September 1st 2019
Martha Anne -
Tomorrow you move to Raleigh to embark on yet another season of life. I wanted to sit down and share some hope and some truth you’ve learned this summer.
There is joy and instruction in quiet moments that you LOVE. It doesn’t have to be Paris or Stellenbosch or Lion’s Head, your Father loves to whisper to you in the silence of the strong, gentle wind. And in giving into that, you demonstrated listening. You learned a trait of your Father and found it in yourself. Cultivate that trait - listen well.
Satan and his sinful ways are always the enemy. And as you continue to be confronted with sin, you will continue to yearn for heaven. Your body is broken along with your mind and heart. You can hope in redemption and salvation. You can trust God hates sin more than you and loves people more than you.
I hope this year the anxiety left your body and you felt the holy reconciliation.
I hope you find time to create and rejoice in the imperfection of your creation.
I hope you’re vulnerable and it brings freedom.
I hope the cross becomes ever more real.
I hope God brings clarity to your mind and heart.
I hope you learn to view your body as God does and rejoice in the gift that it is.
I hope you will embody the lion the Lord rooted within you. She is ready.
Eight months ago I wrote those words to myself as I prepared to transition to life in Raleigh. I held onto the letter, knowing the romantic in me would love to look back on where my heart was. It’s a gift to look upon the hopes I had for myself and see some were prayerfully fulfilled while others were forgotten. The anxiety isn’t completely gone, I wouldn’t say I found time to create, and it’s been hard at times to hold the cross with the weight it deserves. But, there has been immeasurable clarity, vulnerability, and a revitalized appreciation of my body.
Let me tell you about the lion - she is ready. And she has found her voice. But she still needs to work on listening well. I’ve become so greatly aware of the power that I hold as a daughter of the Almighty King, but I’m not always the best caretaker of that gift. I fail to remember that I will always be an apprentice who needs to yield to her Master. I fail to walk humbly with my God. I fail to remember the humbling truths that Richard Rohr kindly reminds us of: “life is hard; you are not that important; your life is not about you; you are not in control; you are going to die.”
So here’s the new letter. May 1st 2020.
Martha Anne -
Tomorrow you’ll still be unemployed and in the midst of a season you’d have never wished upon yourself. It’s uncomfortable and scary. How dare you trust someone else with your life? Well, how could I not?
This summer, you’re going to read the Chronicles of Narnia and East of Eden. You’re going to live in your tiny house and grow some tomatoes. You’re going to be surrounded by the five best girls you’ve ever met, who continue to choose you out of love, not obligation. You’re going to have to stay put for a while, maybe longer than you may have wanted.
You’re also going to need to reframe your view of safety and security. Because you cannot continue to rely on childhood coping mechanisms to keep you safe. The Lord keeps you safe. And this summer is a great time to trust the Lord, to live in the freedom provided from His embrace. He is El Roi, the God who sees. He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord will provide. He is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord that heals. Martha Anne, would you look at the birds of the air? They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns (although they may annoy you in the morning), and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Haven’t I continuously claimed you as my own?
I continue to hope that anxiety and control leave your body.
I continue to hope that you listen well.
I continue to hope you find freedom in release.
I continue to hope you live out of the passions gifted to you by God.
I continue to hope you will embody the lion the Lord rooted within you.
And for you, my hope and prayer is that you will learn more about a characteristic of the Lord and witness it within yourself as well. My hope is that you lean into the hard spaces with open hands. My hope is you allow God to change your heart and your schedule. My hope is that we do it together! My hope is for more hugs, kisses, laughs, mirror selfies, dancing, and breath. For all of us.
xoxo
Martha Anne