Time is flying! I find it hard to believe it’s January already, and 2021 at that. It’s funny to think about what I probably thought I’d be doing as a young adult when I was younger… I’m sure I thought I’d have a lot figured out by now. I always tell people that I still feel like I’m 16, figuring out who I am and who I want to be.
On my drive back to Raleigh I was anxious. I couldn’t really place why - I was so excited to be back, ready to be back. I even realized that I’ve actually started calling Raleigh ‘home’ which I think says a lot. I turned off my music and let it be silent for a little while. Then, I just started talking to the Lord. I’ll be honest, it felt weird. I think a lot of the time I try to keep the way I interact with God through journaling or praying in my head or with a group of others. It’s been a while since I’ve just talked out loud to God like I talk to a friend.
Yet that’s who the Lord is, isn’t he? A friend - the best friend I’ve ever had. A friend I am constantly pushing aside to chase after the more attractive things that life seemingly has to offer to me.
We are currently reading Abba’s Child for fellows and it is shaking me to my core. It feels like the author has extensively studied me and then wrote this book specifically for me.
Manning writes, “How would you respond if I asked you this question: ‘Do you honestly believe God likes you, not just loves you because theologically God has to love you?’ If you could answer with gut-level honesty, ‘Oh yes, my Abba is very fond of me,’ you would experience a serene compassion for yourself that approximates the meaning of tenderness.”
When I first truly started following Jesus, there was a freedom I felt that I’d never experienced before. I think that’s what an acknowledgement of love looks like: freedom. We can breathe more deeply and fully. We live out of knowing that we are safe. In that blanket of safety, we open ourselves up to let the one who loves us (and sees us fully) come in. But then the storm hits. Or we get caught up in routine and we try to please God by doing everything the right way. And slowly, in our legalistic view of obedience, freedom turns into a list of rules. Walls go up and we push the truest friend we’ve ever known out.
Funny how many times I’ve heard how much God loves me, and yet it can ring hollow. Of course he does. He’s God. But he loves me. The real me. God loves the Morgan that is in a bad mood after work and the Morgan that is always two steps behind whatever responsible thing I should be doing and probably should have thought about earlier. Nothing can separate his love for me. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:39).
To put it simply, I am defined as someone who is loved by God. He is very fond of me. My prayer is that the sacrifice of the cross would become more real every day...
I thought I’d finish this off with a little poem I wrote a few days ago:
I’m not gonna stop
Not gonna stop till I get my shot.
That’s who I am
That is my plan
Will I end up on top?
You can
bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it
You can bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it (Bet on me)
I wanna make it right,
that is the way
To turn my life around,
today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say?
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it
You can…
bet on me
And if these words seem eerily similar to a masterpiece entitled ‘Bet on it’ from High School Musical 2 in which Troy Bolton is in his feels and runs around a golf course wearing an all black fit?? Mind your business. <3
- morgan