… truly the last thing I want to be doing right now is writing this blog. And I like writing. And I like reflecting.
But I also like putting my best self out there. That includes my best work and my best thoughts, and sometimes (spoiler: this is one of those times), I feel as if I have nothing worthwhile to offer. Being the new kid at work is kind of the worst. Being the intern who is behind a desk working on spreadsheets most of the day is not exciting. Being the youngest and least experienced in your office can’t help but raise the questions: WHY AM I HERE? WHAT DO I EVEN BRING TO THE TABLE?
I’ve always been ambitious, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. It’s difficult for me to sit tight. It’s difficult for me to not be always thinking about how I could be doing more, how I could be doing better, bigger, faster, more efficient, more important. And I get frustrated when I feel like I’m not doing enough. But the truth is that God doesn’t really care. An even bigger truth is that we CANNOT ever be doing enough. But there is respite in knowing that the one who created us IS enough. There is freedom in knowing that we can’t do it all, and that all we could ever need can be found in Him.
Right now I’m learning that sometimes I have nothing to bring to the table. Sometimes, I’m going to be the least intelligent, least knowledgeable person in the room. But to show up each day and do a good job is an act of worship. To be faithful to the tasks that have been set before me, and show up with a heart that wants to honor those tasks is how I can begin to bridge the disconnect between the sacred and the secular in my life.
One of the liturgies from the compilation Every Moment Holy reads:
“Teach me to shepherd the small duties of this day with great love, tending faithfully those tasks you placed within my care.”
I think this reflects a lot about the heart God has for what he has prepared for us. No task is too small to be under the dominion of the One who cares for the details, an intimate ruler, author, King. He cares about what we do, and He cares even more for how we go about doing it. He is able to demonstrate His glory even especially in our weakness. He stands in the gap for us. He intercedes on our behalf. As the honeymoon phase of a bright and shiny new place begins to fade into mundanity, I pray that this would not dilute the beauty of His work in us here, but amplify it even more. That we would be able to settle into the slow rhythms of His goodness even on the most unexciting of days.
What am I to offer to a God who is the King of everything ever created? And who is He to meet these empty hands of mine with forgiveness and favor?
Anyways, I’ve been going to work and God has certainly been going to work and it’s a couple minutes into November 1st even though this is supposed to be my October post (shh don’t tell Ashley, okay?). Learning a lot about His heart for our work and trying to lean into that!!!!! Until next time,
praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Madelyn
