When was the last time you listened to Toby Mac? Mine was Monday afternoon. I was en route to Neighbor to Neighbor with some of my fellow 5:45 tutoring buddies - Evy, Bailey, Emma, Josh, and Lola - when we pulled him up on Spotify to blast his music. You know those moments that are core memories for an entire generation? I think Toby Mac is that guy for mine. The memories of driving home from Awana or from gymnastics practice with “Speak Life” or “City On Our Knees” playing softly on the radio are engrained so deeply in my mind that hearing those songs again transports me to the back of our family minivan. (an honorable mention to “Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath - I think that song shaped a lot of my prayer life and theology even today HA). I don’t think Toby Mac has come up in conversation before (sorry Toby…) and it was just a silly idea to fill the 30 minutes we’d be in the car together. But it felt unexpectedly comforting to have this shared memory and experience of listening to the same songs wayyyyyy before we met. Each month I’m increasingly thankful to be with exactly the group of fellows I’m with. In full transparency, I wrote a blog post two days ago to post, but I had just come back from a weekend with the youth group in the Outer Banks and I was mentally exhausted. Right before I was going to post, I looked at some of the other blogs and immediately deleted the whole thing. As weird as it feels to write about my thoughts and feelings for anyone and their mom to read, it’s also probably my favorite part of this program! Each month when I read the blogs, I’m reminded of just how beautiful it is to be in the body of Christ where we each see the world so uniquely and have distinctive ways of expressing it.
I spent a majority of my life trying desperately to fit in. As the younger sister of an expressive and masterful older sister who created plays and directed music videos and choreographed swim routines, I often found myself having a role to fill. I was painfully shy, terrified of messing up, and absolutely baffled by the idea that I could come up with things on my own. I don’t think I ever had to use my imagination, because my older sister had already created a whole new world we would play in and there was no need for my input. I crave the tangible. The practical. The things I can see with my own eyes and don’t have to fill in the gaps for. You’d think that knowing myself and my personal/professional strengths falls into that category, because after all, I can’t just make up things that I’m good at. As it turns out though, it’s quite challenging for me to know what I’m truly talented and inclined towards, at least in the professional world. This month has been full of tests, assessments, and seminars to help us develop our strengths, become aware of our blindspots, and to shape us into people who work diligently and intentionally, using the gifts we are uniquely equipped with to glorify the Lord in how we work. I’m deeply grateful, and mentally exhausted from it. I often feel inadequate, incapable, and completely lost in the professional, corporate world. In the past, I’ve worked jobs that I’ve found deep meaning from but that didn’t necessarily feel “professional”. It feels like an unsettling shift to pursue a “career” job rather than a more temporary job, and I’m in the thick of sorting through ways I want to find purpose in the work I do. This month has been one of the most valuable, in my opinion, in terms of the classes and seminars we’ve had. In my original blog post (the one I deleted) I wrote solely about the career development I’ve gained in January, which is ironic because we haven’t even gone on our career calling/vocational retreat yet! But truly, we’ve had some incredible people come in to talk with us, encourage us, and answer the various questions we have. I’m learning that I can learn an awful lot just by asking. There is no universal “most eligible applicant” mold to fit into. And, I don’t need to frantically figure everything out alone.
On a completely different note, I’m here to tell you that Raleigh Fellows Run Club is OFFICIAL!!! Since the new year, we’ve had 4 official Friday run clubs, with some other unofficial runs in the mix as well. Run club is a no-hate zone and a no-headphone zone, so you can BET it’s the most epic way to start your Friday morning before class!! Thank you to all who run with me, and to all who support us back at class. I just love you guys.
Celeste
heel click pic or it didn’t happen. I LOVE RUN CLUB!!!