For Halloween I have decided to reflect

“Go through, go through the gates;
prepare the way for the people;
build up, build up the highway;
clear it of stones;
lift up a signal over the peoples.
Behold, the Lord has proclaimed
to the end of the earth:
Say to the daughter of Zion,
’Behold, your salvation comes;
behold, his reward is with him,
and his recompense before him.’
And they shall be called the Holy People,
The Redeemed of the Lord;
and you shall be called Sought Out,
A City Not Forsaken.”

— Isaiah 62:10-12

Hello blog. Somehow October has come to a close, and as I sit typing this, I’m listening to this coffee shop’s Halloween playlist (didn’t know these existed) underneath some fake cobwebs that will probably come down tomorrow. Time really flies in the fall and I can’t explain how. But it’s been a good month! My mood is quite entangled with the weather and October has been beautiful, plenty of blue skies and warm days and cool evenings. I spent one especially beautiful afternoon in Chapel Hill which just felt RIGHT!

It’s hard to be reflective of the second month of a program like this. I mean, first month, sure! It’s just everything that’s happened so far. But this month it’s only half of what I’ve gotten to experience here. And how do you parse that out? I’ll try my best. (It’s becoming obvious to me that this blog will hopefully be more than just my arbitrary ramblings but certainly nothing less than that.) This is more of a disclaimer than anything else.

One of the highlights of this past month for me has been our Old Testament class. Most Mondays we get together to talk all things OT (we’ve already made it to 1 Kings!). It’s been such a gift to read and learn about the kindness of God to His chosen people—people who didn’t deserve such a title, who were prone to forget his faithfulness, who chose other things over God over and over again. The people of the Old Testament have served as a heart check for my own life, revealing to me the ways that I tend to forget God’s faithfulness. Since God’s promises to the Israelites rested on his unchanging character, he chose to dwell among them anyway, and he dwells in me anyway. The truth that God dwells in me seems so elementary—as a kid I learned about Jesus living in my heart. It’s also so complex—me, a temple? Me, God’s home? How could that be? Sometimes I can’t believe it, that we are “called Sought Out.”

We read Genesis a couple of weeks ago, and I noticed that after Isaac is born to Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 21, Sarah says, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me” (verse 6, NIV). This image is so encouraging to me, that we can witness to the slow and beautiful work of God with laughter, the sharing of joy. We weep with those who weep, yes, and we also rejoice with those who rejoice. In both cases (which so often happen simultaneously) we look forward to the day when there will be no more tears and we’ll rejoice and laugh together forever.

In other news, it has been lovely during this second month of the program to get more involved in the life of Apostles, the church we all attend. I love going to church with the rich community the Fellows community has introduced us to so far. I get to worship alongside my boss, high school girls I know from the student ministry, and all kinds of other new friends. I also love the ways that the structures and habits of the worship service itself—the liturgies that make up the service—remind me of who God is, what he has done, and what the Christian life is like. One example: every week we hear a reading from the gospels, which is read from the middle of the sanctuary, rather than the stage, reminding the congregation that Jesus is the Word that came into the midst of his people, dwelling with and among them. May we all experience this presence so tangibly!

Until November 30 most likely,

Derren

P.S. In this title I note that I’ve decided to reflect today. This is lieu of wearing a costume

We're Not in Kansas Anymore (Vol. II)

Doo-do-do-do sounds the trumpet horn (I hope you heard it)!! Another month is finished and another blog is being requested to be posted. How could I not oblige myself to this request that is slowly becoming my favorite thing to spend time doing? That is right y’all, welcome to Volume II! Hopefully this one is not as long as the last for the sake of you who is reading this, but I guess we will see what happens. Or rather, you will scroll and know immediately if I rambled on forever again or not. My guess is I will probably end this and say, “Dang, I really did it again, didn’t I?”, but it’s been so long since you last read about my life here, so can you really blame me? Anywho… lets just dive in.

In the last blog, if you recall, I stated that I had not yet found a theme that I wanted to carry with me in these writings to y’all. Welp, that statement still rings true as I am currently lying in bed writing this a month later from the last time I had stated it. Though, please cut me some slack. Themes are hard y’all. I just have so much I want to inform you of that it’s hard to fit into one umbrella, let alone one blog post.. Maybe my theme is not having a theme. Talk about an amazingly underused cop-out. Let’s just say I am an “impromptu writer”. ooooo better yet let’s say that I am a “stream of consciousness writer”. Now that sounds fancy. I don’t really know if I am using that phrase correctly for the way I write these, (my guess is no because I think that implies an invitation into the thought process rather than just the thoughts themselves but actually that is kind of what I am doing now in these parentheses. Wow, I should probably just get rid of that parenthesis up there and make that a sentence. You know what? I’m gonna leave it. Thus concludes the longest use of parentheses probably ever), but if anyone ever asks just tell them the latter thing I said. And get ready because people are totally gonna ask about me as a writer. Just you wait.

Daggum, I am already on my way to typing my second novel. I apologize. How about we start talking about my month rather than my thoughts about who I am as a writer? Would that be okay with y’all? Hope you answered yes! If you answered no, maybe go on a walk or something and then come back and see if it is okay. Also, is it an obvious thing that I resonate with a number that falls in the “thinking triad”? Shoutout to the enneagram for helping give me a better understanding in that haha. Alright, enough of this… Here was how my month was:

Getting away from the goofiness I very much enjoy to project while writing these (hopefully not for that long), this month leaned a little more on the somber side than the previous one. I feel as though in my first update, I talked a lot about the fun to be had but not necessarily myself and how I was feeling. While there has been plenty of joyous and fun moments to go around (s/o to all the shenanigans), there has also been a light rain from the cloud of grief that has been present while being here. It wasn’t until I conversed with a friend sometime this month, that I realized this. It has been 16 years since my family moved to Kansas. I spent pretty much my entire collective, cognitive life in that state (May God bless it), more accurately in the city of Wichita. I have rare memories of any time before we moved there as a family. I left for college once, only to live with guys I knew from my high school, and eventually move back home to finish my degree. I have made all sorts of connections and met all sorts of wonderful people but all in a way in my own comfortability. All of that being said, this is the first time in a while that things have been uprooted for me. I mean literally everything in my day-to-day in a way is new (and hecka busy). In response to that, I feel as though unconsciously I have been grieving for the things that I have left back home. I am sure you, the reader, can relate to this in some way. The fact is that I definitely am not in Kansas Anymore (“He said the thing!”). My tree has just been planted, my roots have only just touched the soil. This compared to the tree back home that had roots crossing over other roots deep beneath the surface of the ground, who could react in such a way that wasn’t grief? I am certain that in due time, my tree will grow in multitude and my roots will start to cross over one another as they did once before. However, at this current moment a time is set apart, a transition is being made for the preparation of a sapling to evolve into that of a great oak. Praise the Lord for this. Praise Him for the allowance of fresh roots to be implanted and further entrenched into the soil that is a community and a culture in a new city and for allowing these roots to intertwine with the other great oaks that are being planted and the other great oaks that have been planted among a grand forrest that is this new city. Boom, how’s that for some imagery? Also, how’s that for some encouragement of being placed in something new? I mean I want to be a tree in a grand forrest interwoven with other trees. Well maybe not since we tend to chop those guys down pretty often, but besides the point. A tree in a nationally protected grand forrest. There we go, much better.

Directly going off of that (the imagery, not the forrest banter), I would like to highlight something that we as fellows talked about in one of our classes at the beginning of this month. On our docket this semester, we have several classes: Just Leadership, Old Testament, Spiritual Formation, Family Systems, and a plethora of other single session classes (enneagram, Meyers-briggs, etc). If you wanna know about any of these classes further, just let me know and I would be happy to tell you about or even share the content :-). The class that I would like to highlight is Spiritual Formation. In this class we get a lot of time to reflect and attune our spirit with that of the Lord. Some of you might be thinking, “what does that even mean?”. That’s fair. I’m not gonna tell you though >:). Just kidding, I’ll tell you. Basically in my words, it is a time to practice trying to notice the rhythm that the Lord is playing in our lives. It is a time of quite literally sitting and meditating through our thoughts and trying to hear the Lord guide us in them. It’s helpful to read a little scripture before hand, just to get some spiritual thoughts flowing. Sometimes it may even just look like resting and slowing down though. Some people find it to be a little bizarre but I really dig it. A time to really sort through all the thoughts in my head? How much time are we talking here, because I got a lot of thoughts.

Anyway, in this class we meditated over a certain passage in the Bible. This passage was Mark 10:46-52. The story is of a blind beggar, named Bartimaeus, who was sitting as Jesus passed by. He cried out to him, begging for mercy. As others tried to silence him, Jesus halted and invited the beggar to come forward. Jesus asked for the beggar’s desire to which the beggar asked for to recover his sight. Jesus responds with “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” I wanted to highlight this story because the beggar leaves a huge impression on me. Was it his success, his status, his assets, his comfortability, or his tactfulness that ended up making him well? No. It was purely his faith in the Lord. We obviously don’t know the background of this man in depth, but we can assume being a blind beggar, he probably didn’t have much that he could consistently look upon for hope. Yet, Jesus was enough for him and was the one he cried to for help. I think there is power in the story in the way it challenges us to question ourselves. Among all of our loss, do we still look to Jesus to help and heal us? Are we following from a shallow need or from an utmost dependence? Would our faith be able to make us well if we were put in the shoes of Bartimaeus? This is the stream of consciousness (what a callback) that I experienced while meditating on the word and that I wanted to share.

I believe that I wrote significantly less than the last update that I provided so y’all are probably severely stoked that this one was shorter (and trust me, I could’ve made it much longer). Maybe it wasn’t though. Regardless, I’m hopeful y’all are severely stoked to read the words I write no matter how long. If you made it all the way through, thank you for reading all of that and I hope something resonated with you. If you skimmed through most of it, still thank you for taking the time to gloss over what I transcribed. This is the part where I told myself I would finally say “enough about me”. If y’all have any fun little updates or prayer requests, feel free to email me back as I would love to be praying for y'all!

Not me saying “enough about me” and then saying “wait, actually I didn’t write enough about me”. I literally forgot but If you would like to be praying for me during this month, here are some ways below that you can:

• Prayers that my roots would continue to be entrenched in the soil that is present in Raleigh, NC

• Prayers for my grief of home

• Prayers that I would not get caught up in “what’s lacking” but would instead focus on “what’s thriving”

• Prayers for burn out

• Prayers that my vocal cords are still in good condition

  • this is kind of a joking one, but I am planning on joining the Christmas choir at our church and its just been a while since your boy has sang some music in a group. I will provide updates accordingly.

I think that is just about everything I wanted to talk about in this edition. I apologize, as I probably will again and again for how long these things are but I have a habit to just keep going and going whenever my hands touch a keyboard. I hope that I provided you enough information about my month to quench your thirst. Attached below are some pictures I thought would be fun for people to see of me further ingraining myself in this city.

Picture of my friends Neil, Ian and I recreating an iconic meme. Hopefully you get it.

Picture of me with a big ol heifer of a chicken at the state fair. First time at the state fair and it for sure will not be the last.

Picture of the sunrise that blinds me every morning in my office that I get to work in (please ignore my reflection.)

Picture I captured on the “Hanging Rock State Park” overlook hike. The hike was very interesting considering I didn’t eat lunch or breakfast and it was an 8 mile hike fully uphill/downhill that took me about 5 hours to do. should’ve mentioned this experience in the blog but lets just say I really saw Jesus on that last mile to my car.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading.

May He bless your month of November,

- Alec

Moments with Mal #2

October was full of getting to explore more parts of the city, jamming out to Taylor Swift’s new album, and having lots of high-quality girls’ nights (aka GG time)! My favorite moment this month though was getting to go to the NC State Fair! 

Personally, I’ve never been to the fair. I’ve driven by the Georgia fairgrounds, but I was a part of a family that would go to an amusement park where the rides are permanently there over a 2-week fair. My dad would often explain the structure of even the permanent rides to me since he was a mechanical engineer, so I truly had NO idea what to expect from the fair. Well, now I can say I’ve been to the state fair not once, BUT TWICE!! First with the fellows, and then the next day I went with coworkers during our lunch break! 

Going to the fair during my lunch break with people I work with was never something I expected, but it was one of my favorite moments this month because of how I can see myself as part of the community in my workplace! Starting a new job as a 3-day intern who recently graduated is tough because there is this constant voice in my head telling me to prove to others and myself that I can do the work, and that what I’m doing is worth it; I am a good hire. (I’m learning from our enneagram class that I am a 3-the achiever which may make sense from these internal thoughts.) Going into work, I want to do well, but I also get so energized by being around people that I want to befriend people at work. How do you do that when you have different life experiences, think you are seen as just young, or when you also have work to do? I’ve been learning a lot of answers to these questions and getting over little fears by simply saying yes to the taco Tuesday outings, or helping on a project with new people, or going on a field trip to pick out ice cream for a meeting because it helps people. In the moments I’ve said yes, I’ve gotten to meet new people in my company. One week, I said yes and learned how to design a parking lot for storage units and RVs/ boats which was exciting and helped us gameplan. I’ve also learned how to connect with others like their kids play soccer and I played, so BOOM conversation!

I’ve gone on walks with a coworker to break up sitting in the office and seen how valuable those conversations are in furthering the kingdom. Some of my coworkers are believers, and we’ve had conversations about values and work, as well as, what they’ve learned from the Lord in their many jobs. This has helped my hands be open more to where the Lord may lead me next vocation wise. There’s a lot of pressure right now to figure out what is next with my age, but I’ve received a lot of advice that helps me be grateful and present rather than worrying about the next season. We also don’t need to have our dream job carved in stone by the time we finish Fellows. From every person that has come to teach our classes or speak to us, I’ve seen it’s been an ongoing journey as the Lord has revealed new gifts, passions, and resources to them.  

From working and being a fellow, I’ve been very thankful that the church is at the center of the connections I have. A lot of times when you move somewhere new, you may have a job lined up and that starts as your community foundation, and then you try to find a church. I’m thankful that our foundation is at Apostles. A few people at where I work also go there which makes Sundays fun, but also, others in the office are friends with people who go there, or they grew up in the city and know someone else I’ve met through class. It has just been really energizing to see the different aspects of fellows grow into something bigger than just us in the program.

With only being in the office for 3 days, it may feel hard to feel a part of it all but going to the fair with everyone allowed me to see that I’m growing into my role! That role changes every week, but it is one I can use for this season to share what I’m learning and the Lord’s love. So, what you may be wondering… at the fair, I rode “the sizzler”- this ride was 3 feet off the ground, so I felt confident with it. I went on a hunt for hot dogs, fries, and fried pickles with my sizzler riding friends. Then, we ran into everyone else and got ice cream from the Howling Cow! 10/10 recommend this lunch break next time the fair returns!!

-xoxo, Mal

Caamp Enthusiast Vol. I

Finally! After a whole summer of anticipation, I’ve moved to the City of Oaks. And so far, it’s been everything and more!

Love and selflessness have been a common theme since arriving in Raleigh. Right of the bat, my host family (Shea and Julie Tisdale) and my co-host brother/fellow (Alec Kuthan) greeted me before I even got out of my car. This sense of love and selflessness seems to be at the heart of the Fellows community and has helped reassure my decision to even come to Raleigh.

While it has only been a little more than 3 weeks since we all arrived in Raleigh, it feels like its been seven years. I could write a dissertation on what we have done and how God has shown himself in these past weeks, but instead I wanted to focus on what God has been putting on my heart since becoming a Raleigh Fellow.

If you could see the inner workings of my mind, you would see how squirrel-minded I am. I often have several thoughts and stresses bouncing around in my head, leading me to be very disconnected and not fully present in a given moment. Particularly in the first week of the Fellows program, these thoughts and stresses had to do with what comes after Fellows for me. Quickly, however, I learned that I needed to be more intentional with my time here and feel that God revealed that to me through getting to know the other Fellows, COTA community, and co-workers at Refugee Hope Partners. It has been a blessing to get to know all these wonderful people and grateful that God has shown me benefits of slowing down to enjoy this time.

I came into the Fellows program with a general sense of what I expected to get out of it, but I’ve already been shown how wrong I was in assuming I knew what God had in-store for me. With eight months still to go, I hope to prayerfully walk into every day with open hands, willing to allow God to shape me in whatever ways He has planned.

IMA

A Letter to...Mallory!

September with Neil

I arrived in Raleigh on Monday September 5, and met my host family, Bo and Judy Batchelder. I was pretty nervous about living with a host family before I got here, but I immediately felt very welcome when I met the Batchelders. They have made me feel at home, and I have really enjoyed getting to know them more. The next day I met Ashley and all of the other fellows at the church. This was a little awkward at first because none of us knew each other, but I think we started to gel as a group pretty quickly at the first retreat at Ashley’s lake house. I really enjoyed this retreat, as it was so much fun to start getting to know everyone while also being able to do lake activities. After this retreat we were introduced to a lot of the other people at I the church including the fellows class from last year. I think it is very cool that the entire fellows class from last year is still in Raleigh, and is still very involved with the church. They have definitely made the transition easier for our class by inviting us to activities and being around if we have any questions or need any advice. After the welcome dinner, we all started work. I have been working at Redeeming Development Group, which is a real estate development/ construction company here in Raleigh. I have really enjoyed my first few weeks working at RDG, I have no experience in construction, so I have been doing a lot of cool tasks that are very new to me. I think this nine month internship will be a great opportunity for me to learn many new things, and hopefully to develop professionally. Another aspect of the program that I have found interesting has been the different classes that we all take together. These classes are on many different topics that I think will help us all learn about the lord and about ourselves. The parts of the program that I have found to be the most rewarding so far have been working with neighbor to neighbor and with the student ministry at Apostles. Neighbor to neighbor is a program where we help tutor and mentor local kids who have fallen behind in either their reading or math classes. I think it is an awesome program, and I am excited to work with my student over these next nine months. I have also really enjoyed helping with student ministry at the church, especially the Fall retreat we went on last week. In conclusion, I have really enjoyed my first month in the fellows program, and I am looking forward to the next eight months.

We're Not in Kansas Anymore (Vol. I)

Moving forward, its my personal goal to create a whacky theme for these blogs but I think for now I am going to just let this space be a space to invite you, the reader, into everything that has brought joy to me in my past month here in the great city of Raleigh, NC.

Hello all far and wide, truly what a time it is to be alive. I am gonna pat myself on the back real quick for that nice, unintentional rhyme. It was not too long ago that I decided I was going to take an unorthodox path out of college and do something called the “Fellows Institute”. There were a few (maybe you’re reading this) who honestly were worried about my sudden impulsiveness to leave where I had been for the past 16 years. I will admit it, I was worried as well. It really didn’t seem that bad until I realized it was going to be an 18 hour drive to migrate from home home to this new home. To me, that meant I was going to be missing a lot of things back home. But alas, I wanted to experience something different and felt as though the Lord was creating a path to go down.

Before I go further into my past month, I would just like to take a moment. For those of you who may not know this about me, I love those whom I get to spend life with outside of my family dearly and see them as family. It has been a great joy while I have had a moment away from these people to realize how true that statement is. Wichita boys and girls back home and my YL people near and far from home, if you’re reading this, please know that you guys are constantly on my mind and in my heart and not a second goes by that I don’t miss having y’all closer.

Anyways, let tune back to me now. I really wanted to place a simile here to paint a picture of this past month but honestly I can’t even form the words to describe it (maybe something will come to me later). This program and the experience it offers can vary depending on what city you end up in. In Raleigh, a few things that are at the center of the experience are:

1. The Church that is partnered with the program: “Church of the Apostles”, which has an Anglican denomination.

   • As a fellow, we get to volunteer in church operations in many ways and also get to be a leader for the youth group.

2. An involvement in a local non-profit organization: “Neighbor to Neighbor”, which gives a fellow an opportunity to mentor and form a relationship with youth who are struggling in school.

3. A job to work 3, 8-hr days (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday), that lines up with the fellows degree.

4. A host family that quite literally has a “whatever is mine, is yours” policy

5. A mentor figure from the church to be able to form a relationship ship with and maybe learn a thing or two from

6. A buddy from a previous year to just be a built-in tour guide and friend in the city

7. A set of teachers to instruct classes and assign homework in order to stimulate the growth of not only spiritual, but emotional, physical, and mental health. They also provide us with further depth of knowledge in what the text of the Bible truly has to offer us.

8. A community that is constantly praying and fighting for you

Daggum, that’s a pretty long list, huh? Maybe this is dramatic but it quite honestly has felt like the busiest time of my entire life being here. Everyday has something that my time promises to invest in, and it has been a strategic battle to be able to have enough time for the things I love to do and for the people I want to reconnect with and check in on. I am unsure, but maybe that’s what being an adult is really about: having things constantly battle for your time. Those who are older, let me know if you nodded your head aggressively at that as you read it. Through all the busyness though, many things have stood out to me over the past month. “Thank goodness, he is finally gonna start talking about his month". I know that’s probably what you are thinking but please stay with me, I just wanted to give people some background.

My month started with me being the first fellow to arrive aside from the one that already lived in Raleigh. I arrived a little early so it was about a whole week until the other 8 fellows I would spend the next 9 months getting to know showed up. When I showed up, I was greeted by my host parents (The Tisdale’s), and got to receive an initial taste of how awesome these two people were. Julie and Shea Tisdale are two people who love each other very well from an outsiders viewpoint. Their marriage is one that is very authentic, and has been a joy to be around. I think a unique thing about each of them is Julie’s contagious laughter and passion for things, and Shea’s desire to enjoy life for what it is. Spending time with them has had great meaning in my first month here. Another thing I got to experience was the sense of community that flows from the church and the program. Upon my first visit to the church I got to meet mostly everyone that has a hand in running the operations of the church itself. This led to questions of who I had already met and then statements of who I should meet. Later on Sunday, that expanded from church staff to churchgoers. In a church body of over 500 (guesstimate, don’t @ me), everyone kind of knows everyone and everyone kind of loves talking to and meeting everyone else who doesn’t already know everyone. As someone who’s naturally shy but loves conversation, this has been a hallelujah moment and another thing that has brought great joy in the month I have been here.

Moving on to my other things that I have found a great joy in this month, once the other fellows arrived we got to embark on an “orientation retreat” at the director’s (Ashley Crutchfield, she’s the GOAT) lake house. I would just like to get it out of the way right off of the bat, that the two jet skis that Ashely has at her house brought an immeasurable amount of joy to my life. Now that’s out of the bag we can move on to talking about those who I get to spend most of my days with. Although there was some awkward beginnings, the retreat we went on was a time where friendships started to develop and blossom which has also been a source of great meaning this past month. My class is full of people who have good humor, are sports lovers (“go tigers”, as they say in Clemson, but more importantly “Dawg if I got a cut on my arm, I would literally bleed purple and gold”, as my friend Neil says about his Baltimore Ravens), are people who always want to be active, who have a generally amazing concept of “fun”, who have amazing fashion, and who have full hearts for the Lord and His kingdom. Along with my class, there are plenty of other fellows from the previous years of this program that remain in Raleigh, and who have been a treasure to get to spend time with. Shoutout specifically to Richie Rojas who is an absolute goon and enabler of enjoying life. All of these people have been an amazing source of joy over the past month.

Being able to learn while I have spent time here has also been a joyous thing. You can tell that each teacher that has signed up to teach us a thing or two about our faith journey has a deep heart behind what they take an hour and some change to talk to us about each week. Its been something that is a love/hate relationship because of all the reading that has to be done before each class but next time we get a chance to catch up, feel free to ask me about what I have been learning!

Pulling a 180 on this ol thang, I have also had an opportunity to be a teacher to some youth while I have been here. I tutor a 5th grade girl on Mondays in math, and have gotten the opportunity to be a leader/teacher/whatever you wanna call it to guys who attend our church youth group and are in 10th, 11th, and 12th grade. Both are things that were new experiences. Let me tell you, straight up, the girl I tutor absolutely despises math. I mean she HATES it, ask anyone who sits next to us. But all that hate for mathematics aside, it has been a cool experience just to be someone who’s in a position to teach and inspire to the youth, especially to the youth who need a little help catching back up to their current grade level. The other new experience I mentioned was youth group which is wild. Being involved with YL for the past however long, it was a foreign concept to me to have a ratio of leaders to kids be under 1:10. Its literally like 1:2 in this church I get the privilege to lead in. Getting to know kids has been a lot harder as well, but I think I am primed up to not be saying that next blog update. More time = more connection, ya feel me? Both these things in their wackiness and newness have been bringers of joy.

Last but not least, it has been a great joy to be employed. My process took a bit longer than the average fellow and so I missed the first two weeks of work on the schedule since I simply did not have a job yet. In those two weeks I got to help the church do a few odd jobs and pull weeds for that guy Richie I mentioned earlier, it was awful and looking back I really wish I would’ve used gloves. But alas, you live and you learn. You ever wonder who coined that term? That guy or gal should really be getting some coin for that. Anyways, yes I have a fancy schmancy engineering job now and actually got to work my first work week this past week in a “no jeans” office. Talk about a rough policy since I literally only own two pants that aren’t jeans. To be completely honest, as this summer was drawing to an end, engineering was not my favorite thing in the world. If I could restart my college career, I would totally go back and just instantly declare I was going to be a physical therapist. Who knows, maybe I go to med school in the future. For now though I am so burnt out of taking notes for things. Anyways, my point is Engineering can be a really weird time. There’s a certain culture that can spew into a workplace where everyone is just doing whatever they think is right and would never listen to anyone else’s opinions on how to do something differently. Talk about frustrating. Its only been one week but so far the company I work for (Kimley-Horn, look em up), has been nothing but awesome. In a relatively large office space, people have been so refreshingly welcoming and made me feel as though I am valued on the team, even though I literally have to be taught everything I am doing. Again, its only been a week, but so far its brought me great joy to be able to have fun in the office and I am looking forward to the months ahead. Can’t wait to see how I feel in the next blog.

I think that’s everything I wanted to say in this edition of “Were Not in Kansas Anymore”. I apologize for literally writing a novel on this casual Friday but I hope I provided enough valuable text to give you an insight into how my past month has been. Moving forward I promise I will try and make these things shorter, I just have a tendency to ramble on about things. I can assure you though in this one sentence, it has been a great joy to be out here in this wonderful city of Raleigh. Attached below are some pictures I thought would be fun for people to see and maybe help support the preceding sentence in proving its point.

So I actually lied, there was one more thing I wanted to talk about before the pictures of me having fun. Also I swear I have had more fun outside of the one weekend at the lake but I just have forgotten to take more pictures. I will be better in the future. Anyways, I bet you people who actually took the time to read this, (I totally understand if you just skimmed, no worries), are wondering how you could pray for me. What a truly magnificent wondering that is! In consideration of your prayers I would just like to ask for these areas to be prayed for:

• Confidence in my ability to mentor to those I have been voluntold to in the area.

• Continued enjoyment in my new job and for natural moments to arise in the workplace to talk about the Lord with others. I already had one that was kind of a nice surprise and would love for more to follow.

• A welcoming to moments of pause and reflection in all this busyness.

• Trust in what He is doing and what He is building.

• Eyes to see all the behind the scenes things He is doing and to see all the joy in his creation.

Me and da class. So much love for deez peeps. Also pretty sunset.

Me and the fellow boyos of my class catching the most exotic fish on the market, that is Neil. Also pretty sunset.

Me and my friend Emily pictured with the most incredible, joy-giving, man-made creation of the current era of time.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading.

May He bless your month of October,

- Alec

New Beginnings with Em! 🥳😊💛

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog!!! Here are some answers to some questions about my FIRST MONTH IN RALEIGH!!!

What have you loved this month?

I have LOVED the community here!! Not going to lie, I was nervous about coming to Raleigh and adjusting to a new place, meeting new people, and starting a new job. But I was welcomed SO WELL into the church body, my host fam, and my own fellows class! On our first Sunday at church, I was greeted so warmly by so many members of the church community. It was like I could feel the love in the room! It makes all the difference to be welcomed into a community where you are loved, supported, and cherished by so many. 

I have LOVED my fellow Fellows!!! Matt, Derren, Alec, Mallory, Neil, Janie, Ian, Madelyn, and Linsey are seriously the BEST! I see these new friends as an answer to the prayer I have been praying all summer! Each one of these people bring unique and exciting qualities to our group and it’s been so much fun to get to know them. I feel honored to be a part of this awesome group! The Lord is so good and kind for putting these sweet people in my life :). 

I have LOVED this new little restaurant that Derren and I found the other day. It’s called Guasacas and basically all they have are arepas. But I’m telling you, they are 10/10 arepas!! Would recommend!

What are you learning?

I am learning to trust that the Lord has GOOD plans for my life! This past summer, I meditated on Psalm 16 a lot. One verse that always stands out to me is verse 6:

  “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” 

Graduating from college, saying goodbye to my college friends, and leaving familiar spaces threw me into a somewhat unwanted season of change and transition. It was hard to believe the truth that the Lord goes before me and has a beautiful inheritance for me. Now that I have entered this new season of my life, my “Fellows Season” (😂), I can see that God does have good plans for me! Plans that do not just exist within my college experience. God walks before me and promises me life, beauty, joy, and peace. And He has been showing that to me throughout the month! I am so thankful! 

What is a favorite memory you are taking with you into the next month?

One memory that I cherish is our trip to Lake Gaston the first week. I loved that week so much because the beginning was SO AWKWARD but by the end it was like we’d known each other for years. We all drove down together and I was so nervous about how the week would go. But day by day, I watched as everyone became more comfortable with one another! By the end of the week, we were dancing together in the kitchen, making TikToks, and watching the US Open in the Hot Tub. What a sweet time! God is so good :)

Peace and Blessings 😙✌️,

Emily

Freshman move-in looks different here

And all of a sudden I’m coming home to a place I’ve never been.

I think that maybe I should be overwhelmed but I’ve never felt more content.

The lights are glowing through the windows. It’s bright but it’s not too bright. Even though there’s a chill outside, it's warm in here. I can hear people laughing in the other room, and they’re all my best friends, who I’ve never met before, except somehow I’ve known them all my life. And we’re sitting around a table, yelling and singing and shouting about all of the things we’ve done together and everything we have yet to do. We’re complete strangers and we’re a family. 

And there’s a carpenter from Nazareth that’s built this home for us in Raleigh. He’s prepared the table. He’s prepared our hearts. Each path that He’s led me down until now has felt like I’m walking with a blindfold, but now the blindfold is being pulled away to reveal a party, with the entire Kingdom on the guest list. Everyone at the party is shouting WELCOME HOME – and I’m home. They say we get slices of heaven here on earth, and if that’s true, oh baby. I can’t wait to taste the entire cake. 

I’m greeted by strangers who aren’t strange to me at all. As I learn so many new faces and names I can’t help but think about how we will all get to spend eternity together. 

Even though I’m still figuring out what it is I’m being called to do, but I know exactly where I’m called to be. I may not know where this road is going, but I know the One who paved it. 

22 is a year of a lot of transitions. New job. New city. New friends. And yet, I know that I can trust that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I know that I can lean on this community when I start to forget that. I’m here walking in the footsteps of everyone who’s gone before me, and I can rest in the history that this program and community have written over the last 15(?) years, and one that the Lord’s been writing for a bit longer than that.

Each month I’ll be gracing your computer screen with a collection of pictures to encompass whatever I’ve been feeling. This month, it’s Home. Not home in its simple earthly sense; this is something greater than you and I. This is Home where you’re wrapped in the arms of the Father and the entire world rejoices when someone new walks through the door. Here’s a little glimpse into some moments that have felt like Home.

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow

Madelyn

Settling-In September

HELLO BLOG WORLD!! I want to start off by letting you into my mind in terms of my thematic vision for my posts here. I’ve decided to structure each month’s content based on an alliteration with each month’s name, ergo Settling-In September for this post. So let’s jump in!

We’re four weeks in and slowly slowly slowly I’m starting to feel settled. We came in, hit the ground running, and I feel like we’ve been running at a steady pace ever since. It has been hard to stop, pause, and let it sink in that this is really my life now. The transition into this new life stage has not quite felt real. Amidst the new faces, new city, new church, new job, new home, it has been the slow progression of creating a routine and comfortability with all the newness as I feel myself slowly settling-in. Leading up to arriving in Raleigh, I had an inner peace that this place was going to be a joyous and safe space for the next year. I think through all the chaos of the last month the consistent source of peace and comfort has come from the nine faithful fellows (and our fearless leader Ashley) that I get to be alongside on this journey. This group is something special. It feels intentional and God-ordained that we were chosen to be here. We went on a five day lake trip our first week here and we joke that the bonding that took place at the lake has made us all co-dependent. The community that fellows blesses you with is the exact reason I was attracted to the program and it has proven to be what feels so special about being here. I think the cliche Hobby Lobby sign that says, “family is what makes a house a home” embodies the sentiment of what I am feeling, even though I shudder at the cheesiness. I have only settled into this new space because of how excited I am to be around this group of people. 

For most things, time is the factor that controls how settled-in one may feel. With each day of work at the church I have a better grasp of my responsibilities and tasks I need to accomplish. Driving to the same places time after time allows me to finally be able to navigate the city without turning on maps. With every week that repeats the same activities a natural routine builds to make this all feel like ordinary life. But the people that are here with me are what transforms Raleigh from being the place I moved to into the place I want to be in! The church community has overwhelmed me with their capacity to love and welcome us in. The former fellows have quickly swooped in to walk alongside us and guide us through every twist and turn this year might throw at us. And Ashley has given us endless advice, laughs, and dance breaks to help us shed our fear, discomfort, and awkwardness as we move into so much unknown. As we close out September the newness of it all is fading just like the summer heat and I am left feeling calm and comforted just as the crisp and familiar fall air glides in. 

Well that’s it for this month! Blog one, CHECK!! Can’t wait to see what October turns into…. Outstanding October? Outrageous? Ordinary? Tune back in next month to see!

-Linsey

Well, here we go!

That phrase sums up the month of September. This month has been filled with a lot of “news”. Not the sad stuff that you see on the TV, but instead new things, ideas, practices, and people. An obvious update is that I started the fellows program. For the purposes of this blog (haha, so professional), I will talk about adjustments, retreats, and all things fellows!

September has, in a lot of ways, been a month of adjustments. In fact, adjustments are a dime a dozen for a guy who has spent his last four years in Raleigh. It’s challenging to be inserted into a new community in a place where I already have one. That’s not to say that it’s been a bad adjustment, but an adjustment nonetheless. I truly love spending my time with the noble people of North Carolina, Virginia, Georgia and Kansas. The fact is, it’s hard to learn how to spend time with all of the people that you love. Even though it’s hard, it’s just life. I am eager to grow further in loving the people that I love well. Working has been an adjustment. I am only working three days a week, and let me say… I don’t know how people that have been working every day each week for years, or even decades, are still functioning. My deepest admiration and respect goes out to the workforce of the world. I also have a host family now, and let me be the first to tell you that they are the best! This is a shout out to the Daniel family. If ya’ll stumble upon this blog please hear that you are all the best, and please believe those words. They have made the transition of moving in with a family that isn’t your own seamless and exciting. I’ve seen God in the way each of them have loved me over the past month.

The past month, we (da fellows) had the opportunity to go on some retreats. To kick things off, we all went to our fearless director Ashley Crutchfield’s lake house. In that first week I learned some things; I equally love and am terrified of jet skis, the wholesome people of Kansas play a game called “Big Carrot”, and there is no better way to be forced into community than doing so in a lake house. Some of that last sentence doesn’t even make sense. For example, they don’t even produce a lot of carrots in Kansas, but maybe the carrots are just bigger there. Who really knows? We also went to lead a youth ministry retreat for Church of the Apostles. I led 6th and 7th grade boys and had the time of my life. I love that age because some of the guys are giants, some of them are small, and they all just do their thing. Whatever that means…This week I found out that it meant origami and magic tricks, which begs the question; why did I pay for college when I can learn cooler things for free? Nevertheless, the retreats were fun and I can’t wait for more! 

Rounding out the highlights of September are tutoring at Neighbor to Neighbor and Roundtable. Getting the opportunity to tutor has been a blessing. I feel like I’m learning a lot too. It’s probably not such a bad thing to have another pass at math, even if it is second grade math. Roundtable has been one of my favorite spaces so far. This month we shared life stories. I believe that when we learn more about people who love God, WE love God more and gain a deeper understanding of the way he loves us. What a gift it is to be able to listen and to be invited into that. Thanks for that God.

With that my update for month one comes to a close. Here we go indeed! I have been blessed through community and through service, and I cannot wait to see how God continues to show up in those spaces. September was a good one.  

Till next time, Matt

boat time fun

middle school dudes being middle school dudes

we all need one in our life, that’s right, a sonic ‘dog

September: Shoes Off!

“Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries”

— from "Aurora Leigh", Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Heyyyy blogger nation!!!! I honestly feel so uncomfortable to be writing this post to an unknown audience but I’m glad you’re here reading it anyway. These next few months of blog posts of mine will be jumbles of thoughts in my attempts to make everything that makes sense (or doesn’t) in my head make sense on paper to other people. It’ll be a journey! The fun irony here is that I’m a communications major but I’ll likely have the most trouble communicating everything I want to say. But maybe the labor of love it what makes this all worth it. (I guess we’ll see!)

Over the past couple of years, Jeremiah 29:13-14 has been so meaningful to me:

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from the place from which I carried you into exile.”

My prayer over the past couple years has been that I would seek God and seek Him with all my heart. I’ve found so much beauty and grace in the fact that God promises that he will let us find him, and that he will carry us home. I came to Raleigh hoping and praying that in God’s kindness I would seek him and find him here in a new way, knowing him better and loving him more because of the place he’s brought me.

Seeking and finding God during my first few weeks here has been such a profound reminder that Earth really is crammed with heaven, as EBB notes in the excerpt at the top of this post. God has been with us at Lake Gaston, by the backyard koi pond, on the New Life Camp basketball court, and everywhere else we’ve stepped foot that I wouldn’t think to mention. It feels like one key discipline of the Christian life is slowing down long enough to pay attention to how and where God shows up in our lives (one poet calls stillness “one of the doors into the temple”).

So I guess this month I’ve been trying to take off my shoes, recognizing that God’s presence is with us because of the work of Jesus. I’m grateful that this program so far has pointed me to the bushes afire with God, and we gather in his presence together. We take off our shoes, aware we’re standing on holy ground, proclaiming before God, “Here I am” as Moses did when God called to him in Exodus 3. Here, God  told Moses that he has come down to rescue them, that the cry of his people has reached his ears. Beautiful things have happened and are happening and will happen on holy ground, thank God!

Warmly and gratefully,

Derren

P.S. There’s also a fun symbol here when I imagine taking off my shoes to mean settling in and getting comfortable which IS happening! Raleigh and Apostles and Fellows already feels like home, praise be to God!!

Moments with Mal #1

Welcome to Moments with Mal! This has always been a running joke/phrase used by my family when I tell stories, so it only seemed right that it would be how I started these blog posts! 

The moment I wanted to share and reflect on this month was Mary Young’s Spiritual Formation class. It was our very first class after our retreat, and I feel like it just directed us in such a perfect way before the busy fullness and fun of our schedules. At Mary’s class we took time to reflect on scripture, and then there was just an hour carved out for us to rest with God. There was no pressure to produce any kind of devotional or spiritual awakening- only the hope that we would simply just be. It’s hard to do this, but it is also hard not to let your brain wander during this time. I often spend time with God and have an agenda- like do this devo, pray these things, etc., but this time I didn't have those constraints. The following weeks then got more full with things to do and people to meet, so it is hard to find this chunk of time to just do this which makes starting the month with this kind of time so special.

During that moment, I went to Mary’s backyard (it’s beautiful) and just took a moment to take in all the nature around me. From working at camp, I’ve always felt closer to God by just being outdoors, so I started to take it all in and rest when these tall purple flowers caught my eye in her garden. There are all these leaves that lead up to one purple, delicate flower at the top of the stem, and I noticed that the flower leans towards the sunlight. At first, the purple petals caught my eye, but then I noticed the leaves that trail up the long stem were all leading and pointing up to the beauty of the flower too. Oh, how God does the same with each of us! 

There’s something different about each of us that catches others’ attention, but when you really take a look back, you see all these stories, experiences and characteristics that all make up the beauty of each person. The growth of these flowers are all different. Some have bloomed. Some are still growing, and even some sway in the wind as I took it all in. We also sway at times and are still growing. As we grow in faith too, we try to face towards the Lord just like the flowers face the sun. Each flower is clothed with beauty, as well as each person, and that beauty reveals more of Jesus to those around them. From first glance, you just see the flower or the thing that draws you into becoming friends with a person, but more is revealed through the moments you share together, and more of Jesus is revealed too!!

Sooooo some moments I’ve seen Jesus through my other fellows after just getting to know them this month:

Derren- she is patient which I saw in how she sat with the high school girls during cabin time at camp 

Madelyn- she is kind and walks alongside you and talks through any and everything, our Thursday walks brighten my day!!

Matt- he can and will connect with everyone through stories and we’re besties because of it

Linsey- she was my first one-on-one on our retreat and she made me feel so welcomed through our conversation 

Neil- we will talk Clemson football so thank goodness, but he also is there for any game night or activity, he’s dependable

Alec- he can bring people together whether that’s to play pickleball (which so fun!!) or just through teaching different cooking techniques

Emily- her joy can fill a room like when we laughed all the way to neighbor to neighbor or while making tiktoks

Ian- he is so funny, and his humor and stories create this fun community within the fellows 

Janie- thankful we could bond over the Queen because she is also so thoughtful, and I love all our coffee runs to Jubala!

Ashley- she invites us all in, whether over to her house for roundtable or just inviting us in to be ourselves in this new community like her and I sang Taylor Swift the whole first week!

Unveiled Before The Father

The past few months have been SO busy, but so much fun! Among the many fun things we’ve done, I want to focus on my reflections from our Silent retreat at St. Francis Prayer Center. The Fellows were encouraged to unplug from their phones and embrace solitude. Before our day of silence and solitude began, Mary Young led us in a devotional from a Lenten devotional book by Beth Richardson. The morning devotional was called Delight in the Lord (In The Wilderness).

Two specific aspects of the devotional stuck out to me. The first of which is about the barrier between independence and dependence on the Lord. This chasm occurs when we try to wrap our head around every detail about everything. So, when things don’t make sense, we tend to go to what we know, the familiar. Israel did this in the wilderness when they felt confused, uncertain, and discomfort on their journey to the promised land. They longed for Egypt, making themselves think of it as paradise compared to what they were experiencing. As suggested by Richardson, deepening dependence on Christ is accomplished by uncertainty, whereas needing to understand everything is frequently a sign that we want and desire independence. 

The second part of the devotional was about delighting in the Lord. Richardson suggests that delighting in Christ opens our eyes to recognize the Father’s love amid the wilderness. Alternatively, when we become hyper-focused in our thoughts and understandings, we may see the wilderness as a harsh punishment or that we’ve been abandoned by God. We tend to make sense of what is going on around us instead of fixing our gaze on Christ. 

Richardson urges readers to pay attention, become aware of uncertainty, and turn our gaze to the Father:

“But when one[a] turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. 17 Now the Lord[b] is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord,[c] are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.[d] For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit”. (2 Corinthians 3:16-18). 

Given the backdrop of Richardson’s devotional, I’ve taken this verse to mean that transformation happens as we behold God, and not necessarily when I attempt to fully understand Him or circumstances. As things are stripped away and we experience loss, His peace and love can become increasingly real, more integrated into our hearts and lives. God, in His delight and love for His children, will lead us into spaces where our hearts can be shaped in ways like His. Thus, it’s not only our heart that are revealed in the desert, but Christs’ as well. We see this when we are looking or beholding Him.

Both points have been helpful during the final months of Fellows when there’s been an increasing amount of angst and uncertainty about post-Fellow’s plans. It’s been two-fold: It has challenged me to readjust my gaze on Christ when there is uncertainty around me and instead, take time alone to receive His gaze with an unveiled face. The next step has looked like delighting in His created and creation. This typically occurs when I look at my fellow Fellows, children at my internship, members of COTA, and beautiful Spring flowers. I try to view each person and with the lens of the Father. In essence, allowing my unveiled gaze on the Father during alone time and throughout the day has become a way to remind myself to gauge how I view and see the world around me. I’m no where near perfect at this, but i’ve seen little improvement. This practice has taught me to take delight in what He would take delight in, rather than trying to look back at Egypt longing for something that can’t possibly bring the comfort, safety, and longing found in Christ.

Here are some moments that have reminded me to readjust my gaze on Christ and His beloved. 

St. Francis Prayer Center!

… mr. camera dude caught me during the last few moments of having two ACL’s… BUTT, the 10k race was so much fun! I found so much delight training and running with the Raleigh Fellows running group.

Walking around DC at the Fellows National Conference was a breath of fresh air. The warm air, flowers, monuments, and other Fellows groups all reminded me of the Father’s deeply personal role in His created and creation.

Tears of joy at Natty conference. PTL for silliness and blue napkins

Not only did FAST_STRONG_GIRL SLAYYYING the half bring me so much joy, but also cheering all the runners on with a few of the other Fellows.

Last Spiritual formation class with Mary. Her classes was always a space where I could take time to slow down and behold Christ.

Kris

April Adventures

April was a month that consisted of trying new things. My best friend, Jack, and I joke all the time about being spontaneous. It was a word that we use that shows courage, fearlessness, and adventure into the unknown. The more I learn about myself, the more I realize I’m not really that spontaneous and feel much more comfortable in a routine that I know is safe and secure. Most of this stems from my drive for organization in all aspects of my life, but another big part of the reason I don’t love spontaneity is because I’m afraid of failure and the potential of my image being seen as weak. That being said, through my conversation with Bruce from the Career, Calling, and Vocation retreat (renamed COVID retreat), he encouraged me to try new things this year and get out my comfort zone a little bit to expand my flexibility in situations. April is a testament to trying new things, finding joy in the midst of uncomfort, and compromising my routine. So here are all the “new things” I tried this month and how I experienced the Lord in the middle of them.

First on the list is a concert in Asheville that Dylan, Brendan, Austin, and I went to. Dylan so graciously invited us to see one of his favorite bands, Kublai Khan TX, live in concert with a couple other bands. I’d encourage you to look them up on Spotify, but if you don’t, all you need to know is that they are a heavy metal band. Being in that venue was way out of my comfort zone, but being there with some of my new best friends was peaceful. This kind of concert is something I’d never think I’d do in a million years, but to see the way that Dylan, Brendan, and Austin lived in the moment and soaked up every second pushed me to do the same. I experienced the Lord through dancing, mosh pits, laughter, and conversations that weekend. I’m not sure if I’ll ever go back to a concert like that one, but I know I’ll be met with more smiles and uncomfort which I know the Lord is so evidently in.

While on the topic of concerts, I was able to see 2 of my favorite artists in the month of April. Almost immediately after the Kublai Khan TX show, I saw Chris Renzema and Bon Iver. These artists aren’t necessarily out of my comfort zone but since I had never seen them, I had to include them. The Lord was so evidently in both as I was able to see a lot of my friends from college at the Chris Renzema concert and witnessed the Lord being worshiped through the communion of His believers and shouts of praise. At the Bon Iver concert, I was able to drive down to Wilmington with 2 of my best friends from college and catch up on life through good conversation. I also got to spend time with one of my old Young Life guys who is now one of my best friends who was also at the concert. These 2 concerts were one of the highlights of April and I definitely want to see both of them in concert again.

We went to DC for the National TFI Conference! I had been to DC before, but never with these people. I got to go to a couple museums that I had never been to before, the National Museum of the Bible and the National Museum of African American History and Culture. These 2 museums were incredible and taught me so much about the history behind the faith that I believe and the culture of people around me that don’t look like me. It was inspiring to soak in all the goodness of the Bible museum, learning about where the scriptures come from and how they progressed through the years. We did interactive exhibits of the Old Testament which visually walked through the events from Creation to the coming of Jesus. We also did another interactive exhibit where the entire section of the museum was modeled to be a town similar to what Jesus would have lived in. To be immersed in the culture of the time was striking to the heart and soul. At the National Museum of African American History and Culture, I was in awe at all the hardship my friends of color and their ancestors have went through to get to today. It went beyond slavery, but talked about the horrible conditions of the ships that came over from Africa, the evil of the KKK, segregation, and persecution still faced today. It’s my dream to take my kids to both of these museums one day. After the conference ended on Saturday, all the Fellows from across the US went to a bar where we had a couple drinks, met new people, and conversed with our current friends. Huge social gatherings aren’t usually my thing and neither are spontaneous metro rides at midnight to downtown DC, but the Lord was in that night through the high spirited atmosphere, good music, and time of silliness with the Raleigh Fellows. I’m definitely thankful to be a Raleigh Fellow after the retreat! We have the best group with the best director!

Lastly, I ran a half marathon! I remember back in January, David Boulton and I were playing a game of ping pong that I won (obviously). After the game, he wanted a rematch but I was exhausted from one singular game of ping pong. It was at this point that I knew I wanted to get back in shape. This was also soon after my conversation with Bruce about trying new things, so I decided to sign up for a half marathon! It was really fun to train with Brendan, Kris, Kayley, and Dylan and even more fun to spend time with almost all the Fellows at the beach cheering us on. I experienced the Lord through this race because He has shown me the importance of my body and how it can be holy and pleasing to Him. I also experienced the Lord through being proud of myself for how I performed and not feeling disappointed for thinking I could do better. I know God loves me and is pleased with me no matter what time I ran on April 30th, so to finish the race and feel that is worthy of praise.

Well, that’s a wrap for the Fellows Blog! I’m so thankful for this year and all the challenges and blessings it’s brought. I hope to bring this feeling of trying something new into my life post-fellows. I’m excited for the joy that awaits the unknown parts of this next chapter.

Much Love, Jacor

The Last Stop on the Raleigh Trolley! (Vol. VIII)

Well. This is it. May is upon us. The year went by kinda fast, honestly. But, it do be time for one last monthly check in on how I am doing in these 4 areas of life: social, physical/health, occupation, and spiritual.

Social

We spent a large majority of the start of April watching March Madness and the last few games of the tournament. Those couple weekends were spent hanging with friends in the area, and experiencing heartbreak, no matter which Carolina team we cheered for! Jacob, Dylan, Austin and myself visited Asheville and attended a metal concert featuring Knocked Loose and Kublai Khan TX (probably one of the craziest events I have been to in my life). I got to visit some old college friends in Charlottesville for Easter weekend; I was more than grateful to catch up with them, and I look forward to celebrating their graduation from UVa later in May! The Fellows also got the opportunity to go to Washington D.C. for the national TFI Conference, and I had way too much fun spending time with our fellows, meeting new people, catching up with old friends, and hearing from some amazing speakers. Last weekend, a few of us ran a half-marathon in Sunset Beach, and a bunch of the spent time in the sun being beach bums to close out the month of April

Physical / Health

Most of the month consisted of training for the half-marathon. I would go on 3-6 mile runs a couple times a week, and went on a 9 mile run once haha. But I achieved my time goal on race day, and as a result, was tired and seemingly brain-dead the rest of that day. But I really loved the race environment, and I am amazed at what the human body can achieve! I have also been getting less and less sleep as the month progressed, because Fellows is getting a little busy as we come towards a close. 

Occupational

This is my last month of working at Refugee Hope Partners. I have developed many friendships with the staff, students, and interns, and it will be challenging leaving that workplace. I hope to still be a volunteer, and involved in the lives of the people there after Fellows is over. I have been applying to many biomedical engineering jobs in the area; I am currently in the phase of applications and interviews. I am currently playing the waiting game with some of these companies, and I would love some prayer and wisdom for this category of life! 

Spiritual

A large majority of the month, we have shifted our focus to the next steps, and what our lives will look like once Fellows is over. At the D.C. Conference, there were 3 main talks, focused on Culture, Work/Vocation, and Church. It’s important to know and understand that we influence the culture we live in with the decisions we make every single day. It is up to us to use what we have learned throughout this year to continue to bring about kingdom work to the world we live in, and to show the love of Christ in the lives of the people around us. God also calls to work for the rest of our lives. We are to see work not as a burden, or a means to an end, but a way for us to use our skills and restore, bring order, and make use  of the world that God created. There was also a word of wisdom for us to be actively involved in a church once Fellows is over. Whether that be Church of the Apostles or not, we are called to find ways to serve (and be served) in a church body. God blesses us with the church as a way to experience and live life alongside other believers, as we are not meant to go through the Christian life alone!

Alright, time to get off this trolley, for the very last time!

I’ll see ya around! 

BB

** Some Fellows Pro Tips from  the month of April

- If you plan to attend a metal concert, maybe bring ear plugs, and wear clothing you would wrestle in.

- Make an effort to keep in touch with college friends!

- Early in the season, buy cheap MLB tickets, and get some nice seats close to the field on a nice Saturday afternoon. But I will warn you; Nats stink!

- If you ever, in your right mind, sign up for a half-marathon, do anything and everything to keep your joints and muscles healthy after running that jaunt.

Austin’s Top 10 - March 2022

*This is not ranked in order, just an overall top 10 from this month*

1. Silent Retreat

This has to be my favorite retreat so far. I loved getting an opportunity to have such an intentional and extended time with the Lord in such a beautiful place. It was an amazing weekend for me relationship with God. 

2. March Madness

There’s nothing better than watching hours upon hours of college basketball. Rock Chalk. 

3. Adventure Landing

Natalie and I won sooo many tickets at adventure landing it was insane.

4. The Matrix

Scott Steele had us all over to watch the Matrix and it was a fun and silly time. 

5. Heaven

I led a round table discussion about heaven. There are so many questions and curious thoughts I and we all have about what heaven will be like and what we know about it from scripture. It was really cool to be able to talk about what we think, and also trust that it will be far greater than anything we can imagine. 

6. Logan

Logan is my buddy for mentoring at neighbor 2 neighbor. It has been an amazing experience to build a relationship with Logan and see the growth that he has been making through tutoring. 

7. Survivor

Season 42 of Survivor has begun, only 1 will be crowned sole survivor. 

8. Johnnie-O

Natalie started a new job! And I’ve already gotten some sweet clothes from it!

9. ‘Mid-Year’ Review

We got feedback from all of the Fellows about our strengths and areas for growth. It has been a really great experience to work on letting myself believe the good things that people had to say, as well as identify ways to continue to grow. 

10. Genogram All Nighter

I stayed up literally all night writing my genogram paper in order to get it in on time. It was a really great experience of reflection and understanding of my family and the different dynamics within it. I spent my writing breaks playing pop a shot in the Boulton’s basement, please try to beat my high score (you can’t).

Silent Retreat

This past month, our class went to a facility called St. Francis for our silent retreat. I had been looking forward to this retreat for a while. Being able to sit in silence and have my thoughts to myself is something that I really enjoy. What made this retreat even more special was that I had just had my 360 reviews from my classmates. I had a really great opportunity to look at how my friends saw me: the strengths and areas of growth and also use materials that we had been given from our retreat in the beginning of the year.

My time alone was great for me to think about myself and how the Lord has been working my life over the last few months that I have been a fellow. I think that there were a lot of really hard things that I had to face about myself, but also I got to look into good things about me that I don’t ever think about but things that my friends see about me.

One of my favorite parts of the retreat was sitting on a wooden bridge by the river. I was just dangling my legs over the water swinging them. I felt free and at peace. The sun was always shining on me and it just felt like the Lord was so very present with me in that time. I felt most like myself and was just so thankful that I was allowed this opportunity to be quiet and sit with the Lord in all these thoughts that I had. To sit with him about how can best reflect him and how he has changed me over these last few months.

The silent retreat was very special for me. It was a time that I really needed to be introspective. I have felt like I haven’t really had time to think about things. My life is just really busy with fellows stuff and other things in life. So having time to sit still and be silent with the Lord to think about the ways that I have grown this year has been such a great thing that I really needed.

-Dyl

Blooming

March!! The mark of spring! There is just something about that glimpse of warm, sun-bathed weather that brings hope to every corner of life these days! When I think back on March I think of the slow but steady change that I see not only in the weather but in myself as well! I think of the days that we’ve spent learning from Scott and Edward and Eric and so many other people that have taken their precious time to share their wisdom and life experience with us, and I have been thinking about how I hope I never take for granted what a gift it is that so many people are willing to pour into us and be a part in our lives as fellows!

I also think of the moments I have been able to see what slow and steady growth looks like for me in this year, and I think about what being able to really feel everything deeply means for me. From the comfort and closeness I felt walking with the Lord through the woods on the silent retreat, to basketball games after class, trips to the Biltmore with my parents, spending the night laughing and catching up with one of my best friends from home, and the simple mundaneness of watching tv with the Vincent’s, I see so many ways that the Father is unearthing something new in me and allowing it to flourish! I’m learning what it means to really live life in the arena, being able to feel all the emotions, the joy, the stress, the longing and the hopeful! I am really hopeful that I can continue to lean in to all this goodness! 

At this point in the spring it feels very easy to be future oriented and to constantly be wondering/ thinking of what our lives will look like in May and beyond, and I keep catching myself worrying about all the things I have to get done, more boxes to check off. But, in the midst of that, there is also a certain freedom I’ve felt that is hard for me to explain. It’s this feeling of excitement that I am creating a new life for myself that is full of God’s presence and undeserving grace. It’s a feeling of renewed joy for life and for the redemption of my soul to be made complete. To allow His love to seep into every corner of life, in the morning drive to Note in the Pocket, in the Tuesday night dinners with Nancy, in the after class runs to Chick-fil-a and in the Sunday morning communion, I hope to see His intentionality through every moment. I have so many dreams for my continued journey and understanding myself more and I can't wait to watch that continue to unfold in this season of spring! 

I’ll leave you with an excerpt from a liturgy titled “For the Planting of Flowers” 

He has scattered the evidences 

of creation’s former glories across

the entire scape of heaven and earth,

and these evidences are also the forecasts of the 

coming redemption of all things, that those

who live in this hard time between glories 

might see and remember,

might see and take heart,

might see and take delight,

in the extravagant beauty of bud and bloom,

knowing that these living witnesses are rumors and 

reminders of a joy that will soon swallow all sorrow

All the love,

Lauren

My friend, Kassie

Okay okay 2 blogs in one month, I gotta make sure I write about each of my friends and luckily for me there are more friends than months!!

My sister Kassie is just light to me- which is just not ironic at all that it's how we first connected- through light. I remember Kassie and I back and forth speaking in awe of the Lord’s presence through light. Whether it be in sunshine, in natural light, or in the warmth you feel on your arm when the sun is peeking through the window of your car- all of it. 

Kassie is unique to me, and I think all 11 of us would agree that she brings a level of authenticity that we all crave to know. I think that is to be said for how she loves the Lord as well. Her relationship with Jesus is one of emotional depth and that same authenticity. We are a lucky bunch to be poured into by her. Kassie shows up as her CrAZy, silly, deep, emotional self and it allows me to do the same. It’s really sweet to watch Kassie strive towards each of us so intentionally. She is so intentional with the time she spends with us individually. I’ve seen this exemplified week by week as she gets a new prayer partner: Bowling with Austin, a piercing shop with Dylan, and walks in the sun with me and Luke… just to name a few. 

UGH I could go on and on about her but I will end with this,

I love when Kassie speaks, I know from the second she begins to talk, she's captured everyone's attention. Her words carry so much weight, they are articulate, and beautiful. Sometimes her words are emotional too, but this makes me feel safe to explore and share the deep parts of myself when she shares that with me. 

Kassie we are all so lucky to be known and loved by you!!! 

I love you sister.