Howdy folks,
Thanks for checking in to what your old pal Jack is up to in these times as a Raleigh Fellow.
As of late, I’ve been imagining my life like I live in sand. I feel like I’ve been digging a groove (maybe it’s a roller coaster of sorts) in which to ride and as I take each twist and turn, I completely wipe out. Sometimes I feel like digging is done, this is when I hop in and go and go and go and collect speed and and lean too far to one side trying to compensate centripetal motion on a turn and tumble over. Maybe this is a metaphor to current life, maybe it’s drilling too deep into subconscious gray matter to understand anything, maybe it’s word vomit, maybe it makes no sense (I am on heavy pain meds and sometimes this computer screen swirls, so if this doesn’t make sense, were blaming it on oxycodone). But I think I do really try and create a life style where I can just ride (and I hate to bring the enneagram where it has not been invited) but maybe this is my 9 self just wanting to just ease its way through life. I am kind of chuckling because it never works out as easily as I want it to.
I am currently at home in Fabulous Frisco, Texas recovering from shoulder surgery I had a week ago today (maybe this is one of those twists and turns I was referring to) and, man, I keep thinking about how stupid it is that I have to go through this. This wasn’t the plan! I miss my friends and betrothed. I want to be involved in the community that I’m apart of in Raleigh, and the FOMO is unreal from 1,035 miles away. It’s 26 Fahrenheit and it’s hard to type in this sling they have me in. I keep finding ways to complain, but in reality how can I? I really can’t and, you know what, how dare I?? I’ve had uninterrupted time with my parents, time to read, time to rest; things that I love! How can I complain?
I started to write this metaphor saying that September was my month of digging and October was my month of riding but truthfully, that’s wishful thinking. Maybe life is more in the digging and twists and turns than the straightaways. I hope and pray I can learn that more and more. At the end of the day, God is very very good. Let that be known.
Thanks for reading my medicated laments and learnings! Raleigh I miss you, I’ll be home soon!!
-Jack