Y’all ever feel like you know something front to back, like the palm of your own hand, only to find out you have so much more to learn? Yeah, I think I’ve felt this way every single day since I’ve been in Raleigh haha. Talk about being HUMBLED!
In November, we had the outstanding TREAT of attending, and serving as the welcome wagon (shoutout to Austin’s hospitality skills), for the Micah 6:8 retreat! After one of our sessions, we circled up with fellows from other programs to debrief our keynote speaker’s (John Richmond) first talk of the weekend. One of the girls in my group was talking about what she heard him say and ended with this statement, “As a fellow, I feel like I get humbled every. single. day.” As soon as she said that, this overwhelming feeling came over me. In that moment, I was like “Lord, that’s IT. That’s what this whole thing is about.”
What I’m trying to say is I think I came into this program with A LOT of unrealistic and unfair expectations. Expectations for myself, for others, and for the program itself. For the longest time now, I’ve looked at these 9 months as THE THING that would prove just how much I thought I knew. And really the exact opposite has been true. So far, I’ve seen how much I have to learn.
It’s so gracious and kind of the Lord to plop me back down when I come out of the gates running. And let me tell you, I get my booty plopped down more than I’d like to admit but enough to keep me present in the here and now.
This past Sunday at church, my host mom (Robin Bolash if you’re reading this, I think the world of you!) talked about how walking with Jesus isn’t as formulaic as we make it out to be. And trying to put life with the Lord into this neat, step by step plan actually causes us to opt out of partnership with the Holy Spirit and teachable discipleship. Once again, I sat there in awe of how creative the Lord is in grabbing my attention! So that’s where I’m at! To me, doing fellows seemed like the perfect “formula” or the “secret sauce” to following Jesus. And really, that’s just not true. Yes, it’s a helpful tool and a wonderful program designed to be just that! But really, God just wants our fullest attention on Him, His Son, and His Spirit. Thank you Lord for turning my seemingly empty hands over into worship of You. What seems like lack has turned into praise! That’s what this is really about.
With joy and in Christ always,
Kassie Starnes