Firstly, I would just like to state for the record that I feel it is absolutely foul how quickly the month of March has gone by. I mean c’mon now, that is so unnecessary! I know I have no control over that, but God, if You’re listening, can we please slow it down a teeny bit for the next 6 weeks?
Which brings me to next point: Lent. (I know it wasn’t the smoothest transition, but I promise Lent and slowness go hand in hand). Anyways, I grew up in a context where Lent was never really practiced, so though I had friends who gave things up for Lent, we never did. However, in order to get the full Anglican experience, the Fellows all participate in the practice of Lent, with the intention of removing one thing from our daily lives and adding one thing in to draw us closer to God. After much prayer and thought, God and I landed on me giving up snoozing my alarm clock and adding in the practice of writing down one area I saw God in my day or was grateful each night. More than anything else, these practices have begun to grow my ability to be more present and thoughtful as I go about my day.
Now, I don’t know if this was something that was ever stressed to you, but I remember on several occasions (mostly in English class or from a college pastor) being told that if something is repeated more than once, it is something that is worth paying attention to. And boy oh boy has the Lord been repeating things to me throughout Lent. The message that I feel I’ve been getting from God has been repeated back to me in pretty much every area of my life (like guys literally in everything from our 360 reviews, to therapy, to the silent retreat, to my own roundtable topic that I led). I think this message is best illustrated in my experience with the stations of the cross at our silent retreat.
The stations of the cross is most simply a series of 14 images that mark the 14 major events in Jesus’ crucifixion, which are each accompanied by scriptures, prayer, and reflection. They are set up in a way that allows you to physically move to each of the 14 images as you contemplate them, and during our time at the silent retreat, I spent a lot of time reflecting at each of the stations. However, I was most drawn to the three stations where Jesus fell carrying the cross not once, not twice, but three times. I firmly believe Jesus is our best and perfect example of dignity, of grace, of humility, and of strength, and I also believe that though He was fully man as well as fully God, He had to willingly surrender to death itself and didn’t die just because He’d had enough and it got the better of Him. All that to say, I think Jesus, had He chosen to, could have carried the cross the full distance with a stoic and vengeful look on His face without stopping or stumbling, and yet I think He chose to fall 3 times. Our perfect example of strength, dignity, grace, and humility INCLUDES falling. What?? Insane to me still. And what’s better, Jesus, though God in the flesh, accepts the smallest acts of help from a man who carries the cross with Him and a woman who does nothing more than wipe the sweat and blood from His face. Once again, I don’t think He “needed” that, and yet, there was an intentional reason He accepted it.
Sorry for the theological side bar, let me draw this back together a bit. My point being, I am not quick to let others see me “falling” or out of control. In fact, I tend to view “falling” itself as failure altogether. However, falling is not failure, but rather an incredibly essential part of strength it turns out. Additionally, I need to let others see it so they can enter in with me. I’m not totally sure where to start at times, but I feel like for now it is starting with trying to be more present and thoughtful in the moment with the incredible friends I’ve found in the other 13 Fellows + Ashley.
Happy Lenting!
Love,
Emma <3