It’s May and I can’t believe that my time in fellows is coming to a close. Even with this realization, it’s funny how much time I’ve spent thinking about all that is to come after this ends but spent hardly any time thinking about right now, almost at the end. In my first blog post I wrote that I felt like God was asking me, “Morgan, will you lean in? Will you lean into me? Will you be all in with me?” and that “I still don’t truly know how to sit at Jesus’ feet and not try to rush around, earning his love that he never asked me to strive for.”
I still resonate with that. But I think I’ve learned so much about the simple truth of the way the Lord truly, truly delights in me. This year has felt like wrestling at the head level, like learning how to press in instead of running away. I’ve been reminded time and time again that I can’t do anything in my own strength, and what I can do on my own holds no lasting joy. The cross has felt distant and then close. The pure holiness of God has reminded me of the depth of my sin. I’ve grown in appreciation for the process of trusting the slow work of God.
To start the year I wrote an ode to the next 9 months. I want to end with an ode to the next steps: (in italics under my original poem from the beginning of the year)
Here in Raleigh-town!
Here in Raleigh-oh what you are now to me.
This time has been long-awaited, yet loosely anticipated.
This time has gone in the blink of an eye, yet all it holds is vast and deep.
Already, already
Again, again
I feel that this is the place.
I feel that what was done here will take me far.
Not of anything that I’ve done. Not of the things I could do.
Not of what I’ve collected from others. Not of who I want to be.
Not even of the people I’m surrounded by that hold my heart and its contents so carefully.
Not even of the ways that I have been loved by those around me in ways I didn’t know were possible.
But the Lord is here. He is evident, profound.
But the Lord has always been with me. He is steadfast, unwavering.
Waiting, always waiting for me to sit still with him.
Waiting, actively waiting for me to see how much bigger his field of vision is than mine.
And he is using me?
And he is renewing me?
He is,
He is,
Using me.
Renewing me.
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Thank you, class of 2021sters - I will treasure these friendships forever. Each of you possess a unique, eternal value that only you can bring to this community and world and it does not go unnoticed. Thank you Ashley, for the ways you’ve sacrificed this year and cared for me. Thank you Mom and Dad for your unwavering support, it has meant the world to me. I don’t know what the future holds but I’ve never felt more confident that I am where I’m supposed to be and that the Lord has something to show me in all of this and that there is no right formula. May I trust Christ more tomorrow than I do today - amen.
- morgan