The Conversation I Almost Missed

Heyllo it is me Tyler!!

This month has been both hard and beautiful — a mix of failure and grace — and yet, looking back, I can honestly say it was amazing overall. There were moments at work when I failed more times than I’d like to admit. But even in those moments, I felt God teaching me how to rise again, how to choose growth over guilt. I can’t explain it, but there’s an odd kind of honor in failure when you know it’s shaping your faith. When God places something in my lap that causes me to stumble, I’ve learned to bless Him for the lesson hidden inside it.

This past week, God showed me just how distracted I’d become. My days were filled with noise — friends, music, Netflix, endless scrolling. The only time He could get my attention was when I finally laid my head down at night. It made sense why I couldn’t fall asleep some nights; even in the quiet, I’d still reach for my phone and scroll through TikTok until my eyes grew heavy.

Then came a Tuesday — the day God let me mess up.
At work, I was moving too fast and almost sent several schools the wrong information, something that could’ve caused a major setback. I left feeling frustrated, disappointed, and weighed down with self-blame. To make things worse, Google Maps decided to take me through an hour and ten minutes of bumper-to-bumper traffic on my way home — a route I never usually take.

Music is my usual comfort when I’m upset — my way of drowning out emotion. But that day, my phone wouldn’t connect to my car (it had been giving me issues all week). Every failed connection only made my frustration worse. Finally, I gave up and sat in silence for the entire drive home.

And somehow… that silence changed everything.

It felt strange at first, but also freeing. To simply sit with my thoughts — to breathe the air of stillness — felt like a gift from God. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until that moment. The silence gave me space to redirect my thoughts toward Christ and actually talk with Him. It was like catching up with an old friend I hadn’t sat down with in a while. (I talk to Jesus every day, but not like that — not for that long.)

Looking back now, I see exactly what He was doing. That detour, that broken Bluetooth connection — it wasn’t random. God was leading me into silence, away from distractions, straight into His presence. And that car ride became sacred ground.

Since then, I’ve started driving in silence more often. And you’d be amazed what a little silence can uncover. I’ve begun rediscovering parts of myself that had been buried under the noise — the curious, thoughtful, even silly parts. I’ve started asking deeper questions again. Listening more. Not just to myself, but for the still, quiet voice of God.

That night, after I got home, I sat in my car replaying the whole day. Half of it was spent scrolling, half in silence. And as I talked with God, He placed an image on my heart — one I’ll never forget:

“Tyler, did you not hear My calls?”
I replied, “No, Father, I didn’t.”
“Son, I’ve been calling you for days now, but you haven’t answered.”
“But Father, I’ve been on my phone this whole time — how could I have missed Your calls?”
And He said, “You’ve been distracted by all the noise in your life. The only time I can speak is when you lay your head down to rest. Do you not hear the phone ringing? It’s right next to you. The reason you can’t hear it is because of the other noise — if you would only turn it off, you’d hear Me calling.”

That conversation hit me like a gentle but piercing truth. I had been tuned into the wrong frequency, listening to the wrong conversation. God had been calling all along — I just wasn’t quiet enough to hear.

Now I understand why Jesus often withdrew to pray alone. He needed silence to be with His thoughts, to be sober-minded in a noisy world. And doesn’t God call us to the same? “Be still, and know that I am God.” To rest our worries on His shoulders and take the weight off our chests. For His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:28–30).

God reminded me this week that I don’t have to fight my battles alone. I will fail again — many times, probably — but He’ll be right beside me, ready to lift me up. The question is: will I be quiet enough to hear Him calling my name?

She's a Jolly Good Fellow...

Hello all. I cannot believe I am writing a blog post. If I am being completely honest, I feel like the last person on earth anyone could ever imagine blogging, but here we are, and I am just writing off the dome, so let’s see what comes to mind…(ps. I promise to get better at these posts as the year continues)

My name is Morgan, but I am better known as Trey’s cousin among the Fellows community. A little bit of background about me: I’m from Richmond, VA, and I recently graduated from Elon University in May. Although I spent the last four years in North Carolina, Burlington feels like a completely different world compared to Raleigh. I cannot emphasize enough how much better life is when Sweet Frog and Chicken Salad Chick aren’t 35 minutes away.

My first month as a fellow:

On the first day of Fellows, I probably said about four words (name, hometown, major, and school). Beyond that, I didn’t talk much because I wasn’t sure how the other Fellows would perceive me. It wasn’t until about a day and a half later, after a game of family and a dinner where I gave an in-depth retelling of my JFK Assassination and conspiracies class from college, that I’d say I fully opened up to the group (it’s hard to come back from something like that). The rest of our time spent at the lake was incredible and we really built the foundation to what the rest of the month would bring.

We’ve grown so much as a Fellows class over the past month. Testimonies, roundtables, and group outings have brought us together far quicker than I could have imagined.

I got to start my job!!! I am loving Sydnie & Co. I’ve already learned so much, and I admire the way they’re prioritizing my growth not only professionally, but also personally. I’ve enjoyed gaining fresh perspective in the field of marketing, and I can’t wait to see what I’ll continue to learn over the next nine months.

We also started classes last week, and I discovered my Myers-Briggs type. I’m an ISFP! Special shoutout to Glenn for bringing PlayDoh and candy to class. I was locked in the whole time.

I’ve also loved spending part of my Monday evenings at Neighbor to Neighbor! I have the privilege of mentoring Amarie, and we’ve already had the best time working together.

Other News:

George paid a visit to the kids at fall camp. #FTK

Somehow I was given access to the fellows instagram. I am waiting for my instagram story privileges to be revoked because of how unesthetic my content is, but it’s all from the heart and created with love.

September features:

• birthday celebrations (HBD to Will, Hailey, Jackie, and Maddie Grace)

• The Summer I Turned Pretty (and the summer we converted all the guys to Conrad Stans)

• Docksology <3

• Discovered cannoli dip, life changing

• Made my first t-shirt (coming to you November 2025)

Honorable mentions:

• Shoutout to my single mother Maddy Ritter for being the hostess with the mostess this past month while her husband was away at war (also known as the Toronto and New York film festival).

• Marsha my mentor: GOAT. Love meeting with her Monday mornings to kick off the week.

• Ashley: Cannot imagine having anyone else as a director. An inspiration to all.

Miscellaneous thoughts:

• Very inexperienced in the whole enneagram department which is a big thing around here: reminds me of the divergent factions (stay tuned for my enneagram reveal)

• Robin Bolash makes the best cupcakes I’ve ever had

• I love Fellows Friday

• Despite my height, I am not good at pool basketball

• The Raleigh roads are weirdly skinny

• Pains me to admit that I have hopped on the Jubala and Two Roosters bandwagon in no time at all

• Hype for the new Taylor Swift Album tomorrow

-Signing off, Morgan

Where There's a Will #1

I’ve always said that if I had an autobiography one day then I would name it “Where There’s a Will.” As of right now this is the closest I’ll be to an autobiography, so I’m going to use it now. My blogs will all come under this name and I look forward to seeing how these posts combine to tell the story that is my time as a Raleigh Fellow! I have always enjoyed journaling and when I think I have a good idea, I like to share it. Mostly with people who I am close with or I think would like the idea. In my head this blog is like that but on steroids. So my goal is that whoever reads this likes my ideas and thoughts.

September was the longest short month of my life. I can’t believe that I met the rest of the Fellows just over 4 weeks ago, not even a month. On that first day as Fellows, we were all thrown into the fire that is this program. The fire has only grown bigger since we have left Docksology (Ashley’s lake house) and added different tasks to our weekly lives. Things like Youth Fall Camps, Neighbor to Neighbor, telling testimonies or group outings to Durham. When I think about this fire and I think about our lives together it reminds me of Daniel 3 and the Blazing Furnace. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were literally thrown into a blazing furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar. This fire was so hot that it killed Nebuchadnezzar’s soldiers as they threw the three tied up men in. When the King looked into the fire he saw four men, unbound, walking around the fire. The fourth man was described to look like a god! That is how I imagine our group, unbound and walking around in the fire. The 12 of us and that mysterious fourth man, who I like to believe is the Son of Man himself. Now obviously, we are not under persecution and are not being thrown into an actual fire by an evil king (no matter how much you dislike Ashley, I don’t think you can say she is as bad as Nebuchadnezzar). I like to think that when people on the outside watch us navigate this fire, they react the same way Nebuchadnezzar did—jumping up in amazement and astounded at how well we are doing in the middle of this metaphorical blazing furnace.

With all that being said, this blog is another first being added to a long list of firsts that have happened in this first month of Fellows. My favorite thing that happened this month was actually not a 1st, but instead a 22nd. I had a birthday party on September 8th, just 6 days after becoming a Fellow. I thought that I was the one that planned this get together, but behind the scenes Maggie Mae (my girlfriend) and Ashley (our wonderful director) had been planning this event for weeks. A combination of people that I only ever imagined being in the same place at my wedding, were brought together at Lynnwood Brewing Company to help celebrate me. As I stood in front of everybody with my cake and looked out at the crowd and gave my silly speech like we always made the birthday person do in college, I was overwhelmed by emotion. It was incredible that people that I had known since the beginning of high school, the first day of college, my family and people I met a week ago came together to love me so well.

This love has been very evident in this first month and I can only imagine how much it is going to grow as we navigate the next 8 months together. It is already painful to see that number shrink as the program flies and crawls by at the same time. I look forward to writing this blog throughout the year and I hope you guys enjoy reading it! Leave a comment if you feel like it, I always enjoy comments.

-Will Brown

From Left to Right: Me, Maggie Mae

MM and I at the wonderful party she planned for me!

From Left to Right: Chuck, Me, Trae

My college buddies Chuck and Trae came to my party. Chuck lives in Angier and Trae came down from Boone!

From Left to Right: Darius, Me, Blake, Quincy

A couple of my best friends from high school. They’ve been with me since freshman year! Both are local and came to my party. Blake is my little brother, my 6 year younger twin.

From Left to Right: (Top) Jacob, Tyler, Peyton, Me (Bottom) Bevi, Maddie Grace, Carsyn, Hailey, Morgan, Jackie, Reagan

My fellow Fellows! On our welcome retreat at Docksology after barely 24 hours of knowing each other. Best friends!

The Summer I Turned Fellow

It was a summer I would never, ever forget. It was the summer everything began. It was the summer I became a Fellow. Because for the first time, I felt it. Community, I mean" -an original quote by Peyton Odum.

Yep, that’s me - Peyton! A few months ago, I received an interesting text message. It read “I know last time I saw you, you were still looking for jobs. Have you reached any kind of conclusions there?” Naturally, I wanted to respond with something along the lines of “Dude…of course!! My inbox is FLOODED with job offers from across the entire country”. For context, I don’t believe anyone with a degree in Sport Management is saying that soooooo I pretended to have a few solid leads, but still open to new opportunities. Little did I know that a few phone calls later & a meal from Chick-fil-A would be just enough to convince Peyton Odum to become a Raleigh Fellow.

At the time, it seemed a bit spontaneous (which makes a lot of sense now that we’ve confirmed I’m ESFP - courtesy of the Myers Briggs test). Everything was going pretty well for me, at least on the surface. Incredible internships, working part-time in the NHL and walking across stage with all the fancy cords around my neck - what more could I ask for? The only issue - I felt so alone and distant from God. My soul longed for community …my heart longed to be seen. It doesn’t make sense that I’m here, but I’m unbelievably grateful that I am.

I realize this chapter of my life is just beginning, yet it doesn’t feel that way. I walked into a room full of strangers just a few weeks ago, and now I’m binge watching the Summer I Turned Pretty with my new best friends. Ashamedly, I’m also listening to Taylor Swift in my free time - not exactly what I prayed for, BUT here I am. It’s as if every single part of my life is changing - which is kinda what I prayed for now that I’m thinking about it. To make things easier, I will list a few of those life updates below…

1.) Started a new job - Marketing, Communications & Outreach Coordinator at NeighborHealth Center - sounds fancy right? I even have my own business cards woohoo!

2.) Moved into a house with a host family - The moment I walked into Ann intensely watching college football and using words like “transfer portal” and “pass interference” was the moment I knew this would be a GREAT year. Jim is pretty cool too.

3.) Became a mentor at Neighbor to Neighbor - I’ve absolutely loved serving my student during our afterschool program. In the brief time I’ve been mentoring, a genuine relationship has grown from simply getting to know, listen and understand someone who is growing up in a much different situation than I did.

4.) Leading Student Ministry - Let’s be honest, middle & high school boys can be challenging to say the least, but sharing the Gospel & seeing it resonate might be the most rewarding thing ever.

New job, new opportunities and new friends…crazy right? God has been so faithful and sweet in this new season - continuing to cut off every branch of mine that doesn’t bear fruit, and pruning every branch that does so they will produce even more. None of this is easy, but it makes my heart happy knowing that I am surrounded by people who see me fully, yet still choose to love me.

SEPTEMBER HIGHLIGHTS…

-Trip to Ashley’s lake house

-Sharing my testimony & crying through it all

-Guy’s night at the Canes game

-Round Table

-LUMINEERS CONCERT…best night of my life…perhaps

-Making new friends!

Until next time,

-Pey

The Leaves are Changing and So Am I

The thing I was most excited about when I chose to move to Raleigh was the promise of experiencing all four seasons. I am a Florida girl in mind, body, and spirit, which means that warm weather, sunshine, and green palm trees feel like home to me. Despite this, there has always been a part of me that cannot resist the coziness of fall. And, although I have seen the leaves change in various places throughout my life, I have never experienced it in a place I inhabit.

You might be thinking: Jackie, it’s only the end of September, the leaves are hardly changing, and to that I would agree with you. However, as someone who grew up seeing vibrant green, I believe I have a special ability to notice the ever-so-slight rusting of leaves and golden hues sprinkled along the oak-lined streets on my morning and evening commutes.

Moving away from the only state I’ve ever known, the leaves changing was something I could hope for. A known. The only comforting change I could allow myself to acknowledge as I came into Fellows, which launches you into so many unknowns. It was scary to leave my college town, friends, family, friends that feel like family, my church, my home state, and so many familiar things that I deeply cherish. If anyone asked me what I was excited for, I found myself leaning on the phrase “for the leaves to change!” What I was not ready for was the joy I would experience in the change of my life itself.

Just as slowly as the leaves have begun to change, so have I. Not in a crazy way, but in the sense that I am more open to life changing. With every passing day, I am feeling more confident in the Lord’s plan for me in Raleigh for this season. I am so grateful for the class of my fellow Fellows with whom I get to experience this program. They are fun, lighthearted, intentional, silly, and full of tenderness. I am grateful for Ashley and her relational, fun, and hospitable style of directing and for my wonderful host family, the Thielmans, who have already made me feel like part of their family. I am so blessed to work at Raleigh Rescue Mission with a wonderful team that cares deeply for those in the community. I have had the best time forming a friendship with my Mentee at Neighbor-to-Neighbor, and I am so excited to keep learning from the classes that we are taking.

As confident as I am in the changing of the leaves, I am confident in the Lord’s sovereignty over my life. Just as he is carefully sprinkling bits of gold onto the canopy of trees in North Carolina, he has been placing bits of himself for me to see in my time here, day by day.

With life slowly unfolding, it is sweet to see the promise of vibrant colors ahead.

xoxo Jackie (had to do it Gossip Girl style)

Charting Unkown Waters with God

“Washing waves reflect my soul as light shines upon me, oh how I sing a song of joy to God who blesses thee. He guides my boat across the lake to a destination unknown, he is my compass and my purpose, surely, he will lead me home.” - Tylr Brantley

My name is Tyler Brantley — I’m a poet, a writer, a photographer, an artist, and most importantly, a child of God. What a way to kick off this post! Technically, it isn’t my first one (I’ve written on my personal blog before), but this feels different. This year, I wanted to challenge myself to stay connected with those who want to follow my adventures and lessons learned while in the Fellows program.

I can hardly believe it’s already been one month. It feels like yesterday we were arriving at Doxology — climbing out of a cramped car as strangers, headed to spend a week at Ashley’s lake house. If only past Tyler could see me now, he’d be amazed at how quickly those strangers became family.

It’s hard to describe the feeling, but the best way I can put it is this: it’s like being both known and seen at the same time. I had close friends back in college, but these fellows are on another level. We’ve shared the thick and thin of our life stories, meeting one another with grace and compassion. We carve out time for each other when we could be resting alone, and though our weekly schedule is full — even draining at times — being together refreshes not just our social batteries but our very souls.

Never before have I experienced such a true, Christ-centered presence as I have in this group. Honestly, I was nervous at first. I worried I wouldn’t be welcomed — that my past or even my body image might hold me back. But once again, God proved me wrong. Through the love and acceptance of the fellows, He showed me I am exactly where I’m meant to be.

Like Peter stepping out onto the water, I took a step of faith when I joined this program. Before, I felt like I was sailing with a compass that had no direction. But God called me here to Raleigh, and I can already see His hand at work. I feel blessed and thankful for everything He’s done in my life this past month.

I know He has even greater plans ahead — not just for me, but for all of us. We’ve climbed into the same boat, unsure of what challenges lie ahead, but certain of this: if we keep our eyes on Christ, He will guide us safely home.

Well well well. First Fellows blog! Feels good. Feels right.

Maybe I should introduce myself? Since I’m new to this? I’m going to. Hi I’m Hailey Cook! I’m a Raleigh Fellow (crowd applauds) and I’m from the Texas area of the great state of Texas. Do with that what you will; use your imagination. (Austin and Houston. Your imagination is spot on.)

First month of Fellows down and the only way I can describe how I’m feeling is that I feel GOOD to be here and slightly homesick. I’ll always be homesick, I love and miss my family, but nonetheless, I’m rocking and rolling and there’s a lot of joy in all that I’m feeling. Leading up to this, the Lord gave me so much confirmation and comfort that Raleigh was it for me and I’m in adoration of what God can do with a human yes. My yes! It’s really sweet to see how He’s cared for me way before I knew Fellows was even on the table. Anyways, let’s get into how the first month has been.

I’m an introvert. And this whole program is about LIVING among community. When they say living, they’re like genuinely not joking. There’s seriously not one day of my week that I don’t see at least one fellow. And what a gift that is! But this past week I did hit my limit. It’s so lit that I know my limits, when to draw back, and not to push them because right now I’d probably be dragging along. And thank the Lord FOMO isn’t something I ever deal with. With that being said I literally only missed one hangout with the group, so I’m being dramatic but not being at that one hangout and washing laundry and cleaning my room changed my life.

Okay a few favorite things so far!

Birthday’s! Spending my birthday with the fellows, and my friend Madison who came to visit, was the best ever. And celebrating 3 other fellows’ birthdays was so sweet. People who have only known each other for under a month knowing how to celebrate each other is a super cool thing.

N2N. I love mentoring at Neighbor to Neighbor on Mondays! My kid I mentor, Aubrey, wants to be my best friend and obviously the feeling is mutual because she’s so fun. But we learn how to read and spell better on Mondays and it’s cherished time.

My job! I work in the Advancements office at St. David’s School, and it has been so fun and so fruitful. I get to work alongside 4 women who are so fun, and the work is all things I enjoy doing which is huge. And I work with a fellow! Bevi and I have gotten to carpool, eat lunch and catch up midday together which has been such a cool thing!

Host family. Getting to know, be with, and just the simplicity of eating meals together has been a huge win. The Miedema’s are truly the best. I feel an abundance of gratefulness for them opening their home for me to stay with them. Can’t really put it into words how awesome they’ve been.

Hot tubs. Only on three occasions this month have I been in a hot tub but all three were epic because hot tubs are epic.

Now a few favorite songs of the month! (very girly month for music. I love being a girl.)

Worth It. -RAYE (duh)

The Hardest Part- Olivia Dean (yes.)

Nobody’s Son- Sabrina Carpenter (like everyone else)

Don’t Balme Me- Taylor Swift (this always)

Angels Like You- Miley Cyrus (obviously)

Okay I think that’s it for now. Until next month!

first four weeks of being a raleigh fellow!

Hi blog readers, friends, and family - 

My name is Bevi and I am your new favorite Raleigh Fellow! Here are my thoughts and feelings about the first four weeks of being a Raleigh Fellow.

Last week, Ashley (program director) asked us for a word to describe our experience so far & how we are feeling. My word is blessed because that is how I feel! I have felt overwhelmed by this new life - there are a lot of logistics, things to keep track of, and busyness. My body has been adjusting to the transition, I got sick for a while, and I am tired. But I am also overwhelmed by how great it’s been and how many blessings I have received. I feel lucky and privileged to be here in this program and have so many people pouring into me. 

Here’s a mini recap of some of the blessings:

Host family: HUGE shoutout to Cathy and Billy Williams for hosting me this year and already loving me so well. I think it was my second day here and they already knew that buying me my favorite foods and treats is how to make me feel seen & loved. I feel so safe & at ease at home, which I do not take for granted. I feel blessed by their hospitality and I am grateful for how they have chosen to both get to know me and share their lives with me. It’s been so fun!

The fellows (my 10 new buddies!):

I’ve seen these blog posts and heard from fellows before about the beginning of the year and how “it’s so crazy how God brings strangers together and they become best friends.” I’m like yeah okay whatever, no way it is that easy, but that’s a nice thing to say. 

OKAY well it’s crazy. You put 11 of us in Ashley’s lake house for the first week of fellows and we literally have to be friends. There wasn’t really a choice. The first day of orientation at the church and driving to the lake was exhausting. By the end of the next day, now at the lake, we were comfortable & bonding with each other (it helps when Ashley brings us out on the boat and we sit there for a few hours with nowhere to escape to). By the end of the following day, we were fully teasing & laughing at each other (shoutout Peyton). We are all eager to get to know one another and share life together. We all are trying things we would never have done (watching the summer I turned pretty) so we can love each other well. We’ve celebrated four birthdays! It is so special. And thanks Ashley for being the best at your job and making the group dynamic SO fun. 

Over the past few weeks, we have all shared our testimonies and life stories with one another. I’ve been blown away by the fellows and their perspectives on life and faith. It’s been sweet to hear the fellows affirm each other during such a vulnerable moment. God has used these testimonies to teach me 1. How different people and different personalities experience different parts of the Trinity in different ways throughout their lives. I see God as bigger and more vast. What we all have in common is that God has been pursuing each of us in some form for 22+ years and then led us here. 2. As followers of Jesus we are not “protected” from issues/problems/struggles. Somehow it is encouraging to know to not expect life to be easy and hear how other people my age have walked through various things. 

My job! I work for the director of student life at a private school called St. David’s. God has given me some unexpected blessings here! First, Hailey (a fellow) works with me which has been so fun - we get to carpool together, eat lunch together, etc. Next, I get free, hot, lunch every day. This is huge - food is my love language and I love how God is providing for me in this way. Lastly, I feel blessed to get to work with my boss Sarah Jane. She is spiritually wise and mature and has such an encouraging perspective on life. 

Neighbor to Neighbor! Each week the fellows volunteer as mentors/tutors for underserved kids in downtown Raleigh through a program called Neighbor to Neighbor. I was so excited for this part of Fellows and this hour is genuinely probably my favorite part of each week. I mentor a little girl named Chloe and she is my new best friend! 

Hard things & prayer requests

• Having lots of headaches from a lingering concussion & trying to figure out how to deal with that in such a crazy transition and busy life.

• Fully enjoying the blessings of Fellows means being fully locked in on the community here & I am grieving how other friendships operate differently now. I miss my college friends and our morning hugs and evening meals! And I miss Charlottesville! And I miss my family!

There is so much more to say but this feels good for now. From all of this I just feel “WOW.” I hope you enjoyed!

Love, 

Bevi Lundeen

Hello hello hello, I'm a Fellow Fellow Fellow!

It is quite surreal to be writing my first ever blog post as a Raleigh Fellow. I have read many of these over the past few years and seen many Fellows go before me. Their excitement and joy towards this program has brought me immense excitement and joy as well— knowing that many are cheering and praying for me as I embark on this journey of MY Fellows year. 

For those who don't know me, my name is Carsyn and I’m from Cary, NC. I graduated from NC State this May but have been a part of the Wolfpack since before I was born. I've had a deep love for the city for a long time, and I simply could not leave after graduating. I felt the Lord ask me to keep digging deeper here.

He said: "I have so much more for you in Raleigh."

So I said: "Yes Lord! You don't have to convince me."

Not only could I not leave Raleigh, I also wouldn't dare leave Apostles. I have been attending church here for about a year and a half and quickly fell in love with the community and church as a whole. Once again, why would I leave?

The Lord has shown me clearly over the past four weeks why He asked me to stay. I have many connections to this program way prior to saying yes, so there are many things that I have gotten to see behind the scenes before being an official “Fellow.” Prideful me somewhat went into the year thinking that I had all the answers, I knew all the things, I could make the first day not awkward (spoiler, it is no matter what)... basically that I had this whole Fellows thing figured out. A whole bunch of I, I, I and I.

I was surely mistaken! All of my life, I have been searching for a sense of safety and security. The Lord has been and always will be the sole provider of this. But often I find myself trying to find this on my own— through my own understanding and strength. When things started to shift from the expectations I had on myself and on the program, I began to “crash out” (not literally, this is just a buzzword among the Fellows.) I had to uproot the parts of me that I hadn’t surrendered and scan my heart for what I truly wanted this to be. I found that my Fellows experience doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s before me. Instead the Lord has already written my experience for me and there is no need for performance, pressure or anxiety.

The past month has been humbling, stretching and filled with gentle reminders that I am not the one in control. It’s been a blessing to be reminded that it’s okay (and actually freeing!) to not know or understand in the moment. I have found rest in this surrender and in the knowing that I am a Daughter of Christ. He provides! Here are some things He's done:

• All of the girl Fellows are Swifties. We are working on the boys.

• We share a collective love for our dear friend Conrad in The Summer I Turned Pretty.

• We are all really weird. I heard that's a requirement for the program.

• Vulnerability. Even when forced through testimonies it is a blessing to sit and listen to someone tell their full story. The heaviness is purposeful as we get to see the full picture of what God has done and what He will continue to do.

• All the back to back birthdays! 

• I really enjoy my job! This was a huge worry throughout college but I feel the Lord showing me a path in my career. I <3 RHP!

• Low country boil at the Parkers!

• The Fronczaks. They're as perfect as perfect can be. 

• Youth retreat specifically Morgan dressed up as George.

• Spiritual Formation with Mary Young and lectio divina.

• Meeting my mentor Katie Koon! She is so cool and I'm excited to know and be known by her deeply.

• 3v3 basketball at Maddie Grace’s family's pool. 

• The way the Fellows ALWAYS show up. It has been hard balancing Raleigh friendships with my focus on being a Fellow, but they show up and are excited about the things I bring them too which has been so so so kind.

• Zinchouse...?

• Sweet moments with Jonah at N2N!

Ok wow that was a lot. And somehow I still left out so much??? Thank you Lord! Thank you that I have no idea what you're going to do next and that my plan and expectations always fall short. All I know is that God is creative and what He has for me is beyond anything I can ever imagine.

Until next time,

Carsyn Gilmore

It's so sweet

“It’s so sweet, the way that you love me.”

That’s a paraphrase of a lyric that I can’t get out of my head right now. I won’t tell you the song it’s from cause it’s not the most appropriate. Very stuck in my head like all of the past 2 weeks.

Why?

Because it rings true right now.

There is no word that more aptly describes my life right now than sweet.

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At roundtable last week we were asked our thoughts on our experience these initial weeks of Fellows. My response, whelmed. (Yes, whelmed is a word). Neither overwhelmed nor underwhelmed. No, it’s not an original quote. Robin (sidekick of Batman) said it in a children’s show.

Nothing from these initial weeks has been too much, nor has it been too little. I’m feeling stretched in the best of ways. The only thing that would have probably overwhelmed me this month at all is the karaoke we were supposed to do last week. I do not like doing karaoke at all, and I’m grateful the plans fell through. But I would have done it.

So, why would I do it then? Well, we’ve had 4 birthdays in Fellows this month and this is what the 4 of them all wanted to collectively do to celebrate. And being able to love on these people I didn’t know a month ago has been, well, sweet. It’s such a great opportunity to be intentional.

Furthermore, love “does not insist upon its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

That’s been a beautiful reminder over these weeks, to see how we’ve all been so willing to die to ourselves for the sake others.

So, I am willing to die to myself and butcher a beloved song on stage.

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On welcome retreat the Lord placed these lines from a hymn in my head and they’ve been stuck ever since fellows started.

“When peace like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my thought thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul”

I heard that hymn in full the next week at a funeral and, well, that made me cry.

It was the first entry in my journal during our quiet hour of spiritual formation class.

The last line on that same day?
“It’s so sweet, the way that you love me.”

God has me (and you) exactly where we’re supposed to be. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Find something to be grateful for today and every day. His blessings abound. For me, it’s this Sebastian Ramirez Watermelon Co-Ferment coffee I drank while writing the first draft. It tasted like a watermelon lollipop & pink starburst (shoutout to the homies at Black &White).

But I’m also grateful for these people. Mostly these people.

Jacob W. Currin

Life Update...

Hello world!! It's me (Maddie Grace), a 2026 Raleigh fellow (finally!!)! As a Raleigh native, I'm excited to be here and explore new community in this familiar city! My first month in fellows has flown by, and so much has changed! To summarize:

• I spent 5 days at the lake with 10 strangers turned new best friends (pictured below!)

• Moved in with the best host family (yay Loftis family!)

• Continued my work at RiverCross (development & launching the college ambassador program!)

• Shared my testimony with the fellows & had the privilege of hearing everyone else's

• Met my incredible mentor, Beth, who is legitimately the coolest person I've ever met & my awesome fellows buddy, AG (happy late bday queen)

• Celebrated my 23rd birthday at the youth fall camp w/ my amazing 11th grade small group, co-leaders & fellows! 

• Began mentoring my sweet 2nd grade mentee at Neighbor 2 Neighbor

• Started classes on Bible, Just Leadership, the obsolescence of religion in America, and a Myers Briggs workshop (its official… I'm an ENFJ)

• And so much more that I'm definitely forgetting… 

During this busy & exciting month, it's been meaningful to reflect on just how right everything feels. I've been so supported and welcomed by the fellows & wider church community, and my hometown of Raleigh just got so much bigger. How cool is it that every aspect of this program is so intentionally focused on growth and service?? I feel so stretched already, and in the best way. 

I'm currently writing this from the RDU airport, waiting to board my flight to Houston to join RiverCross staff at the CAFO (Christian Alliance for Orphans) conference this week! I am missing the fellows already (RIP girls night), but feel so lucky to have this opportunity for personal and professional development. 

Moving into October, I'd love prayers for:

• A fruitful week of bonding and learning with RiverCross staff + partners (and that the fellows don't forget me while I'm gone (': ) 

• Deeping relationships with the amazing people placed in my life

• God's continued work and shaping in my life and the lives of fellows

With love!!

Maddie Grace Wohlschlegel

Hi Raleigh!

Hi all! Welcome to my blog! Month one done!!

If we haven’t met, I’m Reagan!! I grew up in Roanoke, VA and spent the past four years at James Madison University studying Psychology and Disability studies. In college, I spent lots of my time in my college house with 9 of my best friends or leading Capernaum which is a Younglife ministry for students of different abilities!! 

I’m honestly not sure what this space will look like over these next nine months, but I’m feeling thankful for a space to share what this unique experience looks and feels like to me.

I live in Raleigh now - how crazy is that! I decided last November that my next step would be in Raleigh so it feels surreal that I'm in a real live program in a real live place instead of this idea that I am just talking about in future tense. I honestly kind of chose this program because I liked the city, had heard one or two friends of friends who had loved it and had no idea what I should do after college so this seemed like a good step to take. It turns out I have stumbled into just about the best thing there is. I quickly found out that people had come here for the program specifically - for the reputation that it held and of course for our fearless leader herself (shoutout Ashley Crutchfield), so I hold a deep gratitude that the Lord led me here even without much research or knowledge on my end. 

The first month has held so much more depth and beauty and joy than I truly would have known to pray for. I never imagined that friendship could flourish this fast, but my brand new 11 best friends have been so brave in letting me into their hearts and have graciously accepted my vulnerability in ways that have forged a true and close community in 4 short weeks. Wow! 4 weeks! How can 4 weeks hold so much familiarity and yet so much new at the same time. This month we have been given the gift of hearing each other’s story intimately and fully. I wish I could put into words what this has given us as individuals and as a group but I’ll settle for saying that those rooms were filled with immense freedom, reminding each other of our belovedness, and plenty of tears (especially mine)!! 

Before I let you go, just a thank you to every person in my life who has supported me through funding or prayer in preparation for this program! Your generosity has catapulted me into something that is so good and so growing for me already. I feel blessed!

Some newness I’ve been experiencing!

• New friends! You can already tell that I love them so dearly! 11 new besties (Ashley included of course) *special mention to Maddie my buddy who is just the best 

• A new church! Apostles feels familiar to me, from growing up in an Anglican setting, but also holds so much fresh opportunity. 

• A new mentor - Kathryn Gatewood I adore you so much!

• A new house & a new family! The Burgesses have welcomed me in & loved me well

• New classes! We just started these so I’ll get back to you, but so fun so far!

• A new job! One of the biggest apparent blessings for me so far - I get the joy of working at a developmental day school as a teaching assistant in adaptive education. I actually can’t believe I will love it more than I already do right now. 

• New city! Raleigh I love you, I can’t wait to explore you!

And only my steadfast and gracious God could work all of those new things out for my good, only the one who made me could flood me with the peace I feel amidst the chaos of it all. My prayer of purpose through this year is only to exult my maker and draw close to him over & over again!! 

Thanks for reading!

See ya next month - I can’t believe I get to do this for 8 more months!

- Reagan

Fellows feels like it was years ago. My life has naturally shifted into a warm, fast paced, easy on the heart summer. I wrote out this whole thing but pulled a Celeste and deleted it all. It didn’t match my current vibe, was too much of a downer.

I don’t have anything really meaningful to say. My reality is better than all my favorite daydreams. God is answering prayers and redirecting my heart at a pace so granular I lack daily awareness of it. I have an armload of new dreams that are replacing old ones that God asked me to give up. I feel like I’m in the very beginning stages of many things. How exciting, how scary. I hope I don’t mess any of it up, I probably will. He’ll make it good - He’s very good at making it good. Trying not to wait for the other shoe to drop, praying to stay present in all this heap of great and happy things. Praying a great deal and probably not listening enough. Always need to work on that one.

For the new class of fellows!

May the God of Love surround you.
May the God of Joy delight you.
May the God of Mystery surprise you.
May the God of Hope sustain you.
May the God of Wisdom direct you
May the God of Freedom release you

Love you all, extra hug to emma (emma if you feel a squeeze today it’s me) k be good bye:)

Tessa

Home is Where the Heart is? Lol IDK.

Wow! It’s crazy how even something as simple as logging back into this website could make me feel so sentimental. Boy, do I miss my Fellows and seeing them nearly every day of my life. Yes, yes, I am the Fellow who moved back home. I know what you’re all thinking: “Did all the other Fellows shun you and forbid you ever come back to the state of North Carolina?” Much to my surprise, the answer to that is no! In fact, to the best of my knowledge, they all still want to continue being friends. Of course, friendship has looked different long-distance, but my friends have put smiles on my face through phone calls, voice memos, letters, and even a weekend visit from Bailey and Evy (so special!) As a bonus, they are even allowing me to come back for a visit in just a few days! So, future fellows, keep this in your back pocket as a reminder that you CAN stay friends with the Fellows AND move home even if they all stay in Raleigh.

Now, I didn’t ever have a clear idea on what to write in my blog posts before, and this one is no different, so buckle up in anticipation that my thoughts may be all over the place. (also, I wrote an entire blog post I liked and then my computer shut down, so I guess God wanted things to be worded a little differently idk).

Several years ago, I heard a pastor in a sermon say the phrase “Wherever you are, be there.” Maybe I have even written about this exact phrase in another blog post, but for some reason it has really stuck with me. There’s a big difference between technically being in a physical space and being fully present in that space. As a currently (hopefully not for long) unemployed 23-year-old, though money is a close second, my most valuable resource is time. The call I felt to move home was less about my physical location and more about God asking me to be more open-handed and generous with my time in regard to my family.

In practice, this call has been slow and inconsistent. In fact, the majority of my days this summer have been spent in my EMT class, doing medical school applications, or just looking for something to do alone in my small midwestern hometown completely apart from my family. However, there has also been lots of “random” (never truly random with God) overlap with my family that I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t been physically close. For example, I have been available when my brother has texted late Saturday night if I’d drive and come to church with him, I have had countless sweet nights with my mom where we stayed up too late laughing about something stupid, and I have gotten to share several meals with my dad and stepmom and even be around when a vacuum salesperson tried to sell them a ridiculously expensive vacuum (yes, apparently vacuum salespeople still exist). None of these things are monumental, not by a landslide. In fact, some of these may sound entirely insignificant, but I have been learning that these mundane things are what God has been using to build and rebuild relationships within my family.

Rather than try and wrap all of my summer up in a pretty bow for this blog post, I am going to just leave it how it is. My summer has been hard, and good, and disappointing, and so rewarding all at once, and I anticipate the coming year to be very similar.

Now for an entirely random way to end my post, I am going to share some pictures from my summer, because why not?!

Classic Maid of Honor and Best Man outfit swap for our reception entrance at my best friend’s wedding!

Ran my first half marathon! Basically died.

Bailey and Evy got a backstage island tour of the notorious Mackinac Island. No cars allowed. (I used to serve the governor here).

Just my mom and my brother. Aren’t they precious?

First the cool squad pic and then the professional EMT picture from my class this summer. Look out world, these people are nearly certified to save your lives.

Love you guys! Comment below which class pic was your favorite!

-Emma <3

Building houses in exile -

Often in my life, I get trapped in one passage of the Bible. It's why there's a picture of Jacob wrestling with God hanging on my wall, because for months in college it was all I could read. There are seasons where I can’t seem to move on from one story or moment. My post fellows summer has been one of those seasons. This is the passage I have clung to these past months:

“ This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” Jeremiah 29:4-7

God’s people were far from home, their city had been destroyed, their life as they knew it no longer. They were now living in a foreign land, far from home, far from what they had hoped it to look like. And this is the Lord’s response to them there. He tells them that this is not forever (v.10) but he also tells them what to do in the meantime. And what they are called to do is to settle in. Not to live their life with one foot in and the other out. God tells them to build houses, and have kids and grand kids. To press into the new city - even if it wasn’t where they wanted to be, even amidst all they were grieving, even while what they hoped for was still unfulfilled. 

This has been at the same time balm to my weary heart and kindling for my frustrations at the way things are. Because if I’m honest this summer of building a home and planting a garden in the newness of this season has been hard. And I have begged for the Lord to just fast forward to another season - where it isnt all so new, so far from home, so unlike what I planned. And yet time and time again, he shows up in whispers that tell me to press in here. To unpack my bags for a second and remove my feet from halfway out the door. Prone to wander Lord, I feel it !! Because I may have finished fellows, but the Lord is not done with me in Raleigh yet. 

And he has not left me here on my own. Not in exile alone. Not building houses and gardens in new places alone. The mercies he extended to me through Fellows have grown even sweeter in its wake. I feel humbled by the kindness and grace of living with Celeste and Jenna and Evy and Maggie Mae, of getting to worship at Apostles on Sundays, of having dear friends from other seasons of life close by. 

So in many ways I am crying out to the Lord saying “this is not what I thought it would look like, this is not how I wanted it to be” but I am grateful for the way he is teaching me to plant gardens.

Even here his hand will lead and hold me.

All my love, 

Lola 

PS I have yet to plant a real garden but I will keep you posted, but I have killed 2 Basil plants since Fellows ended. 

Summer Blog - Bryan

Howdy folks,

Wow, Celeste wrote a lot.

Golly gee, it sure has been a while… or maybe just 3 months. Some of us new Fellows alumni wanted to give our dedicated readers a surprise farewell before the new kids show up and take over your houses and places of work. We have so many updates to share, as our lives have transitioned from being completely subject to a crazy and intentional program to having to be our own providers of accountability. How scary and responsible!

My life since the end of Fellows has mostly consisted of going to work, trying to make sure I still go to the gym, buying and cooking my own food (WHAT?!?!), and spending time with friends and former fellows (who are now allowed to date each other… spicyyyy). 

First, I want to talk a bit about work. Fellows truly impacted my work life more than almost anything (other than the city I live in and the people I am surrounded by). It even landed me a job! In November, a very mysterious man named Coburn Murray brought the fellows, Eric Bolash (I hope sabbatical is going so well!), Chris Byron, and Sam Crutchfield to Nicaragua. While there, he offhandedly mentioned something about doing business in a redemptive way that achieves creative restoration through sacrifice. Basically, I would say that means trying to make Jesus our identity in the workplace. That feels bold, and may or may not be theologically correct, so ask a pastor and just try to get what I’m saying. Anywho, as a business major, I was interested and asked him about it. Then, I kept my room really clean and tidy at the Crutchfield’s house. Then, Coburn told Sam Crutchfield that he was looking for a young professional to be his executive coordinator and help organize his life. Then, Sam told Coburn that he knew a guy with a clean room. Next thing you know… BAM, I have a job. The moral of the story is to keep your room clean, new fellows. It just might earn you a paycheck and a really amazing place of work to learn and grow as a young professional. Shoutout Raleigh Fellows, Sam, and Coburn. Also, Coburn is no longer so mysterious to me, but still is for everyone else. I feel powerful. He’s also a great boss. Yay, work!

Second, I don’t really have a main thing I want to talk about on here, so I’m going to add some pictures from the summer and try to say something thought-provoking about them!

Wedding! High school friendships can last! You can keep non-fellows friends?

The wedding was in Utah, LDS (Mormon), and I wasn’t allowed in the temple with the other loser without a jacket in the previous picture because we aren’t LDS. Mormon weddings are a cultural experience, Utah is pretty, and was this a moral dilemma?

Winnie! My beautiful and amazing niece! Would I be able to love my own child as much as I love her?

Bailey and I hit baseballs, and it was SO MUCH FUN. The dot is there because I wanted to show off to a girl and tell her how far I hit it. Is that vanity? The next one totally went over the trees… I just lost my camera or something…

I brought some fellows to my grandparents’ house. They live at Smith Mountain Lake. We love it when different parts of our lives come together. Is it okay to take pictures with strong winds behind you?

There have been so many other fun moments, but I’ll stop now. I think the pictures made my blog longer than Skip and Celeste’s. Let’s see what the rest of us can do!

I’m not proofreading this.

Tootles!

Bryan

my longest yeah boi (blog) ever

Good afternoon from my office! 

Yep. My very own office. Fully equipped with an orchid my boss gave me on my first day, a bowl full of mints, and three whole computer monitors all for me. (What’s a girl supposed to do with three monitors?? Still not quite sure.)

(okay this is my official disclaimer that what you are about to read is a combo of different parts of probably three different drafts of this blog that I’ve tried to write over the past few weeks. I’ve decided to FULL SEND NO REGRETS so im SORRY in advance for the chaos but hey if that ain’t life)

I am happy to report that Fellows ended and the world didn’t explode. I truly thought it would for a while there. 

I hope this blog is two-fold: A brief reflection of Fellows and why I’m so appreciative of the 9 months I got to spend as one, and a peek into my summer!! Because I love updates!! And there’s so much I have to say about this summer! (4 different blog drafts apparently HA)

SO. About Fellows… :)))

I love attending an Anglican church!! Apostles has felt like a frolic in a field of wildflowers on a crisp, sunshiny spring day. Yep. It’s been everything I needed this year.

The connections Fellows brought me have been invaluable. Truly, I count myself blessed a million times over for this. Not only do I have a bunch of new friends in a city 20 hours away from my hometown, but I am SURROUNDED by people in the church who have changed my life in countless ways. Obvious people are the men and women involved in my direct Fellows walk - my host family, mentor, teachers, etc. But the amount of men and women outside of that circle who continue to reach out, offer furniture, provide mentorship, invite me over for meals, and have shown me what extravagant hospitality looks like in both big and little ways has felt overwhelming at times (in a good way). It’s undeserved. Heck, I have a job because of people at Apostles. PGFWABF.

So many places around Raleigh are covered in the sweetest of memories. I love getting to show my out-of-town friends local Fellows hangout spots. And when I first moved into my new house after Fellows and started my new job, I would drive around the city thinking “oh this was my old route home” or “look, there’s my old job!” and literally what! How have I been here long enough to have old routines and places around town!! So senti. (To be transparent I try not to think about this one too often because the nostalgia will get me so emo haha)

As a final reflection, I’ll forever be grateful for the ability to take a year after college and before full-time adult life living so deeply invested in a new city and church and community. I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world. Thank you TFI, and dare I even say President Snow, for the chance to be so interconnected in a million different ways. It was stretching and beautiful and confusing and silly and a year I’ll deeply miss and cherish. 

OKAY YAY FELLOWS WE LOVE!!! Now for my life post-Fellows!! It feels appropriate to take you on a tour of my day (a week ago when I wrote blog draft #3 HA) so you can get a more encompassing picture of what life feels like these days, because that’s just who I am, okay??

(okay one more disclaimer before we start: I just need everyone reading this to know that I’ve never had a consistent morning routine in my LIFE and now I do and if you don’t have one PLEASE I BEG make one, it will change your life. okay keep reading)

I woke up at 5:30 and went on a run around my new neighborhood next to Shelley Lake (aka the most perfect place on earth to me right now). I hopped in the shower while Jenna got ready for the day next to me (yep, that’s right, Jenna as in my roommate Jenna, as in previous Fellow with me back in the day when we were Fellows together. And yes, we oft share time in the bathroom because that’s what you do when you’re both working women and sharing a bathroom. It’s pretty epic in my opinion, and I’m sorry if you don’t agree with me Jenna!) Then I made my morning coffee and my daily greek yogurt, granola, and berries (although this week I’ve been using figs instead of blueberries and I have to be honest I’m going back to blueberries next week) and sat down at our table (courtesy of Bryan, idk where he got it from but I’m sure glad he gave it to us) and journaled, planned out my day in my new daily planner, read from my morning devo book that Joanna gave all of us girls (shoutout Josh, your host mom is awesome), and revelled in the glory that is the best dang morning routine I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve never had a consistent morning routine in my life, and let me just say: I’m obsessed. It’s what I wake up for. Live for, on some days. Haha okay that’s so dramatic. BUT the point is, I love it.

Then, I drove to work where I pitter pattered about on my laptop and three computer monitors all day (again, what’s a girl to do with so many??)

After work, I drove straight to the YMCA. Another wonderful place in Raleigh. I swam yesterday :)) Sometimes I think I’d really like to do a triathlon. Then I swim and am immediately humbled at how quick I’m tired of it. When you swim, you can’t wear headphones. It’s just me and my thoughts. Which, typically I’m a big fan of an “unplugged” walk or jog. It’s a time where my thoughts can think and I can slowly untangle the chaotic web of hcndbbfsjhdasasfjvv happening in my brain. But there’s something about swimming where all I can think about is the swim and how many strokes I take before I take a breath or how many laps I’ve done, etc. Maybe that’s good, though. I sit in front of three monitors all day! Not including my phone! My attention so rarely seems to be focused on just one thing. Lola (another Fellow turned roommate - and if you think that’s crazy I got one more of those! Evy! And another roommate who was not a fellow! Maggie Mae! Oh how I love living with girls again!!!) recently has been mentioning how she is bringing back things from her childhood that brought her joy. Like a meal or a craft. I think I’m trying to bring back being present. Okay, maybe I just came up with that in this current moment as I’m writing my blog. But I’m gonna roll with it.

*side note: I walked into work the other week, and my boss asked me what I did the night before. “Oh, I went on a walk with some of my roommates and then we cooked dinner and watched a movie together! It was lovely!” I answered.

“Wow, so domesticated!!” he exclaimed. 

LOL. and ya know what? Hell yeah. 

I fear I’m quite terrified of feeling stuck. Stuck in one place for too long, stuck in a job I don’t like, stuck with the same everything for the rest of my life with no hope of adventure or travel or doing something CRAZY that I’ll get to tell a fun story about for the rest of my life. Geez. So much of my life has been beep bopping around to the next fun and exciting thing, both in the grand scheme of things and in the daily adventures. In college, when I’d be upset or anxious or sad, my friends would ask “Celeste, do you have any trips planned?” And 9/10 times I’d realize oh, you’re so right, I don’t. Let me look at my calendar and fix that. And suddenly, the world seemed brighter. Because I wasn’t stuck in the same pace of life forever - I had an interruption to my normal life planned. I think this may also be why my morning routine has been so impactful in my day-to-day. It’s a time that’s mine. I can wake up way earlier than I need to be awake and I can do whatever the heck I want to before I go sit in my office for 9 hours. It’s my scheduled moment of freedom before the daily work grind. 

I find myself more restless than normal at work on the days I don’t have anything planned after work. Or on the weekends. (if you’re reading this and you want to take a trip somewhere, literally say the word and I’m there.) I don’t know why I say this. I don’t know if this is something I should try to change about myself, or embrace and keep finding the fun and the adventurous outside of work. I just know I’ve noticed that about myself since starting my new job.

Okay wait back to my day yesterday. After I swam, I went back to my house (yep, I pay rent and utilities now *insert cool sunglasses emoji* *insert broke emoji* *insert just kidding I have a full time job now aha… emoji*), made the waffle I’d been craving all day and sat myself RIGHT in front of the TV to watch The Summer I Turned Pretty. Aka the best thing all week. Not because the show is good, in fact it often makes me so upset I scream, but because of the experience. I get to watch with my roommates! And other friends! And this week Joe and Bailey and Bryan joined!! And we all get to be upset together!! And when it ends, we all groan and lament about how we have to wait a whole nother WEEK before the next one comes out. How prehistoric!! It’s so perfect to me. OH and I got to eat peach cobbler Lola made. yeah. I know. It’s wonderful. (again - “so domesticated!!”) Thanks lala.

To finish the night, I brushed my teeth with Jenna, went downstairs to the Celestial Jen (the den where Jenna and I live), turned on my candle warmer that doubles as a lamp, and read my book until I fell asleep. 

I say all of this because yesterday felt pretty epic. And when I stop to write down my days like this, perhaps every day feels this epic in that light!! And there really IS a lot that I love about my life post-Fellows. And also, there are a lot of moments where it’s really weird and confusing and lonely at times and super scary and the feelings of “stuck” sometimes rise up so much that it gets a little hard to breathe. I’ve been calling my mom a lot more these days. And there have been weeks where I’ve called my mom and shouted with frustration and lamented my day and had to text a few days later to let her know that I had a good day and I promise I don’t hate my life but sometimes you just need to let your guard down with someone and I’m glad it can be my mom. You know what she texted me a few days ago? Here. Read it if you want. I shed a few tears at work when she sent it. Thanks mom :,) 

She sent a quote that popped up while she was playing a game on her phone (lol) 

“Maybe a friend is someone who wants your updates. Even if they’re boring. Or sad. Or annoyingly cutesy. A friend says, ‘sign me up for your boring crap, yes indeed’ - because he likes you anyways. He’ll tolerate your junk.” - E. Lockhart.

Then she said:

“This was a quote from my game this morning and it made me think of you. You seem to think I don’t want to hear all your sad, angry, negative crap, but I DO! I love hearing your good stuff, too, of course, but I never want you to think you can’t call/text me bc it’s ‘always’ negative. Sign me up! I love YOU! I always know you’re amazing and your life is awesome, even if you don’t. I may not be any help at all in those times, but if you just need an ear, I can do that! If you’re feeling guilty about only calling when things are bad, file that under ‘attacks from the enemy,’ and dial away. My mom fretted over my well-being bc I called when I was sad, but it was only bc I needed her and trusted her with my sad. It was so much worse when I realized I could not longer lean on her for those! But you can. I’ll be your trash can! Self-cleaning, too, so when you call again, I’ll think it’s the first time you called crying! I love you! Have a groovy day. Or a sucky one. I’m cool with either, bc that’s life!”

Yeah. You can see why I cried. 

So there’s my blog. I thought I’d write about my two week trip to Texas a few weeks after Fellows ended, and about what the transition out of Fellows felt like and about what weird emotions I’m sorting through living two different lives (here and in Texas) and what I miss about Fellows and what I don’t miss about Fellows, but I didn’t. But for future Celeste who will read this in a few months and again in a few years and maybe again even beyond that, I hope you smile and look back fondly at this summer of your life post-Fellows. 

Things I recommend:

• Hiking Umstead. Trust.

• Listening to Lizzy McAlpine when it’s 70 degrees and rainy all week

• Playing outside literally all the time. I have discovered that my emotions have a direct correlation to how long or little I’ve been outside that day…

• Going to the farmers market with Robin. And sugar baby watermelons from the woman who calls you sugar baby.

• Shelley Lake. Some call it sacred ground. I agree.

• Morning routines & waking up early

• Going to bed early, unless you’re laying in Jenna’s bed giggling and reading your Fellows journals with all your roommates

• GREEK YOGURT, GRANOLA, & BERRIES

• Unplugged walks every now and then

• Lake days 

• Reunions with old friends

• El Saucito in Virginia, where Lola and I went to have dinner with her brother on a random Thursday night, that was the best

• Journaling

• Remembering that life isn’t about finding the right answers, but about knowing God deeper and deeper! I’m living life a little differently these days because of it, and trusting He will be near no matter the outcome!

• Being faithful with the input and trusting the Lord with the outcome.

Alright, I’ll spare you. Thanks for being here if you still are.

Celeste

Raleigh Rookie: Episode 9

Hello everyone! I can’t believe in a few weeks the Raleigh Fellows of 2025 will be a thing of the past. Summers always fly by, and this one flew. Have I really started a new chapter of life so quickly? This summer I’ve moved into a new home with some new friends, started a new job, and continued exploring my new home of Raleigh. While doing all these new things, I’ve spent a good bit of my free time driving down to Georgia to see my long-distance girlfriend. She is usually in the Midwest doing grad school. While she was in Georgia this summer for an internship, I had to take every opportunity I had to make the 6-hour car ride before she’s back at school.

When we’re together, our time together is fairly consistent. We usually go for a long walk, stop by a thrift shop, get a sweet treat, and then crash out because the heat is too much for us. Days like this are gold to me. On one of our visits to a thrift store this summer, the radio caught my attention. It was one of those songs where, before you know it, you find yourself dancing and whip out your phone to Shazam it before it’s gone.

Don’t Huzzle For Love – Apostles

First thing about this song. Huzzle? That word dates the song way back to the time of Funk and Disco. Thank God! My parents’ prime was in the 70s. Because of how they raised me, music from that era will always feel like home. Second thing I notice. Apostles?! C’mon! How fun??

The song goes in circles around the words: “Don’t huzzle for love. Because it’s gonna come to you!” I think God loves this song. And I think God wants me to lean in here.

Have you ever felt like love is hard to receive? Most of our life, we fight so hard for love. Like it’s the prize to the game of life. I think the need to be loved is behind everything I do. And I think that when you wait and wish to know that you are loved, that feeling of longing becomes all you know. When love finally finds its way to you, you can’t believe it’s true. We push back on it, like we don’t deserve it.

Some days it’s clear to me that love has come into my life. God reminds me of that truth constantly. As much as I’m resistant to that love, it’s here. I don’t deserve it, but it’s here. I feel it and I’ve got it. In the Bible we often see God promising people justice. He promises to make things right for us. But sometimes that justice of “making things right” develops into something a whole lot more complex. It is the quality of God that is “making things better than they ever were.” My friend, that’s redemption.

Throughout my days, I fight for security, affirmation, and love. It’s part of being human. We’re sick for peace. And when love and peace have finally made their way to me, at no effort of my own earning, I push back on them. I think it’s because I’m learning that I can’t huzzle to be loved. I’ve gotta let it come to me.

I really had no intention to go this direction with my blog. I really only thought I was going to share how excited I am to see new fellows around the church. But hey, when your positive thoughts are on a roll. Roll on! To our newest fellows: welcome! I can’t wait for y’all to do this next.

So in the wise words of Apostles: “Don’t huzzle for love. Because it’s gonna come to you!” I’m gonna be dancing to these words from now on!

-Skip

Joe's blog pt 8

Hello world its Joe

As I reflect on the past nine months, I am filled with deep gratitude. The Fellows program has surrounded me with love, encouragement, and growth. In my first blog post, I mentioned a few key people who have profoundly shaped my experience: Bruce Berger (mentor), Andy Cook (work), the Bokowys and the Whiteds (host families), and Ja’khari (Neighbor to Neighbor).

Bruce met with me every Wednesday morning at Sola or Beows. He consistently sought to know and care for me in any way he could. His wisdom and steady presence have been a gift.

Andy gave me the opportunity to work at Edward Jones as an on-call Branch Office Administrator. I’m incredibly thankful for this experience and know it will benefit me in meaningful ways down the road.

The Bokowys and Whiteds have been my rocks. No matter what my day looked like, I could always count on their consistency and kindness. I’ll truly miss our dinners and the conversations we shared around the table.

Ja’khari, the student I tutored at Neighbor to Neighbor, has been a joy to work with. He’s a hardworking kid who’s grown in his math skills and confidence. He especially loves Math Bingo and food! I’m excited to continue working with him next year.

And then there’s the Fellows + Ashley. You’ve made this experience what it is. I don’t think I fully realized how much I appreciate each of you until these final few weeks. Even now, I feel like I struggle to express just how much you mean to me. You’ve loved and accepted me just as I am. You’ve moved toward me, not away from me and that means more than I can say.

I’m so grateful to be staying in Raleigh and living with some of the guys. In this brief reflection, I hope it’s clear how much I appreciate and love the people who have walked with me through this season. Through all the highs and lows of these nine months, you’ve each been a steady presence in my life.

I wish every 24-year-old could experience what I’ve found in the Fellows. The Lord has been so kind in bringing me to Raleigh and into this community.

My Last Blog Post

Hello for the last time ever. That’s just a sad sentence to type. During our orientation retreat, Ashley mentioned that we were required to write blogs every month. She also said they were to be due by the first of every month. Happy May 5th everyone. My immediate response to the blog requirement was to devise a plan to get out of it. The blogs have since turned into a creative outlet that has brought me a lot of joy, so it feels quite bitter-sweet writing one for the last time. Well, the last time unless I try to log on next year and write one undercover.

May 1st, 2025. I’ll remember this day for a long time. A good day for many reasons, but the finale was its most special trait. As I’ve mentioned before – dangerously close to too many times – my dear friend Barrett is an incredibly talented musician, and he’s been on tour with the equally talented Evan Honer. My biased take is that Mr. Honer is not quite as talented as Barrett, but for literature’s sake and in the spirit of inclusivity, we’ll say they’re equals. They played a show in Raleigh on Thursday night, so I dang near forced as many fellows as I could to join me at the Lincoln Theatre to watch them. Thankfully a few of them agreed to go with me, so after the Neighbor to Neighbor end of year party we made our way to the Barrett concert.

This was enough to make my day. To watch one of my closest friends with a handful of my new really awesome friends was all I could ask for (Evy, Lola, Emma, Celeste, and Jenna being the handful of awesome friends in question). We arrived at the venue to Barrett yelling my name from the side of the building that the line of people couldn’t see. With him were some more of my friends from Boone, Owen and Lee, who support Barrett instrumentally. We exchanged hugs and hellos in aggressively southern accents. To catch up with them was a gift that I felt like I didn’t deserve. To call them my friends is a gift that I feel like I don’t deserve. 

Hard transition.

I’m sitting on the floor of “my” bedroom at the Young’s house trying to figure out how to write the next part of this blog in the most artistic way, but I just don’t know how to go about it. It’s 11:39 PM and my brain is fried for a few reasons that I would love to write about if I had another blog post at my disposal. Bottom line, people just kept on showing up. The pastor of the church I attended in Boone, my old boss who doubles as Barrett’s dad, Barrett’s fiancé, my old college life leader, and so many more that I’m not gonna mention because then this blog would just turn into a list. For the ones that I did mention, their names are Vern, Chris, Grace, and Michael. I’ll let you decide what name goes with what title. 

We entered Lincoln Theatre which is when I saw my friend Luke running Barrett’s merch stand. Luke’s a Dallas fellow who also helps manage Barrett’s career (at least that’s the way I’m choosing to describe his relationship to Barrett’s music endeavors). I gave him a hug, talked with more people that I didn’t know would be at the concert, and went to join my friend’s who had claimed a spot while I was catching up with Luke. There was a sign that said “don’t stand on the ramp”, so we decided to stand on the ramp. I’m actually not going to talk about the show. Barrett and Co. was electric. He was only the opener but it felt like everyone was there to see him. Evan Honer eventually took the stage and did his thing. Okay I talked about it a little bit but that’s all I’m going to say. Songfully accepting Evan’s invitation, Barrett rejoined the stage, this time alongside Evan Honer, and sang a few lines of “Jersey Giant”, his final verse giving us the signal that it was time to leave.

Honestly, everything up to this point was just context that was hopefully meaningful. 

On our way out, I snuck a final hug from my former pastor, whose name is either Vern, Chris, Grace, or Michael, whichever one you chose in the fourth paragraph. My deepest emotions of the night were felt when I left the embrace of this hug. Typically I would say something like “blah blah blah I don’t quite know how to articulate my feelings blah blah blah” and then conclude the blog, but this time I’m actually gonna give it a shot.

Potentially stupid analogy pending.

I think that our lives within relationships are kind of like cargo pants (probably Carhartt pants because they’re pretty cool). Cargo pants have a lot of pockets, and similarly to cargo pants, we accumulate different pockets of friendships throughout our lives. I have my “fellows friends”, my “camp friends”, my “college friends”... so on and so forth. I’m obviously guilty of putting my friends into these categories, and most of the time I walk around in my cargo pants, keeping my hands in whatever pocket is the most accessible to them. The pockets on the pants are sewn together, so they rarely get to intervene with each other, but every now and again we get to empty our pockets, and all of our labeled, pocketed friends are free to be with each other. As I said, stupid analogy. All of that to say, I really love it when I get to empty my pockets. There is no greater joy to experience than when all of my friends are with each other in the same place experiencing the same thing. It really completes an itch for me. So, when I left the hug with my former pastor, what I really left was the feeling of togetherness. I never wanted to leave that hug. Leaving that hug meant that my friends would be separated again, and separation is not in God’s design. Not in the slightest.

All of this friend talk leads me to the most meaningful part of the night. It actually happened before my final hug, while Barrett was on stage performing. I took a look around at my friends, and when I looked at Lola she was crying. I would typically feel bad for bringing attention to another’s tears, but if you read the blogs, you’ll know that Lola keeps statistics, one of them being the amount of times she’s cried over the past month. Anywho, if there’s one thing I know about Lola, it’s that she has an acute sense for things that are special. I don’t know what it was that drove Lola to tears, but to see her react in such a way to Barrett performing ties the perfect bow to my feeling about my friends being with each other. People that I love, who don’t know each other, being in the same room for the first time, enjoying each other’s presence and getting a glimpse of the joy it is to know them. That is in God’s design. More than just slightly.

My song recommendation is “Pick a Place and Read” by Ezra Bell.

Maybe I butchered this post, maybe I didn’t. I typed a lot of words and I hope it all made sense. It’s 12:44 AM. Once again, happy May 5th everyone, and happy final blog post day (four days after actual final blog post day).

Love, Bailey