My life was not worth the truth. Ray Hinton
We are bodies of broken bones. Thomas Merton
The kingdom is not the community of believers, that is the church, it is the renewal of the entire world by the King through his people. Paige Benton Brown
Resentment for what we do not have is the number one reason we do not use what we do have. Paige Benton Brown
And one who understands the nature of tragedy cannot take sides. Will Campbell
Rarely when we endeavor to rule over trail does our body finish before our mind.
One of the more intensive realizations that has come to fruition this past month has been how God has come through in all of the things that I have myself wrapped up in. Particularly in the movements throughout the day. Some call it the dance (oh how much do they love calling it that, but what if you can’t dance? Just a thought). Some call it the rhythm. Whatever it is, just act like a monk: work, pray, eat, pray, read, pray, sleep… pray. The prayer throughout the day creates a sustained posture of gratitude and nearness with the Lord. One time in particular has been influential in all my days. I don’t necessarily cherish the time, but golee something has been occurring in my mornings with God and I have painfully sewed it to my being. I have looked to the Psalms in the morning to see and hope for God to be with me throughout the day (as if that wasn’t the case despite my efforts). I have often struggled with the Psalms, to the point in which I needed to find a book by Thomas Merton called Praying the Psalms. If you haven’t picked up on it already, I am slow to allow my heart to know the Lord, which is a problem given our greatest command from Jesus calling on Deuteronomy in Mark 12 to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength,” (vv. 30, NIV). Mind and strength are pretty much a given at this point, I don’t need to explain my credentials or speak to my testimony, but just trust me that holding fast to the Lord is something that has gripped me for a long time. To love something with my heart and soul is, well, it seems unsubstantial.
Contemporary Christian culture has really emphasized on these things, which I don’t think is all that bad, as long as they are in balance with the other two concepts in the command. This can be said about myself. Hiding behind rhetoric, words, and discipline. Truly, it feels like a high school clique that I am not able to fight myself into; the “heart and soul” clique that is. Man if I could just be in that crowd, then I’d know, then it would make sense. My judgmental self (Lord remove me from the thrown) consistently sees the heart and soul as things manipulated and fickle, eventually leading me to ask how I could begin to know something in my heart or soul?
My mind tells me that 2+2=4.
My body tells me that fire is hot.
What does my heart tell me? Feelings? Don’t those come and go? What does my soul confirm? A calling or vocation? How can I know?
St. Augustine (that is pronounced “say-int August-in” by the way, kind of like the ending of my name, you fools) has a repeated quote that goes like, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.” That is what my heart tells me. That when I am not resting or seeking God somehow, I suffer. Little by little, maybe, but a little can go a long way. And I can attest to this, it is true, because I have lived in accordance to that longing and God has blessed the time. As for the soul, beats me. Seriously, send some soul definitions or an expert on the soul. Part of my hope is further learning a little something from the Psalms in both of these arenas. Thomas Merton says, “For God has willed to make Himself known to us in the mystery of the Psalms,” (p. 8 if you care). This resonates with my whole relationship with God. It is absurd how many questions, how much skepticism, and wonder I have when it comes to God. Somehow this mystical God loves us, and I can trust that, because when my heart is resting in God my burden is light and it is easier to believe the grand story of the Bible. God loves Son, Son loves us, and Son believed God and what was done, so it seems like a good place to start.
I’ll end with a potentially overused illustration. The other evening, I had dinner with a friend of a friend’s, and as we were walking back he stopped me. “
Do you know the word for sin in Greek?”
Little did my new friend know, I studied Koine Greek, which allowed me to flex the whole, “Hamartia, another translation may be to miss the mark.” Which this may be a conversation for another time, but my Greek lexicon had never showed me that as a possibility. For the sake of entertaining my friend, and any talk regarding this line of reasoning, we went on.
“That’s right,” he said as he began to pull back an imaginary bow, “Say, if I were even a centimeter off from this distance, do you think I could hit that target?” One eye closed, gritting his teeth, he was referring to a sign across the street that resembled a target.
“Well, at this distance, I imagine you wouldn’t hit it at all,” I said.
“Again, correct.”
He didn’t say anything but went across the street and as I followed, walked straight up to the sign which was about chest height. With his imaginary bow, his left fist “holding” the bow practically touching the sign, he said “Now? What do you think? Am I walking home with a kill?”
He need no response. We both knew. This week in my mornings, I have been in Psalm 73, in which the author anguishes over the lives of others, and how they walk around taking and grabbing and accumulating much. But it is the wrong stuff and it moves them from God and the good that comes with God. Becoming their own gods. Towards the end, the voice is satisfied with knowing God and not following the others, and eventually states, “But as for me, it is good to be near God,” (vv. 28). To be near God, what a necessity! Say I am a ways from God in one way or another. Even a small act could turn out to be so far from God. If sin really is missing the mark, then why in the world do I continue to choose distance from the Good Lord? Walking faithfully does not mean walking from a distance. It is personal. Side by side, sometimes face to face, with God. It is clearer to discern what God’s will is, it is easier to hear and receive the truths spoken, and compassion is warmer than ever near the Lord. Pull close friends, and hold fast. God wishes a flourishing life to be one of close proximity.
Thanks,
Austin Spence