I’ve really enjoyed January as a fellow! Honestly it might have been my favorite month. Christmas break let me get some healthy rest, to reflect and process the first half of the program, and I feel like I made some necessary changes to have a better 2nd half of the experience. While there’s a lot I can recap about this month I want to focus on something I think God has been teaching me recently
For the first time in my life I’ve actually been using a bible reading plan this year as opposed to reading sporadically. It called The Bible Recap and everyday it tells you what scriptures to read and then has a short video highlighting important context or details you might have missed. While I’ve been going through genesis I’ve been particularly struck by the story of Abraham in a way that I haven’t before.
God made a promise to Abraham to give him many descendants and to make him into a great nation. In Genesis 15 Abraham believes this promise that he will have a descendant and his faith is “counted to him as righteousness”. However in the next chapter we see that although Abraham trusted Gods ends, he did not trust God’s means. At the request of his wife, he sleeps with his wife’s servant Hagar who gives birth to Ishmael. Although God has mercy on both Hagar and Ishmael, he reiterates that Abraham and Sarah will conceive a child even in their old age, and that he will be the promised child, not Ishmael. After Isaac is born, one day God tells Abraham to sacrifice him as an offering to the Lord. Nevertheless Abraham has learned at this point to trust God even when his plan doesn’t seem to make sense. Before he brings the knife down The Angel of the Lord (Commonly believed to be Jesus before the incarnation) tells him to stop and points out a ram that was caught by its horns to sacrifice instead. God then blesses Abraham from not withholding anything from him and his faith is proved in both Gods ends and his means.
Of course this is a HUGE oversimplification of the story, and its theological and cultural implications are massive. In the past I’ve focused in on the foreshadowing of Christ. The way that Isaac carries the wood for his own sacrifice, how Abraham says that God will provide a lamb when God gives a ram instead (Jesus is the lamb), how the sacrifice takes place in the very place Jewish traditions says that Jesus himself was crucified, how Isaac is called Abrahams only son, etc. But this time I was struck by the emotion of the story. Imagine you’ve been waiting your whole life for Gods promise to you. You’ve made many mistakes, and trying to force his plan to happen in your own timing and its had destructive consequences. In your old age, God finally gives you the thing he promised you long ago, and then he asks you to give it back to him. Imagine Abraham holding the promise of God in one hand, and a knife in the other.
In my own life, where am I tempted to rush Gods plan for my life on my own terms? If God asks me to sacrifice the very thing I thought was his plan for my life, would I obey?
In a much smaller way than the way Abraham was tested, I feel like God has been testing me. For the past 4 years I’ve wanted to pursue full time ministry. In college I felt God call me into ministry, and dedicated all of my time to campus ministry efforts. Almost all of my friends expect me to go into pastoral ministry, and so do many of the people who donated for me to go to fellows in the first place. In college I double majored in Interpersonal communication and Philosophy to prepare me for ministry. Apostles is the 3rd church that I’ve interned for, and I’ve studied theology as my main hobby for years. Its safe to say that I’ve put all of my eggs in this ministry basket. But as fellows has gone on, I’ve grown more and more confident that God is saying, “Not yet”. I truly do believe that long term it is Gods plan for me to be a pastor, but for now I think I want to continue the process of ordinary discipleship to Jesus, service to the local church, and honoring God in a non-religious job. Its been a painful conclusion to come to in many respects. Its scary to think about where I will go after fellows, or how I will turn my ministry resume into something that can get me a good job in the marketplace. But I trust that God is not in a rush, his thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and that God rewards those who obey him in faith. The reasons of why I think God is leading me in this new direction are many, and I don’t know if I want to disclose them all in this blog. But for now I will continue to look to the story of Abraham, and place my confidence in God’s ends and God’s means .
Elijah