To my beloved blog readers, Maddie here (aka to the 1-2 of you that are invested in my experience here in Raleigh– thank you).
We are back with another blog post! It’s about time… I like Raleigh !!! Yay! Been waiting for this one. I think I’ve come to discover that I am really bad with change and I struggle to adjust and get oriented to things. So moving to Raleigh really rocked my world for a while. I can finally say that I am feeling settled, very happy, and actually learning to love Raleigh.
When I first started this fellows program, I knew that it would grow me but I didn't expect how much transformation would happen. Ashley describes it like a toothpaste tube being squeezed so all the toothpaste comes out and gets everywhere. It’s messy and you can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube, you just have to embrace the mess and figure out what God’s trying to clean up within you. I think that about sums up what I’ve been experiencing with fellows so far. SO buckle up, I’ve been learning some deep lessons in November.
What is God teaching me?
I’ve been learning about love. Love for myself and love from God. First, let’s talk about learning about self love. I discovered that I struggle to “treat myself” to things in life. I am not very kind to myself nor do I love myself very well. I feel like if I don’t DO something or achieve something, then I don’t deserve to love myself well. I’m not sure where this skewed and conditional view of love came from, but I’m working on fighting to be kinder to myself and how to be more gentle with myself. One of my fellows recommended that I try to do one nice thing for myself every day. This could look like 5 extra minutes in the shower, buying myself a coffee, an extra 15 minutes of sleep, painting my nails, or going for a walk outside. This has been a hard struggle for me to incorporate into my daily routine. I’m constantly trying to stop the urge to achieve something and prove myself so then I feel like I am deserving of love.
This ties in very closely with the next lesson of love. Love from God. God’s love is unconditional, never ceasing, undeserving, yet freely given. I feel like in the past I’ve always had the head knowledge of this, but could never apply it to the heart knowledge in my life. God is highlighting my skewed view of His love and rewriting it to align with His truth. In my mind, I feel like I have to work to earn His love. Like I have to actually earn His love through my works or actions. But here’s the truth, I don't have to DO anything to receive God’s love. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”— Ephesians 2:8-9. So what does this mean for me? I am unconditionally loved by God. I do not have to earn His love. There is nothing I can do to receive God’s love, it is a free gift… I can’t add it or lose it. I do not deserve His love, yet I receive God’s love because of His mercy for me. (Romans 5:8)
So here’s what God says about me:
Madeleine Grace, I know you by name.
Madeleine Grace, I have loved you with an everlasting love.
Madeleine Grace, I have great plans for you.
Madeleine Grace, nothing can separate you from My love.
Some things to know:
I took a few personality assessments
My DiSC style is influence
My Stand Out strength roles are provider and connector
My enneagram number is a 2w3
Linda May will be the most beautiful bride (we’re all engaged!)
I MIGHT be a UNC fan…
Mission Triangle has been the greatest work environment
The Patel’s know how to decorate for Christmas
Stretch before you play in an air hockey tournament (still suffering from some back injuries here)
November REPORT:
R- I’m reading House of Hades by Rick Riordan & Ephesians
E- I’m eating toast with blueberry jam (from Maine)
P- I’m playing Peach Fuzz by Caamp
O- I’m obsessed with everything Christmas (music & decorations well before thanksgiving… sorry not sorry)
R- I recommend leaning on your fellows (trust is hard but it is so so good)
T- I’m treating myself by allowing myself to enjoy a few extra sips of coffee
“Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron, running down on the collar of his robes! It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion! For there the Lord has commanded the blessing, life forevermore.” – Psalm 133:1-3
With all the love, Maddie Roberts
