hi! Today I told my life story to the other fellows, and in the process of processing it (haha) I felt like I got to really look at the ways that the Lord has worked in my life. In some ways, the things I’ve never understood became ways the Lord has transformed me. I think that there are things that will happen to us in our lives and we will never understand their purpose. I think that’s part of the Lord’s intentional design. This side of heaven there will be parts of God that I won’t understand. That’s the painful, beautiful, exasperating crux of it all. More simply, that’s faith. And the times that I want to run from that are the times that he’s asking me to lean into it. The Lord is constantly asking me this:
“Morgan, will you lean in? Will you lean into me? Will you be all in with me?”
I think he’s asking us all this. I’m often too distracted, too busy, and not attentive to my need for the Lord to hear it. I still don’t truly know how to sit at Jesus’ feet and not try to rush around, earning his love that he never asked me to strive for. I think this will be the battle of my life. And it is a battle, a constant and never-ending fight to not give into this world and all of the shiny things competing for my soul. And I have to fight it with all I have. Every. Single. Day. And some days we might lose the battle. But Jesus wins the war. And because he died on the cross, we are counted victorious too. And that’s the difference. The more I try to understand His extravagant love and mercy and grace, the more I want to know him. And spending time in his presence is the result of that.
My deepest, most fervent prayer for fellows is I seek this first. YEEHAW!
To this year (9 months):
Here in Raleigh-town!
This time has been long-awaited, yet loosely anticipated.
Already, already
I feel that this is the place.
Not of anything that I’ve done. Not of the things I could do.
Not even of the people I’m surrounded by that hold my heart and its contents so carefully.
But the Lord is here. He is evident, profound.
Waiting, always waiting for me to sit still with him.
And he is using me?
He is,
Using me.
Xoxo,
Morgan