Recently I have been sitting in the fear that one day I will wake up and realize my life has become boring. That life has become all too predictable and nothing challenges me or makes my heart beat a little bit faster. I have always longed for newness and often find myself easily dissatisfied with the predictable rhythms of life. As I have spent more time sitting in this fear, I have begun to see the parallels in my relationship with the Lord. That in the ordinariness of life, pursing the Lord feels boring. I genuinely feel sad even writing those words. Spending time with God is only “exciting” when I need Him or am overwhelmed with gratitude for all that He has done in my life. The mundane and the ordinary are unfulfilling. This leads to me to the question of what do I deem fulfilling and why isn’t my relationship with the Lord satisfying this desire?
My hope and prayer is that I would approach my faith like that of a child. One that never grows weary or bored, rather one that is energized and constantly in awe of the Father. One that doesn’t grow frustrated with the slowness with which the Lord moves, but is grateful that He moves. To approach God with reverence and deep appreciation and acknowledgement of the cross. To have an unyielding curiosity for the Lord and for that curiosity to fuel my desires.
My life never has and never will be boring in the Lord’s eyes and I pray that I would begin to seek Him in my desires and desire Him in my seeking.
On an unrelated note, Maddie notified me that New Years resolutions are so 2020 and that its all about the February resolutions. So here are my February goals:
Run a 10k
Read one whole book (I promise this a lofty goal for me)
Spend a day in the NC mountains
Beat Jeb in a game of monopoly deal
-Sara