HEY BLOG!!
Is this the right time to mention I have a crippling fear of other people reading the things I write?? …. WELLLL guess I’m getting over that fear quickly! ALRIGHT LET’S GOOO.
Somehow I’ve been in Raleigh for a month now!! Truly a pinch me moment. September felt like a full-blown whirlwind of people, emotions, and new things upon new things upon new things. And in case you were wondering, the new thing I’m looking forward to the most right now is FALL!!!! (For context, I’m from Texas where Fall looks like a whole lotta brown leaves and 90° weather… Future me, I hope you appreciate the crisp weather and Fall colors even more than I am anticipating it right now!)
Circling back to my confession of crippling fears earlier, I also have a nearly crippling fear of starting a new thing. It used to be the entire idea of new things, but the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve come to realize that it's not the new thing that’s scary, it's the start of it. The unknown beginning. The way everything I’ve been anticipating could culminate in either completely surpassing expectations and being everything I could’ve dreamed of and more (!!), or, it could be every worst fear I’ve ever fretted or worried about come to fruition. Spooky. And honestly? I was terrified that the people I would be around would be people I didn’t like. Or that the job I had would be something I was under-qualified for. Or that I would feel utterly alone and away from all my close friends and family. Or that… the list could go on. I went on a walk with my buddy (shoutout Maddie!) on the second day I was in Raleigh and told her some of these fears. She talked me through the “worst case scenario” where I didn’t get along with everyone or didn’t like the things I was doing. She very gently and very directly pointed out a fallacy in my thinking. I was convinced that those things would be the worst case scenario because then life wouldn’t feel easy and silly goofy and fun, like I wanted it to. But the truth is, in those very moments where it feels hard and icky and messy, God is ever so present and drawing near to me, and actively using those moments to prune me and refine me and create deeper trust and intimacy with him. What a terribly beautiful concept!! And oh, how appealing comfort and ease can seem!! But if that is what I define as being “right” and “good,” I’ve completely missed out on the beauty of life with God.
Anyway, that was just a long introduction before I say that I really love it here!! In my completely biased opinion, this group of Fellows is the best there ever was. I get to do life with 13 other people who are the biggest goofballs, fierce encouragers, courageously vulnerable, and just so dang fun! On top of that, I get to work in an organization that engages in caring for the nations right here in Raleigh. I attend classes that challenge both my head knowledge and my holistic well-being. I get to be a youth leader once again for high school girls! And I am poured into probably more than ever before by literally the coolest people ever.
I almost wrote this blog post as just a list of moments and memories I’m thankful for. For some reason it didn’t sit with me quite right to be the way I introduced myself. But ya know what? I’m still going to list a few for future me to look back on and remember. Because time is fleeting, and we only have 8 months left!! So, in no particular order, I am THANKFUL for sunny days at the lake and late night plunges. For meals together around the table. For living in the same town as Liz again!! For walks with my host sister (HI GABBY!! I put you in my blog!!!) and host dog (I didn’t forget to put Jax in either!!) to get ice cream. I’m thankful for SQUARE DANCING!!! Thankful for good books, making canva invitations, learning how to get places without using maps, new coffee shops to go to, greenways to run on, mentors who pray for me, birthday celebrations, the way Skip says HI, sleepovers!, thoughtful conversations, games that leave me screaming on the floor, friends who laugh at me when I do that, and for all the chaos that comes from having 13 built in best friends. And right now, I’m deeply thankful for the trust that comes from transparency and vulnerability.
September was a gift. Cheers to another 8 months of Raleigh Fellows class of 2025!!! And to another 8 months of me conquering my fear of public writing…
OKAY BYE!!
Celeste