On Saturday, October 19th, I sat down in Beow’s Books & Brews to write my own eulogy.
Yes, you read that right. A eulogy for myself, written by myself, to be read at my hypothetical funeral on Monday.
Let me set the scene for you. Last month, we were assigned this project to think about our hopes and dreams for our lives. And to set it to paper and speak with confidence that at the end of our life, we would like these things to have happened. AHH! I would be lying if I said I was looking forward to it.
But here I am, on a Saturday afternoon after a prayer walk with Bryan at Shelley Lake, sitting with other fellows as we all ponder what we hope our lives will amount to by the end of it. Yeah, super casual.
I was afraid of it for so many reasons! For one, creative writing feels so intimidating to me! But so is dreaming of the future and what I hope will happen. On top of that, reading it in front of 15 other people? Okay, maybe that’s just three reasons, but all three basically cover every aspect of this assignment.
Thankfully, Evy invited us to work on our eulogies together. And Bryan advised me on our prayer walk to not take it overly seriously, which I had been! Add some silliness, while still allowing myself to be honest. (THANK YOU EVY & BRYAN!!)
Our little homework session in Beow’s is one of my favorite memories from October. I was encouraged as I thought about each of the 13 other Fellows in my class who are so different from myself, and yet, isn’t that the beauty of fellowship with the Body of Christ? I don’t know if you guys have ever read anything by Deitrich Bonhoeffer, but I would’ve never guessed that out of all the books we had to read over the summer that our group would latch onto the one written by a German theologian who was involved in a Hitler assassination attempt as much as we have. But I guess I’m grateful; this group is committed to each other! Bonhoeffer is quoted often in our times together (mostly by Ryan and Tessa who always have the coolest things to say), but the ideas presented in “Life Together” are not an abstract theological concept here, they are a practical reality in our little group.
On October 8th, my mentor Meg passed away. Much of my life in October felt shaped by the weight of loss. Before coming to Raleigh, I prayed often for a mentor who would share her life with me, and show me what a life of faithfulness looks like in each season of life. I’ve often been surrounded by believers who are my age, and while that has been deeply beneficial and formative for me, I have found it equally as beneficial to learn from those who have walked the path already. In preparation for Fellows, I prayed specifically for Meg to be my mentor. As the one who interviewed me and who kept up with me regularly throughout the semester leading up to my move, I could see the way she loved out of an overflow of her love for the Lord, not out of an obligation to me or anyone else. I wanted to see life the way she did bad!!
Truly, it was only out of the Lord’s kindness that I got to be a small part of Meg’s life this year. And little did I know that when I prayed for a mentor who would share what a full life of faithfulness looks like, I would quite literally get to see her life until the day she met Jesus face-to-face.
Meg was a servant. A prayer warrior. A fierce and loyal friend. An encourager, wise counselor, and a true gift to be loved by.
The alignment of Meg’s passing and having to write my own eulogy was an odd coincidence, although probably not merely a coincidence. Much of my reflection of my future was also spent looking to Meg’s life. She knew herself and the way God gifted her. And her passion was to help others know the same! It was an honor and privilege to know Meg.
I’ll probably say this every month, but this month I’ve been reminded just how much I love our class. AG, Ashley, Bailey, Bryan, Elijah, Emma, Evy, Jenna, Joe, Josh, Lola, Ryan, Skip, & Tessa - thank you for being so fun and silly and my favorite part of Raleigh! #blessed.
This blog post was jumbled and chaotic, but that’s kind of what October felt like for me. And yet, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
<3 Celeste