El Roi is one of God’s names in the Hebrew Bible, meaning “the God who sees me”. If you know your Bible well, then you would know that the first mention of this name is by Abram’s slave, Hagar.
The story of Hagar begins in Genesis 16 when Abram and Sarai are unable to give birth to a child. Sarai becomes weary of her infertility and suggests to Abram that he should sleep with their slave, Hagar, so that they can build a family. Abram agrees with Sarai’s suggestion and eventually impregnates Hagar. Following conception, Sarai mistreats Hagar, so much so, that Hagar runs away.
Hagar found herself by a spring in the wilderness where she was met by an angel of the Lord. The angel told Hagar that she was to name her child Ishmael because the “Lord had heard her cry of affliction” (v11). Moved by God’s tenderheartedness and nearness, Hagar named God, El Roi, or the God who sees me. She even named the spring where she saw the angel Beer-lahal-roi as a mark of the Lord’s omnipresence.
So, what’s the connection between the story of Hagar and being a Raleigh Fellow?
It starts back in January when the Lord shut many doors in my life. I’ll list a few: my senior collegiate field hockey season was canceled due to COVID-19, I was rejected from all my graduate schools, I had just walked away from a three-year relationship, and lastly, my housing arrangements fell through in the middle of summer. God where are you? Do you see me?
Despite the heartache of unexpected life events and the uncomfortability of change, I found myself meeting with the Lord frequently. I became increasingly thirsty and hungry for my eternal water fount, living wellspring, and daily bread. Although, I spent many hours with the Lord, I didn’t quite feel like the Lord had truly seen me. He seemed far, distant, and silent. If the Lord saw me, wouldn’t He present an opportunity for me? I felt like Hagar at the well, hungering for the Lord’s assurance.
Alas, in the first week of August, I found myself on the phone with Ashley Crutchfield discussing the Raleigh Fellows Program… BAM, three weeks later I arrived in North Carolina as a Raleigh Fellow with a massive smile on my face and glimmer of hope in my heart. The Fellows program was everything that I was looking for and MORE. He heard me. He heard my cries and chose to bless me with the Fellows program. The Fellows program offered many things that I was praying for, such as, graduate level courses, job opportunities/networks, and an immersive community.
Although the Lord chose to show His grace to me through my acceptance in the Fellows program, I think it’s important to note that His name, El Roi, still would have been just as valid had the Fellows program not come up. Given this understanding, I feel even more privileged to have the opportunity to be a Raleigh Fellow. The privilege of participating in this program is like the reassurance that Hagar received from the angel of the Lord at Beer-lahai-roi. The Lord met me where I was at and provided assurance (Amen).
This all to say, the past month with the Fellows has been a true testament to El Roi. I have an expansive community and people who want to invest in me, as well as many opportunities to serve people in the community. My heart is full of gratitude for the Lord’s provision and faithfulness. I pray that I continue this mentality in both trials and triumphs in the next nine months. As I continue in the program, I will reflect on my Abba and remind myself that the Lord has me exactly where He wants me to be.
Kris