Happy Halloween! I hope no one reading this has wasted their time this month watching the new Adam Sandler project, Hubie Halloween. Because I did, and it’s not good! I watched it so you don’t have to. You’re welcome! The following words are about some feelings I have felt and some thoughts I have thought recently.
“Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!”
This prayer cannot escape me for whatever reason. Whether it be in a book, a scripture reading (“Son of David, have mercy on me!”), or in class, it continues to penetrate my thoughts. I seem to be mindlessly performing the next task every day. This mental block repeatedly prevents me from true prayer and communion with God. I think I have the desire, but can’t seem to actually seem to say anything to God, or give space and focus for Him to speak in return. Again and again, over and over, I seem to only recite this short prayer. It’s the only thing that brings me out of the fog. Nothing else can comfort me in the slightest. Otherwise, my mind floods with thoughts and insecurities, some new and some thought to be dealt with ages ago. I beg to come out of the zombie state I’ve been in, but maybe I’m in this spot for a reason. God is teaching me something through this simple prayer, I’m sure of it. Lord, give me the patience and wisdom to see what that is.
“The desire to pray itself is a type of prayer. How often we ask for genuine experience when all we really want is emotion.” - Reverend Ernst Toller, First Reformed
Cheers,
Cam
P.S. If you can’t tell, I really love the movie First Reformed. Give it a watch on Amazon Prime.