannys Song - Loggins & Messina

• Do I wanna know? - Live at the BBC - Hozier

• 2 songs : Where the Red Fern Grows and Diamondhead - J.R. Carroll

• and ANYTHING by Rhianna

• and ANYTHING by Adele

Anyways hope you enjoyed reading this!

love, Jenna

RALLOWS MONTH 6

Dropping in real quick to say I love women. This month the lady fellows got to go on the women’s retreat with all the lovely ladies of apostles; and it was epic. The days leading up to the retreat I was having a hard time fully looking forward to it for two reasons. The first reason was I didn’t want to pack my bag again. Packing is one thing I dread the most and fellows is full of packing. I’ve decided that all this packing must be teaching me something. Every time I finish packing I’m all of a sudden excited for whatever retreat we are about to go on. To all the future fellows reading this: just come with a pre-packed suitcase and keep it by the door. The second reason is the only thing I could think about in regards to the women’s retreat was this skit we were putting on. The planning and choreography for our skit was intense (but actually some of the most fun I’ve had in fellows). Needless to say, I was quite nervous to perform in front of all these women that may have only seen my face on a pamphlet on their fridge. The skit turned out to be an absolute hit, I think… but super huge thank you to the Elderflowers for including us in their performance of the year. We love you all very much and think you are all so beautiful and fun.

It feels special and rare to sit in a room full of women who love God and show up to love each other. It also feels special and rare to tear up the silent disco dance floor with your pastor (LETS GO LAUREN MANN). And of course it is so special and rare that the seven of us fellow girls plus Ashley happen to not only love each other but really like each other. After the retreat, the girls started a shared notes we call “glimmer hunting” where we add the things we are thankful for throughout each day. I have to fight the urge not to type “you guys” everyday but I fear I can overdo the cheesy sometimes. So this is my blanket statement that I am and always will be thankful for you guys everyday.

I could’ve probably just written this entire blog about Joanna Refvem and it would be the most epic blog ever, but I figured I’d give airtime to the weekend as a whole. Joanna, if you’re reading this, we can’t wait to come over and send Josh to his room.

This month I recommend… Valentines Day (the best holiday to ever exist), silent disco, snow days, nyquil, elaborately choreographed dance routines, and women.

Evy :)

Joe's blog pt 6

Hello world its Joe

Raleigh experienced a few inches of snow mid February and it was beautiful. I’ll leave a pic below. The snow reminded me of one of my favorite albums titled “Into The Lantern Waste” by Sarah Sparks. Her album is inspired by the Chronicles of Narnia and explores CS Lewis’s message of redemption. Below I have shared some of my favorite lines from the album

“So you might turn the page or you might shut the book, but the truth is still truth if you don’t look.”

“You cut me deep, I know I felt it But it’s the sweetest kind of pain Oh, sweet relief, You took my burdens Oh I believe, Oh I believe.”

“For the first time a shadow found me I doubted the sun for the lack of heat and I ran but He ran after me”

“I am justice and wrath, I am love But I am your only hope I am in the light, I am in the shade I am in the wind, I am in the waves.”

“ A wise man knows that his own feeling may not with the truth align And you think you have never seen my face But every moment that you’re alive, you know my grace For only death in this cruel world is justly deserved”

“Wait I see there in a Lion’s eyes tears much greater than my own Could it be that he possesses a greater love than I’ve ever owned”

For the girls <3

February is for the girls! February was pink and light and sunny and girly and silly and all things beautiful! 

I’ve been hesitant to blog about the other Fellows in previous months, but I think this month deserves a peek into some of my favorite moments with the girls.

JENNA. Jenna and I snowstormed together. Side note: I was told it wouldn’t snow in Raleigh, and yet… this is the 3rd time it has snowed this year… mighty sus if you ask me. HA anyway, Jenna invited me to come stay with her at her host family’s house during the snowstorm (or actually maybe she let me come over when I asked to be invited - who’s to say!!). And honestly? It’s one of my favorite memories from Fellows! We WFHed! (I actually got to wfh a little this time!) We walked through the snow and ended up at McDonalds! We had snow-mosas! We laughed and giggled and watched the Lorax! If you are ever curious who each of the Fellows would be as a character in the Lorax, hit us up. It reminded me of high school when I would spend a week straight at my friends’ houses in the summer just ‘cause it was fun and we could! I’m a biggg quality time girl, and PGFWABF so is Jenna. It was just so sweet to be in her company those few days, and it redeemed my last snow day experience in so many ways! Jenna is warm & inviting and she expresses her love & appreciation for others earnestly and sincerely. There is no one I would’ve rather spent those snow days with! 

Emma!! Something you MUST know about Emma and I is that since the first week of knowing each other, Emma and I have been bed buddies on just about any retreat we go on, it seems. On our welcome retreat, Emma and I were the last girls to arrive at the lake house and all the girls had already claimed rooms upstairs… which meant Emma and I were condemned to the DUNGEON downstairs with the boys. If you’ve ever been to Ashley’s lake house, you know which room I mean. NO windows, a full size bed, and a steam shower right when you walk in with a translucent door. Not a good sight to see when you just met someone 6 hours ago. AND to top it all off we had to share a toilet with 7 boys we just met who were in the bunk room across from us... Yeah brutal start. But I must confess that the dungeon has become one of my favorite rooms!! Emma and I have stayed in that room every time we go back! Emma is a fellow middle child, and no offense to any non-middle children out there, but it’s just a fact that middle children are the best. Emma is the most willing to go along with any random shenanigan happening, and life just feels lighter and funnier with her! She is quick to meet me where I’m at, to invite me over when I’m roaming around town on a Monday without time to go back to my own house, to laugh with me at some of my most embarrassing moments at women’s retreat, and to wordlessly step away from a moment with anyone who just needs a second away from the chaos. Emma also goes SO hard in silent disco. She would beat you all in a dance battle, I’m convinced of it. What a gift it is to be Emma’s friend!

AG. You guys ever heard of Pine Cove? It’s all the rage in Texas! I spent my first summer as a Pine Cove counselor this summer, and when I got to Raleigh I was pleasantly surprised to find out that AG was also a counselor in South Carolina! Pine Cove has a million and one dances and phrases and traditions, and I’m sure other camps could say the same for them, BUT I only know Pine Cove. All the little dances I learned this summer were SO fun but no one else ever knows them so they will stay tucked away in my brain forever because I’ll most likely never work at camp again. OR SO I THOUGHT!! At a retreat this month, AG and I somehow got in a camp mindset, so naturally we cranked some of those songs on the speaker! It was joyous!! Nostalgic! Had me running around the living room smiling and dancing just because life felt light and fun and worth a cheesy worship song cranked up loudly! It is a comfort to have a shared connection with AG! Even today we had a little side moment in class when the word “gregarious” came up as a description of God. The only reason we knew that word was from this thing we do called CQs in Pine Cove (Bryan this is my public confession that I was the one who gave you gregarious). As the only Fellow from Texas, I don’t take these shared memories for granted. AG is selflessly hospitable. She is the first to seek you out in a crowded room. She is generous and goofy and will support the things that matter to the people she cares about!! It feels like a special gift to get to know AG more and more.   

TESSA. From her instagram you may be inclined to think that Tessa is a certified Insta-baddie. But I’m here to tell you that’s not the full picture! Tessa is the silliest of goofs out there and simultaneously incredibly thoughtful and perceptive! I fear Tessa and I would get into oodles of trouble if we were left alone in a room too long. The schemes we scheme!! One of my favorite things to do with Tessa is to plan pranks that will have little to no effect on whatever victim we choose, but will leave us melting with laughter and a glorious feeling of “ooo we are SO bad!!!!” Tessa, along with Lola, is also the facilitator of our girly craft nights. Crafting is not my natural inclination, although I really wish it was!! I love the way Tessa’s love for creativity and artistic expression has created a space for all of us to craft together. I am surrounded by such talented and creative women who love to knit, crochet, make shrinkydinks, draw, embroider, dance, sing, and ugh so much more! Tessa is just the coolest. Code I’m so glad to be your friend.

EVY. The thing that always comes to mind when I think of Evy is that Evy makes space for you. Evy has made space for me in all different contexts, from the craziest of my screams to moments where all I have are tears. A moment in February that I particularly cherish with Evy was an impromptu cutie girl picnic in the sun with Tessa and Lola and Jubala sandwiches that quickly and probably unexpectedly for the girls turned into a Celeste tear fest! The weight of decisions I needed to make felt far too heavy to bear, and I just remember being met with care and reassurance that my tears were welcome. Evy, you spoke some kinddd words over me that day, and I hold them dear to my heart! From the first week together, Evy has been a comforting presence, someone who builds a bridge between us to meet me where I’m at. Evy’s encouragement is sincere and her laughter is contagious! EEP it’s so fun to be your friend!

LOLA. For anyone reading this who knew me BF (before fellows), you may never believe that I’m not the most competitive person here. But it’s true! Lola has me beat for SURE!! Phew, so thank you Lola for bearing that burden for me. AHAH Lola is just so special!! I have a distinct memory from February that really encapsulates so much of who Lola is to me. Let me set the scene for you: we are at the Bolash’s for their annual Valentine’s Day party, which if you’ve never gone, you must. It’s epic. But Liz is there and asks me about my future plans (as it seems everyone these days are doing. Guys we still have a few months of the program left okay!! Stop reminding me that the end is near!) We discuss, and Liz mentions Lola’s contained excitement for me if I decide to stay in Raleigh. For the sake of the story, I have no idea what I’m doing after Fellows, and I’m feeling really torn between two places right now. Lola, knowing this, has been holding in some of her personal bias for my sake. To offer advice even if it’s not what she personally hopes for! I wish I could do it justice in words what this means to me. Lola is the fiercest encourager of us all. She selflessly shows up, and is ready to rejoice with those who rejoice or weep with those who weep at the drop of a dime. Lola is incredibly patient. She is empathetic and thoughtful and will drop any plans or personal comforts to make sure her friends are safe and cared for! Lola is capable enough and determined enough to take over the whole world, in my opinion!! Lala, this semester of deeper friendship with you has been one of my favorite things about this semester.’

To love and to be loved.

February was a gift I want to open over and over again!

See ya next month,

Celeste

The Woman At The Well

Yes, yes, as the other Fellows before me have said, February was FULL. It was a crazy month of high highs and low lows to be entirely transparent. I think for the month what feels most impactful has been the Women’s Retreat this past weekend Is it because it is the freshest thing on my mind or the truly the most impactful? Who’s to say, but I am going with it.

Picture this: 140 women well spread in age between 18 and dare I say late 70s (not sure since I didn’t ask women’s ages, but you get the picture) all from one church, meeting to know God and one another deeper. Looking back, I am beyond thankful to have done ballet class and silent disco with women outside my typical social circle, to have gotten to walk along the beach in February, and to have had a wine night with 20+ girls, but I have left with lots to reflect on about God as well.

One particular thing that struck me was a Visio Divina practice we did as we spent time in the story of the woman at the well. This practice is one where you look at an image or piece of art with a scripture in mind and notice what stands out and what emotions come up. In the particular image I sat in front of, I spent a lot of time noticing Jesus’ posture compared to the woman. Jesus was not only facing her, but his entire body was angled towards her. In contrast, though she was looking back at him, the rest of her body continued to be pointed away. Now I know this seems insignificant and maybe even like a stretch, but I couldn’t help but thinking if that might be an accurate depiction of my own posture to Jesus at times. Maybe even when my face is turned totally towards Jesus, I am closed off in the rest of my body and leaned away.

Now I truly haven’t the slightest idea how to wrap that up neatly for the blog post, but I will share a picture of the piece of art I was looking at.

Praise God for His persistence and gentleness towards me.

The Well by Mike Moyer Oil on Panel 2019

All my love,

Emma

See ya February !!

Happy end of February guys!

Rapid fire overview of this month: Avery and I made heart shaped pastries, Elijah (ny neighbor kid not the fellow) was student of the week, went back to Doxology, had my one-on-one with Cam (and then have been verbally processing it ever since), was at my very happiest sitting on a boat, almost fed a seagull off the boat (scarry!), made incredible superbowl food, Bolash Cafe!!, worshiped at Immerse, so much Galentines joy!, cried a few times (okay a lot of times- this is your reminder that joy and sorrow can coexist and rapidfire overview can brush past a lot of the hard of this month, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there), SNOW DAYs! And snow walks with Evy!!, turned in my 360s, Women’s retreat at the beach, epic dance party, saw the sunrise over the ocean, went bowling with Mark and Mona, took first place in the Bachelor bracket (as of 2/25), learned to be a big girl and got my car towed, went to a few interviews and worked on my resume

In place of an emotional reflection this month I have two graphs to offer (annoying of me I know but you’ll get over it).

That’s what I’m learning (and honestly have been kicking and screaming about learning it for my whole life)- frustrating news for the girl who desperately wants to believe she can figure it all out. But oh well!

Even here his hand will lead and hold me.

February Stats:

Seagulls seen: Too many (my second least favorite bird)

Cries: 14

Galentines given: 6

360s written: 14

All my love!

Lola

February Blog - Bryan

Howdy folks!

This month held a lot for the shortest month of the year. We had our career calling and vocational retreat, Immerse (worship night type thing at church), Valentine’s Day, snow, and weekend trips! I wanted to share a few pictures to show y’all the experiences.

This picture is from the career calling retreat, and it even includes Cam! He led the retreat and provided amazing guidance and explanations that helped each of us to better understand and even question our strengths and weaknesses. I may not have left the retreat with any specific profession in mind, but I definitely left with a better understanding of how I work and how I can work well.

This is from our roundtable meal last night! Emma and Elijah made a big mess of table nachos, and I must say that they did an excellent job. Roundtable meals are always a highlight of my weeks because it is a time when we all simply get to share a meal and chat about anything we want. There is always laughter and good conversation, which makes these nights something to look forward to. Praise God for sometimes mediocre food and definitely better than mediocre friends!

The boys took a not so secret trip to Florida, and it was awesome. We soaked up too much sun, watched Gladiator and Braveheart, and had overall great bonding time. This is also in Skip’s blog, but I’ll throw it in here too:

Every man dies, but not every man really lives - William Wallace (in Braveheart at least)

February was great, and I am so excited for these last 2.5 months of fellows!

Tootles!

Bryan

Trying softer

Ashley sent us a text this morning with a little poem about being soft. I’ve already read it about 10 times. Try softer, not harder it says. As I was driving to work, weaving between cars and being ready to break because North Carolinian drivers were taught that going the speed limit and using a turn signal are cardinal sins, I was struggling with what it means to live that out. I’m bad at being soft. Softness feels entirely apart from me at times.

I was thinking about last weekend at women’s retreat. During the discussion groups, a lady at my table read a quote from the Velveteen Rabbit. I remember reading that book in Mrs. Voorhees’s first grade class, it was a favorite. Hearing her summarize the message of that book, I realized I need to re-read it. For anyone who hasn’t read Velveteen but for some reason is reading this blog (go read it, or at least read the quotes on GoodReads), I’ll give you the take home message. Love is what makes us real, and in order for us to be real we must endure hurt and become soft. The rabbit was perfect before it was loved by the boy, pristine velvet skin, a ribbon around its neck. As it was loved it lost it’s ribbon, it’s shape, it became unrecognizable as a rabbit to all but the boy.

“You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.
But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

Am I being dramatic? Yes. Do I know where I’m going with all this? Literally never.

But we’re rounding the bend on Fellows, the finish line is in sight and I’m scared of it. I pray I will be finishing much shabbier than I started. I think that’s good. How do I try soft? I don’t know really, except to let the love that is being poured over me change me. I hope that is enough. Daily I ask myself, am I good? Am I being good. I have no idea. Hard to feel good when you’re being loved so hard all the things that once made you seem good start falling off. I broke my own rule and read someone’s blog and will now be stealing from what Skip asked in his Feb blog. I want to try soft. Will you hold me accountable?

Khodahafez!

Tessa

Raleigh Rookie: Episode 6

This month, I’m grateful for a few things: Valentines, snow days, and good movie quotes.

This weekend, I watched Braveheart for the first time, and that legendary quote really got to me:

“Every man dies, not every man really lives.”

Profound? Maybe not. But was it enough to make me want to truly live—to drop my phone and escape the doom scroll? To let go of the safe (yet boring) plans I have for my life? To stop living in fear?

Yeah.

This month, the fellows and I went on a retreat to explore career callings and vocation. I didn’t leave with a clearer picture of my career path, but I did leave with a whole lot of encouragement. One truth I walked away with is this: God has gifted each of us with a diversity of skills, interests, and opportunities. And when a gift is freely given by The Giver, there’s grace and mercy behind every step of faith.

We all have gifts. And all we’re asked to do is take the risk to use them. If we fail, there are oceans of grace and mercy to catch us.

God, I hope I’m one of the few who really live. I want to take risks. I want to live free from fear—with a deep faith that gives me space to fall and get back up.

Will y’all hold me accountable to that?

Best,
Skip

Jennas January Blog post, better late than never am I right?

As I reflect on January, I think of how amazing the fellows are and how lucky I am that the Lord would bless me by answering my prayers in exactly the way I need them answered.

January started out a bit rough, unfortunately this boone girl is NOT too found of snow. So didn’t love that but, the fellows got me through it, and by that I just managed to make everyone drive me around so I wouldn’t have to drive in the snow ;) (thanks lola, emma, evy, and josh even though he drifted every corner).

One prayer I have been asking the Lord lately is “What do you want me to do?” like Jenna come on. Extremely vague I know. Instead, I’ve turned my posture to a more “What do YOU want me to do, with the life YOU gave me?” and it’s been a little clearer. Ever since I can remember (8th grade) I’ve wanted to work in the mental health field, I’ve always had this undeniable need to help people. Classic Christian girl 🤦🏼‍♀️ Anyways, I never thought about doing anything else up until I graduated college with my bachelor of science in psychology and a concentration in human services. Perfect time to start questioning your life choices! ANYWAYS to make a short story long, my eyes have been OPENED to the simple logic and freedom of not having to develop a career path perfectly and immediately as a 22-year-old girl.

A few seminars that have helped me see this more clearly are Professional Development with Matt Young, Standout with Glenn Rupert, and The Theology of Work with Dee from Mission Triangle. All of these professionals had such unique perspectives on the job field, and pursuing what you are going to be good at. I really enjoyed this and it’s the peace I’ve been searching for from the Lord. I still don’t know exactly what I want to do. But I am definitely not discouraged about it anymore. More excited! (also if anyone wants to give me unsolicited advice on possible grad school programs pls give me a ring!)

Recommendations:

• I recommend my Host Family!!!

• I am sitting at my kitchen table writing this and I ask “What do you recommend? “open-ended to my host parents here are their answers

  • Megan: “Don’t miss the connection because you're too worried about the details” Putting dishes in the dishwasher (I am 89% good at doing this), dancing, eating dessert first

  • Jared: “Loving freely and often”, “not forgetting but forgiving”, “don’t take everything so seriously”, “don’t miss an opportunity to make a deposit in the memory bank, you will never regret a deposit you make in the memory bank”, Get Triple AAA or be a skilled driver

  • Rachel: Starbucks and be fun, not boring

• flip flops

• Honey in your coffee

• asking questions at work

• learning more about yourself

  • in this being okay with seeing where you fall short!

• doing other peoples curly hair routine

• contact lenses

• getting up early even when you have time to sleep in

• staying up late even though you have to be up early

music recommendations:

• anything from the 70’s

  • SlowHand by Conway Twitty

  • Outlaw Women by Hank Williams Jr.

  • Tulsa Time by Don Williams

  • (Ghost) Riders in the Sky by Johnny Cash

• ADELE (been a fan since 2015)

• Do I wanna know? Hozier cover of the aritc monkeys song

• Linda by Colby Acuff

• DimondHead by J.R. Carroll

• The Red Clay Strays

• Revival by Gabriella Rose

• Appalachain Sinner by Jimmy Clifton

• Landslide covered by Flatland Calvary

• Nose on the Grindstone by Tyler Childers

peace and love (sorry for the late post Derren, please stop calling and texting, you’re obsessed with me),

To anyone reading this who has never met me (there can’t be many), lets be friends,

Jenna :)

Jan-NEW-ary

When was the last time you listened to Toby Mac? Mine was Monday afternoon. I was en route to Neighbor to Neighbor with some of my fellow 5:45 tutoring buddies - Evy, Bailey, Emma, Josh, and Lola - when we pulled him up on Spotify to blast his music. You know those moments that are core memories for an entire generation? I think Toby Mac is that guy for mine. The memories of driving home from Awana or from gymnastics practice with “Speak Life” or “City On Our Knees” playing softly on the radio are engrained so deeply in my mind that hearing those songs again transports me to the back of our family minivan. (an honorable mention to “Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath - I think that song shaped a lot of my prayer life and theology even today HA). I don’t think Toby Mac has come up in conversation before (sorry Toby…) and it was just a silly idea to fill the 30 minutes we’d be in the car together. But it felt unexpectedly comforting to have this shared memory and experience of listening to the same songs wayyyyyy before we met. Each month I’m increasingly thankful to be with exactly the group of fellows I’m with. In full transparency, I wrote a blog post two days ago to post, but I had just come back from a weekend with the youth group in the Outer Banks and I was mentally exhausted. Right before I was going to post, I looked at some of the other blogs and immediately deleted the whole thing. As weird as it feels to write about my thoughts and feelings for anyone and their mom to read, it’s also probably my favorite part of this program! Each month when I read the blogs, I’m reminded of just how beautiful it is to be in the body of Christ where we each see the world so uniquely and have distinctive ways of expressing it. 

I spent a majority of my life trying desperately to fit in. As the younger sister of an expressive and masterful older sister who created plays and directed music videos and choreographed swim routines, I often found myself having a role to fill. I was painfully shy, terrified of messing up, and absolutely baffled by the idea that I could come up with things on my own. I don’t think I ever had to use my imagination, because my older sister had already created a whole new world we would play in and there was no need for my input. I crave the tangible. The practical. The things I can see with my own eyes and don’t have to fill in the gaps for. You’d think that knowing myself and my personal/professional strengths falls into that category, because after all, I can’t just make up things that I’m good at. As it turns out though, it’s quite challenging for me to know what I’m truly talented and inclined towards, at least in the professional world. This month has been full of tests, assessments, and seminars to help us develop our strengths, become aware of our blindspots, and to shape us into people who work diligently and intentionally, using the gifts we are uniquely equipped with to glorify the Lord in how we work. I’m deeply grateful, and mentally exhausted from it. I often feel inadequate, incapable, and completely lost in the professional, corporate world. In the past, I’ve worked jobs that I’ve found deep meaning from but that didn’t necessarily feel “professional”. It feels like an unsettling shift to pursue a “career” job rather than a more temporary job, and I’m in the thick of sorting through ways I want to find purpose in the work I do. This month has been one of the most valuable, in my opinion, in terms of the classes and seminars we’ve had. In my original blog post (the one I deleted) I wrote solely about the career development I’ve gained in January, which is ironic because we haven’t even gone on our career calling/vocational retreat yet! But truly, we’ve had some incredible people come in to talk with us, encourage us, and answer the various questions we have. I’m learning that I can learn an awful lot just by asking. There is no universal “most eligible applicant” mold to fit into. And, I don’t need to frantically figure everything out alone. 

On a completely different note, I’m here to tell you that Raleigh Fellows Run Club is OFFICIAL!!! Since the new year, we’ve had 4 official Friday run clubs, with some other unofficial runs in the mix as well. Run club is a no-hate zone and a no-headphone zone, so you can BET it’s the most epic way to start your Friday morning before class!! Thank you to all who run with me, and to all who support us back at class. I just love you guys. 

Celeste

heel click pic or it didn’t happen. I LOVE RUN CLUB!!!

I wish I could be abducted - Ryan

Okay, hey. Im just gonna write about some things I did in January and then explain my title.

Getting a lot of wedding stuff ready, specifically my groomsmen outfits complete. I gotta resize my ring and get my pants hemmed, plus buy shoes. List goes on.

As Fellows is coming to an end in a matter of months, Ive started looking for a job. Im not worried, I know Im provided for by the Lord. Not sure what i’ll be doing, but I’ll update y’all soon enough. With that said, the fellows are going on a 5 day “career calling vocation” retreat. Hoping to gain some insight.

This past weekend was one of the most surpassingly fun weekends of fellows. We went to OBX with our high school small groups that we lead. Got to learn more about them and they were so great.

I want to shoutout the guy fellows, thank you for being intentional and great friends. Didn’t expect this to be honest. You all are special to me. Bailey, great job in the gym, saw your post. Elijah continues to push me theologically and in my grace, thanks brother.

My title is related to the book that I started this week. Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. For the unaware, this is the first book in his “Space Trilogy”. Im super excited to read this because I love sci-fi, but havnt’t read any books like this in so long. The reason he wrote this first book was because he and J.R. Tolkien were talking about the state of sci-fi and fantasy in literature and they wanted to make something different. J.R. never finished his series, but C.S. finished his. While not even similar, Its reminding me of reading the I Am Number Four series that I read back in middle school, though, Out of the Silent Planet is far more difficult to read casually. My title references the main character that gets brought to Malacandra (Mars) and goes on this crazy adventure that ends up showing him that Malacandra worships the same God as earth (Jesus). Just read it idk man.

See ya.

To Be Known and Know Myself

January has been an incredible month to jump back into Fellows full swing. While, as always, there would be a plethora of things I could choose from to share from January (including the sweet birthday celebration the Fellows planned for me — literally heart melted) I feel like classes this month have been uniquely filling and different.

While we typically have classes that are weekly or semi-regular, this month we have had a large number of one or two-time seminars spanning a variety of topics from biblical finance, to the enneagram, to finding our strengths, to faith and work. Firstly, these have felt like such a privilege since each of the speakers were willing to give us time out of their insane schedules to teach and share, and they are all so inspiring. Also, these classes have easily felt like some of the most directly practical sessions I have had in Fellows.

A couple of my big takeaways from classes:

1. It is so important to understand how God has wired me. Knowing my default responses, my inner strengths, and the things that motivate me are critical to the way I engage with the world. Additionally, knowing these things isn’t for the purpose of “improving my weak areas,” but rather so I know how to play to my strengths and bring the best parts of myself to the table. The whole phrase of being “well-rounded” isn’t stupid, but people don’t succeed because they are mediocre at a lot of things, but rather because they are really good at a few things.

2. When it comes to practically engaging in the world as we know it, namely the workforce and finances as a grown adult, there are always going to be shifts and new things to learn. That being said, it’s important to get the big things right and have a rhythm of reevaluating how I am doing in the other areas.

3. Don’t be afraid of change and opportunity. I have had a mindset, often fed by older generations in the workforce, that once I pick a job, I should plan to be consistent and committed to the organization I work for. However, it is crazy to think that for most of us there is really only one “right place” to work. It has been helpful to feed the opposing narrative to work permanence that if there is an opportunity that God is opening to door to, it makes you excited, and you think it would provide a space for you to grow as a person, then TAKE IT! When things are unclear, trust is often more important than clarity.

Since I don’t have a clear way to wrap this post up with a bow, here’s a verse that has repeatedly come up and meant a lot to me throughout my life with Jesus which has recently become really meaningful once again.

2 Corinthians 3:18 “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

With love,

Emma <3

Joe's blog pt 5

Hello world its Joe,

Every week a fellow is paired up with another fellow and they spend intentional time together and hear how they can pray for each other. This is known as prayer partner time or “PP time.” During that time many people go on walks, get lunch, etc. Well yesterday I had “PP Time” with Evy. We went to Clemson vs NC State basketball game and it was awesome. It was so great getting to connect with Evy and getting to pull for my tigers! I tried my best to convert her to becoming a Clemson fan yet she seemed to cheer for both teams. So, I don’t know if I was successful. While we were at the game, Fellow Bryan was there in the NC State student section wearing red SMH. How could he. Fellow Bryan was a Clemson Alum and I was dismayed. It’s okay though because he gave the excuse that he had to in order to get in the game. Clemson won the game 68-58 and Evy and I had a great time hanging out and watching the tigers. Or at least I did lol. Below is a pic of Evy and I from our seats!

Prayer partner time has become one of my favorite parts of being a fellow. From Shelley walks to Clemson bball games, every “PP Time” leaves me encouraged and thankful I’m surrounded by such great people.

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude. - Winnie the Pooh

I’ve been having so many good, happy days. I don’t realize it until I call a friend or meet someone and they ask me how this year is going. Suddenly all the goodness I’ve been sitting in bubbles to the surface and I feel ungrateful for having forgotten the lovely parts of life so easily. I think the hard parts of my days are like painting with a dark color, it has to be handled with precision or else it’ll consume the whole picture instead of highlighting the lighter, brighter colors as intended. And once it’s down on the page it’s very hard to lighten. All this to say, these weeks are such a mix of light and dark that sometimes I forget the lightness and brightness was there to begin with. In an effort to remember the good, I’m going to take a page from Lola’s b(log)ook and list where I’ve experience the good and lovely in the program.

Work: I’ve been told you rarely get a work experience where passion, gifts, and healthy environment coincide. I have that at Mission Triangle. I am so proud to tell people I work there. What they do matters deeply, what I do energizes me, and who I do it with feels too good to be true.

Class: My inner critic is loud, overbearing and nonstop. Normally in classes that expose where you need to improve (ie professional development, biblical literacy, spiritual discipline, wealth management) I walk away feeling anxious and like I’m already behind. The teachers and content are so grounded in Truth that instead I leave feeling excited and supported. The depth and breadth of substance is insane and it’s not lost on me how blessed I am to have these opportunities to learn and grow.

Volunteering: Kelly hugs me when she sees me. That means everything.

Youth: If I was in 8th grade I would want to be all of their friends. They are so uniquely beautiful. They make Sunday night easy.

Host Family: Derrick is a great listener and analyzer, I love it when he makes sassy jokes. Spencer is a boss. She always makes time to check in on me even though I’m convinced her life is 10x busier than mine.

Ashley: Asking for help has never felt so safe. I love laughing with her.

The Fellows: Better than I prayed for. I wish they all saw themselves like I see them. They are endlessly patient, gracious, wise, thoughtful, fun. Ik they’re probably reading this because they all read each other’s blogs apparently??? Too much time on your hands get outside. But if you guys are reading this, I don’t have words to describe the joy and beauty you’ve brought into my life. If you ever feel discouraged or alone (or just need an ego boost) ask me how I see you, it’s too much for me to write down in a blog.

Raleigh: I love walking around dusk, seeing the families and the light in the green trees. In those moments it feels like home. Nobody freak, but I think I may like it here…

Tessa

My Fifth Blog Post

I’ve been going to the gym lately. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked out consistently, and I have no one to thank except Ryan McKean for my recent gym endeavors (more on Ryan at the end of this blog post). I’ve only been gym-ing for about two weeks, but I can see a little bit of progress. I think my veins are a little more visible, so maybe the doctor won’t have to wiggle the needle like a loose tooth to find them when drawing my blood now. I was at the gym a couple days ago and had a silly goose time so I’m just gonna talk about that in this here blog post. I know I don’t really talk about Fellows stuff in my blogs. Sorry.

Thursday, January 30th, 2025

I substitute taught all day at St. David’s School before I went to the gym. Some would say I taught math. I wouldn't say that. Ryan joined me at Planet Fitness, but we didn’t work out together. It’s always like that though, I’m just thankful to have someone to go with. I think Planet Fitness sent out personal invites to everyone near Capital Boulevard that day. It felt like there were about 120 people there (about 115 people too many). Thirty minutes in, I walked up to a vacant chest fly machine (that’s probably not the correct terminology). When I walk up to gym equipment, there’s a certain amount of fear that I’ll reach my destination at the same time as another gym-er, and that we’re then going to have to figure out which one of us is worthier than the other to use it first. That didn’t happen this time, but I did stumble upon someone’s hoodie and headphones hanging on the machine. I thought that could have possibly been someone’s gym-rat way of claiming this machine, and having now unlocked a new fear of using someone else’s claimed machine, I stood there looking around for about five minutes.

Truthfully I was just waiting to see if some 200 pound-of-pure-planet-fitness-muscle Final Boss would come to beat me to a pulp for trying to use “their” machine, but in my head, it looked like I was devising a plan to steal this machine. I was imagining every Planet Fitness employee was eying me down from every corner of the room, just itching to dial 911 as soon as I put my hands on it. At this point, my heart was racing at about 140 beats per minute before lifting a single weight, so I decided to sit down and just roll with the punches. Not much longer after that, a dapper young gentleman walked up and apologized for leaving his hoodie and headphones. I said that it was no problem, to which he responded with what I later determined was “I like your sweatshirt.” At the time, I didn’t hear what he said, so I replied with “sure man” and proceeded to workout while ruminating on how he probably thought I was a jerk for not saying thank you. Sorry hoodie headphones guy I think I may be hard of hearing.

Afterwards, I decided to use the thingy that you pull down and is supposed to workout your triceps? Sorry that’s the best explanation I can give you. Shortly into yanking some weights around, another gym goer walked up to me and said “hey man, I like your sweatshirt.” This was my redemption. The first time I fumbled heavily, but this was fate's way of letting me know that we all make mistakes and deserve a second chance sometimes. I looked at him, gave a little soft smile, and said “hey… thanks man” before turning back to my triceps thingy to finish my workout. Little did I know, an even greater fear than stealing someone’s claimed machine would soon come into play once he asked me…

“Where’d ya get it?”

Typically when I interact with strangers, I plan out far in advance exactly what I’m going to say and when I’m going to say it because I’m not the best social interactor. If I order food at a restaurant and the waiter says “I’m sorry we’re out of that”, there’s no telling what my response would be, so when this man – who I would eventually learn is named Mason – asked me this follow up question, not only did a wave of panic shower over me, but I also knew that I was going to be in for a long conversation that I didn’t sign up for.

He was actually pretty cool though. Mason went to Liberty University (except he didn’t know my friend Joel who also went to Liberty so where did you really go to school Mason), and currently attends Celebration church. I explained to him what the Fellows Program is to the best of my ability, and he countered by saying he’s currently doing the Bible-in-a-year reading plan. He eventually tried to offer me help with my fitness endeavors, telling me that he was a fitness consultant and had recently started a new business. He said if I needed anything to let him know, but then proceeded to not give me any contact information. Mason, I’m sorry but how in the world would I let you know? Thanks for liking my sweatshirt though. Thanks to you too hoodie headphones guy.

I felt pretty convicted about dreading this conversation with a stranger because it turned out to be a lovely interaction with another believer, and none of it would have happened if Ryan hadn’t encouraged me to go to the gym with him a couple weeks ago. This is a pretty elementary example, but it’s just one of the many ways Ryan has encouraged me to grow throughout the past five months. I can’t clearly articulate the ways that Ryan has helped me shift the way that I view myself, others, and my walk with Jesus, so I’m not going to try. Sorry.

But he’s the man, and I’m very thankful for him.

My song recommendation for this post is “Roll with the Punches” by Dawes, live from the rooftop version of course.

I hope everyone has had an electric start to 2025.

Love, Bailey

Raleigh Rookie: Episode 5

Hello Again!

I hope you’re having a beautiful start to the new year.

On my end, I’m really feeling the season of late winter. Time feels slow. My emotions are stiff. And I find myself dreaming of spring.

As part of my reflection this month, I want to share a poem we read in my spiritual formation class. It’s by John O’Donohue:

blessed be the longing that brought you here

and quickens your soul with wonder.

may you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire

that disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.

may you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease

to discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.

may the forms of your belonging – in love, creativity, and friendship –

be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.

may the one you long for long for you.

may your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.

may a secret providence guide your thought and nurture your feeling.

may your mind inhabit your life with the sureness

with which your body inhabits the world.

may your heart never be haunted by ghost-structures of old damage.

may you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.

may you know the urgency with which God longs for you.

As of this week, I’ve started driving with the windows down again. Spring is just around the corner. . . Cheers!

-skip

Rallows Month 5

January has been a month of learning. The thing I’ve learned the most about this month has been the Father’s love for me. Over Christmas break, we read “Abba’s Child” which was full of new insight and strong reminders of how and why God loves his children. I’ve seen a new face to my Father’s love, and I’ve seen it through the way my own dad loved me. Way back in middle school, I remember one day my dad played a song for me in the car and told me it was our song. The name of the song is “My Hands” by Grey Reverend. Here are the lyrics:

My hands they still believe in you
My heart’s lens, and I’m staring through
My back against the wall singing yesterdays lines
And I wish that you could see me through tomorrow’s eyes

You’re so in love with no one it seems
So clear your tears will drown your dreams
Did you think of what I’m saying before you decide?
Cause’ I wish that you could see me through tomorrow’s eyes

So many times I cross the line to get to you
No one likes you quite the way I do
Try to understand the songs that I sing to you
No one likes you quite the way I do

My hands are here to feel your pain
Like the clouds that appear before the rain
Did you think of what I’m saying before you decide?
Cause’ I wish that you could see me through tomorrow’s eyes

So many times I cross the line to get to you
No one likes you quite the way I do
Try to understand the songs that I sing to you
No one likes you quite the way I do
No one wants you quite the way I do
No one loves you quite the way I do

This song has always reminded me of how my dad loved me. I know my dad didn’t know all the meanings of the lyrics or really pay attention to them, but I know he was trying to tell me that his hands would always be there to feel my pain and that no one would love me the way he does. My dad woke up every day seeking to show the love of Christ. He was not perfect, but I don't think I would know my heavenly Father’s love in the same way I do if my dad hadn’t mirrored that for me. In my dad’s absence, I see the Father’s love for me greatly because of the way He loved me through my dad and the way He continues to love me.

No one loves us the way God loves us.

This month I recommend… snow in Raleigh, finding God in everyday things, Bananagrams at a Mexican restaurant, half-birthday parties, watered-down lemonade, coffee with Maddie Roberts, and “Heartbreaker” by Justin Bieber.

Evy :)

January Fun Fellows Flicks

Hey Blog!!!

It’s crazy to me that the first month of the year has come and gone already! I feel like I have done so much: a late Christmas with my family and Sam, a snow day in Greenville, SC, celebrated Emma’s birthday and Evy and Lola’s half birthday, a snow day at Docksology, bonding retreat with the Fellows… and that’s just the big things. I feel like I have had so many meaningful conversations throughout it all! The shared album has 2,005 pictures and videos (boo the photo album took away the ability to see how many pictures and videos there are).

EMMA BEAVER

This girl is full of a wealth of knowledge. If you need help driving in the snow? Call her up because if she can navigate the Michigan snow, she can do anything! Need any medical advice? Call her up because that’s what all the Fellows do (future Dr. Emma). Want to have an amazing conversation? DEFINITELY call her up because she is so intentional and caring!

Skip “You’re fine” DePasquale

This line has been adopted by many Fellows this year after Skip started saying it! Skip has been quite a trendsetter in phrases and mannerisms. From a swiping hand motion to a laugh out loud, Skip is always the one to be animated and get the whole room to laugh! Raleigh Fellows just wouldn’t be the same without him!

Fellows blog 5! Learning to thrive

I’ve really enjoyed January as a fellow! Honestly it might have been my favorite month. Christmas break let me get some healthy rest, to reflect and process the first half of the program, and I feel like I made some necessary changes to have a better 2nd half of the experience. While there’s a lot I can recap about this month I want to focus on something I think God has been teaching me recently

For the first time in my life I’ve actually been using a bible reading plan this year as opposed to reading sporadically. It called The Bible Recap and everyday it tells you what scriptures to read and then has a short video highlighting important context or details you might have missed. While I’ve been going through genesis I’ve been particularly struck by the story of Abraham in a way that I haven’t before.

God made a promise to Abraham to give him many descendants and to make him into a great nation. In Genesis 15 Abraham believes this promise that he will have a descendant and his faith is “counted to him as righteousness”. However in the next chapter we see that although Abraham trusted Gods ends, he did not trust God’s means. At the request of his wife, he sleeps with his wife’s servant Hagar who gives birth to Ishmael. Although God has mercy on both Hagar and Ishmael, he reiterates that Abraham and Sarah will conceive a child even in their old age, and that he will be the promised child, not Ishmael. After Isaac is born, one day God tells Abraham to sacrifice him as an offering to the Lord. Nevertheless Abraham has learned at this point to trust God even when his plan doesn’t seem to make sense. Before he brings the knife down The Angel of the Lord (Commonly believed to be Jesus before the incarnation) tells him to stop and points out a ram that was caught by its horns to sacrifice instead. God then blesses Abraham from not withholding anything from him and his faith is proved in both Gods ends and his means.

Of course this is a HUGE oversimplification of the story, and its theological and cultural implications are massive. In the past I’ve focused in on the foreshadowing of Christ. The way that Isaac carries the wood for his own sacrifice, how Abraham says that God will provide a lamb when God gives a ram instead (Jesus is the lamb), how the sacrifice takes place in the very place Jewish traditions says that Jesus himself was crucified, how Isaac is called Abrahams only son, etc. But this time I was struck by the emotion of the story. Imagine you’ve been waiting your whole life for Gods promise to you. You’ve made many mistakes, and trying to force his plan to happen in your own timing and its had destructive consequences. In your old age, God finally gives you the thing he promised you long ago, and then he asks you to give it back to him. Imagine Abraham holding the promise of God in one hand, and a knife in the other.

In my own life, where am I tempted to rush Gods plan for my life on my own terms? If God asks me to sacrifice the very thing I thought was his plan for my life, would I obey?

In a much smaller way than the way Abraham was tested, I feel like God has been testing me. For the past 4 years I’ve wanted to pursue full time ministry. In college I felt God call me into ministry, and dedicated all of my time to campus ministry efforts. Almost all of my friends expect me to go into pastoral ministry, and so do many of the people who donated for me to go to fellows in the first place. In college I double majored in Interpersonal communication and Philosophy to prepare me for ministry. Apostles is the 3rd church that I’ve interned for, and I’ve studied theology as my main hobby for years. Its safe to say that I’ve put all of my eggs in this ministry basket. But as fellows has gone on, I’ve grown more and more confident that God is saying, “Not yet”. I truly do believe that long term it is Gods plan for me to be a pastor, but for now I think I want to continue the process of ordinary discipleship to Jesus, service to the local church, and honoring God in a non-religious job. Its been a painful conclusion to come to in many respects. Its scary to think about where I will go after fellows, or how I will turn my ministry resume into something that can get me a good job in the marketplace. But I trust that God is not in a rush, his thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and that God rewards those who obey him in faith. The reasons of why I think God is leading me in this new direction are many, and I don’t know if I want to disclose them all in this blog. But for now I will continue to look to the story of Abraham, and place my confidence in God’s ends and God’s means .

Elijah