If you haven’t read my December post, scroll down and read that one first!!
My past is haunted by who I could have been, and my future is haunted by who I am yet to be.
I came into my fellows year with no idea what I wanted to do, but with a pretty clear idea of who I wanted to be. I figured that if I knew where I found my identity, that certainly with a little bit of time and introspection, I’d leave this year with a clear path to my ideal vocational calling. Five-ish months in, and I am less confident than ever that I could possibly know what I want to do with my life. I see a hundred different futures for myself played out in my mind. It isn’t just aspiration; it’s something deeper. My conscience is plagued by the ghosts of my potential. I’m afflicted by the idea of all that could be, and all that won’t. In a word, I’m haunted. Dramatic I suppose, but it’s something that takes up more than its fair share of my mental real estate.
*enter Bruce, stage left*
Bruce led our mid-year fellows retreat, which coincidentally enough, was all about … you guessed it: ability, vocation, and calling! We spent the week learning about our natural skills and abilities, our emotional IQ, and (in my opinion) most importantly, our inner motivations that drive us to do the things we do. Bruce met with each of us individually to discuss career plans, relationships, and how to live out our own purpose-driven lives. In this time, he affirmed something in me that I’d been long suspicious of: perhaps there isn’t one path. Maybe, just maybe, I could spend my life doing a hundred different things, that there are a hundred different versions of me out there that I get the privilege of discovering.
God created us in His image. Like Him, we are multifaceted creatures. His likeness manifests differently in each of us.
I’m walking into 2023 (is that really what year this is? Sounds made up to me) more confident than ever that my future is in His hands. When the elusive “what are you doing after fellows?” comes knocking at the door with ever more ferocity, I can stand with confidence in the “I have no idea.” And I’m okay with it. I’m like, really, really okay with it. I will not miss out on what is for me. I will certainly not miss out on meeting the woman He has created me to be.
So what changed? My attitude. Nothing more, nothing less.
Cheers to 2023, and cheers to more “I have no idea”s
PGFWABF
MADELYN