March was a month of revival. It was during this month that the cold, wintery weather slowly gave way to the brisk chill of springtime. It was during March that the frost that stuck aggressively to the windows of my car, transformed into soft morning dew. The cherry blossoms began to bloom, the kids in the neighborhood began to play outside, and the early morning sounds of the birds resumed again after a quick wintery pause. It was the absolute perfect month to see The Lord and his creation.
Coming into fellows, I truly believed that I would have my life figured out. That all of my expectations would have been met and that I would leave this program with my entire life figured out. Well…. That didn’t happen. The truth is, I don’t think we ever figure it all out. We just have to trust in a God who has figured everything out. A God who created the heavens and the Earth and everything in it. A God who created me, just the way I am. That is who I have to trust.
It wasn’t until our silent retreat that I recognized that for the first time. That Sunday, I and the rest of the fellows were tasked to spend the whole day in silence, resting in the presence of The Lord. I promise you, it was an incredibly hard experience. But during my walk, under the shelter of the oak trees, captivated by the rushing river, I realized that I needed God more than ever. I realized that I didn’t want to strive for money, or a job, or a relationship. I didn’t want to be tossed to and fro in the sea of uncertainty. I wanted to walk on the waves, hand in hand with my Father. I realized I wanted to come alive. I wanted to be revived.
I realized that in order to be revived, something in us has to die. For me, that was the expectation I placed on myself. The expectation that I had to make money in order to be happy and successful. The expectation that I had to be the perfect son, friend, coworker, and mentor. I had this unbelievable weight on my shoulders that I had to be in control of everything life threw at me. To be honest, it was breaking me. Ever so slowly, that desire to be my own God was devouring me from the inside out.
It was during the silent retreat that I finally broke free. Well, actually, Jesus set me free and who the Son sets free, is free indeed. Let me tell you, there is so much freedom in revival. Yes, it is painful letting things go. But in truth there is so much joy to dance around without the shackles of expectations on you. It is even more fun to dance hand in hand with your father.
The rest of this month just continued this incredible theme of letting go. I had meals filled with laughter and joy that filled me up more then the food. I had conversations on walks that allowed me see the love of the father in the eyes of the person next to me. Last but not least, I got to rest in the experience of revival. Like Joseph in Egypt, Paul on the Road to Damascus, Esther in Persia, or Mary the mother of Jesus, each one of them trusted in the promises of the Father. They believed in a God of Revival. Now its time for us to as well.
-Luke Harvin