Hi blog!
Today is the end of our first full week back in Raleigh and MAN am I glad to be back. This place is home and it felt really sweet to be welcomed back with open arms. I’ve spoken enough about my winter break and our mid-year retreat to last a lifetime, so I want to focus on something else that’s been on my heart recently.
“When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to wait on him.”
Matthew 8:14-15
This short account appears in three of the gospel narratives. After Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mount, people came toward him asking to be healed or for their loved ones to be healed. In one account, Jesus heals without it being requested of him, while in the other two the disciples tell him of the illness Peter’s mother-in-law has and ask for healing.
The narrative in Matthew reminded me of the scripture in Luke where Christ raised a widow’s son. Various translations say “his heart went out to her” or “he had compassion on her.” And I love how Rembrandt depicted it — Jesus touched her. When Jesus saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying sick in bed, his instinct was to reach out his hand to her. No thoughts about if he would get sick, no thoughts about if he should, no thoughts about if it was right to do. He was compelled by love to reach out his hand and heal her.
Christ healing Peter’s Mother-in-Law by Rembrandt
I’m in much of the same season I was in last semester (can I even call them that when I’m not in college? do adults just reference time according to weather seasons? share thoughts in the comments below) of tending to a slow and difficult process of growth. It’s a healing process I’ve willingly and somewhat not willingly stepped into. I’ve often been frustrated at myself in this current stage because I’m not able to feel my emotions at my normal level of depth. Anger and pride come quickly, while joy and sorrow do not.
But the purpose of healing is what? In my mind, it’s to allow our minds space to focus on things of greater importance. When you’re not sick, you mind drifts away from your body and to those around you, to the sunshine, to the wind, to Christ. When you’re not sick you can serve with your whole heart and mind and body. I’m sure that’s not the full purpose of Christ’s healing, but we’ll leave it at that for now.
What about before you’re completely healed? What about when Peter’s mother-in-law was lying sick in bed, knowing she should be caring for her children or knowing she might die? I can’t imagine how desperately she wanted to be well.
Beloved… do not feel ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, see that it is the perfect preparation in providing a home for something Holy.
Scott Erickson, inspired by Jesus Calling
I can’t speak for Peter’s mother-in-law, but I’ve absolutely been ashamed of my emptiness, my lack, my heart as it sits in the middle of healing rather than being at the end. I’ve been mad at myself and mad at God for having this season be so long. I’m ready to be fully HEALED.
And then I see this picture. And I hear these words.
Martha Anne, don’t feel ashamed of your anger, your emptiness, your slow growth. I know when you’ll be fulled healed. And only with and through me can you be fully healed. I’m preparing you for something Holy. I’m preparing you for the ability to get up and serve me, wait on me, minister to me.
There is hope. There is hope in the slow and toilsome healing that this is all preparation for more. I may not know what the rest of this healing process will look like, but I can hope in the potential that this will end and Christ will have the victory. I can only hope that at the end of this, I will have the strength and joy to love and serve the Lord as Peter’s mother-in-law did right after she was healed.
I hope you spend some time looking at the image above and noting what comes to mind for you. Do you picture Christ as reaching his hand out to you? Do you believe that Christ served us in death so that we may serve him with our lives? Do you see and hear the ways that God is asking you to be a home for something Holy? And that Holiness being Himself?
xoxo
Martha Anne