Blog blog blog blog

Welcome back for another month! This one moved so fast, yet at snail's pace somehow… looking back at the things that have happened this month makes it feel soooo long ago. But I also feel like I just uploaded my last blog post yesterday. Maybe it’s because I’m always late with these, or time is just funny like that. Or both!

There are a lot of things I really enjoyed this month. There are also a lot of things that I found hard and challenging.

Something I enjoyed: The DC trip! It was special and silly and further informed me on the group that we have. Getting to see how we all “traveled” together was so much fun and the goofy moments and inside jokes that were born out of that trip. I also got to see so many friends who are in other programs and that was such a gift! I love seeing paths cross and friends of friends meeting friends and looking into each other’s worlds. Someone used the analogy of it feeling like each program is in an alternate universe to ours, where they’re living the same “life as a fellow” as us, but just in a different city/program. Ours is obviously the best thought— that was confirmed by DC. There’s no other place I’d rather be than Raleigh!

The hard things are harder to share in a blog. Thanksgiving break was restful in the sense of getting a lot of sleep, but not necessarily soul restful. I got to meet with my mentor Tuesday morning after the break, which was truly a God sent! I get to share a lot of the hard with Katie and I am so thankful for that. To sum up some of my feelings without being too vulnerable, life just keeps on going even in this program. That is so obvious, especially as I just typed it out, but hard to reckon with sometimes. Sometimes it feels like a bubble of “fellows world” and “fellows things” and it almost feels like we’re in this pause of life before real adulthood. But things are still moving. Going home felt like me stepping out of that for a bit and coming back to some of the realities that are true for me and my life— still while being a fellow. Things with my family, big life changes coming up, what’s next… these things don’t stop for anything. Something Katie said to me in our time together really shaped how I’m viewing God in all of this. She said that instead of asking God for answers and feeling like you’re not getting anything, look for the mystery in God Himself. To ask God “What am I not seeing that you want me to see?” “How do you want me to feel your love today, in this moment?”

I don’t know if any of this made sense at all, but if you want to hear more, you can ask me about it! Bottom line: God is mysterious. I don’t always know what He is doing in my life. All I know is that He’s always doing something. And life keeps moving and that’s okay. He is my redeemer!!!!!

Until next time,

Carsyn Gilmore

Morgan's November

I think I may be the last post for the month, so sorry everyone! November has been jam packed and that busyness has carried right into December. We kicked off the month celebrating Ashley at the best birthday party I’ve ever been to. The next week we headed to DC for the TFI Conference, and I loved scooting around the city with all the fellows and exploring the National Mall. It was such a good time for us as a group and brought us closer in so many ways.

We also had our first Fellows Field Day, and I am already looking forward to the next one. Thanksgiving break at home was amazing. I got to see the kids I used to nanny and I missed them so much. I also had the best family time and even got to hang out with Janie (fellow alum cousin) in Raleigh.

I am sorry this was short, there will be a much more detailed December post coming your way soon. Thank you all for your patience. I love these people and I love this program. See you on time next month I promise.

Morgan

Better late than never!

I’ve always heard that the best things in life take time. This blog post is no exception. Sure, you probably haven’t slept in days waiting for this highly anticipated update on my life. I totally get it, and from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely apologize. Let’s just agree to pretend this blog wasn’t due five days ago and move on, shall we? There’s a LOT to chat about.

If I had my life together, you’d be reading this on December 1, 2025 (happy birthday, Cam Cameron!). I may have missed this deadline, but you’re just now realizing you missed Cameron’s birthday - sooooo who should really feel bad? Anyway, November FLEW by, and through the whirlwind of balancing class, hockey, my day job, and simply trying to be a better friend to my fellow Fellows…I am exhausted. Oh, where do I even begin?

HIGHLIGHTS

• Fellows took on DC! Renting scooters and realizing I was basically born to live in the city might have been the peak of that trip. Also, randomly bumping into my friend (who I thought still lived in Wisconsin) felt like a fever dream - in the best way possible.

• UniteUS came to NC State!! You may be wondering, “What the heck is that?” Great question. It’s a Christian college campus revival movement led by Tonya Prewett, focused on bringing hope and faith to Gen Z through large worship events, salvation, and baptism (thanks, Chat). Truly an unforgettable experience that I had the privilege of sharing with a few of my closest friends.

• Spoiler alert: I’m pretty much an NHL cheerleader. Perks include free hockey and getting to be part of some pretty cool events, like the Raleigh Christmas Parade. Many high fives were given that day.

• Thanksgiving! Truly one of my favorite holidays. And besides my grandpa almost driving the car entirely through our house, it was pretty normal and filled with love…kind of like our living room was almost filled with a 2017 Toyota Corolla. Feel free to ask me about that.

• My first fundraising campaign at NeighborHealth was a success! Considering the fact that I was basically leading this campaign through our social media and donor communication, I honestly wouldn’t have been shocked if we raised a whopping zero dollars. However, the Lord is good, and we met our goal of raising over $10,000 - which genuinely blows my mind as I type this. Praise God!

There’s certainly a lot to be thankful for. Even though I haven’t been in the best headspace recently, as I sit here staring at the screen and scrolling through my photo album to remember what even happened this month, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for what the Lord has given me. At the end of the day, I have a really good job, a lot of truly incredible people love me, and I wake up healthy (minus my addiction to caffeine). The Lord is good.

Soooooo…um…yeah. That’s all folks!

With love,
Peyton

When Distance Teaches Graditude

This past month has been both challenging and deeply refining. God has brought to the surface things I believed I had already resolved, gently reminding me of where I still need growth. One of those areas has been accountability—truly walking alongside my brothers in Christ. Our trip to D.C. played a significant role in shaping our group this year. From late-night conversations to meaningful talks on long car rides, I’ve been reminded of how richly blessed I am. I thank God daily for continuing to place men like these in my life.

Father God, Your grace shines on me even when I fail to see it. Thank You for these friends, and for my mentor Eric, who help keep me grounded and focused.

God hasn’t only given me them—He’s brought unexpected people into my life as well. Living with certain personal challenges can be difficult, but knowing I have brothers in Christ who help shoulder the burden has brought comfort on the days when the weight feels the heaviest. I can see now that God has been walking with me all along, revealing the path He’s prepared. Even when my own steps seem crooked, His direction remains steady and true.

Recently God placed an analogy on my heart: each of us carries our own cross—our own struggles, our own nails. Some nails barely pierce the wood, while others are driven deep. I heard a sermon last weekend about bearing one another’s burdens, and it reminded me that though my cross is mine to carry, a brother’s support can lighten the load.

Thanksgiving became a blessing in disguise. I never realized what it would feel like to be away from home for so long. My college was only an hour and a half away, but five hours is different—you can’t go home even if you want to. This new challenge forced me to face my situation on my own. I learned that home isn’t merely where community is—it’s where the adventure begins. I had to set out and find a new community, a new place to grow, one that might someday feel like home.

Going back for break refreshed me more than I expected. I missed my family, and especially my dogs. I hadn’t seen one of my brothers in over five months—the longest ever—and catching up with him was a gift. And my dogs… Zoey and Scribbles, I missed you both. Three months may not sound long, but to them it felt like forever. Scribbles, you’re aging, and I don’t know if you’ll make it to next Christmas. Climbing stairs is hard, getting up is harder. I pray this wasn’t our last time together. I love you.

Now, riding the train back to Raleigh, I reflect on everything we did this week—seeing Noah at Sight & Sound, taking on the Level99 challenges at Tyson’s Corner, and watching all of Stranger Things Season 5 (which was incredible). It was also my birthday week, making it even more special. Thank you to the guys who took me to my favorite place, Olive Garden—true John 15 friendship.

As I look back, I thank God for the precious time spent with the people I love. And as I look forward, I ask for His continued guidance in the journey ahead.

An Advent Reflection

Second Coming

Foggy in the morning: 

my eyes and the street

are engulfed by darkness that

is surely set to break

by beams fighting their way

through the horizon.

Dawn appears

and hope peeks through,

but the chill of winter

stays all day long, 

as the sun threatens to set

too soon.

Gone again,

I anticipate 

its return,

but first 

I must 

wait.

Jackie Davis

Where There's a Will #3

If you were to ask me what I did in November, I would say, “What didn’t I do in November?” November was my favorite and most busy month of Fellows yet! This month was jam packed with events so I feel like the best way to do this would be with a list.

November Events:

• Ashley’s Birthday Party

  • Touched on this a little bit in my October blog but it needed to be talked about again! This was such a sweet night, a combination of my new Raleigh friends and Fellows + a group of my college buddies coming together to celebrate Ashley was special and shows just how impactful she is in so many peoples lives!

• DC Trip to the TFI National Fellows Conference

  • My favorite part of Fellows so far!

  • Went to the Holocaust Memorial Museum. This was super heavy but was a really cool experience getting to walk around this museum and take in such a meaningful part of history.

  • Got to meet up with my App State friends Robin and Jacob (Knoxville Fellow) and get dinner with them.

  • Went to the Bible museum and got to go through their really cool exhibits of the Old and New Testament (emphasis on Old Testament).

  • The conference itself was awesome, getting to meet different programs and hear from different speakers through breakout groups and keynote speeches!

  • Having the coolest shirts at the whole conference.

  • Big group van rides and watching Ashley parallel park

  • Rooftop bars and hotel conference room hangs with the Orlando Fellows.

  • The main event: Scootering around the monuments and the city with all the Fellows. It was like something out of a movie, this shattered every expectation I ever had for it. Seeing Lincoln in person had me in awe.

• UNC Basketball Game

  • Because of my awesome host family, the Warwicks, I was able to go see UNC basketball play against Radford!

  • UNC basketball is my first love, so getting up to Chapel Hill to see a game is always special to me

  • Jacob (Raleigh Fellow) also got to come and we had a blast.

• Knoxville Trip

  • I went to Knoxville to visit my best friend from college, Jacob (Knoxville Fellow) with another one of our good buddies, Micah.

  • We went to a Tennessee game and saw Joey Aguilar dominate New Mexico St

  • Ate some really good food and visited a really cool little thrift/vintage store

  • It is always a good time when I am with those guys

• Fellows Field Day

  • Not having Neighbor to Neighbor means Spikeball and Football games in the park!

• Thanksgiving

  • Got to spend a couple days at home celebrating Thanksgiving with my grandparents

  • Watched a lot of TV and had a wonderful time with my parents and brother

• Birthday Celebrations!

  • Wrapped the month up with some more birthday celebrations!

  • Went to a soup soiree for my good friend Molly’s birthday

  • Then we got to have a belated birthday celebration for our king Tyler’s birthday. We spent a splendid night out at our local fine dining experience, Olive Garden

I am so blessed to be able to pack all of these awesome events into a single month and I can’t wait to see what December has in store! I can’t believe that we are 1/3 of the way done with Fellows and only one month from 2026. Thanks for reading, don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe!

-Will Brown

Fellows at Ashley's 50th

Raleigh Fellows Shirts

Scootering around DC

Lincoln Memorial

UNC Basketball w the Warwicks

Tennessee Game with Jacob and Micah

Torchy's Tacos

Field Day

Birthday Dab

hailey is full (up for interpretation or whatever)

Best way to describe the way my life and brain feel after this month would be Christmas day, but immediately after tearing open all of the presents. The wrapping paper is everywhere, there’s empty coffee mugs where everyone was sitting, and the front door is open while the parents are watching their kids have the time of their lives with their new toys. The past month feels lived in, joyful and a mess. The Lord has just been showing me reminders of him left, right, up, down and every other direction you can possibly think of and it’s the most pleasant thing to be a receiver of those reminders. I’ll bold those along the way!!

The month started off with Ashley’s birthday party! Gatherings like that don’t just happen for birthdays. So many people who have impacted Ashley and been impacted by her flowed in and out of her driveway just to share the common adoration of who she has been made to be! I hope to have a wedding celebration type 50th birthday party just like her. Also made her a birthday cake, it looked ratchet and was asked “why is it melting?” by Will Brown.

One of my college friends is going to grad school and working for a congressman in D.C., so when the fellows went to D.C. for the National Conference, I got to see her. She is one on the 8 good friends of mine, not connected to fellows and that don’t live in North Carolina (well one does), that the Lord gave me good time with just in November. IN AWE of how many people that is after I was just craving those relationships since being here. Avery, Bekah, Madison, Walker, Bailey, Emmi, Jacob, and Alison. Good stuff.

Went to my first Canes game, explored new parts of Raleigh, had a dayyy in Chaple Hill it was so dreamy, lots of walks, lots of coffee, got Christmas sheets and had sleepovers. Life here is so full. The thrill of being somewhere new has settled and contentment has come in and I am a huge fan of that.

I got a summer job! After fellows I’ll be going back to Wilderness Ranch, the Younglife camp I’ve been a backpacking guide at the past few summers, and I’ll be stepping into a new role of Guide Team Leader. Ask me more about this if you want but in the coming months, I’ll be figuring out how to manage my time and give some of it to Wilderness as we prep for the summer! I’m feeling very hugged and surrounded by the Lord in this area of my life right now.

Got to go home for Thanksgiving and be with my family! I love my family, their hugs and seeing my cat, Betty. I’m super thankful I have people who love me so much and who love watching me and supporting me in all of the things.

Kevin Jonas came out with his first very own single. And A Very Jonas Christmas Movie came out. Soooo important to me.

If you’re thinking, wow she had the best month ever she has not complained once! Life here is just like life anywhere else. I’m struggling with comparison, overly exerting myself as an introvert, overbooking and having to cancel and reschedule with people, the gym doesn’t easily fit into my schedule and it bothers me, I’m waking up later than I’d like to, I’m feeling like I am not doing too well on getting to know every single person in our group intentionally, I get bothered by things easier than I’d like to, and now this is a run on sentence. But all of this to say that if I don’t sit back and be with the Lord every single day and intentionally remember, I’ll think I can do all of this on my own . If I was able to do this all on my own the only thing highlighted above would’ve been Kevin Jonas’ single. The Lord deals with me sweetly.

Top 5 songs of November (screaming along to these in my car was the reality of these songs)

1.     Made You Look- Meghan Trainor (super important)

2.     Boys Like You- Who Is Fancy, Meghan Trainor, Ariana Grande (forgot how good)

3.     Buy Me Presents- Sabrina Carpenter (way too good)

4.     Saddle Again- Role Model (yeah)

5.     Blood On The Page- Mumford & Sons (nothing on this list is original but I’m ok with it)

See ya in January, blog!- Hailey Cook

3/9! That's sick and twisted

Hello, hello!

I can’t believe we are a third of the way through this year - like I said, sick and twisted! Wow, was November full, where to even start. This month held a lot of good but of course as we settle into this year, this month naturally has been stretching. Yep, stretching, I think that’s a good way to describe it. This month, like physically stretching has hurt a little bit, it’s been somewhat uncomfortable, and I feel a little bit out of practice, but with time and with some leaning in, growth will come.

I know you’re all wondering what I might be talking about so I’ll let you behind the curtain of my November. We started this month off with a bang! at Ashley’s birthday party (which I’m sure you will get to read a lot about in all the blogs) and it was so awesome. Not only did we get to celebrate our shining star of a director but it also allowed us to get a peak into the extensive community that Ashley and Sam have cultivated in Raleigh. It honestly gets me excited for a future of digging roots and making it a mission to bring people together as the dance party in their front lawn so obviously did. Soon after, we headed up to DC packed into a 15 passenger van with plenty of snacks and high spirits for the fellows initiative conference! I LOVED THAT TRIP. It was so special to meet people from other programs, get to hear about what they are loving, and watch my Raleigh friends reconnect with their family and friends from all over. The fellows have basically been friends since the first week, but there’s some type of magic that happens in a crowded van and late nights at a hotel - you can’t help but start to love each other a little more. Since we’ve been back from the conference, I’ve spent my weeks having cozy movie nights, a most perfect field day, dinners with Kathryn (mentor), bowling with my eighth grade girls, celebrating each other’s wins, loving my job, and spending time with my family over break. I’ve been feeling grateful for all of these people and opportunities that I don’t deserve yet so kindly have been given. 

With all of these wonderful things, comes growing pains. In the months leading up to this program, I prayed that these nine months would wreck me a little bit - in a break where I have settled and disrupt the plans of my limited mind type of way. It’s so funny when we ask the Lord for things and then are surprised when he answers us. So here I am, getting a little bit wrecked and feeling a little bit broken. I’m wrestling with purpose, sitting in the confusion of work and my faith and straining for clarity. I’ve let fear and doubt and limits blur where I’m being met right now in the right here. I feel my soul, my deepest insecurities and desires being teased out, but the good news is I know He who is doing the work. He shows me again and again that he has no boundaries, no walls, no limitations. His love, his heart, his mercy moves and flows without barrier. So I'll hold on! I’ll trust that my broken tiny view of his big wonderful plan will always fall short of what he has for his kingdom and his children. I'm being stretched, I’m feeling pulled and I’m learning that the mess and the pieces all over the ground might be right where the Lord is pressing his finger, asking me to pay attention. 

What I’m loving as we leave November 

• Exclamation points!!! You might have picked up on this but I love !!! how else can I show you how I’m feeling (I know this is controversial)

• A decorated christmas tree, full of childhood ornaments

• Riding with my dad over break with the top of his convertible down 

• Laughing and joking and being silly with the fellows!

• My room newly filled with christmas decorations 

• Fresh air

• Kathryn, love that girl!

Okay goodbye! Happy advent, rejoice! 

With love, Reagan

MG's Never Ending November

Maddie Grace here! I’m back again this month with very few profound things to say but a full heart!

Okay, it hasn’t actually been a never-ending November, but as I reflected on this month and read Jacob and Bevi’s blogs, I realized how much has been packed into 4 weeks! We kicked off the month with Ashley’s birthday party, took a trip to DC for the fellows conference, spent some weekends meandering around Raleigh, and had our thanksgiving break! Not sure how we did all that, but it was a blast!

It’s hard to believe we’re almost halfway done with fellows. I still feel very new to the program, and there’s still so much left to do. But when I look back, I realize how much we’ve accomplished and how much I’ve grown. This month, it’s felt hard to balance relationships with the fellows, mentors, host family, college friends, and family, especially entering the holiday season. I feel overwhelmed with how much community I’ve been blessed with, yet I feel the weight of knowing there’s not always enough time to do all the things with everyone. Coming back from this thanksgiving break, I feel refreshed knowing that there is so much grace in those relationships, and that the Lord is teaching me how to show up imperfectly but intentionally.

Additionally, I’ve loved spending more time in Raleigh - from slow fun weekends to field trips learning about its history. That field trip with David Spickard was especially impactful, because it showed me some of the lesser told stories about ordinary people who made extraordinary impact in their community. It reminded me of the book “The Small And The Mighty” by Sharon McMahon, where she talks about the long lasting impact of twelve different Americans, whose courage and efforts to improve the world changed lives, even if they didn’t make it into history books. These themes of bravery in the midst of darkness and oppression carry over into the lives of Raleigh natives who shaped the city. The perspective and gratitude I feel when I learn about small but mighty individuals like these can’t be topped; I’m reminded that who I am and what I do matters deeply.

Over all, this month has been one for diving deep, learning and reflecting, and settling in for winter. I’m looking forward to more cozy movie nights, Christmas parties, seeing friends and family, and preparing for the New Year! Thanks for joining me, and Merry Christmas!

-Maddie Grace

Beverly's November as a fellow

Happy almost December! 

I wrote my last blog on Nov 1 and ended on a cliffhanger right before Ashley’s big birthday party. So here I am giving an update because I know everyone’s been thinking about it all month. It was the party of the century! We had SO much fun!! We love Ashley!

Another fun thing was going to DC this month for The Fellows Initiative national conference. We looked really cool in our shirts (see picture) to make sure everyone knew we were the fun fellows. We had low expectations and high flexibility for the weekend and everything turned out to be awesome! Highlights: the speakers and the content, seeing one of my closest college friends Anna, wearing our shirts, the conference food, introducing my parents to the fellows, Ashley driving us everywhere in a 15 passenger van, getting to know other fellows programs (shoutout Orlando), and taking scooters around the Mall to see all the monuments. Great bonding time and we still wanted to be friends with each other after all that! 

I’m having so many fun moments with fellows, deepening relationships with so many people, and learning a lot from classes and church. Some highlights were - girls night with Reagan’s homemade strawberry shortcake, playing football with the fellows on a Monday afternoon, getting pedicures after a girls brunch one Saturday, a night out on Glenwood. 

But also, November has been hard with some personal, work, and host fam stuff. Which is tough for a blog post. Life is life-ing! Now it is time for me to learn how to not dwell on my particular circumstances and whether they are easy and full of obvious blessings (like beginning of fellows), and learn God is still good in whatever season! Hailey led us at roundtable a few weeks ago in a discussion on Psalm 23 (Hailey you are awesome) and one of the takeaways was that because Jesus is our Good Shepherd we can have freedom from fear. That’s been a cool idea to me in one particular circumstance going on right now. I’m grateful to feel peace from God that I don’t have to give in to fear and it’s been sweet to notice blessings from Him even during something hard!

I also have been really grateful for our community of fellows the past few weeks. I am able to be vulnerable with them because they are intentional with asking for prayer requests, checking in on me, and praying for me. And I can do the same for them! I appreciate our group & appreciate how Ashley creates space for us to reflect on our community and how we can love each other well and be intentional. The fellows are mature, wise, vulnerable, and intentional. And they are so fun. And I’m grateful for the community here outside the fellows group - specifically my buddy Tessa, mentor Elaina, and host family. Also grateful for time with family for TG!

I’m excited for December with the fellows!

Bevi Lundeen

Ashley’s party!

Fellows in DC!

Blog, The Third

I, Jacob Currin, am at a loss for what to write about right now. In Spiritual Formation class we were tasked to write our own eulogy which was quite the endeavor. It was a very heavy and emotionally taxing thing to think about and figure out how to express. Honestly though it was a challenge that I relished. It’s endearing to think about how I want to be remembered and the legacy I want to leave.

I’ve always been a big dreamer, sometimes to my own detriment. Bonhoeffer warns in his book Life Together about dreaming without the Lord, so between that and a charge from Mary in class, I’ve been figuring out what it looks like to dream with Him. Truthfully, I’ve been doing a bad job of that and I know it. One of my prayers during our silence and solitude in that week’s class was that the LORD would “break my schemes of earthly joy” in order that I may find my all in Him. Well, he’s done that. It’s not been fun. Heck, it hurts. It’s like praying for humility and the getting humbled. Yes, that’s a good thing. But it’s by no means fun.

Back to my eulogy, I found myself focusing on the small moments. I mean, sure, it’s hard to know what big moments life will bring my way and frankly I don’t love the idea of imaging hardships as inevitable as they may be. The thing I focused on most was the kind or relationships I want to have, whether with friends, a spouse, kids, or the rest of my family. And it’s especially sobering to think about how I can prepare for that now. Like what can I do to show up to the best of my ability for the people around me, stewarding who God has created me to be. That sense of stewardship has stuck with me from a lot over the past month.

Consider this line the intermission because I’d like to come back to this with a cup of coffee to describe.

Update: I’m back a few days later with my resident decaf because its 3pm in the afternoon and I’d like to go to bed at a reasonable time. I have a love hate relationship with this coffee (*pauses to take the first sip) but today it’s a bit better than I remember. Normally, it was the most floral cup of coffee I’ve ever had. Like overwhelmingly floral. It smelled and tasted like perfume and not in a good way. Maybe it’s the coarser grind or maybe it’s the fact that it’s now quite old, but either way it’s a pleasant sip on this drizzling afternoon. It’s very clean with mild notes of white linen perfume and a black tea finish.

I’m once again at a loss for what to write about, but I knew I needed to work on this today so I made myself a rare afternoon coffee, turned on my candle warmer, and plopped at my desk with a soccer game in my ear. I’ve already in part talked about the coffee, so I’ll talk the candle and footy. The candle is gardenia scented, my favorite. Maybe that’s aiding my taste of white linen perfume on the coffee. In terms of footy, I’m watching Roma vs Napoli. Roma is my second team, mainly in part due to my former mentor Alex. When I still lived in South Carolina, specifically in my last semester and post grad, Alex and I would hang out once a week. We ran to the grocery store, checked out houses he was selling, and watched footy. One of my most treasured memories was drinking Italian white wine with him while we watched Roma win 1-0 in the Europa League against, I believe, Eintracht Frankfurt. This season, my beloved Arsenal and Alex’s beloved Roma have the two best defenses in Europe. And yet both conceded today with Roma doing so while I was talking about that memory with Alex. See, Alex and I both love our teams. Arguably too much. An Arsenal loss won’t break my day, but a win sure does make it. I often structure my schedule around when they play and I own more jerseys than I care to admit.

I look down at the shirt I’m wearing and ask myself the question plastered on the front in what is likely the handwriting of my favorite band’s (RIP COIN) lead singer; “do you ever love something so much it hurts?”

Arsenal comes to mind. So does coffee and a whole lot more. I could argue my love for Jesus hurts because of how often I am called to die to myself. However, I want to focus on what I wrote a few days ago at the beginning of this blog post. My dreams. Funnily enough, most of my dreams haven’t come true. And often reality turns out to be better than I could have imagined. One facet of that is definitely fellows. A few months ago, I barely knew it existed. Now it’s become one of the most unexpected blessings of my life. Funny how that works sometimes.

I doubt I’ll ever stop dreaming, and yet I’m excited by the things in my life which will see fruition before I dream of them. It’s often better that way.

Where There's a Will #2

When we started Fellows, Ashley told us that we were going to be rooted in John 15. The beginning of John 15 states: “1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” This scripture has continued to show up throughout this last two months in the program and I believe that it will continue to show up. Branches can’t bear fruit by themselves the same way that Fellows can’t be Fellows by themselves. We have gotten to walk through so many experiences together this month that include the NC State Fair, Glenwood South, a Zach Top Concert, Men’s Retreat, Cookouts, Halloween, and Ashley’s Birthday. These situations would not have bore fruit if we were alone. We were all pre chosen to be on this specific vine and I will continue to trust the gardener to tend to my vine!

John 15 came up again during one of the previous mentioned events from October. The guy Fellows had the privilege of joining in on the Apostles Raleigh Men’s Retreat! On this retreat we got to go down to Wilmington and hang out with 100+ men from our Church. While on this retreat we got to do a multitude of things including playing football, sharing meals, and hearing a message from Tee Gatewood. During his talks are when John 15 came back. Tee has all of John 15:1-17 completely memorized and it blew my mind getting to watch and listen to him teach straight from his memory. When Tee spoke of John 15 he spoke of a great friendship that we are to have with Jesus. Jesus says, “14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.” He spoke of how we are called to friendship with each other, specifically male friendships as we grow older. It is important to have male friendships but friendships get hard as things like jobs, marriage, and families come into the picture and that is why we must be intentional with finding these relationships. He spoke of how it is hard to believe that our all knowing God still wants to be friends with us and that we are no longer called to be servants. We follow a relational God and that is why we must be relationally driven and intentional with each other. We must tend to our vines and prune them so that they can be more fruitful and this is exactly what we need to do with our friendships. I really made a point to get out of my usual circles and talk to older and wiser guys while I was on this trip and I was met with nothing but new perspectives and open conversation. I am grateful for the opportunities that I am given like this and I look forward to the many more that are upcoming.

Being a Fellow has taught me that I have to prune my branches and remain in Him if I am going to be fruitful. I have had to work through time management and being fully present in many different areas of my life (as you can tell with this blog being so late), but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. This past weekend was the start of a crazy couple of weeks for me and I can’t wait for the experiences that are coming up!

-Will Brown

Ashley’s Birthday Party / Game 7 Watch Party

NC State Fair

Zach Top Concert

Glenwood South

Halloween

Fall Fellows😍

Yikes! Am I in trouble? Maybe I shouldn’t point out that my blog post is a couple of days late, but here we are. There is so much grace, and Will Brown hasn’t posted his yet. Okay let’s move on.

October was a mix of silly and exciting moments with a lot of peace and settling in. Raleigh Fellows has taught me how to hold this place that I love close to my heart while also holding it up to Him. The Lord gives good gifts and this month is evidence of that.

The month started off with a bang — some might even say it was our most bonding Fellows event at that point. It was a spontaneous Thursday night porch fire hang at Simas’ house (RF ‘24 and my boyfriend) and to those who know Simas, he rarely turns down the opportunity to host a hangout. He was actually jumping at the opportunity to host the Fellows because he really wanted to get to know each of them more (ugh he’s perfect). We sat around the fire, made s’mores and roasted cold pizza on a stick. We (almost) convinced Peyton that there was a zipline in the backyard. We made memes. We traded chairs. There’s honestly no explaining what made this night so special to all of us, other than us having such a silly time that we ended up staying until midnight. 

The next day, a group of Fellows and Fellows alum gals gathered at Docksology for one last lake weekend in the sun. It was actually magical to go swimming in early October. Female friendships haven’t always come easily to me, but that weekend felt like healing and the Lord pushing me more and more towards vulnerability there. It was peak girlhood and sweet to deepen friendships with Fellows and the other ladies who were there for the weekend. 

Fast forward a couple of weeks, I got to go to a YL banquet for the area I led in college. In a season of having to say no to many things for Fellows, this felt like such a gift. I got to reconnect with my old teammates, area director, high schoolers, and committee members — all people who were so hard to say goodbye to when I finished leading.  While I know God is doing incredible work in and through them, it was such a blessing to see it firsthand and share in that joy with them.

Wow those are only three things that happened this month, but there’s so much more to tell! I’m really into bullet pointing so let’s hear it for the rest of October’s activities:

• Spending time with college friends and still getting to be involved in their lives

• A night out on Glenwood

• Two fair days with Simas and Fellows

• Cooking a feast with Will for Roundtable

• A Raleigh weekend full of Standard smash burgers, coffee and thrifting 

• Going home and seeing my mom, step-dad and the kitties

• Dressing up as Greg Heffley at Skip/Simas/Shane & roomies Halloween Party

• Ashley’s birthday EXTRAVAGANZA (Nov 1st but who’s counting)

Honorable unmentions (probably shouldn't be mentioned but I am):

• I burnt my leg on the Solo Stove

• That’s actually it 

This November I am continuing to learn to want more of what He wants for me than what I want for myself. It’s such a gift to be part of this program and to experience so many things about this place that make it so special to me. I remind myself that whatever is special to me is also deeply important to God. Isn’t that sweet?

Until next time, 

Carsyn

Bye October, Hello November

Hey everybody! 

October roundup let’s go! 

I can confidently say that Raleigh is starting to feel like home as October comes to an end! This month was a busy one but in the best way. It started off with a girls’ weekend at the lake where we enjoyed the last moments of summer while the water was still warm. Taylor Swift’s album came out, and I am refusing to listen to the hate. I think it’s a masterpiece.

I went to the NC State Fair for the first time, and it defied all of my expectations. I could not believe all of the food options! I am still a little bummed that the Peachey’s Doughnuts line was too long, but I have big plans to catch them next year.

I got to stop by Elon and see some of my best friends from college over Alumni Weekend. Margaux (bff from RVA) and I went to her Nonna’s and had the time of our lives in Pinehurst celebrating Nonna’s 84th. The girls had a great weekend in Raleigh while the boys were away at Men’s Retreat. We went to Rebus, Boulted Bread, thrift stores, and hung out at the Miedema’s.

I am loving my job and the creativity it has allowed me to explore. Sydnie has done an amazing job of ensuring that I am experiencing all the areas and facets within creative marketing. My host family is the best, and I absolutely love living with them! My Monday mornings with Marsha are my favorite, and we can always be found at Jubala.

Living in Raleigh has also allowed me to be close to my camp friends. We watch DWTS together on Tuesdays (#TeamRobert), and it has been so fulfilling to have them nearby. Last night was Halloween, and I was Michael Jackson.

Live, love, Raleigh Fellows <3

Until next time,

Morgan

Fall Fellows Update

Our first day of Fellows was September 2nd, but it has already felt like I have been in Raleigh for much longer than I have. I was super nervous leading up to Fellows. I trusted that the Lord led me to Raleigh for a reason, but I still felt apprehensive and did not know what to expect. It was a really odd thing to meet 10 strangers and immediately go on a welcome retreat to a lake house for a week. But, it really was our time at the lake that ignited a great friendship between myself and my fellow Fellows. 

We got back from a fun orientation retreat and kicked off our internships! I am working at Raleigh Rescue Mission as the Volunteer Engagement Intern. Raleigh Rescue Mission is a non-profit temporary living facility for situationally homeless people. They go through what is called the New Life Plan, where they do job training, trauma care, and get to live full-time in order to get back on their feet. The goal is to get them a job and help them save money so they can get housing outside of the Mission. I help with the volunteers, donors, and events side of things, but I am still able to meet clients and interact with them during my work days. I feel so lucky to have this job, as I wanted to be in a care setting type job in my Fellows year, and I also love who I work with. The Mission has already shaped me in so many ways, and I am excited to see how the rest of the year goes. 

Not only do I love my job, but I am so glad that I have such a great class of Fellows. There are seven girls and four guys, and we get along so well. I feared the worst, that none of us would get along, but thankfully we laugh together and have lots of fun. Besides our required Fellows things, we have been to breweries, thrift shops, coffee shops, a concert, and the North Carolina State Fair. It has just been sweet. Ashley, our Fellows director, is also so amazing. She is wise, fun, extremely hospitable, and loves the Fellows so much. 

Classes have also been wonderful. We are taking “Old Testament” and “Why Religion Went Obsolete” on Fridays and then “Just Leadership” and “Family Systems" on Mondays. Why Religion Went Obsolete is based on a book of the same name and taught by the lead Pastor of Apostles, Nick. Just Leadership is taught by a man named David Spickard, who runs a non-profit in Raleigh called 11 Ten Leadership that helps to facilitate justice-oriented leadership in the workplace. Family Systems is taught by a therapist and is about the psychology of family systems. We also have Spiritual Formation classes once a month. I really love class and have been having a great time reading and taking in all of the information.  

Apostles itself is a great church. On the Anglican spectrum, it lies on the reformed Anglican side, as opposed to the Anglo-Catholic side, and feels kind of like my college Evangelical Free Church (City Church), but Anglican. They love the Fellows, and so many past Fellows still live in Raleigh and attend Apostles, which makes the community sweeter. I serve as a youth group leader for the 6th-grade girls and co-lead that every Sunday night. 

My host family is amazing as well. I live with Hayes, Emily, and Hazel (1.5 yrs old) Thielman. Emily is actually the older sister of one of my good friends, Isabel, and was also a Gator! It has been so fun living with them and getting to be part of their family for this short amount of time. They are so kind to let me live in their home for a year and care for me so well. 

Overall, I am having a great time so far and am extremely grateful for that. It still kind of feels like I am a visitor in Raleigh, and I do sometimes find myself missing Florida. But I am confident in the Lord's sovereignty and trust that I am here for a reason. I am in the process of applying to various Master's in Mental Health Counseling programs to begin in the fall of 2026. Who knows where I’ll end up next year! But for now, I am trying to be where my feet are, and I am glad that is in the Raleigh Fellows program. 

With love, 

Jackie

I'm getting rooted, I don't fear the wind!!

Excited to be back with you talking about all of the things that are going on over here in Raleigh!

Now you might be wondering what my title is all about, don’t worry I won't keep you guessing. This past month I went back to JMU for homecoming weekend and got to spend 48 hours with some of my most favorite people who know me best. The weekend was spent at my college house with no agenda, hours of catching up and sitting in the hammock on the porch that held so much significance for me the past couple years. I felt myself reconnecting with my spirit as I embraced close friends, sipped my favorite coffee in town, and watched strangers walk the streets that hold so many reminders of my conversations & pains & joys. During a quick visit with two of my college housemates to see one of our other friends at work, I saw a sign that stuck out to me for some reason, reading “when the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” Now, normally I would giggle at a cheesy quote like that, dismissing it and moving on, but it struck me. My life is full of winds! I realized while being in my most comfortable place that it hadn’t always been so comfortable - I had once been blown around by the winds of newness, stumbling around trying to find someone or something to anchor me in Harrisonburg. The reason I got to relish in the sweetness and familiarity of that weekend is because I had met someone (God!) who rooted me down in friendships & identity & ministry & scattered sacred places. My life here in Raleigh is all windy & breezy & wild. I’m wrestling with who I am - what is the design of my soul, what do I lean on, what framework I view this world through, and just about a million other things. I have no idea the purpose of my life, where the Lord is asking me to serve him vocationally after this year, or what it looks like to navigate this life. I’m having to sit with how to reconcile my broken views of community and my misplaced hope in the dreams of my life. But, I’m getting rooted. The winds are so present, I feel them all around me but recently I don’t fear them! Friendships are starting to take shape and this city is beginning to feel a little bit more like mine. If I pay attention, I can recognize the little ways I’m being formed through this experience and boy do I love getting a glimpse of my father’s work in me and around me! So yes, a cheesy quote underneath a painted tree on a piece of burlap spoke to me - don’t judge me, sometimes God works in silly little ways.

So as you can probably tell I’m just loving it here. l’m thankful that this life that feels somehow brand new and worn in all at the same time is mine! There are many, many things that have been going on in the lives of us fellows but we have limited space here so you’re just going to have to shoot me a text or give me a call if you want to hear all of them!! This is just a taste of all of the good and challenging things going on. 

Things I’m absolutely loving this month!

• The fall! Loving a sweater moment, loving the crunch of leaves beneath my shoes, loving fall colors, and loving the holiday season peaking around the corner

• Finding joy in little tiny moments - life is real great right now, but busy, so the little tiny moments are holding lots of goodness for me

• My job! There probably won’t be a month that I’m not absolutely in love with my job, so get used to this one. I get to see little mini images of God running around trying to figure out how to communicate and learn and it feels like an extra special way I get to feel the Lord’s love Tuesday-Thursday

• Bible class. Friday mornings we have an Old Testament class and I kind of leave in awe every week at how much we learn 

• My sister lived in Raleigh when I moved here two months ago but just moved to D.C. a couple weeks ago. We didn’t think we would get this month and a half crossover which made it so sweet and packed full of seeing each other. I miss her! This month I felt super grateful for time in the same city and getting to live a life where my sisters are two of my best friends.

• My fellow fellows who are now my friends! I all of a sudden have lots of friends and we’re starting to see each other’s belovedness. There’s some type of magic stirring and I’m so eager to see it grow. Jim Branch describes community in his Blue Book, saying “somehow, mysteriously, abundance is created. The sum of the whole becomes much greater than the sum of the parts. It is sheer delight, for somehow, as the gifts are being given, they renew themselves, even as they are being poured out.” (forgive me for not giving you the APA citation for this, but you get the gist) I LOVE THEM

• Making my coffee every morning with my moka pot espresso maker - go ahead, add it to your cart! 

• Meeting friends of friends, this happens like every day and its soooo fun 

Lots more I could say but I’m cutting myself off now! Bye for now. 
With love, Reagan!

Some of the gals doing one of our favorite things - getting coffee and chatting!

My sister Amelia and I the night before she moved.

Some of my housemates on our college house’s porch!

happy no sausage on a stick at the fair month

A little back story before I get into this whole thing. I got to be a backpacking guide in Colorado for the past two summer for Wilderness Ranch, the Younglife Camp- seriously best job ever and could talk about this for a while but I’m sparing y’all. This past summer started off with a friend of mine reciting Psalm 23 in a prayer over her and I as we just felt so uncertain about why the Lord had brought us back again. So obviously after I found out she had Psalm 23 memorized I wanted to memorize it too. I would go on to think about it all summer and had the idea of the Psalm down just didn’t know the order, that’s so not needed information but whatever. This month the Lord has just been showing up left and right like he’s my ride from the airport just holding up a huge sign that says Psalm 23 and I just immediately know it’s for me. So, I memorized it this month. Insanely long intro but let’s chat about my month.

It’s easy to realize that the Lord is your Shepherd, He makes you lie down in green pastures, leads you beside still waters and is the restorer of your soul when you are literally in the act of doing all of that. While on my last trip this past summer, we were walking and suddenly we were in this wide-open green valley called the Ute Creek Valley. I heard a camper behind me say “scripture is right in front of my face” and I was like okkkkk Lord yes, I’m reading them Psalm 23 right now. So, I did. And these campers seriously were in awe of how they profoundly and practically could relate to scripture in a very visual way. And that’s been the topic of thought of my month. How will I, so profoundly and practically, notice that Psalm 23 is just as cool to relate to even when physically I’m not laying in a wide-open green valley with a river running through. Newsflash Hailey- He’s the restorer of your soul, just be with Him. So, while the schedule of being a fellow has been a good challenge for me, and hasn’t slowed down and won’t for a while, I have found rest in the midst of it, and these are ways I’ve found it!

Being with my mentor! I could sit and chat with Emily for a crazy amount of time. She is so kind, wise, easy to laugh with and a person I’ve noticed myself wanting to be like in a friend towards others.

Prayer partners! Prayer partners is when you get paired up with another fellow every week. I love this time I get to have one-on-one with the fellows. I made Maddie Grace come paint pottery with me for our PP week and now I think everyone should have a passion for painting pottery.

Girls’ nights and more hot tub visits. These girls are so good. I could write forever bragging about them, but I’ll save that for another time. Hot tubs, as we know from my last blog, could never let me down.

Took my off weekend to go hiking with my friend Madison! Mega needed weekend.

Rapid fire awesome things: The weather, state fair (no sausage on a stick didn’t sit well with me), Zach Top concert, thrifting, making some good coffee at home, riding the electric bull at the fair, peanut butter and banana toast, DWTS, Ashley giving me the worst wedgie of my life, roundtable and laughing with Ashley, Sam, and all the fellows and Halloween.

Songs of October (my last 5 are still heavily in the mix)

Runaway Love- Justin Bieber (speaks for itself)

Close Up- Olivia Dean (passionate about this song like never seen in myself before)

Like I Want You- Zach Top (country music is alive and well. Amen)

Johnson Song- Mt. Joy (nostalgic and crave this constantly)

The entire Lake Street Dive & Lawrence: The City Winery Sessions EP (the air to my lungs)

He restores my soul. Over and over! November, be lit to me. Ok bye.

-Hailey Cook

Psalm 23 then!

Psalm 23 now!

Big Peyton has entered the chat

Holy crap (excuse my language), it’s November! I suppose time really does fly. Before I dive into all of the amazing things I’ve been doing with Fellows, let’s just acknowledge that Fall is objectively the best time of year. Take a moment and breathe - do you feel the crisp autumn air? The leaves are beginning to die, yet in the most beautiful way. Additionally…

Sunday (all day) – Football
Monday Night – Football
Thursday Night – Football
Friday Night – High School Football
Saturday (all day) – College Football

Isn’t that just beautiful? And that’s not all - we can’t forget about the NHL, MLB, NBA, and college basketball. This, my friends, is a sliver of heaven.

Anyway, this blog is dedicated to Fellows, so let’s talk about Fellows, shall we? Most recently, Apostles organized its 3rd Annual (don’t fact-check me on that) Men’s Retreat in Wilmington, NC. If I’m being completely honest, this pushed me out of my comfort zone. As I’ve shared with some of the Fellows - and now the millions of people reading this blog - making deep and meaningful friendships with other men has been a challenge. Apparently, I’m not the only guy who faces this. In fact, it’s become such a common struggle that a bunch of dudes from a quaint Anglican church tucked away in the heart of North Hills abandoned their “normal” lives for an entire weekend to learn how to be friends (like…actual friends) with other men. It was incredible.

For the first time in what feels like forever, I engaged in challenging conversations, laughed, grabbed coffee, and made tons of incredible memories - exclusively with other Christian men. For the first time in a while, I felt like one of the guys. Geez, I could go on and on about everything we learned and every small group conversation, but for the sake of time, just know this weekend was an answered prayer.

In other news, I’m starting to (finally) get a grasp of my role at NeighborHealth. Serving as the Marketing and Communications Coordinator has been challenging, to say the least, but extraordinarily rewarding. Admittedly, I’ve discovered that sitting behind a computer screen for eight hours is excruciating, but I have a great team that helps mix things up. Simply walking around and chatting with people from different departments has been a lifesaver. My biggest takeaway, though, quite frankly has little to do with marketing or how to draft the perfect email. Rather, it’s been about how I view work through a biblical lens. I’ve listened to every podcast imaginable on how to “commit my work to the Lord” and often find myself wondering how God originally intended work to be for humanity in 2025. I’ve seen the Lord’s faithfulness in my other jobs, but I’ve never seen investors walk into an office and stop mid-conversation to pray. To put a bow on my thoughts, I’ll just say I’m witnessing the line between “secular business” and faith begin to blur. I’m learning what it looks like to walk alongside Jesus every moment of every single day.

Hopefully, you’ve gathered by now that I am thriving (simply because it’s Fall), the Men’s Retreat was a success, and I work for a pretty cool nonprofit. To wrap up our time together, I owe my mentor, Mr. Frank Shell, an honorable mention. We’ve had the opportunity to chat several times, but it wasn’t until topics like John Mayer, The Lumineers, or Chance Peña came up that our conversation really took off. For context, Frank plays guitar - and so do I. The only difference is that Frank knows what he’s doing. Thankfully, he’s my mentor. Hopefully, you’re starting to connect the dots here. If not, let me make it blatantly clear: I will be bringing my guitar to our next meeting. Point is, I’m pumped to play guitar (or at least try) during these upcoming meetings. Vibes are going to be immaculate.

I’m just now realizing that I forgot to mention how John 15 has become increasingly influential in my life. I’m talking “I wanna get this tattooed on my body” kind of influential. Sadly, our time here together is coming to an end. I’ve rambled on enough, so I’ll leave you on a cliffhanger:

How exactly has John 15 become so influential in Peyton’s life? The world may never know… but you could - if you come back next month to read my blog.

(P.S. If you visit the Lenovo Center, don’t forget to take a selfie with Big Peyton. If that doesn’t make sense to you, please reference the attached photo.)

Toodles,
–Peyton

October as a Raleigh Fellow

Hello blog! 

Lots of things have happened in October. So much to discuss. My word to describe fellows is that it is just so rich. There are so many things to learn, so many people to build relationships with, so many cool God sightings, and so many fun and silly moments. 

Let’s start with a recap of fun things! It was kind of exhausting but am so glad each of these things happened:

• Went to a college friend’s wedding at the end of September. It was so fun and sweet to see a ton of UVA friends and now I’m excited for everyone I know to get married. 

• Went to Ashley’s lake house for a girls weekend! The boys are still mad at us. I LOVED the weather and it was healing to swim in the lake in October.

• Two friends - Jaida and Anna - visited me and our friend Kendall for the weekend. I felt so loved having them here and it was so fun to introduce old friends to new friends and have everyone in the same place. It was so restful to catch up with them and spend quality time together. Shoutout Billy and Cathy for not caring about all of them crashing here! 

• The next weekend I went up to Charlottesville for UVA’s homecoming and it was so great. Seeing Charlottesville in the fall was just what I needed and I miss it so much. It was just so great to see so many friends and pack in a ton of things in 24 hours. 

• Last weekend the boys were on a men’s retreat and the girls spent a restful weekend in Raleigh together (we missed you Maddie Grace!). We went out for dinner, sat in the hot tub, went to a coffee shop, went thrifting, and cooked dinner. 

• The fellows went to the state fair together! This was my first state fair and it was so silly.

• We did a recruitment cookout event at the NC State study center!

• Halloween last night was so fun! I am not a huge halloween person but I actually had a blast and the costumes were iconic. And since I am following the rules and posting this on Nov 1, you don’t get to hear the recap of Ashley’s birthday party but that is happening tonight and it might be the best event of the year. 

Some of the things I’m learning:

• I am starting to get better at learning how to listen to God more and tune into the things that are being stirred up in my mind. This was kind of a goal at the beginning of fellows and I think I’m slowly figuring it out. I’m grateful to have a spiritual formation class with intentional time to sit in silence and prayer with God. I’m also grateful to have such a great mentor, Elaina, who has helped me figure out what time with God looks like during a busy fellows year. 

• I am reluctantly learning (kind of) how to dream. For our spiritual formation class we have been assigned to sit & dream with God about our future and write a eulogy to reflect how we want our life to look like. I am naturally really bad at dreaming and thinking about my future; it just is not something my mind does. So this is very new for me and I’m not good at it but I guess it is happening a little bit.

• I’m learning a lot about how to think about justice and how to better process injustices from our class on Just Leadership. I am really grateful for the topics we read and talk about and that we talk about hard things in a biblical setting. 

• With all the busyness and fun things I think I am learning how to better rest and be more intentional about true rest.

Things I’m loving:

• I really enjoy our weekly rhythm of having a prayer partner. Each week we are paired with one of the fellows and we get together and talk and pray together. I love an intentional, 1-on-1, hangout, so this has been super life giving to me. It’s the best way for me to get to know the fellows better and feel like they can know me too. 

• I am enjoying all of our classes! I am loving the opportunity to learn just for the sake of learning.

• This month I spent a lot of time with college friends which has been awesome! I’m so glad to have opportunities to see them in-person for various things and am grateful for really great friendships that I want to keep up post-college. 

• I’m loving to listen to the new albums from Sabrina Carpenter & Olivia Dean. Ok Bevi that is pretty basic and doesn’t seem like a huge deal. But something about me is I am really bad at listening to new music so I want to shout out Hailey for driving me to work and getting me obsessed with the music she’s loving.

• I’m loving the new season of Nobody Wants This on Netflix.

• I’m loving my friendships with my fellows buddy Tessa & my mentor Elaina.

Hard things:

• Feeling like I have the capacity for all the rich content and experiences happening. It’s so great but sometimes I get overwhelmed.

• My sister just moved to Ethiopia! (Hi Valerie miss you)

• Still dealing with head symptoms like pain & fogginess, although I am grateful to have seen a little bit of progress in the past few weeks. 

Thanks for reading my October update!

Love, Bevi Lundeen

Blog: The Sequel

Hey everyone, it’s Jacob back at it again with blog, the sequel. I sadly can’t describe my usual pour over for you today as I was out and about early before picking up catered coffee for a work event. I was up late last night so I’ve already had 4 small cups of this coffee that isn’t like what I normally prefer.  One thing I’ve found myself saying a decent bit lately is that I’ve learned to tolerate a bad cup of coffee. And honestly, it’s not that the coffee I don’t drink is bad, it’s just not what I’m used to.

That is almost exactly how I described fellows so far to my prayer partner yesterday afternoon. See, fellows or apostles aren’t bad. Not at all. But they are different. And I feel like I’m experiencing a whole new side of my hometown that I never knew existed. It’s so easy to grow accustomed to our own little worlds that we live in that we can fail to recognize other points of view. And yet, sometimes that other point of view is exactly what we need.

This past weekend I was on the men’s retreat with Apostles and the speaker talked about male friendship from the lens of John 15. It’s funny cause John 15 is the passage Ashley helped us posture this year around and hearing her perspective on it was almost exactly like every other time I’ve heard it spoken upon in Bible studies, books, or via a mentor. However, this weekend’s speaker took a passage with which I was familiar and spun it in a way I’ve never considered it before. Almost exactly like how fellows has done for my views of Raleigh or Apostles has done for my views of the church. Just because something is different from what I know doesn’t mean it’s bad. Sometimes it’s good and actually quite necessary to our lives.

One thing I’ve loved about Apostles which has been incredibly reassuring is that a number of the passages or prayers I would recite out of habit I’ve heard shared by the pastors before a sermon or during liturgy. It’s been such a sweet affirmation from the Lord that where I am right now is the right place for me.

Funny enough from this weekend in Wilmington on Men’s Retreat I figured out that one of my best friends was there too for his brother’s Ironman. In my small group we talked through the reality of having friendships of the deepest kind and when I was asked if I have any friendships like that, I immediately thought of him. Like I could not shake memories of that friendship throughout that weekend’s sessions and he was probably not even a couple miles away from me that whole time. One of the questions from our small group breakouts asked what keeps you from developing deep friendships like that. I said such a genuine connection like that can only really grow from consistent time and proximity. And no slight on the fellows, but I don’t have such a friendship with any of them like that. After all, I didn’t know any of them two months ago. But that’s not to say we can’t get to that place though. It takes showing up for one another too. And I’ve been so incredibly encouraged by how the fellows are all showing up for one another so far.

Last month I got to visit my college town for that friend’s wedding. It was such a sweet time. There was a double rainbow during the reception which felt like such a blessing over their marriage and it’s genuinely one the best things I’ve ever seen. There was actually also a double rainbow over this summer the night I figured out about fellows and that feels like such an inclination that I’m in the right place.  I don’t know what else to say, but I know I’m not done with this blog post yet.

Okay, and I’m back again for the second time and in this case it’s the next morning. Not much else to add, but I am sipping a light roast (shocker) anaerobic yeast fermented Nicaraguan coffee that I snagged while back in South Carolina. This bright cup reminds me of pineapple rinds, lemons, and stone fruits.

Now this blog feels complete, or at least good enough.