This question-as-a-title bit just keeps getting better.
This month was JAM PACKED. We had Meg’s Birthday, the DC Conference, Ashley’s Birthday, my dad visited, LINDA MAY GOT ENGAGED, the Jason Young Retreat, Bunner’s Birthday, I went HOME and so much more. *insert club, another club video here* November was a wild ride full of fun times and fellowship, but also a really hard month for me emotionally.
As the title suggests, I could not stop crying not one but TWO separate times this month. I did not cry for two years in college, but as soon as I came to Raleigh, the floodgates opened. The first time was due to homesickness. I was struggling with feeling out of place, surrounded by unfamiliar people, and being unanchored to my surroundings. The second time I lost it was at Spiritual Formation, due to some really personal questions and personal answers about building community and friendships.
Now, why write my blog about these really sad and frankly super vulnerable moments for me?
You are asking the right questions.
Firstly because of honesty. Raleigh Fellows is amazing, I would not trade these people and my experience for anything, but that also doesn’t take away from how hard it has been. I miss my family, my pets, my college friends, my favorite coffee shop (s/o Coffee Cat), and just feeling like I know what’s going on. I am aching for the familiar. I wish I had some inspiring words about these feelings, but I really don’t.
Today, all I can say is someone hit me around the head with a really good bit of truth: I’ve been forgetting the sovereignty of God. Whether it be feelings about myself, group dynamics, what the heck I’m doing, where the time is going, and so, so, so much more, I’ve been much more concerned about my control over it all than how it is all in the hands of God. And that is so much better than it being in mine.
Happy November (three days late),
Gretchen