November has been packed. So many joys, lots on my mind (as always), so much has happened. However, amidst the fullness of this month, I’ve felt pretty stagnant with the Lord. It’s been such discipline just to remember Him or even pray. So annoying! There’s nothing quite as frustrating as spiritual stagnancy while being literally surrounded by a community of believers with a full schedule that gives me every reason to even just think about Jesus. Thankfully listening to a sermon yesterday made me realize one potential reason for drifting from Him: a lack of beauty.
In her book, On Beauty and Being Just, Elaine Scarry claims we have this infinite, bottomless appetite for beauty. Tim Keller goes even further (in that sermon I listened to) to note how there is such a thing as too much food or too much sex, but never is there such thing as too much beauty. We can over-consume to the point of ruining numerous earthly pleasures, but not beauty. Our appetite for it is insatiable. “We cannot avoid our pursuit of beauty”, he concludes.
Despite this unavoidable desire, our culture has really distorted the category of beauty. I’d argue it’s because we’re only really interested in things that are useful to us. This started in the realm of self- and societal-narratives, when we decided we were more interested in narratives that arouse and/or align with our emotions and desires as opposed to the truth. For example, I’ve heard it said that, in general, Americans nowadays aren’t asking if Christianity is true, they’re asking if it’s useful. What does this have to do with beauty you may be asking? While sometimes helpful to ask, this question of usefulness not only defiles beauty in my opinion, but I’d say the two are almost opposites. The very nature of beauty, Scarry argues, is to find something satisfying for what it is in itself. Not for what we could use it for. You don’t ask, “How can I use this sunset?” just experiencing it is enough.
This is what causes me to grow uninterested or disillusioned in God: when I forget the discipline of simply basking in the beauty of His word, creation, of Him. When I lose sight of God’s beauty and project this desire for usefulness onto Him, two things happen. First, slowly I begin to only come to Him when I’ve exhausted every other option or pleasure. It doesn’t take long for me to become a modern-day prodigal son who wishes for his father’s death so that he can enjoy his inheritance. Second, I begin to believe that He only desires my usefulness: what I can do to serve Him, honor Him, etc. This both reflects and motivates a wrong view of who He is and who I am to Him, leading to further relational distance and disinterest.
So, what breaks me out of this? A divine intervention of beauty. If God only wanted us for our usefulness, then why on earth did Jesus horrifically scream, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 24:46) and willfully die the most brutal death on the cross? What does He get out of us?
Nothing.
If there was nothing useful about us, Keller argues, that must mean one thing: Christ saw us, every awful and mildly pleasant part of us, and somehow found us to be beautiful. Us! Beautiful! Once we know this, we then begin to see God as He rightly is: the most beautiful, glorious being to ever exist. It’s only then will we be able to say, along with David, that even if we experience the greatest external and internal earthly nightmares imaginable, all we need is this one thing:
“One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.”
Psalm 27:4 (ESV)
Questions and Quotes —
“It can make sense, connect with you emotionally, confirm what you always thought, and STILL not be true.” — Lisa Fields
Are you a sit-inside Cookout loyal? Or are you a drive-thru / sit-outside loyal?
“Never petition God for something without seeing that the very thing you ask for is in God already.” — Tim Keller (Gospel in Life Sermon #498 on Contemplation)
How do you wait for something that isn’t guaranteed?
“At the moment we see something beautiful, we undergo a radical decentering.” — Elaine Scarry, On Beauty and Being Just
What’s missing?
“How did you know she’s a Nazi?!” “Talks in her sleep.” - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
— Brooke