(I’ll be honest I just wanted to use the word nifty cause it’s fun)
As I am sitting here getting ready to write my third blog post, I realized that on all three days I have written my blog, it has rained. I’m sure there’s a more poetic way to express this idea but I’m comforted by the thought of taking a deep breath as the rain falls and letting all the stress and tiredness from the past month wash away with the rain. Don’t get me wrong, November was a great month full of wonderful things, but as December begins, I feel the need to clear my mind and start fresh as another full month begins!
Before fully clearing my mind of November, I’ll fill you in on all the highlights.
Since we just celebrated Thanksgiving, it only feels right to say how thankful I am to be here in Raleigh as a fellow. I adore my fellow fellows. You know these people are something special when we can spend 96 straight hours together on retreats and yet I am never not excited to see them again. We also got to celebrate our director Ashley’s birthday this month which deserves a shout out because this woman deserves endless celebration (she’s all things fun and wonderful). Thankful for you Ashley!! Another thing I am thankful for this month is our teachers/speakers. We get to hear from so many wise, faithful, and fun people as a part of this program that are constantly opening my mind and teaching me new things.
One of my favorite lessons from this past month came from our speaker Jason Young on our most recent retreat. He said “contentment is the central developmental task of midlife… to find contentment put yourself in a place of discontentment and learn to deal with it.” Since moving to Raleigh the hardest thing for me has been feeling insecure about not knowing what comes next after fellows. This is the first time in my life there haven’t been any set next steps and it’s DRIVING ME CRAZY!! I’m a planner. Not having a plan or even an idea of what comes next is very uncomfortable for me. I want to trust God’s plan and provision, and I know when the time comes for fellows to end I will have a new step, but for now I definitely need to embrace Jason’s advice of learning to deal with the discontentment. The reality is I can’t plan out the rest of my life even if I tried, so I’m learning to make the uncomfortability of not knowing the new normal. I’m seeking God’s peace in the present and leaning on him for discernment of how to move forward. Jason shared the verse Jeremiah 6:16 with us which has given me a lot of comfort lately, “This is what the Lord says: ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths; ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.’”
The big picture plan is already filled in for me, glorify God and enjoy Him forever. The details may be blurry for now but at least I know which direction to head in. Thanks for reading!
-Linsey