March was a funnn month! I’ve been running (and driving) around like crazy this past month which has been mostly really good, but I got real with myself today and realized I really need some stillness in my weekly rhythm these next few weeks.
Something that has surfaced in my heart a lot this year in Fellows is a deep desire for creativity in my life. I sometimes neglect this desire because I struggle to see how it fits in my life (especially professionally at the moment) but I have made a promise to myself not to be passive about my passions so the past few months, I’ve been tapping into my creative drive more and hope to continue to explore that and make more space for that moving forward. Typically I like to express through writing, but I also will paint, bake, and would love to get back into playing guitar or piano one of these days…
Anyways, lately my favorite form of writing has been poetry. I love the freedom of the form; the play with beat, rhythm, and alliteration. So I decided this month I would share two poems I wrote that were inspired by Fellows-related things. The first I wrote on our silent retreat. The second I wrote today during / after Mary’s class. She is amazing and gentle and always inspires me to want to write. As does Jason. And the Holy Spirit :)) Titles pending lol. Here goes nuthin !
Why is it
that I grip gracelessly
to my dreams and desires?
I fear the release
will kill them on the spot.
They’ll fall noiselessly
under the pines and
soon get thoroughly trampled.
I’ll see the footprints
in the deep needles and
know they’re dead and buried.
I envision a merciless hand,
clenched and crushing
my delicate dreams to dust
instead of a tender palm
extended, welcoming and warm;
fingers that do not set snares
but sow seeds of love.
Not rebuking but refining,
not breaking but bearing –
offering to lighten my load
and carry what was never
mine to hold.
Poem #2
I’m learning to grow
in the in-between,
to live in the
liminal space –
not merely to be alive,
but to thrive.
For today I discovered
I am like the men walking
on the road to Emmaus,
lost in thought,
lost in talk.
so entrenched in my questions
I haven’t recognized
Jesus walking alongside me.
I continued to press on
weighed down and weary,
heavy with unanswered questions,
whispers of unspoken
dreams and fears
ringing in my ears
and here was Jesus -
here is Jesus -
beside me all along.
for there are great and small
miracles in the waiting,
in the here and now.
I trust my most gracious
walking companion will
continue to open my eyes
and instruct me in the way of joy.
even in the liminal space,
He insists -
I insist -
there is Light,
there is Life.
-Sarah