On my dresser I have a framed poem by Mary Oliver (yes I started the year quoting her and I will end the year doing so too) that basically summarizes the thesis of all her work. I also think of it as my mantra for life of sorts. It reads:
Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.
In one of our first classes with Jason Young, he gave an eerily similar “instruction” (and I wonder if he was subconsciously influenced by Mary Oliver, too): show up; pay attention; tell the truth.
As I have been beginning the process of reflecting back on these past 9 months as Fellows wraps up, these words have been coming back to me. I remember Ashley challenging us on our first retreat to really lean in this year. Then, Jason literalized this same sentiment when he told us in class to physically lean in, to actually orient our bodies towards each other and incline slightly when we speak to each other. Wherever you are, be all there. Don’t miss it. Hang on to every word and listen with your whole body, your whole being.
This year we have been asked to live out these life instructions. To show up, to bring our full selves, to share our truths, to pay attention to what God is doing in and around us. And I can truthfully say I am astonished by the good work the Father has done since I moved to Raleigh last August.
There were times when leaning in felt painful. I know some days, I missed it. My back got sore from all this leaning and I would sit up and turn away. But I think more days than not, I leaned in. And I think the same is true for the 11 other wonderful, unique, weird, truly amazing Fellows here. It blows my mind that I did not know a single one of these people 9 months ago…. Because now I know FAR too much! (gross)
In all seriousness - I can honestly say that every one of them has taught me something new about God, enriched my life, and made me a better person. It’s funny to think back on some of the early weeks of the program, and how much has changed since then. How much we have grown individually and as a group. How much our capacity to hold each other’s $hit has increased. How much weirder/cringier/more inappropriate our jokes have gotten (is there such a thing as too far? Raleigh Fellows seem to think not, thankfully!). How much more I LOVE these people.
I am so grateful every one of us decided to lean in, to really show up and pay attention this year. To Maddie, Tommy, Brooke, Austin, Morgan, Gentry, Jen, Cam, Sara, Jeb, and Trey: thank you. Thank you for holding my shit. Thank you for letting me hold yours. Thank you for making my stomach hurt from laughing, and my face hurt from crying. I’m excited for all the memories to come. We’re just getting started!
And thank you to my amazing host family, the lovely Marsha and Harry Whyte, and to our fearless leader Ashley. Thank you to all the wonderful leaders and mentors. Each of you has added so much to this program and to my life.
May we never forget the good work the Father did in Raleigh in 2020-2021. May we continue to abide. May we always show up and pay attention, be astonished, and tell about it in truth and grace.
xox,
Sarah