Coming to Raleigh was a HUGE move for me. It took me around 30 minutes to drive from my college house in Cary to North Raleigh. Traffic was terrible, I had to stop for lunch at Chick-Fil-A, and packing my 2004 Ford Explorer took a long 2.5 hours.
In all seriousness, it was a lot for me to decide to do Raleigh Fellows, but man, am I excited for what the Lord has in store for myself and this group these next nine months. Graduating as a Civil Engineer in May from NC State almost came with this pressure to find a good job, get paid good money, and live the rest of my days in a suburb outside of Raleigh growing a family. But one thing you need to know about me, I love getting my hands dirty and don’t thrive in a life where the answer to my biggest questions are, “because it just makes sense.” I desperately long to live a life in the middle of chaos, working with the Lord, and growing into the person He has called me to be. Here is an excerpt from Theodore Roosevelt’s “The Man in the Arena” that expands on this idea a bit more:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
So starting the Fellows program allowed me to do away with the predictable (and intimidating, to me) post-graduate life. I was excited but also nervous because I’ve never been a part of a true Acts 2:42-47 community before. The first week retreat definitely confirmed it as I was thrown in to becoming best friends with people I’ve never met before and expected to get along, talk nicely about each other, and tell everyone about the best parts of ourselves. Although it was hard, I’m thankful for a God who shows up in those moments of vulnerability and who provides peace in times of newness.
The first month has been full of fun conversation at lunches, our fair share of injuries, a spontaneous beach trip, plenty of laughter, the beautiful presence of the Lord, a strong and firm community of believers at the church, and an overall sense of excitement.
One piece of scripture that has been on my mind the last month is Luke 22:39-46. I’ve been wrecked by the conversation on the Mount of Olives between the Father and the Son. Jesus can see Hell right in front of Him and is in so much anguish that He actually sweats blood. A fervent prayer and a deep sorrow for what lie ahead of Him wouldn’t stop Him from saving us. It’s a beautiful and convicting passage to read as I relate to the disciples who fell asleep and who Jesus still died for. I hope and pray that I remember this and stay awake in prayer unlike the disciples who were with Him.
I can’t wait to continue getting to know my fellow Fellows, the church body, and everyone who is a part of the Raleigh Fellows as the year progresses.
Jacob McCarthy