Shalom! 1/3 of the way through the program, I wasn’t really sure what to expect this far into it all. I wasn’t sure if I would be living my very best life or if I would be miserable. I wasn’t sure if I was going to love my job or if I was going to hate it. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get along with my host family or if I would be going directly up to my room after I got home everyday (Chris and Pauline if you’re reading this then know it is the former and not the latter!). My introduction into the fellows started with the unveiling of walls that I had intentionally forgotten about. Month 2 had a lot of focus on sitting still and having courage the Lord will love me exactly where I’m at currently. Month 3 I’m not quite sure…
I have lacked a lot of motivation to do really anything this month. I have struggled to be present with my friends, present in classes, present in work, and honestly present in my relationship with Christ. This month has been a month of struggling to fight for joy. My usual motivators, the things that really get me going, have been dragging me down. I have felt alone in a room full of friends, and have let the negativity of the world and thoughts that come along with that creep into my daily actions and words.
Philip found Nathanael and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the Law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?”
-John 1:45-46
I feel like Nathanael here, wondering can anything good come out of where I am? Can I really be happy in my current state? Can I be filled with joy and thanksgiving? If you were to ask me now I would probably give you some fluff answer of how the Jesus is the great provider and that He loves us and fills us with joy. But that would be unauthentic. A more honest answer would be to say, “I honestly am struggling to find the good in anything. I can’t seem to find joy in whatever that I am doing and I really have no motivation to even get out and do the things that usually give me life.” But this is the walk. This is where leaning into the sufficiency of Jesus begins. This is where we see the difference of, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” and “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!”
Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!” Nathanael said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathanael answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him; “Because I said to you, ‘I saw you under the fig tree’ do you believe? You will see greater things than these.”
-John 1:46-50
Come and see, three words that are used fairly often in the Bible, inviting people into the truth of Christ. Even though currently I sit in the jurisdiction of “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” I am hoping as I walk closer to Christ he will call out to me, “Come and see what good has already come out of the Nazareth and I will show you greater joy, love, and peace than you could ever imagine.” I know there are seasons of this, where it just seems like nothing is joyful or happy, but I know that this is a season. I know that the Lord is good and he calls us like he called Nathanael. So as I continue to walk to where Christ is, absorbing and cherishing what is around me, I am intently listening for this call of come and see the good that surrounds you Daylon.
Shalom,
Daylon Shaw
P.S. If you were wondering if the fellows is Raleigh exclusive, it isn’t. BUT Raleigh be the city.