Fellows feels like it was years ago. My life has naturally shifted into a warm, fast paced, easy on the heart summer. I wrote out this whole thing but pulled a Celeste and deleted it all. It didn’t match my current vibe, was too much of a downer.

I don’t have anything really meaningful to say. My reality is better than all my favorite daydreams. God is answering prayers and redirecting my heart at a pace so granular I lack daily awareness of it. I have an armload of new dreams that are replacing old ones that God asked me to give up. I feel like I’m in the very beginning stages of many things. How exciting, how scary. I hope I don’t mess any of it up, I probably will. He’ll make it good - He’s very good at making it good. Trying not to wait for the other shoe to drop, praying to stay present in all this heap of great and happy things. Praying a great deal and probably not listening enough. Always need to work on that one.

For the new class of fellows!

May the God of Love surround you.
May the God of Joy delight you.
May the God of Mystery surprise you.
May the God of Hope sustain you.
May the God of Wisdom direct you
May the God of Freedom release you

Love you all, extra hug to emma (emma if you feel a squeeze today it’s me) k be good bye:)

Tessa

Home is Where the Heart is? Lol IDK.

Wow! It’s crazy how even something as simple as logging back into this website could make me feel so sentimental. Boy, do I miss my Fellows and seeing them nearly every day of my life. Yes, yes, I am the Fellow who moved back home. I know what you’re all thinking: “Did all the other Fellows shun you and forbid you ever come back to the state of North Carolina?” Much to my surprise, the answer to that is no! In fact, to the best of my knowledge, they all still want to continue being friends. Of course, friendship has looked different long-distance, but my friends have put smiles on my face through phone calls, voice memos, letters, and even a weekend visit from Bailey and Evy (so special!) As a bonus, they are even allowing me to come back for a visit in just a few days! So, future fellows, keep this in your back pocket as a reminder that you CAN stay friends with the Fellows AND move home even if they all stay in Raleigh.

Now, I didn’t ever have a clear idea on what to write in my blog posts before, and this one is no different, so buckle up in anticipation that my thoughts may be all over the place. (also, I wrote an entire blog post I liked and then my computer shut down, so I guess God wanted things to be worded a little differently idk).

Several years ago, I heard a pastor in a sermon say the phrase “Wherever you are, be there.” Maybe I have even written about this exact phrase in another blog post, but for some reason it has really stuck with me. There’s a big difference between technically being in a physical space and being fully present in that space. As a currently (hopefully not for long) unemployed 23-year-old, though money is a close second, my most valuable resource is time. The call I felt to move home was less about my physical location and more about God asking me to be more open-handed and generous with my time in regard to my family.

In practice, this call has been slow and inconsistent. In fact, the majority of my days this summer have been spent in my EMT class, doing medical school applications, or just looking for something to do alone in my small midwestern hometown completely apart from my family. However, there has also been lots of “random” (never truly random with God) overlap with my family that I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t been physically close. For example, I have been available when my brother has texted late Saturday night if I’d drive and come to church with him, I have had countless sweet nights with my mom where we stayed up too late laughing about something stupid, and I have gotten to share several meals with my dad and stepmom and even be around when a vacuum salesperson tried to sell them a ridiculously expensive vacuum (yes, apparently vacuum salespeople still exist). None of these things are monumental, not by a landslide. In fact, some of these may sound entirely insignificant, but I have been learning that these mundane things are what God has been using to build and rebuild relationships within my family.

Rather than try and wrap all of my summer up in a pretty bow for this blog post, I am going to just leave it how it is. My summer has been hard, and good, and disappointing, and so rewarding all at once, and I anticipate the coming year to be very similar.

Now for an entirely random way to end my post, I am going to share some pictures from my summer, because why not?!

Classic Maid of Honor and Best Man outfit swap for our reception entrance at my best friend’s wedding!

Ran my first half marathon! Basically died.

Bailey and Evy got a backstage island tour of the notorious Mackinac Island. No cars allowed. (I used to serve the governor here).

Just my mom and my brother. Aren’t they precious?

First the cool squad pic and then the professional EMT picture from my class this summer. Look out world, these people are nearly certified to save your lives.

Love you guys! Comment below which class pic was your favorite!

-Emma <3

Building houses in exile -

Often in my life, I get trapped in one passage of the Bible. It's why there's a picture of Jacob wrestling with God hanging on my wall, because for months in college it was all I could read. There are seasons where I can’t seem to move on from one story or moment. My post fellows summer has been one of those seasons. This is the passage I have clung to these past months:

“ This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” Jeremiah 29:4-7

God’s people were far from home, their city had been destroyed, their life as they knew it no longer. They were now living in a foreign land, far from home, far from what they had hoped it to look like. And this is the Lord’s response to them there. He tells them that this is not forever (v.10) but he also tells them what to do in the meantime. And what they are called to do is to settle in. Not to live their life with one foot in and the other out. God tells them to build houses, and have kids and grand kids. To press into the new city - even if it wasn’t where they wanted to be, even amidst all they were grieving, even while what they hoped for was still unfulfilled. 

This has been at the same time balm to my weary heart and kindling for my frustrations at the way things are. Because if I’m honest this summer of building a home and planting a garden in the newness of this season has been hard. And I have begged for the Lord to just fast forward to another season - where it isnt all so new, so far from home, so unlike what I planned. And yet time and time again, he shows up in whispers that tell me to press in here. To unpack my bags for a second and remove my feet from halfway out the door. Prone to wander Lord, I feel it !! Because I may have finished fellows, but the Lord is not done with me in Raleigh yet. 

And he has not left me here on my own. Not in exile alone. Not building houses and gardens in new places alone. The mercies he extended to me through Fellows have grown even sweeter in its wake. I feel humbled by the kindness and grace of living with Celeste and Jenna and Evy and Maggie Mae, of getting to worship at Apostles on Sundays, of having dear friends from other seasons of life close by. 

So in many ways I am crying out to the Lord saying “this is not what I thought it would look like, this is not how I wanted it to be” but I am grateful for the way he is teaching me to plant gardens.

Even here his hand will lead and hold me.

All my love, 

Lola 

PS I have yet to plant a real garden but I will keep you posted, but I have killed 2 Basil plants since Fellows ended. 

Summer Blog - Bryan

Howdy folks,

Wow, Celeste wrote a lot.

Golly gee, it sure has been a while… or maybe just 3 months. Some of us new Fellows alumni wanted to give our dedicated readers a surprise farewell before the new kids show up and take over your houses and places of work. We have so many updates to share, as our lives have transitioned from being completely subject to a crazy and intentional program to having to be our own providers of accountability. How scary and responsible!

My life since the end of Fellows has mostly consisted of going to work, trying to make sure I still go to the gym, buying and cooking my own food (WHAT?!?!), and spending time with friends and former fellows (who are now allowed to date each other… spicyyyy). 

First, I want to talk a bit about work. Fellows truly impacted my work life more than almost anything (other than the city I live in and the people I am surrounded by). It even landed me a job! In November, a very mysterious man named Coburn Murray brought the fellows, Eric Bolash (I hope sabbatical is going so well!), Chris Byron, and Sam Crutchfield to Nicaragua. While there, he offhandedly mentioned something about doing business in a redemptive way that achieves creative restoration through sacrifice. Basically, I would say that means trying to make Jesus our identity in the workplace. That feels bold, and may or may not be theologically correct, so ask a pastor and just try to get what I’m saying. Anywho, as a business major, I was interested and asked him about it. Then, I kept my room really clean and tidy at the Crutchfield’s house. Then, Coburn told Sam Crutchfield that he was looking for a young professional to be his executive coordinator and help organize his life. Then, Sam told Coburn that he knew a guy with a clean room. Next thing you know… BAM, I have a job. The moral of the story is to keep your room clean, new fellows. It just might earn you a paycheck and a really amazing place of work to learn and grow as a young professional. Shoutout Raleigh Fellows, Sam, and Coburn. Also, Coburn is no longer so mysterious to me, but still is for everyone else. I feel powerful. He’s also a great boss. Yay, work!

Second, I don’t really have a main thing I want to talk about on here, so I’m going to add some pictures from the summer and try to say something thought-provoking about them!

Wedding! High school friendships can last! You can keep non-fellows friends?

The wedding was in Utah, LDS (Mormon), and I wasn’t allowed in the temple with the other loser without a jacket in the previous picture because we aren’t LDS. Mormon weddings are a cultural experience, Utah is pretty, and was this a moral dilemma?

Winnie! My beautiful and amazing niece! Would I be able to love my own child as much as I love her?

Bailey and I hit baseballs, and it was SO MUCH FUN. The dot is there because I wanted to show off to a girl and tell her how far I hit it. Is that vanity? The next one totally went over the trees… I just lost my camera or something…

I brought some fellows to my grandparents’ house. They live at Smith Mountain Lake. We love it when different parts of our lives come together. Is it okay to take pictures with strong winds behind you?

There have been so many other fun moments, but I’ll stop now. I think the pictures made my blog longer than Skip and Celeste’s. Let’s see what the rest of us can do!

I’m not proofreading this.

Tootles!

Bryan

my longest yeah boi (blog) ever

Good afternoon from my office! 

Yep. My very own office. Fully equipped with an orchid my boss gave me on my first day, a bowl full of mints, and three whole computer monitors all for me. (What’s a girl supposed to do with three monitors?? Still not quite sure.)

(okay this is my official disclaimer that what you are about to read is a combo of different parts of probably three different drafts of this blog that I’ve tried to write over the past few weeks. I’ve decided to FULL SEND NO REGRETS so im SORRY in advance for the chaos but hey if that ain’t life)

I am happy to report that Fellows ended and the world didn’t explode. I truly thought it would for a while there. 

I hope this blog is two-fold: A brief reflection of Fellows and why I’m so appreciative of the 9 months I got to spend as one, and a peek into my summer!! Because I love updates!! And there’s so much I have to say about this summer! (4 different blog drafts apparently HA)

SO. About Fellows… :)))

I love attending an Anglican church!! Apostles has felt like a frolic in a field of wildflowers on a crisp, sunshiny spring day. Yep. It’s been everything I needed this year.

The connections Fellows brought me have been invaluable. Truly, I count myself blessed a million times over for this. Not only do I have a bunch of new friends in a city 20 hours away from my hometown, but I am SURROUNDED by people in the church who have changed my life in countless ways. Obvious people are the men and women involved in my direct Fellows walk - my host family, mentor, teachers, etc. But the amount of men and women outside of that circle who continue to reach out, offer furniture, provide mentorship, invite me over for meals, and have shown me what extravagant hospitality looks like in both big and little ways has felt overwhelming at times (in a good way). It’s undeserved. Heck, I have a job because of people at Apostles. PGFWABF.

So many places around Raleigh are covered in the sweetest of memories. I love getting to show my out-of-town friends local Fellows hangout spots. And when I first moved into my new house after Fellows and started my new job, I would drive around the city thinking “oh this was my old route home” or “look, there’s my old job!” and literally what! How have I been here long enough to have old routines and places around town!! So senti. (To be transparent I try not to think about this one too often because the nostalgia will get me so emo haha)

As a final reflection, I’ll forever be grateful for the ability to take a year after college and before full-time adult life living so deeply invested in a new city and church and community. I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world. Thank you TFI, and dare I even say President Snow, for the chance to be so interconnected in a million different ways. It was stretching and beautiful and confusing and silly and a year I’ll deeply miss and cherish. 

OKAY YAY FELLOWS WE LOVE!!! Now for my life post-Fellows!! It feels appropriate to take you on a tour of my day (a week ago when I wrote blog draft #3 HA) so you can get a more encompassing picture of what life feels like these days, because that’s just who I am, okay??

(okay one more disclaimer before we start: I just need everyone reading this to know that I’ve never had a consistent morning routine in my LIFE and now I do and if you don’t have one PLEASE I BEG make one, it will change your life. okay keep reading)

I woke up at 5:30 and went on a run around my new neighborhood next to Shelley Lake (aka the most perfect place on earth to me right now). I hopped in the shower while Jenna got ready for the day next to me (yep, that’s right, Jenna as in my roommate Jenna, as in previous Fellow with me back in the day when we were Fellows together. And yes, we oft share time in the bathroom because that’s what you do when you’re both working women and sharing a bathroom. It’s pretty epic in my opinion, and I’m sorry if you don’t agree with me Jenna!) Then I made my morning coffee and my daily greek yogurt, granola, and berries (although this week I’ve been using figs instead of blueberries and I have to be honest I’m going back to blueberries next week) and sat down at our table (courtesy of Bryan, idk where he got it from but I’m sure glad he gave it to us) and journaled, planned out my day in my new daily planner, read from my morning devo book that Joanna gave all of us girls (shoutout Josh, your host mom is awesome), and revelled in the glory that is the best dang morning routine I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve never had a consistent morning routine in my life, and let me just say: I’m obsessed. It’s what I wake up for. Live for, on some days. Haha okay that’s so dramatic. BUT the point is, I love it.

Then, I drove to work where I pitter pattered about on my laptop and three computer monitors all day (again, what’s a girl to do with so many??)

After work, I drove straight to the YMCA. Another wonderful place in Raleigh. I swam yesterday :)) Sometimes I think I’d really like to do a triathlon. Then I swim and am immediately humbled at how quick I’m tired of it. When you swim, you can’t wear headphones. It’s just me and my thoughts. Which, typically I’m a big fan of an “unplugged” walk or jog. It’s a time where my thoughts can think and I can slowly untangle the chaotic web of hcndbbfsjhdasasfjvv happening in my brain. But there’s something about swimming where all I can think about is the swim and how many strokes I take before I take a breath or how many laps I’ve done, etc. Maybe that’s good, though. I sit in front of three monitors all day! Not including my phone! My attention so rarely seems to be focused on just one thing. Lola (another Fellow turned roommate - and if you think that’s crazy I got one more of those! Evy! And another roommate who was not a fellow! Maggie Mae! Oh how I love living with girls again!!!) recently has been mentioning how she is bringing back things from her childhood that brought her joy. Like a meal or a craft. I think I’m trying to bring back being present. Okay, maybe I just came up with that in this current moment as I’m writing my blog. But I’m gonna roll with it.

*side note: I walked into work the other week, and my boss asked me what I did the night before. “Oh, I went on a walk with some of my roommates and then we cooked dinner and watched a movie together! It was lovely!” I answered.

“Wow, so domesticated!!” he exclaimed. 

LOL. and ya know what? Hell yeah. 

I fear I’m quite terrified of feeling stuck. Stuck in one place for too long, stuck in a job I don’t like, stuck with the same everything for the rest of my life with no hope of adventure or travel or doing something CRAZY that I’ll get to tell a fun story about for the rest of my life. Geez. So much of my life has been beep bopping around to the next fun and exciting thing, both in the grand scheme of things and in the daily adventures. In college, when I’d be upset or anxious or sad, my friends would ask “Celeste, do you have any trips planned?” And 9/10 times I’d realize oh, you’re so right, I don’t. Let me look at my calendar and fix that. And suddenly, the world seemed brighter. Because I wasn’t stuck in the same pace of life forever - I had an interruption to my normal life planned. I think this may also be why my morning routine has been so impactful in my day-to-day. It’s a time that’s mine. I can wake up way earlier than I need to be awake and I can do whatever the heck I want to before I go sit in my office for 9 hours. It’s my scheduled moment of freedom before the daily work grind. 

I find myself more restless than normal at work on the days I don’t have anything planned after work. Or on the weekends. (if you’re reading this and you want to take a trip somewhere, literally say the word and I’m there.) I don’t know why I say this. I don’t know if this is something I should try to change about myself, or embrace and keep finding the fun and the adventurous outside of work. I just know I’ve noticed that about myself since starting my new job.

Okay wait back to my day yesterday. After I swam, I went back to my house (yep, I pay rent and utilities now *insert cool sunglasses emoji* *insert broke emoji* *insert just kidding I have a full time job now aha… emoji*), made the waffle I’d been craving all day and sat myself RIGHT in front of the TV to watch The Summer I Turned Pretty. Aka the best thing all week. Not because the show is good, in fact it often makes me so upset I scream, but because of the experience. I get to watch with my roommates! And other friends! And this week Joe and Bailey and Bryan joined!! And we all get to be upset together!! And when it ends, we all groan and lament about how we have to wait a whole nother WEEK before the next one comes out. How prehistoric!! It’s so perfect to me. OH and I got to eat peach cobbler Lola made. yeah. I know. It’s wonderful. (again - “so domesticated!!”) Thanks lala.

To finish the night, I brushed my teeth with Jenna, went downstairs to the Celestial Jen (the den where Jenna and I live), turned on my candle warmer that doubles as a lamp, and read my book until I fell asleep. 

I say all of this because yesterday felt pretty epic. And when I stop to write down my days like this, perhaps every day feels this epic in that light!! And there really IS a lot that I love about my life post-Fellows. And also, there are a lot of moments where it’s really weird and confusing and lonely at times and super scary and the feelings of “stuck” sometimes rise up so much that it gets a little hard to breathe. I’ve been calling my mom a lot more these days. And there have been weeks where I’ve called my mom and shouted with frustration and lamented my day and had to text a few days later to let her know that I had a good day and I promise I don’t hate my life but sometimes you just need to let your guard down with someone and I’m glad it can be my mom. You know what she texted me a few days ago? Here. Read it if you want. I shed a few tears at work when she sent it. Thanks mom :,) 

She sent a quote that popped up while she was playing a game on her phone (lol) 

“Maybe a friend is someone who wants your updates. Even if they’re boring. Or sad. Or annoyingly cutesy. A friend says, ‘sign me up for your boring crap, yes indeed’ - because he likes you anyways. He’ll tolerate your junk.” - E. Lockhart.

Then she said:

“This was a quote from my game this morning and it made me think of you. You seem to think I don’t want to hear all your sad, angry, negative crap, but I DO! I love hearing your good stuff, too, of course, but I never want you to think you can’t call/text me bc it’s ‘always’ negative. Sign me up! I love YOU! I always know you’re amazing and your life is awesome, even if you don’t. I may not be any help at all in those times, but if you just need an ear, I can do that! If you’re feeling guilty about only calling when things are bad, file that under ‘attacks from the enemy,’ and dial away. My mom fretted over my well-being bc I called when I was sad, but it was only bc I needed her and trusted her with my sad. It was so much worse when I realized I could not longer lean on her for those! But you can. I’ll be your trash can! Self-cleaning, too, so when you call again, I’ll think it’s the first time you called crying! I love you! Have a groovy day. Or a sucky one. I’m cool with either, bc that’s life!”

Yeah. You can see why I cried. 

So there’s my blog. I thought I’d write about my two week trip to Texas a few weeks after Fellows ended, and about what the transition out of Fellows felt like and about what weird emotions I’m sorting through living two different lives (here and in Texas) and what I miss about Fellows and what I don’t miss about Fellows, but I didn’t. But for future Celeste who will read this in a few months and again in a few years and maybe again even beyond that, I hope you smile and look back fondly at this summer of your life post-Fellows. 

Things I recommend:

• Hiking Umstead. Trust.

• Listening to Lizzy McAlpine when it’s 70 degrees and rainy all week

• Playing outside literally all the time. I have discovered that my emotions have a direct correlation to how long or little I’ve been outside that day…

• Going to the farmers market with Robin. And sugar baby watermelons from the woman who calls you sugar baby.

• Shelley Lake. Some call it sacred ground. I agree.

• Morning routines & waking up early

• Going to bed early, unless you’re laying in Jenna’s bed giggling and reading your Fellows journals with all your roommates

• GREEK YOGURT, GRANOLA, & BERRIES

• Unplugged walks every now and then

• Lake days 

• Reunions with old friends

• El Saucito in Virginia, where Lola and I went to have dinner with her brother on a random Thursday night, that was the best

• Journaling

• Remembering that life isn’t about finding the right answers, but about knowing God deeper and deeper! I’m living life a little differently these days because of it, and trusting He will be near no matter the outcome!

• Being faithful with the input and trusting the Lord with the outcome.

Alright, I’ll spare you. Thanks for being here if you still are.

Celeste

Raleigh Rookie: Episode 9

Hello everyone! I can’t believe in a few weeks the Raleigh Fellows of 2025 will be a thing of the past. Summers always fly by, and this one flew. Have I really started a new chapter of life so quickly? This summer I’ve moved into a new home with some new friends, started a new job, and continued exploring my new home of Raleigh. While doing all these new things, I’ve spent a good bit of my free time driving down to Georgia to see my long-distance girlfriend. She is usually in the Midwest doing grad school. While she was in Georgia this summer for an internship, I had to take every opportunity I had to make the 6-hour car ride before she’s back at school.

When we’re together, our time together is fairly consistent. We usually go for a long walk, stop by a thrift shop, get a sweet treat, and then crash out because the heat is too much for us. Days like this are gold to me. On one of our visits to a thrift store this summer, the radio caught my attention. It was one of those songs where, before you know it, you find yourself dancing and whip out your phone to Shazam it before it’s gone.

Don’t Huzzle For Love – Apostles

First thing about this song. Huzzle? That word dates the song way back to the time of Funk and Disco. Thank God! My parents’ prime was in the 70s. Because of how they raised me, music from that era will always feel like home. Second thing I notice. Apostles?! C’mon! How fun??

The song goes in circles around the words: “Don’t huzzle for love. Because it’s gonna come to you!” I think God loves this song. And I think God wants me to lean in here.

Have you ever felt like love is hard to receive? Most of our life, we fight so hard for love. Like it’s the prize to the game of life. I think the need to be loved is behind everything I do. And I think that when you wait and wish to know that you are loved, that feeling of longing becomes all you know. When love finally finds its way to you, you can’t believe it’s true. We push back on it, like we don’t deserve it.

Some days it’s clear to me that love has come into my life. God reminds me of that truth constantly. As much as I’m resistant to that love, it’s here. I don’t deserve it, but it’s here. I feel it and I’ve got it. In the Bible we often see God promising people justice. He promises to make things right for us. But sometimes that justice of “making things right” develops into something a whole lot more complex. It is the quality of God that is “making things better than they ever were.” My friend, that’s redemption.

Throughout my days, I fight for security, affirmation, and love. It’s part of being human. We’re sick for peace. And when love and peace have finally made their way to me, at no effort of my own earning, I push back on them. I think it’s because I’m learning that I can’t huzzle to be loved. I’ve gotta let it come to me.

I really had no intention to go this direction with my blog. I really only thought I was going to share how excited I am to see new fellows around the church. But hey, when your positive thoughts are on a roll. Roll on! To our newest fellows: welcome! I can’t wait for y’all to do this next.

So in the wise words of Apostles: “Don’t huzzle for love. Because it’s gonna come to you!” I’m gonna be dancing to these words from now on!

-Skip

Joe's blog pt 8

Hello world its Joe

As I reflect on the past nine months, I am filled with deep gratitude. The Fellows program has surrounded me with love, encouragement, and growth. In my first blog post, I mentioned a few key people who have profoundly shaped my experience: Bruce Berger (mentor), Andy Cook (work), the Bokowys and the Whiteds (host families), and Ja’khari (Neighbor to Neighbor).

Bruce met with me every Wednesday morning at Sola or Beows. He consistently sought to know and care for me in any way he could. His wisdom and steady presence have been a gift.

Andy gave me the opportunity to work at Edward Jones as an on-call Branch Office Administrator. I’m incredibly thankful for this experience and know it will benefit me in meaningful ways down the road.

The Bokowys and Whiteds have been my rocks. No matter what my day looked like, I could always count on their consistency and kindness. I’ll truly miss our dinners and the conversations we shared around the table.

Ja’khari, the student I tutored at Neighbor to Neighbor, has been a joy to work with. He’s a hardworking kid who’s grown in his math skills and confidence. He especially loves Math Bingo and food! I’m excited to continue working with him next year.

And then there’s the Fellows + Ashley. You’ve made this experience what it is. I don’t think I fully realized how much I appreciate each of you until these final few weeks. Even now, I feel like I struggle to express just how much you mean to me. You’ve loved and accepted me just as I am. You’ve moved toward me, not away from me and that means more than I can say.

I’m so grateful to be staying in Raleigh and living with some of the guys. In this brief reflection, I hope it’s clear how much I appreciate and love the people who have walked with me through this season. Through all the highs and lows of these nine months, you’ve each been a steady presence in my life.

I wish every 24-year-old could experience what I’ve found in the Fellows. The Lord has been so kind in bringing me to Raleigh and into this community.

My Last Blog Post

Hello for the last time ever. That’s just a sad sentence to type. During our orientation retreat, Ashley mentioned that we were required to write blogs every month. She also said they were to be due by the first of every month. Happy May 5th everyone. My immediate response to the blog requirement was to devise a plan to get out of it. The blogs have since turned into a creative outlet that has brought me a lot of joy, so it feels quite bitter-sweet writing one for the last time. Well, the last time unless I try to log on next year and write one undercover.

May 1st, 2025. I’ll remember this day for a long time. A good day for many reasons, but the finale was its most special trait. As I’ve mentioned before – dangerously close to too many times – my dear friend Barrett is an incredibly talented musician, and he’s been on tour with the equally talented Evan Honer. My biased take is that Mr. Honer is not quite as talented as Barrett, but for literature’s sake and in the spirit of inclusivity, we’ll say they’re equals. They played a show in Raleigh on Thursday night, so I dang near forced as many fellows as I could to join me at the Lincoln Theatre to watch them. Thankfully a few of them agreed to go with me, so after the Neighbor to Neighbor end of year party we made our way to the Barrett concert.

This was enough to make my day. To watch one of my closest friends with a handful of my new really awesome friends was all I could ask for (Evy, Lola, Emma, Celeste, and Jenna being the handful of awesome friends in question). We arrived at the venue to Barrett yelling my name from the side of the building that the line of people couldn’t see. With him were some more of my friends from Boone, Owen and Lee, who support Barrett instrumentally. We exchanged hugs and hellos in aggressively southern accents. To catch up with them was a gift that I felt like I didn’t deserve. To call them my friends is a gift that I feel like I don’t deserve. 

Hard transition.

I’m sitting on the floor of “my” bedroom at the Young’s house trying to figure out how to write the next part of this blog in the most artistic way, but I just don’t know how to go about it. It’s 11:39 PM and my brain is fried for a few reasons that I would love to write about if I had another blog post at my disposal. Bottom line, people just kept on showing up. The pastor of the church I attended in Boone, my old boss who doubles as Barrett’s dad, Barrett’s fiancé, my old college life leader, and so many more that I’m not gonna mention because then this blog would just turn into a list. For the ones that I did mention, their names are Vern, Chris, Grace, and Michael. I’ll let you decide what name goes with what title. 

We entered Lincoln Theatre which is when I saw my friend Luke running Barrett’s merch stand. Luke’s a Dallas fellow who also helps manage Barrett’s career (at least that’s the way I’m choosing to describe his relationship to Barrett’s music endeavors). I gave him a hug, talked with more people that I didn’t know would be at the concert, and went to join my friend’s who had claimed a spot while I was catching up with Luke. There was a sign that said “don’t stand on the ramp”, so we decided to stand on the ramp. I’m actually not going to talk about the show. Barrett and Co. was electric. He was only the opener but it felt like everyone was there to see him. Evan Honer eventually took the stage and did his thing. Okay I talked about it a little bit but that’s all I’m going to say. Songfully accepting Evan’s invitation, Barrett rejoined the stage, this time alongside Evan Honer, and sang a few lines of “Jersey Giant”, his final verse giving us the signal that it was time to leave.

Honestly, everything up to this point was just context that was hopefully meaningful. 

On our way out, I snuck a final hug from my former pastor, whose name is either Vern, Chris, Grace, or Michael, whichever one you chose in the fourth paragraph. My deepest emotions of the night were felt when I left the embrace of this hug. Typically I would say something like “blah blah blah I don’t quite know how to articulate my feelings blah blah blah” and then conclude the blog, but this time I’m actually gonna give it a shot.

Potentially stupid analogy pending.

I think that our lives within relationships are kind of like cargo pants (probably Carhartt pants because they’re pretty cool). Cargo pants have a lot of pockets, and similarly to cargo pants, we accumulate different pockets of friendships throughout our lives. I have my “fellows friends”, my “camp friends”, my “college friends”... so on and so forth. I’m obviously guilty of putting my friends into these categories, and most of the time I walk around in my cargo pants, keeping my hands in whatever pocket is the most accessible to them. The pockets on the pants are sewn together, so they rarely get to intervene with each other, but every now and again we get to empty our pockets, and all of our labeled, pocketed friends are free to be with each other. As I said, stupid analogy. All of that to say, I really love it when I get to empty my pockets. There is no greater joy to experience than when all of my friends are with each other in the same place experiencing the same thing. It really completes an itch for me. So, when I left the hug with my former pastor, what I really left was the feeling of togetherness. I never wanted to leave that hug. Leaving that hug meant that my friends would be separated again, and separation is not in God’s design. Not in the slightest.

All of this friend talk leads me to the most meaningful part of the night. It actually happened before my final hug, while Barrett was on stage performing. I took a look around at my friends, and when I looked at Lola she was crying. I would typically feel bad for bringing attention to another’s tears, but if you read the blogs, you’ll know that Lola keeps statistics, one of them being the amount of times she’s cried over the past month. Anywho, if there’s one thing I know about Lola, it’s that she has an acute sense for things that are special. I don’t know what it was that drove Lola to tears, but to see her react in such a way to Barrett performing ties the perfect bow to my feeling about my friends being with each other. People that I love, who don’t know each other, being in the same room for the first time, enjoying each other’s presence and getting a glimpse of the joy it is to know them. That is in God’s design. More than just slightly.

My song recommendation is “Pick a Place and Read” by Ezra Bell.

Maybe I butchered this post, maybe I didn’t. I typed a lot of words and I hope it all made sense. It’s 12:44 AM. Once again, happy May 5th everyone, and happy final blog post day (four days after actual final blog post day).

Love, Bailey

Hello Blog for the Last time -Jenna

Writing a blog post is just one of the things I am doing for the last time as a fellow in these few weeks. I’d like to say I’m prepared for fellows to end, but I am not. I know I won’t know what to miss until I don’t have it anymore, but for now, please enjoy some of my favorite things about my favorite people!

Emma: It started as bonding over our hair, but you make me feel so seen

AG: You put in the work, and I admire your endurance in life

Celeste: Everything about your laugh, all the different ones

Ryan: How your brain works, truly amazed how different you think from me, but I need that sometimes

Joe: Your SMILE! truly light up a room

Tessa: Your desire to seek mercy and walk humbly with the lord

Lola: Our shared passions for babies and hugs, I feel like we would have been good friends in pre-k

Evy: You make being silly a whole new experience and I thank you

Elijah: Your craving for more, whether it’s knowledge or the lord

Skip: your perspective on life is nothing short of EPIC (i also feel so honored when I make you laugh)

Bryan: Your ability to remember the small things

Bailey: worshipping with you

Josh: the way you get so passionate about things you believe in and the people that you love

I love you all dearly, thanks for challenging me and encouraging me this year

I recommend BEING A RALEIGH FELLOW- jenna

I Suppose Everything Comes to an End :(

Would it really be a final blog if at least a few of us didn’t post late? I’m sure you could figure out my answer to that question if you simply look at the day I am posting…oops. As we wind down to the last 15 days of Fellows, it means I am officially down to 17 days left in Raleigh. And boy oh boy are we packing in every possible thing. And yet, as I find myself scheduling hangs and “lasts” down to the hour every day, I also have found myself feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that Raleigh is full of so many people and places that I can hardly squeeze in seeing them all one last time. 

Now of course the burning question you all have for us Fellows as we get ready to leave: What are you going to take away from this year? And, was it worth it? Now, while the second question comes with an easy answer from me (yea, obviously, 1000x yes), the first question is a massive one that I’m not sure I’ll be able to answer well for months if not years after being here. That being said, I can tell you something I have thought about as I have tried to answer that question on the fly. The reality is, I think we tend to gravitate towards people most similar to us in general. That being said, had I been tasked with hand-picking 13 other recent college grads to be my closest friends for the year, I likely wouldn’t have picked every one of the Fellows. Now slow down and lock in before you take that as an insult. I wouldn’t have hand-picked all 13 of the Fellows, because I probably would’ve picked 13 people who were most similar to me, who wouldn’t challenge my comfortable perspectives or push me outside my comfort zone. Hear me say PRAISE GOD I wasn’t in charge of picking the Fellows, because boy He clearly knew what He was doing. The natural outcome I have seen from a group with such a range of personalities and experiences is that it has forced my “grey” to expand. By that I mean the grey area that exists behind every opinion and argument. I have just learned that, even more than before, things are always less black and white than I think, and what peace that brings with it. 

Now just for a second I need to say how truly sad I am to leave. I’m not leaving due to a lack of opportunity, community, or a sense of home, and yet I find myself leaving. I can’t quite explain it, but I am grieving a different kind of goodbye than most of the other Fellows as we close the year. I am saying goodbye to a job with a mission I believe in, a city I’ve grown to know and love, a church that has begun to feel like home, a couple who have become like parents to me, a director who has loved and encouraged me and unexpectedly become a friend, 7 guys who have been community in a way I’ve never had with Christian men, and 6 women who have been a sisterhood I never knew I needed and who push me to be better every single day. I am forgetting many things in that list, but I hope you just know that I love you guys and I will miss you so immensely. 

all my love, truly,

Emma <3

Rallows Month 8

I still can’t believe it’s the last month of fellows. This just may be the best decision I’ve ever made. Thank God for these nine months and these fourteen people.

Raleigh Fellows, you have been to me what Joe is to tenderness, what Skip is to flip flops in new places, what Celeste is to making things right, what Bailey is to meaningful song lyrics, what Emma is to tastefully carrying on with the bit, what Jenna is to warmth and hugs, what Bryan is to filling up everyone’s water bottles, what Josh is to putting a smile on your face, what Tessa is to wit and character, what Ryan is to curiosity, what Elijah is to zeal, what AG is to comfort, what Lola is to babies and puppies, and what Ashley is to loving us so well.

Evy :)

I love you guys.

Ryan reminds you of first blog

Okay, last blog. It would be nice to remind everyone of their first blogs and how much you’ve came in this experience:

Bryan: “Our first week was the welcome retreat. While it was a recent experience, it feels like forever ago! I had a great time getting to know all of the other fellows, and an even greater time on the jet skis.”

This is still true. Everything feels close but far. Ive seen you grow immensely and I’m proud of you. We’re lucky to have a Bryan in our group.

Skip: “For now, I’m viewing this as the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Rather than trying to categorize or predict what the rest of this experience will look like, I’m just going to leave it undefined.”

Thank you for being a wonderful light to our group. You have been a defining part of my experience here.

Emma: “Of course, there are always more things to be thankful for, many of which I might not see until later in the year, but for now I am content to rest in the blessings of the answered prayers found here in Raleigh.”

I am thankful for you Emma! You have such a bright personality, you’re steady and so thoughtful. I know you have been apart of our answered prayer here in Raleigh. Come back soon.

Celeste: “But the truth is, in those very moments where it feels hard and icky and messy, God is ever so present and drawing near to me, and actively using those moments to prune me and refine me and create deeper trust and intimacy with him. What a terribly beautiful concept!!”

You remind me of goofy goober rock. You’re nuts in the best way! God is drawing near to you right now. The beautiful thing is that you have everyone to help you go through whatever is next. Fellows aint the fellows without celeste.

Lola: “a list of some sweet moments: meals around Ashley’s table getting to hear about everyones week, my new job looking out for me and helping me settle in, Mona teaching me and Evy to cook, birthday picnics, piling into cars together, sitting as people bravely and honestly share their stories (if I may be as bold as to pick a very favorite part so far this is it), praying together, sitting on a boat and being in my favorite lake, exploring new places, little moments with my friends who remind me what it is to be known as I build that here too, going to class (eep I missed being a student and being excited to learn)”

I appreciate you Lola because you have the ability to see the good in everything. You remind us of what we’ve done and take in the moment so well. Remember all the things about this year that were special.

Evy: You didn’t give a lot of quotable things in your first blog mate…

But, I do want to say that you’re such a dope person. I admire your strength and honesty, your humor and how well you care for the people around you. I know we’re gonna have a good laugh when we hang out. Excited for you to be in Raleigh!

Tessa: Oh boy, let’s see what she wrote. “A good, humbling hard, but it makes me feel weak nonetheless. It’s massively inconvenient and at times frustrated. But we must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.”

One big thing to highlight about you Tessa is that you are always looking for a way to follow John 3:30. Life for you isn’t about being self seeking. You give a lot of your time away, thank you.

Elijah: “On one hand I’m blessed beyond measure and expectant for the future. On the other, I’m finding it difficult to feel at home and settle in to the program.”

I don’t know really how to explain my admiration for you Elijah but I am blessed you were here this year. I appreciate our conversations, your hospitality, and maybe at times you might say, putting up with me. Thank you for being my work buddy this year, it’ll be sad to leave that:( You have grown so much this year, and I don’t know many people willing to grow and strive for it like you do.

Joe: “This past month has been the beginning of a new season of life and it has been a blast becoming a Raleigh fellow. I have experienced a wide range of emotions over the recent weeks.”

Although this statement may be true today, it doesn’t come without the patient endurance that only Christ can provide. Your are doing a great job. There is nothing more sweet than brothers carrying each other’s burdens. You are a wonderful soul Joe. Thank you for showing us a tender heart.

Jenna: “She loves hard and shows grace and mercy so evidently.”

I know you were saying this of Ashley, which is true, but it describes you as well. You’re nut # 2 along with Celeste and it so awesome. Keep being Jenna. Thank you for being so hospitable, I’m lucky to have a friend in you.

AG: “Hope you enjoy these snapshots into the life of Raleigh Fellows!”

In a way you’re the Gen Z version of a historian for the Fellows. Thank you for documenting us these past 9 months! We’re blessed to have you pushing us along and keeping us organized. You have some kitty fits too bruh!

Bailey: “I recently went to Tookie’s with a small group of my friends.”

This describes everything about who you are. It sounds like the start to a great book. I have a lot of emotions around my friendship with Bailey, good ones for that matter. He was a tricky one to start off with (meaning I didn’t understand him), but shortly became a highlight for me to see him daily. It just clicks man.

Josh: “After a stressful summer working for the corporate machine back in Virginia…”

This is hilarious. Josh you’re such a hard worker and the Lord has blessed you with your attitude about life. What I mean is that there is a lot of bad to focus on and I think your experience in those areas of grief has given you the ability to be strong and know the truth. You have life, and life to the fullest! Keep catchin’ ‘em fish ol’ boy.

I didn’t check for spelling, don’t care. (I went back and edited it because it wasn’t even readable). Muah

Fellows blog 8: So long everyone, its been great

Thank you Jesus for all you have given me these past 9 months. Thank you for the friends, the community, the church, the personal growth, and the encounters with you. Thank you also for the anxieties, aimlessness, hardships, challenges, and all manor of struggles. Through them all you have been there

You have belly laughed beside me hanging out at docksology late into the night with friends. You have wept at my bedside on the days where I was in too much pain to do anything else but lay down. You have been a father to me, a friend, a brother, a shepherd , a wonderful counselor, and a mighty God. I’ve seen you face in my friends who encourage me, the leaders that point me in the right direction, and my host family that takes care of me. I’ve seen you face in the children of los brasiles in Nicaragua, those suffering in nursing homes on pastoral care visits, and friends grieving as life continued to happen so fast outside of fellows

Psalm 139:8-12 NIV

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

Leaving fellows feels like a blur. Where will I live? Where will I work? How will I survive in life on my own? But you have told us not to concern ourselves with worries of the world. To seek first your kingdom and your righteousness and all things will be added to us. While there’s lots I could reflect on, I think its best to stop and worship. Lord I’m sorry for not giving you the praise you deserved as I got swept up in the worries of life. For not treasuring the gifts of each day before they were gone. Forgive me, and give me your eyes to see myself and my situation as you do. I’m hoping as I enter this next season for God to not dwell on all that is different than what I expected. I may not have thought I would have stayed in raleigh, and may not have thought I would get the job that I did. But God knew, and he has big plans. Thank you for being with me the past 9 months, and thank you for going before me for the next.

-Elijah

Literally I don’t even know what to call this- happy last blog I guess

I wrote a different blog yesterday but this morning I’ve decided it’s not what I want to use to reflect on this season. So here's to take two. 

I like to make a big deal out of endings. I always do. Somehow that’s the only way I know how to make sense of it.  I tend to spend every moment saying “guys this is our last …..” desperate to raise the emotional intensity of every second to somehow match the strength of the emotions spinning within me. Even when I know  it drives the people around me crazy. I can’t help it. If I am one thing I am sentimental. Everyone around me knows it well. And that sentimentality makes it hard to sit down and write this because my expectations for ending well are SO high. 

I’ve been working myself into overwhelm so often this week. Often to the point where my brain gets stuck spinning. So deeply wanting to make something out of every little thing, to end “well” (according to my own crazy definition), and to do it all while showing up perfectly for everyone around me. However the reality is that I am tired (and beautifully finite), and I can not make that all come to pass. But as I sit at work and reflect, grounded by texts from my closest people telling me to breathe deeply, I am reminded that the beauty of this year has never and will never exist as a result of my effort. I am reminded that this season, in the most beautiful way, has surrounded and held me. That its meaning does not exist because I am able to articulate it perfectly. I am changed and I am the same. I am brave and I am afraid. 

This is the part where I want to write about the deep lessons I have learned and how I am perfect at resting in transition now. How I am so open handed and trusting. That I am not afraid anymore because I’ve had this big revelation. But the reality is that I’m still the girl who moves through the changing seasons kicking and screaming. However I am learning. Slowly. Very slowly. Like so much more slowly than I want to. 

The reality is that the value of fellows will not be in ending with a flourish. It is in all of the ways that this program has held me. It is in all the ways this community has held me. In all of the ways that both of those point me to my Savior who holds me more securely that I can ever comprehend. I wrote at the beginning of the year that all I was seeking from fellows was to know and be known, to love and be loved. And thanks be to God I can say that has happened here. I left Wheaton a year ago saying “He has been faithful to me here” and joyfully get to echo that refrain over Raleigh as well. My God has been faithful. 

So here's to being gentle with ourselves as once again in our twenties everything changes. To clinging with stubborn hope (even when I REALLY don’t want to) that the Lord can provide once again. That I have not yet used up his goodness. That he holds me as I struggle to hold all that I want to hold.

This year I have written 8 blog posts where I have tracked 24 different statistics. I have cried 116 times. I have been in Raleigh 243 days and a fellow 239 of them. We’ve been on 12 retreats. I have filled 234 pages of a notebook (not counting the probably more than that in my journal).  I’ve been shaped by 14 people I hold dear. And I’m grateful. 

This doesn’t really feel sufficient for a final blog post. It's not at all an adequate expression at all of how grateful I am and all the little ways I have been changed and all the people who poured into me and this program. But that's okay. Just trust me it's there anyways. 

Even here his hand will lead and hold me. 

All my love!

Lola

PS- Celeste I’m so in for alumni blogs ! everyone just start emailing me your monthly updates pls and thank you

Raleigh Rookie: Episode 8

Hello May!

April has been a special month for the Fellows. Wrapping up this season during Easter feels like a beautiful way to celebrate everything this year has meant to us. For most of the Fellows, our time has felt kind of like Lent. Every day has been a real intake of life.

Sometimes we’ve looked inward, learning more about how we operate and how God has uniquely created us to carry out His vision for love and light in the world. Other days we’ve looked back at our pasts, exploring how life has shaped us for better or worse, and how God has used it all to paint the portrait of our stories. And often (as young people love to do) we’ve looked ahead, dreaming about how we want to live our lives and the legacies we hope to leave behind. There has been so much space to listen and look with the Lord. Thank God for some perspective!

Now it is time to live in the peace, beauty, and joy available to us on the journey ahead. A couple of times this month, the Fellows and I had picnics in the park. Those moments reminded me of what is in store for us after this year. The experience of rest, of sharing food, of playing games, is the vision God has for our lives. The best word to describe that is delight. So let’s live in that vision.

The purest joy is just knowing the Creator. Knowing that He takes delight in us. What a beautiful way to send us off. Not so alone or uncertain, but with a deeper love and connection to the Creator.

-Skip

Have a great summer!

How do I say goodbye? :'')

Hi blog. 

I read back my September blog (and drafts of the September blog that were never published) and it seems September Celeste has better words for the closing of this season and the opening of another than May Celeste does. 

The rhythms and routines that have become so familiar and comforting to me will no longer be. The job I have, the people I live with, the classes I take, the places I volunteer, and the very car I drive (rip PJ, I miss you so) will all look different two weeks from now. I’ve never been one to quickly anticipate new beginnings with excitement, and often find myself feeling sentimental for what will never be again. But, September Celeste was in a similar spot, and I am teary reading what the Lord was teaching me then. 

Is it okay if I share some of those things?

“I have a nearly crippling fear of starting a new thing. It used to be the entire idea of new things, but the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve come to realize that it's not the new thing that’s scary, it's the start of it. The unknown beginning. The way everything I’ve been anticipating could culminate in either completely surpassing expectations and being everything I could’ve dreamed of and more (!!), or, it could be every worst fear I’ve ever fretted or worried about come to fruition. Spooky.

I was convinced that those things would be the worst case scenario because then life wouldn’t feel easy and silly goofy and fun, like I wanted it to. But the truth is, in those very moments where it feels hard and icky and messy, God is ever so present and drawing near to me, and actively using those moments to prune me and refine me and create deeper trust and intimacy with him. What a terribly beautiful concept!! 

(from a draft that was never published ooo insider scoop!) God’s nearness and redemption are the attributes I find the most beautiful and compelling about him. For all of my time in college, this is what I came back to and found so much comfort in. The fact that I worship a God who not only knows the hurt and brokenness in me, but cares and restores. He doesn’t bulldoze the pain away, or sweep it under the rug like it doesn’t exist. He never promised that a life of following Him would take the weight off of sin in the world, but he does promise to be near. To mourn with us. To walk alongside us. Not only that, He will also use the messiness to bring restoration and glory to His name. The story of Joseph in Genesis is, to me, a perfect picture of God redeeming brokenness. After being sold into slavery and basically left for dead by his brothers, Joseph is able to look his brothers in the face and tell them that the broken decision they made was the very decision that God turned and redeemed and used to save the kingdom from famine and point the kingdom to Himself. In a perfect world, Joseph would’ve never been sold into slavery. It just wouldn’t have happened. But we don’t live in a perfect world. 

Oh, how appealing comfort and ease can seem!! But if that is what I define as being “right” and “good,” I’ve completely missed out on the beauty of life with God.

I’m just so proud of September Celeste for believing in that. For embracing the new, and not letting the old and familiar pull her away from the present. That is my prayer as I step away from Fellows (or as it shoves me aside forcefully while I cling on as tight as I can, who’s to say?!). 

And to be so real, much of my life will stay the same! Raleigh has been good to me, so I plan to stay for a little longer. Maybe a lot longer, who knows? And even if I wasn’t staying in Raleigh, the people and experiences and memories would stay with me. These blogs will be Ebenezer stones for me, and I’m just so thankful.

Thank God He brought me to this place with these people at this specific time. I don’t have the words to express my gratitude.

See you later :’)

Celeste

(not to be cringe but queue “We Will Never Be This Young Again” by Ben Rector)

(also, idk if you remember but September Celeste was terrified of writing blogs for anyone to read, and now here we are 8 months of blogs later woohoo!) (is it wrong that I wish there were more? hear me out: fellows alum blog posts - LOLA I KNOW YOU’LL SUPPORT!!)

Fun Fellows Flicks

The last full month of Fellows is over. Yep, that’s really sad, and I’m just going to reminisce over the sweet memories from the last 8 months! I have been surrounded by some pretty incredible people who have impacted my life and have been very supportive through it all! I am so incredibly grateful to everyone who has been a part of making this program so special! Here are just a few of my favorite pictures from this year!

<3, AG

Fellows 4 Ever

I love them so much and am so thankful for the time that I have gotten to spend with each of them. These 14 people will always be close to my heart, and I am so proud of everything that we have learned, achieved, and done together. Heading into the last week of Fellows, I look back to the first week and 1. cringe at how awkward we were and 2. remember my excitement of knowing that in a few short months we would be such good friends!

6th Grade Lil Lambs

They are so silly, sassy, and fun! I have loved getting to lead these girls this year and see the Lord work through their lives. I am so thankful for Emily and Evy for being in it with me! Screaming goat out!

Little, Big, and GBig

Beth was my mentor this year and Meg was my buddy and Beth’s mentee last year! Ugh I love our little family that we have created! Beth has been such a consistent friend and giver of wise counsel. I love our walks and coffee dates to talk about life. You are the most affirming and caring person I know and I appreciate all the advice and prayers that you have showered me in! Meg is so sweet and kind! She always has a smile on her face and is so joyful whenever I see her (except for when basketball is on… she’s LOCKED IN)! I have loved our morning walks and getting to talk through life together. You have shown me how to live out trusting in the Lord and endurance as you have been fundraising! So proud of you girl!

CITY OF OAKS 😍

I lived in Raleigh 2 years ago for college and honestly left Raleigh swearing I would never go back… but the Lord is pretty funny about the places He calls me to! Great friends, fun adventures, and not being in college has been so good for me and my view of Raleigh!! Example above: we went to see THE NUT one night and it was so silly and amazing! Thanks to everyone who has changed my mind about Raleigh and made it my favorite (for now)!

“Frat Fellows”

This name was given to us at the TFI Conference by another fellows program and has now become our group chat name. Well its Fraternity Fellows because were not that crazy… but as the name suggests, we get pretty wild with banagrams at breweries on Monday nights, randomly breaking out into synchronized dances at parties, throwing funerals for cars, and having day time parties at the Miedma’s!

Baby Bells

Yeah this was my peak!

Birthday picnic celebrations

I felt so seen and known by people who I had only known for 3 weeks! Thanks to everyone for making my birthday so special this past year and creating spaces in other moments that are for lifting up and celebrating people!!

I'm very glad I was here, this was good:)

I’m not sure what I’ll be doing a month from today. Fellows will be over and so will the days of having every minute planned out by the incomparable Ashley Crutchfield.

I hope I get up early, get outside a bit, pray throughout, eat something good, listen to good music, talk to someone I love. I hope that’s the rhythm of all my days.

I like to stack more on my days, more pressure more expectations. I draw in extra check boxes after I’ve filled up all the ones that are printed in my planner. I’m tempted now to think of all the big and small and unsuspectingly heavy things I’ve learned this year and try to summarize them into this blog post.

But I’m tired of constantly sifting through clutter in my mind and convincing myself that if I solve one more thing, learn one more skill, perfect one more piece, that it will all make sense and the clutter will autonomously arrange itself into a beautiful picture that people will walk by in museums and think it’s so good that it must have been easy to make.

What I’m thinking about right now is this: do the next good thing.

My first weeks in Raleigh as I would sit crying in the Daniel’s spare room (lol so drama it’s fine guys keep it playful) God kept telling me to be here. To be here with Him, that He needs me here. I’ve started whispering that to myself throughout the day, “be here”. Don’t jump to the new job in June with the new co-workers and new housemates in a new house that we haven’t found yet. Or to what and who will fill my summer afternoons. And if I will realize that Raleigh is not for me as soon as I stop being bottle fed the best that post-grad has to offer me.

I want to be excellent at what’s in front of me. To take the next step, then the next after that.

Life is chaotic and disorienting and overwhelming. A year ago today I was positive I knew what the next year would look like. A year later and I’m not sure what my Friday will look like. I like myself more. I love God more. My ability to love others for Him has grown. That is enough for me. To anyone reading this that played a part in the Fellows/ Apostles community this year, thank you.

Bye guys, be good:) Tessa

Stay - Jan Richardson

https://paintedprayerbook.com/2013/05/05/ascensioneaster-7-stay/

Bryan's April Blog

Howdy folks!

April has been one heck of a month full of retreats, activities, and all sorts of good times! Here’s a non-exhaustive list of what has happened throughout the month:

• John Richmond retreat

• Meeting Chief Justice Paul Newby

• watching The Matrix and eating dinner at Scott Steele’s house (our Worldview teacher)

• Jeff Bailey Retreat

• House tours

• Accepting a job

• Easter in Raleigh

• delivering Meals on Wheels with Celeste

• Tar Heel 10 Miler

• Trivia at Sneaky Penguin

• Birthday weekend for me and Celeste

As you can tell, this was an action packed month. Here are a few pictures from it all!

The Jeff Bailey retreat was an awesome one! He led us through some spiritual formation history and ideas in a way that I had not seen yet, and it was extremely helpful for me. One of the moments that has continued form this retreat for me is when Jeff led us through the Jesus prayer, which I have found myself continuing to pray all month long. Also, big congratulations to Jeff for his new appointment as a bishop in his diocese!

Emma, Bailey, Celeste, and Joe all ran the Tar Heel 10 Miler, and absolutely crushed it! Josh trained with them the whole time, even running 10 miles during one of the retreats, but he couldn’t be in town for the big race. These 5 showed true grit, so everybody give them a big congratulations next time you see them!

We took group pictures on Monday before our Spiritual Formation class. Hopefully somebody can find one where everyone’s eyes are open because I sure couldn’t. Also, big thanks to Mary Young for leading that class and letting us take pictures at her house!

Fellows has been absolutely incredible, and I am excited to continue being bought in 100% until the very last day. I am also excited to finish up and start a new job, begin living with a bunch of the guys, and continue growing in the community that the Lord has so graciously provided me through this program!

Tootles!

Bryan

March Fun Fellows Flicks

Hey Blog!!!

March has been packed with so many fun memories and has been the start of planning for the future. Here’s a short recap of this month! My parents came and we got to go shopping! Got sick with the Noravirus, YUCK! Danced the night away at the Carolina Cocktail with all the North and South Carolina Fellows programs! Went to a NCSU baseball game with Bryan, Jenna, and Lola! Went dancing downtown with friends! Had a sweet morning walk with Kassie! Did my 360 Review with Ashley! Started touring houses for next year! Applied and interviewed for a job! Had prayer partner time with: Evy, Jenna, Meg, Lola, Elijah, and Tessa! Cut 14 inches off my hair! Visited the UNC Study Center! Went on a Silent Retreat and didn’t talk for about 24 hours!

Something else that I did was give up social media for Lent to focus on my identity as a beautiful daughter of the King and how to be rooted in that instead of comparing myself to others. So I haven’t posted on Instagram in a while but that doesn’t me I don’t have pictures to share with y’all! The shared album has 2,912 pictures and videos!

<3, AG

Meet Ryan sometimes known as XAZZ (Chaz)

Ryan is funny, wise, and passionate! He also is not at all who I thought he would be! Each time I spend time with him, it feels like I find out something new (a place he’s been, the meaning behind a tattoo, a song from a genre I’ve never heard of, a skill that I didn’t know of, or the new iPhone update that no one else has)! So are you excited, or do you just get to be friends with Ryan?

MILBF (Mom I’d Like to Be Friends with)

Ashley is the best Fellows director ever! Sorry I said it BUTTT it’s true! She cares for each one of us as if we are her own child, she pours so much into the program, she gives the best hugs, she asks the best questions (what’s your deepest sin), she isn’t afraid to throw you off a jet ski, she does back flips off the dock, she shares so much wisdom, she makes the BEST popcorn, she stands up for others, and best of all… she wants to be your friend! I love you Ashley!! Thanks for being YOU!