***Apologies for the late blog***
February was such a FULL, FUN month I truly had no idea where to begin… so please accept this messy, scattered, colloquial blog. I’m trying to free my tightly-wound, tryhard-writer, over-thinker college self from feeling the need to have a profound and perfectly written blog every month. Don’t worry I’m sure she’ll be back next month but for now here goes a quick highlight reel that will not do the last few weeks justice by any means!
February is a month people $h!ttt on a lot because it’s cold, dark, weirdly short, etc. BUT! It was honestly my favorite month of the program so far and was full of light, love, and celebration in 2021. Tommy, Morgan, and I shared a birthday month (lucky me for getting two of the best humans on the planet to celebrate with) and the other fellows celebrated us each so well. Dinners, games, playing in the sunshine, karaoke, dancing, laughing… it was so fun. I had one or three of those I’m-so-overwhelmed-by-how-much-I-love-people cries this month, which if you know me, may not surprise you, but still says a lot nonetheless. The friends in this program are a gift to me, and this month, I thanked God once more for the blessing it is to know them.
We also had that incredible retreat with John Richmond and his family last weekend. I took away so much from the weekend, but the thing he said that felt the most profound was also the simplest: The number one rule is to please God, and if we do that, everything else will fall into place. That’s it. ( I’m still sitting with my notes from the weekend and taking it all in. I may need to process it more on next month’s blog….)
Thanks to Sara, Brene Brown, and my counselor I’ve been wrestling with vulnerability a lot this month. I’ve come to the uncomfortable realization that my fear of failure is cripplingly high and I despise being vulnerable — despite how much I crave vulnerability and am always blessed by it when others have the courage to be vulnerable. I’m praying through that and may be back to update further thoughts in the future.
Finally, in class two Monday’s ago, Mary told us to “live the questions” and to “let the questions give us life.” Don’t freak out about trying to get all your questions answered, she said. So in light of that sentiment, here is a list of questions that have been posed to me that I can’t shake and questions that have surfaced in my own heart in the past month:
· Is [X thought] serving you or weighing you down?
· What do you WANT?! (*read in Ryan Gosling/ Noah’s voice in the famous scene from The Notebook)
· How can we learn to see imperfection as a gift?
· What places call your heart?
· What makes you feel close to God?
· As you consider [X decision], what are you feeling inside you? If you were painting your internal response to considering this decision, what colors would you use?
· What in your life feels life-giving and what life-draining?
· How can you let yourself be loved if you don’t let yourself be seen? (Brene Brown)
· Is joy the most vulnerable human emotion? Why do we shield ourselves from too much joy and fear an immediate backlash if things are going “too well”?
· How can we be BOTH truthful and loving at once?
· What does it look like to live life unhurried and make ourselves available to people as Jesus did time and time again in Gospel accounts?
· How are you pursuing Godly Justice in your life?
And two silly bonus Q’s from the weekend retreat:
· What spouse will you select??? (lol shoutout John and Linda Richmond for this one) ***this is optional u do not have to select one***
· Which fellow will have a soggy wedding? John Richmond said that statistically one of us will… (hmu if you want to know my answer or if you want to turn in your vote)
Happy International Women’s Day !!
XOX,
Sarah