Writing blogs at the end of each month is also such a strange experience. It makes me realize how much can really happen in just one month. If you would have asked me before writing this what I did this past month I’m not sure what I would have told you. The stress, joy, fear, passion, grief, friendships, and every other emotion often turn into this mangled mess in my mind that I don’t know how to interact with most days. I really do think fellows is an experience I will most understand in hindsight (which I guess is true of every learning experience)
This month was a pretty heavy one for me, with both high highs and low lows. I’ll start withs the lows so I can on a positive note
The Lows:
Writing my genogram was very difficult for me. Not the writing process, as I actually enjoy writing long papers on things I’m passionate about, but in coming to terms with my family history. I think for a long time I thought I had a fairly “normal” childhood. But can anyone really say that? All parents are sinners, and all childhoods fall short of what God desires for us to experience. As I’ve looked back on past generations I’ve both been shocked by the weight of sin in my story, and the consistent faithfulness of God. There’s so much that I want to change for the future generations of my family. Praise God that I get to rebuild with my foundation as the word of God, not doomed to simply repeat the same patterns that have been past down to me. But overall its something I’ve honestly tried to avoid thinking about after the fact for now. I’m sure the lord will bring it back to memory when the time comes
My 360 was also a difficult experience for me. Not bad, just difficult. Its hard to know that the flaws you most want to give rid of are as painfully obvious to other people as they are to you. However I really do think it was helpful to hear some of my tendencies described in new language and written with compassion. I know I don’t take criticism very well, and its something I want to work on. Words that are meant to bring conviction, can often bring unwarranted to shame. But I know that its always better to face reality than pretend I’m perfect. As it says in proverbs, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy”
The highs:
I got to be a shark! Most people don’t know but I actually grew up as the childrens mascot for my large non denominational churches children ministry. We had two mascot suits. The older one was a frog and the newer one was a shark. In many services I would walk in the auditorium all dressed up and invite the kids to leave for kids church before the sermon started. Kids would frequently run up to my mouth hole and pull open the suit to see who was inside. About a week ago Mission Triangle allowed me to relive this feeling all over again. Once a year they host a “shark tank” event where local non profits get to fundraise for their next big goals. Tessa asked if I would be the shark mascot and it was everything I dreamed it would be. I got to stand outside and wave, hug, take pictures, and get up to general shark business.
Staff devos! I started reading a really good about a month ago called “The Familiar Stranger” by Tyler Staton. In summary is basically a guide to experience the Holy Spirit in Healing, Prophecy, Witness, Suffering, and many others ways without being weird or excessive about it. I thought it was a really pastorally healthy book so I recommended it to our Pastor Nick. About a week after he asked me to lead a devotion for the whole apostles staff going through the book! Its been a blast talking about some of these topics with everyone at apostles and getting hear everyones stories. Next session is on healing, and I’m looking forward to seeing how God guides our conversations
As of now we just got back from our silent retreat and feel quite sleep deprived, and ready to finish this blog. We’re getting dinner with the Bolash’s tonight which has me pumped! So I think I’m just going to end it here
-Elijah