I was in a recent conversation with an Apostles church member. In our conversation, she mentioned the phrase, “esse quam videri”. After silently responded with a confused and puzzled gaze, she immediately told me that this was the North Carolina official state motto meaning to be rather than to seem.
I feel like this Carolinian phrase has accurately summarized my experience being a Raleigh Fellow, especially in the past few weeks. Too often we find ourselves masking attributes of our personhood that we don’t want others to see. Our masks act as veils that hide our beautiful brokenness. I’ve found in my experience – specifically this month – that I’ve torn the mascaraed from my face. I’ve chosen to answer the “how are you today?” question with candor, even if my answer was not pleasant. This leap of courage has been the breeding grounds for acceptance and authenticity. Every Fellow who’s asked me this question has responded with a heart posture geared toward loving me. They each have taken care of me with their warm gazes and sweet hugs.
The idea that community has allowed me to feel authentic rather than superficial reminds me of our spiritual formation class. During our first class, Mary Vandel Young, challenged us to be space creators, which can be characterized as physically showing hospitality with our body language while also having a curious heart posture. I take this to mean that as a Body we ought to embrace this posture to love others the way Christ loves us. Just as Christ meets us in brokenness, so should we when engaging with our fellow brothers and sisters. The Apostles community has done exactly that.
Being a recipient of this heart posture has allowed me to feel comfortable being myself without a façade or veil. It’s been a gift to BE KRIS, rather than to simply just seem to be. I’ve received the blessings of sweet fellowship with my mentor, my host fam, our director Ashbut, church members, and – of course – my eleven fellow Fellows (I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH). I have been warmly embraced by many hands and held by souls. I have been welcomed in safe spaces.
So, thank you to everyone who has made me feel welcomed and loved. I cherish this gift deeply.
Kris