My friend, Brendan

BLogGeR Nation!!!! Back again with another blog post! I am growing more sentimental with each blog as the program nears its end. Hopefully my words are not as emotional as I am (LOL.)

This blog post I find easy to write. I think that speaks to how Brendan makes me feel in our friendship: It is easy and a comfort to me. Brendan was a hard one to peg down initially. I never knew which of my jokes would land with him, and would become VERY surprised at the ones he chose to laugh at. Now knowing and understanding Brendan’s humor it still stands true that he finds the silliest things so funny.  That to say, Brendan is so special and intricate to the personality of our fellows group. Sometimes I think of him as the glue, or the bridge, I guess. 

What I appreciate about Brendan is his bridging ability, I think this is attributed to the range he has. He as great capability to create silly moments as well as serious conversations- all meaningful to us.

This man can be so quiet and introverted, and often can be found napping somewhere. BUT… I've also seen him embrace the Monday car rides to Neighbor to Neighbor with some of us girls. He is so quick to scream the lyrics of Doja Cat or Taylor Swift just as loud as we are.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BRENDAN:

• He is a steadfast friend who cares so much about each of us.

• It’s sweet to see him show up for us all in different ways. 

• I really love the mind that the Lord has blessed Brendan with. 

• He is so methodical and intentional with his thoughts.

• He brings a fresh perspective to our group and inspires me to think deeper and more critically. 

• His big bright smile is so so so sweet and it makes me want to shrink him and put him in my pocket!!!!!

• I love his relationship with Treasure at Neighbor to Neighbor. They love each other so much

BRENDAN I WILL ALWAYS BE OBSESSED WITH YOU! LOVE YOU BROTHER

Revival

March was a month of revival. It was during this month that the cold, wintery weather slowly gave way to the brisk chill of springtime. It was during March that the frost that stuck aggressively to the windows of my car, transformed into soft morning dew. The cherry blossoms began to bloom, the kids in the neighborhood began to play outside, and the early morning sounds of the birds resumed again after a quick wintery pause. It was the absolute perfect month to see The Lord and his creation.

Coming into fellows, I truly believed that I would have my life figured out. That all of my expectations would have been met and that I would leave this program with my entire life figured out. Well…. That didn’t happen. The truth is, I don’t think we ever figure it all out. We just have to trust in a God who has figured everything out. A God who created the heavens and the Earth and everything in it. A God who created me, just the way I am. That is who I have to trust.

It wasn’t until our silent retreat that I recognized that for the first time. That Sunday, I and the rest of the fellows were tasked to spend the whole day in silence, resting in the presence of The Lord. I promise you, it was an incredibly hard experience. But during my walk, under the shelter of the oak trees, captivated by the rushing river, I realized that I needed God more than ever. I realized that I didn’t want to strive for money, or a job, or a relationship. I didn’t want to be tossed to and fro in the sea of uncertainty. I wanted to walk on the waves, hand in hand with my Father. I realized I wanted to come alive. I wanted to be revived.

I realized that in order to be revived, something in us has to die. For me, that was the expectation I placed on myself. The expectation that I had to make money in order to be happy and successful. The expectation that I had to be the perfect son, friend, coworker, and mentor. I had this unbelievable weight on my shoulders that I had to be in control of everything life threw at me. To be honest, it was breaking me. Ever so slowly, that desire to be my own God was devouring me from the inside out. 

It was during the silent retreat that I finally broke free. Well, actually, Jesus set me free and who the Son sets free, is free indeed. Let me tell you, there is so much freedom in revival. Yes, it is painful letting things go. But in truth there is so much joy to dance around without the shackles of expectations on you. It is even more fun to dance hand in hand with your father. 

The rest of this month just continued this incredible theme of letting go. I had meals filled with laughter and joy that filled me up more then the food. I had conversations on walks that allowed me see the love of the father in the eyes of the person next to me. Last but not least, I got to rest in the experience of revival. Like Joseph in Egypt, Paul on the Road to Damascus, Esther in Persia, or Mary the mother of Jesus, each one of them trusted in the promises of the Father. They believed in a God of Revival. Now its time for us to as well.

-Luke Harvin

Letting Go

It’s that time of the year that the impatience, stress, and anxiety of waiting comes around. It’s something that is classic of the season of spring as the flowers are just beginning to blossom, pollen covers every inch of the outdoors, and development of plans for the summer begin to creep into people’s minds. In some ways, the idea of Fellows ending feels very similar to the end of a school year in college. Trying to figure out living situations for the next year, getting a job throughout the summer, and planning for the next year of our lives have been very heavy. This has been very true of my life currently as I’m researching and discerning what my next steps look like as a young engineer and have been on multiple house tours with the dawgs. But in other ways, this waiting period is very different than a typical year in college. We aren’t preparing for another year of school (except a few of us) and we aren’t preparing for a job that will only last a couple of months. We’re in a period of waiting and anticipation of the beginning of the rest of our lives. The pressure of starting well and getting everything in order has consumed my mind and has made it very difficult to stay present in where we are right now.

There was a day last week that I woke up a little early, decided to head over to the church earlier than usual for class, and just sit in silence with the Lord. I felt compelled to pick up a copy of “The Blue Book” by Jim Branch that was in the Fellows Lounge and felt further enticed to the title “Letting Go”. In this devotional, Jim Branch leads us through what it looks like to surrender control over the past, present, and future to the King of the past, present, and future. Here is a quote I fixated on and haven’t let go of:

In the end, there are only two ways to live. We can live with either clenched fists or open hands. You can’t have them both. Clenched fists are a refusal: a refusal to let go, a refusal to trust, a refusal to give up control. And unfortunately, in the spiritual life, clenched fists also keep you from being able to receive anything from God. Only empty hands can receive. Therefore, we must let go of whatever our hands are full of before we can ever expect to receive any of the fullness, or the life, that God wants to give us.

- Jim Branch, March, 2016

This was the beginning of a morning that I hope to remember for a long time. Far too often I live a life with clenched fists, desiring control over things that God has proven time and time again He is faithful in. This life is exhausting because it demands attention and energy that I don’t have the capacity to tend to. A posture of open hands is a release of the desire to control, perform, and appear put-together to those around me. So, Lord, I give you my open hands, emptied of trying and control. It isn’t much, but it’s what I come to you with. Fill these empty hands with the fullness of the richness of your glory.

After reading this, the Blue Book continues into the scripture from Genesis 22:1-19. This is a very common an well-known biblical account in which God commands Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, for God. There are a couple of things that stood out to me in this passage on the idea of “Letting Go”. First, Abraham’s response to God the first time he was called and right before sacrificing his only son was simply, “Here I am.” This communicated a beautiful picture of the openness of Abraham to readily receive whatever God was to speak next. Whether that be the command to sacrifice his only son or the command to stop so he and his descendants could be “as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore” who will “take possession of all the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed,” Abraham was obedient and open to the call of his master. The second thing that really affected me when reading this has to do with the trip to the mountain that God called Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on. Immediately after receiving his command, Abraham set off. For three days he travelled by donkey with his son and two servants to the place which God had commanded him. For three days. Three full days of what I imagine to be the most anxiety producing days of Abraham’s life. I imagine a slow and tired journey in silence where Abraham’s mind was racing over why God would have him sacrifice his one and only son that was a blessing to he and his wife in the first place. I imagine confusion, doubt, sadness, and anger inside Abraham that was like a burning fire within him, unable to speak a word about what the Lord had commanded him to do. All this makes me feel so small and weak in comparison to the Almighty. Never have I dealt with a command as intense as that, yet my mind races all day with clenched fists over what next week, next month, and next year will look like for me. And Abraham came with empty hands saying, “Here I am.”

It’s my hope and my prayer these last couple of months of Fellows to remain present to what the Lord is doing now. I pray for empty hands to become more common in my life and to see the delight of the Lord in my emptiness. I pray for letting go of control over the future and surrendering it to the one who has been and always will be in control. May these last couple of months be full of trust and faithfulness to the One who has proven His faithfulness time and time again.

Jacob McCarthy

All Aboard the Raleigh Trolley! (Vol. VII)

April made quite the entrance, with a strong rainstorm, and an unnecessary amount of pollen! We really have a little over a month before we have to become real adults or something like that. It’s time for another monthly check-in on how I am doing in these 4 areas of life: social, physical/health, occupation, and spiritual. 

Social

Ya boy turned 24 this month (March 4)! I was more than excited to celebrate my birthday with the Whited’s, some friends from Raleigh, and my entire immediate family (seeing my brother and his wifey was definitely a surprise, as they live in Baltimore). March 2 is my younger sister’s birthday as well, so the weekend was spent eating jambalaya and king cake, running and playing soccer, and hanging out with family. The fellows celebrated Luke’s birthday the weekend after, and we all went on the Silent Retreat at the St. Francis prayer center in Stoneville, NC (separate from his birthday haha). The Fellows took part in a March Madness bracket challenge, and we all (to some extent) have been keeping up with college basketball and all of the craziness that has taken place! We didn’t have many retreats the 2nd half of the month, so we all spent time visiting family, seeing old friends and making new ones, and just enjoying Raleigh for all it has to offer, especially with the weather starting to warm up! 

Physical / Health

I am still in the process of training for a half-marathon. I have been going on 4-6 mile runs here and there, but now it is time to kick it into high gear! Some of the Fellows actually ran a 10K a couple weekends ago; that was a nice way to get a feel for how a race day goes, and it served as a gauge for how to pace myself and how I feel during a longer run. I also had the opportunity to attend a tryout for a USL2 soccer team(Tobacco Road Football Club) based out of Durham, NC. The tryout included a ton of D1-D3 college athletes, and a few recent college grads / young adults. There were about 40 people that attended, and I am currently waiting to hear back from the coaching staff. If I were to make the team, it would mean that I get to spend this upcoming summer traveling and playing semi-pro soccer, fingers crossed!

Occupational

I am still working at Refugee Hope Partners! Work can seem mundane or pointless at times, but I am really appreciative of the things we do at RHP. Not only do I get to teach kids math and english, but I have started to develop a relationship with some of the people there. Some of the kids are more than willing to read or do math homework, as long as I am willing to listen to them talk about their day at school, or their middle school love life, or their favorite basketball players, or whatever the topic of conversation. There has been a recent push (within the Fellows group) to start looking for jobs and finding out where to work after the Fellows year is over. While I want to be cognizant of the future and plan ahead, I want to finish strongly the work that I have been tasked with at RHP, and I want to fully give myself to my co-workers and the kids during this last month. 

Spiritual

Honestly, throughout the month I feel like I have been spiritually poured into a ton, and I feel pulled in a bunch of different directions. March 2 was Ash Wednesday,  which marked the beginning of the Lenten Season. I decided to give up listening to music when I am by myself, which has been challenging, but I spend car rides and time before bed reflecting on the day or having a conversation with God. The day after, I was blessed with the opportunity to lead the Fellows weekly Roundtable discussion. We talked about the word ‘and’; what it looks like to be more inclusive and considering in our thinking and approach to things (and how Jesus was and is the living definition of the word ‘and’). Our Genogram papers were due roughly a week later, and while that was an amazing experience, it was definitely emotionally and physically draining, especially for those who maybe stayed up late writing it haha. The Silent Retreat was that next weekend, and that was a wonderful weekend away where I got to spend valuable, much-needed time with the Lord. About a week and a half later, Ashley and I sat outside her house in some wonderful weather and we went over the mid-year reviews (which was a sum of all the toasts and roasts, reviewing the Good-Bad-Ugly sides of myself haha). Needless to say, a lot has happened this past month, and I don’t think I have devoted enough time to sit down and think about / reflect on everything that has been happening.

Alright, time to get off this trolley. Until next time!

BB

** Some Fellows Pro Tips from  the month of March

- Early morning coffee is a good way to spend time with your host fam, before everyone’s day gets busy. 

- Leaving from COTA, give yourself ample time if you decide to day-trip to Chapel Hill.

- Do not attempt to cook GF/DF meals if you are not an expert in using coconut milk, nutritional yeast, and flaxseeds. But understand that you can’t always please everybody. 

- ESPN has a Smart Autofill bracket option for March Madness. You are honestly better off flipping a coin!

MARCH

March was the busiest month!! Feels crazy to say that, but it’s true. Some of my very best friends from home came to visit! I spent a few days showing them the great city of Raleigh. We also took a beach day trip! The fellows took a class trip to Chapel Hill and visited North Carolina Study Center. I finished my genogram paper, a little late (sorry Jason). The fellows spent a weekend at the Saint Francis Prayer Center for our silent retreat that was led by Jason and Mary! I loved getting to spend some unhurried time with Jesus. Kayley and I took a day trip to DC with some friends! Worked a lot! I also visited my brother, Jack, and sister-in-law, Darby, in Georgia! Phew, all that and learning lots in classes and roundtable. This month I started to think a lot about what life will look like after fellows, so my prayer request is that all the life things will get situated soon. Like finding a house, job, etc. 

That’s all for now!

Catch you up next month (:

- Hayden

March Madness

March is most definitely madness. I have thoroughly enjoyed this month, and it has most definitely gone by the quickest out of my time here in Raleigh. Relationships are continuing to grow, I’m continuing to learn, and I’m continuing to apply to jobs. Now that the week countdown is on, each day is getting a little bit more realistic that I won’t be a Raleigh fellow forever. However, I’m not worried, because the one who loves the most has his hand over me and I trust in Him to provide. My prayer biggest prayer is provision.

Here are some highlights of March:

• NCAA tournament. I can’t believe that I have to watch my favorite team of all time play against my least favorite team ever, in Coach K’s last year. Someone check on me tomorrow.

• This weather.

• Golf

• My lovely and beautiful Ali. Every moment that I get to spend with her, I take a mental mason jar and capture the moments and store them in the ole coconut.

• Getting to run down to Southern Pines and see my parents. Hi mom and dad.

• Nothing beats the host family. Shoutout Mary, Jason, Tobey, Luke, and pistol Pete.

I can’t wait for this next month.

• - ÑØÅH❤️🤟

Bebruary Plog Fost

Life gets crazy and I’m no professional blogger- not sure who even reads this (hi, mom!)- so here is December / January / and February blog post all in one! A Dejabruary blog if you will. Found that just listing some things I’m thankful for helps shift my mood around no matter what state I’m in so here is 20 things I have been thankful for the last three months!

1. United Skates of America- not a typo, you read that correctly.

2. Mr. Bruce career, vocation, calling specialist- and for realizing that I have high idea productivity, interpersonal relationships, and I’m motivated by influencing people. Not sure how to translate that but excited to find out!

3. Christmas break and driving 26 hours straight to Colorado

4. Genogram papers and interviews. Had a longer conversation with my dad than I’ve had in my whole life probably

5. Starting counseling for the second time with someone who really gets me and helps me talk through things!

6. Learning that I’m decently average at foosball and Big Buck Hunter arcade game

7. Taking a lot of people rock climbing for the first time. Been fun to watch friends enjoy something I like and see them conquer their fears

8. Secret Santa- Melon if you see this you know me so well.

9. SNOW! Snowball fights, snowmen, getting stuck in the Lake Gaston driveway, etc.

10. Running- new hobby but loving it! Foot still going numb 3 miles in but here’s to 13.1!

11. Random 70 degree weather days. I think winter is behind us and feels like everyone is coming out of hiding with the warm weather approaching.

12. Being outside more! I feel more myself again!

13. Church of the Apostles Women’s Retreat- for surprising me in so many ways! I kind of love all those wonderful white-haired women I met!

14. The Miedemas- for letting me basically be their second host fellow for a week straight #Covid. Thanks Queer Eye for sponsoring those sleepovers!

15. Suzy the puppy. Yeah thats all.

16. New classes - Eric. Eddie, Scotty, brain feeling full!

17. Helping Melon find her perfect gown- HELLOWEARETHEBRIDETRIBE

18. Dreaming of the future! Scary but good all at once- so excited to see what chapter unfolds next and getting the chance to choose

19. Raleigh friends- fellows feels like just a small slice of the goodness in Raleigh and I’m grateful I have so much to love about the nut city!

20. The Raleigh Fellows- not sure how I came to love each of them so deeply, but grateful for the opportunity to know them.

That’s all. See you all again helpfully before the end of the year :P

-KK

All Aboard the Raleigh Trolley! (Vol. VI)

Yo. February happened so fast! It’s time for another monthly check-in on how I am doing in these 4 areas of life: social, physical/health, occupation, and spiritual. 

Social

February was the only month of the Fellows year where all the weekends were pretty much free (no going out of town, no retreats, etc). While I do love going on retreats, it was nice to just rest and use that time to visit friends and family throughout this month. The Fellows got to celebrate the engagement of Ali and Noah, and we all look forward to celebrating their wedding day this upcoming October! I also got to spend a Saturday with my parents and host parents, as we talked through the Genogram and how to file taxes haha. I also got to spend a weekend visiting UVa friends in Richmond, and visiting Braxton and Emma (his new wifey) in Baltimore. There was one particular weekend that the guys got to spend together; we grabbed some hot dogs with some men from the church, boofed, watched a movie, and hung out with Sam and Beau Crutchfield on that Saturday. 

Physical / Health

I am still getting to play soccer almost weekly. Our indoor season ended, and outdoor began the week after. I have also signed up for a half-marathon (along with some other Fellows and friends). The race is April 30 at Sunset Beach out near Wilmington, so I have got a couple months to train for that. A few of us have been going on runs throughout the month, and I have started learning how to use Strava (send some kudos my way when you have the chance). 

Occupational

I have continued working at Refugee Hope Partners (not fired yet), which includes administrative work, and tutoring elementary and middle school kids. The work can be draining at times, but I do love being able to teach a kid a new concept, and watch them teach it to someone else. I was always told that the best tutors can teach themselves out of a job,  if their kids no longer need them. And that is the mentality I have been striving to work with! 

Spiritual

I have been preparing to lead a Roundtable discussion  next month (the day before my birthday). I couldn’t really think of a particular topic, but spent the month thinking back to a discussion I had with my Dad around Christmas. We  talked about topics in the church that are divisive, and how Christians need to use the word ‘and’ a lot more. I had also noticed that some of our Roundtable discussions have the potential to be divisive. And so I decided to formulate a Roundtable topic on the word ‘and’. The basis of it is understanding that Jesus is the walking and breathing definition of the word ‘and’, and why is that? That’s because He is fully God AND fully man! I think if we, as believers, will stop trending towards seeing everything in black and white, and seeing Jesus in both sides of an argument, will strengthen our relationships with God and with one another. 

Alright, time to get off this trolley. Until next time!

BB

** Some Fellows Pro Tips from  the month of February 

- Don’t forget to do things for your car, like, remember to get an oil change, or fill your tires up every once in a while. 

- Appreciate your mentor, and try to become friends with them if you can! 

- If you aren’t busy, go attend/serve Galentine’s Day at Church of the Apostles.

- Generally speaking, don’t let your house get to the point where there is black mold growing in every room.

Music

I think that February has been a month that has reminded me how much I love music. I’ve always really loved music, whether I am listening to it or playing music, I just love to be immersed in it. Over the last couple of years though, I feel like my love for music has dwindled down. I wasn’t listening to as much music or playing guitar that much and because of Covid, I haven’t been to shows in two years. But like I said February has made music feel so different and vibrant the way that it was before.

I think the first thing that really made it stand out to me was when I went to a show with a friend near the beginning of the month. It was the first heavy band that I had seen since the pandemic started. I was able to go with one of my close friends from high school. Being able to catch up with him and to listen to a band that we really enjoyed was so great and felt so good to catch up with him in that way.

The other thing was that Brendan and I have talked about making some music together. We haven’t really started on anything with it, but I think that it will be a fun project for us to work on and give us both a creative and musical outlet that maybe we don’t get to use as much.

Finally, I’ve been writing a lot of music on my own. I work on writing lyrics everyday and play guitar when I can. February has been a really good month to reconnect me with a passion that had started to flicker out. I feel invigorated to write as music as I can in the coming months.

-Dyl

February

Ah, February, the hardest month to spell (why is the r before the u?)

Anyways, here we are back with another blog post. And here are some highlights that have happened this month:

• My lovely and Beautiful Ali has been on that grind time working at johnnie-o and I got my first piece of drip that I plan to rep all of the time.

• The weather has turned and it’s starting to be BEAUTIFUL prime time golf season.

• Classes. Something that I have learned to love is such a beautiful thing. We get to learn on the New Testament, biblical finance, world view, and many more awesome ideas.

• round table. Round tables have been great because each fellow has been leading them. Getting to hear certain ideas and topics that some of my best friends are passionate about is such a glorious picture of the kingdom. It’s a true gift that God has given us to be able to come together and converse about what is going on in our world.

• The fun idea of the job search. I’m in denial that may is as close as it is.
  

  I think it’s safe to say that I have just had a great month. A ton of highs and not too many lows. If that’s what I’m guaranteed to have for the rest of my time in this program, I couldn’t be more excited. I absolutely adore all of my friends and new community that isn’t so new anymore.
  

  Praise be to God.
  

  - ŃØÄH❤️🤟

A slow start.

It seems fitting that my first blog post of the new year (special edition 2-in-1! January AND February!!) is coming in a little late. Lately, life as a fellow has been picking up again. We’re in the mid semester swing of things and it feels like there’s so much happening, especially right now! Retreats, new classes, new cooking partners, roundtable being led by my fellow fellows, and Bolash family dinners are BACK and better than ever! (shoutout Bolash cafe) ;)  But amidst all the happenings of the past couple months and looking ahead to life after fellows (don’t even get me started on this), the Lord has been repeatedly turning my attention to slowness. It’s really fitting of Him to point out the thing that seems so far from my reach these days. It’s really easy to find myself running around like a chicken with my head cut off (my apologies if you’ve encountered me in this frenzied state haha). Our packed schedule and my own appetite for a full calendar can leave me worn out and hurrying along more than I’d like to admit. BUT GOD is really good at being unhurried and He invites His people to do the same. The other day, I was looking through my journal I’ve kept throughout this year as a Raleigh fellow and I fell across a line I wrote during our very first class with Mary Young, 

“Trust the slow work of God.” 

This line is one I’ve written again and again and prayed over and over since that very first day! You’d think I’d have it figured out by now, but looks like I’m still learning! Thankfully, that’s how grace works. Just as it happens, today marks the first day of Lent! Even as I’m writing this blog post, the ashes on my forehead are reminding me just how great my need for grace is. How fitting that the season of Lent beckons us towards God’s love through intentional slowness and sparseness. May this posture of patience lend us to see the abundance of His grace!!! 

With joy and in Christ always,

Kassie Starnes

February

Fellows Room - Ashley got an office in the church that we turned into a lounge space for us to work and hang out. It has been fun to work from home in there and have a little gathering place!

Everybody eats! - Jacob and I cooked for roundtable this month & that was fun! I have really enjoyed roundtable this semester with everyone getting the chance to lead and share topics that are on their hearts.

Beach! - We went to Wrightsville beach last weekend for the COTA Women’s retreat and it was such a joy to meet women of all ages in the church and have everyone come together to learn about Jesus.

Rest - This month I have really valued my time spent alone. I have gotten some great rest and moments with the Lord through this. 

Uv Rays! - I am super thankful for the beautiful warm days that we finally saw in February! The sunshine makes me so happy.

Apostles - I have really loved leading small group at Apostles. Adelaide, Sarah, and I are leading 8th grade girls and it has been really neat to learn from them. It has been fun to watch them mature in their faith from September to now!

Roller Skating - We had girl’s night at United Skates of America!!! Roller skating ended up being way more fun than I was expecting, I loved getting to spend it with Ali and Natalie too<3

Yay!! - Hahah I can’t think of a better ‘Y’ word than “yay”, but looking back on February I am so thankful for all of the moments, big and small. This was really a blessing and full of so much joy, so yay!!

-Hayden

Austin’s Top 10 – February 2022

*This is not ranked in order, just an overall top ten from this month*

1. Family

I’ve been interviewing my family the past couple of weeks for our genogram paper that I’ll be writing sooner than I am prepared to. Doing the interviews with my family though was a great experience. Getting to hear what life was like for my parents growing up as well as getting insight on my sisters’ perspective of our childhood was awesome and gives me an even greater appreciation for my family and how much they mean to me.

2. Guys Retreat

The guys didn’t retreat to the beach or the lake, but we did have a fun weekend in Raleigh. We went to a Dive Bar with the men from Apostles (don’t listen to Dylan when he says there won’t be food), played catan, watched a movie, and watched Trinity Academy play a great game for the State Championship (they came up just short, but it was awesome to watch them fight in a close game to the end). Also, none of us lost our voices.

3. Inductive Bible Study

One of our classes this semester is Inductive Bible Study with Eric Bolash. Eric is leading us through an inductive bible study on The Sermon on the Mount. I’ve loved the intentionality that we get to spend in the scripture during our time in class, spending an extended amount of time in the same piece of scripture. Making sure we hear as much as we can from the Lord in each verse, and then talking to each other about the different things that we see and hear.

4. Scott Steele

Scott teaches our WorldView class; he’s a great teacher and even better at caring for the people around him. Not only was he extremely caring when we were all accidently at Chickfila as class was starting, but he even welcomed us all to his house for dinner one night. He and his wife made some amazing taco’s and although I didn’t win the door prize’s that they gave out, I had a great time.

5. Valentine’s Day

For the past 4 Valentines Days, Natalie and I have enjoyed a candlelit dinner at the finest restaurant in town: Waffle House. Waffle House goes all out for Valentines Day and it has become a staple for Natalie and I every year. I strongly suggest that you make a reservation next year.

6. The Wheel

If you consistently find yourself not being able to decide on where to go for food, or what you and your friends should do for the day; then the wheel is for you. Simply create a custom wheel online with whatever options you want (I strongly suggest including Juices Wild) and give it a spin. Guaranteed to provide countless hours of entertainment.

7. Round Table

February provided some amazing round table discussions. My fellow fellows did a great job in leading the topics that they chose and created a comfortable space to have deep, vulnerable, challenging, and insightful conversations.

8. Basketball

I’ve been playing a good amount of basketball the past month and I really hope that this continues. Basketball is the easiest way to trick myself into doing a lot of running without being miserable the whole time.

9. The Chosen

The Chosen is a show about the life of Jesus, focused on his time in ministry with the disciples. The show does an amazing job of staying true to scripture and providing a new way to connect with the word. If you’re looking for a show to binge watch, you can blow through the 2 available seasons of The Chosen like it’s nothing.

10. Apostles AV

This year I’ve volunteered to help run the sound at church a few Sunday’s. They are early mornings but once I’m up it is a cool experience to get a little bit of a behind the scenes of how the service is run and it is pretty fun to press the buttons on the big sound board.

Treasures

Happy January.. And February!!!! As I post this in MARCH!!!

There's no way around it.. I have been EXTREMELY slacking in the timeliness of my blog hehehe… but what a true testament to the fullness of this year so far! There has been no shortage of the Lord’s presence in my life in these first two months of 2022 and I am continually trying to take the time to stop and really witness all the little ways that He has shown up! In the spirit of taking note of these things I decided to compile a list of January and February moments! Things that have been both big and small that have been fruitful in so many ways!

• Self assessments! Growing in understanding of the ways that the Father has created me has been both stretching and exciting! Using these tests we take as a tool into our lives and as members of the body will be so impactful!

• Seeing a Lake Gaston sunrise with the snow slowly melting away

• A Saturday at Dorthea Dix park with the first signs of spring and warm weather

• Tuesday night bible studies with my host sister Nancy :) truly what a gift that time has been! 

• Being available, reminding myself that the Lord will intervene in my plans, and allowing space for him to meet me there

• Standing alongside my best friend as she married her best friend!! There is so much beauty and so much power in witnessing two become one! Its the most perfect convent on display of becoming one with the Father, just as John the Baptist tells us in John 3:28- 30 !!

 “You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.’ The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. 

He must increase, but I must decrease.

• Karaoke night at the Church of the Apostles Women’s Retreat!!!!! (honorable mention to our tik tok dance tutorial session the night before!!) 

• Remembering that all the information that we learn through our classes and speakers will take time to fully, deeply sink in and that there will be time to process and to understand all of the wisdom we so graciously receive

• Robin Vincent. Where in the world would I be without her!!!! I have no doubt at all the Lord placed me in your home with great intentionality and care.. And I am so grateful!

• Silly goofy crazy time on the Monday night drive to Neighbor to Neighbor !! 

• Finally, settling into my own awareness of how much I desperately need the Father and allowing His mercies to wash over me.. In this season I have been becoming more and more attuned to my need for Him and just how lacking my days are when I choose to not let him into the most mundane tasks. He is slowly revealing to me the road that leads to wholeness… a road He has prepared for me long before I even existed! 

This is just a glimpse into all the fullness that these two months have brought!!! I am hopeful that this transition from winter to spring will bring even more moments that point me back to the Savior and His promises!

All the Love, 

Lauren :)

The Little Things

Just like a blink of an eye and February’s gone! Wow, what a whirlwind of a month. This month was filled with winter rains, warm smiles, and Sunday mornings wrapped in a blanket next to the fire. When entering a fellows year, it can be so easy to have these high expectations that every day is chalked full of the extraordinary. It can be so easy to believe that every day has to be better than the one before it like you are on a roller-coaster that only goes up. However, as we know all too well, life contains both the extraordinary and the ordinary, and we have to learn to see Christ in both. So, listed below are a few little things, the “simple things” that have allowed me to see God in the ordinary.

Tommy Rychener

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and the second that conversation ends, you feel like your soul is recharged? That’s how I feel every time I talk to Tommy. He is kind, attentive, hilarious, empathetic, and radiates the Holy Spirit every single day. Each fellow in our class is paired with a fellow from the previous class to “live life with” during our fellows year. I could not have been blessed with someone more loving and caring than Tommy. After every conversation I have with him, I feel as though I am seen, known, and heard. He’s one of those guys that you just feel closer to The Lord by being around him. 

Last weekend, we met at this tiny Hispanic bodega in North Raleigh. There, sitting at this tiny table, he gave me maybe the best advice I’ve ever gotten. He told me to be “speak gently to myself.” Wow. Mind blown right? Sitting here today, I’m realizing that I’ve never done that before, but I am so freaking excited to start.

The Alexander Family

Throughout my fellows year, I have gotten the unbelievable opportunity to help lead a middle school boys' small group. These boys are goofy, wild, hilarious, and so hungry for The Lord. During my time leading them I’ve had the ability to connect on a really meaningful level with some of the kids. One of the kids, Jack Alexander, has already made an incredible impact on me. You might be asking yourself, as one does, how does an 8th-grade boy have such an impact on a 23-year-old youth leader. Well, throughout loving and getting to know Jack, I have gotten to know his family as well.

The amazing thing about Apostles is that the community embraces you just as Christ would. The Alexanders are no exception. One of the most powerful, joyous conversations I’ve ever had with someone, was when Sarah Alexander (Jack’s Mom) and I sat in rocking chairs and talked about my desire for teaching. No one, and I mean no one, had ever taken the time to sit with me and talk about my dreams. It was unbelievable. 

After our little chat, I went inside their house, a house filled with so much laughter and love, and watched the US soccer game with Daniel, David, and Jack. For me, that night and those small things, sparked a revival in my heart that sped me right towards The Lord.

Nursery

If you haven’t picked up on it already, I love kids. I truly believe they are the purest examples of joy and love. So, while I am volunteering with the youth group on Sunday Nights, I have also spent the first Sunday morning of every month with the little munchkins in the nursery. Let me be the first to tell you, these kids are WILDIN. My little man Carter is off the chain. But there is something so healing about being surrounded by the tiny laughter of babies and infants. Each and every little giggle brings the biggest smile to my face. It also has been awesome to work alongside my girl Morgan (2021 fellow) and get to know her better too. Shoutout to all those crazy kiddos and their unbelievable parents.

Stacey Cochran

So, if you’ve talked to me at all in the last few months you would hear how my job has not been at all what I expected it to be. Even though it has been one of the most difficult parts of my fellows year, it has also been one of the ways I have seen The Lord the most. Once a week, I get to work with my girl Stacey Cochran. Stacey is our amazing accountant who works at the desk directly behind mine. She will be the first to tell you how different we are, she’s got three kids in college and does not like people (lol) and I am 23 and love being around others. Yet, she has been my biggest cheerleader, a constant source of laughter, and just a really solid friend in the workplace. Every week she cheers my dreams on and gives me the confidence to believe in myself again. It is the people like her that will make me miss working at my job after fellows’ ends.

Warm Winter Days

As soon as winter in Raleigh hit I knew that cold weather was not at all for me. I love being outside, lying in the grass, staring up at the stars. What I don’t love is waking up every morning and scraping ice off my Rav 4 and wearing 5 layers of clothes like I’m going for a hike in Alaska. That’s just not my vibe. But, I loved those warm February days where I could walk out of my house barefoot, where I could look out and see the kids playing in the streets. It is in those moments, that I really feel connected to my Abba Father.

-Luke Harvin

Attentiveness

There were 2 pivotal pieces of wisdom that were shared to the group by my fellow Fellows this semester that have been really influential in the way that I’ve viewed February and hope to view the rest of the semester. They both happened during a roundtable a couple of weeks ago when we were asked the question, “How have you seen God show up in your life this week?” People said really beautiful and encouraging things about their host families, mentors, people in the church, classes, Neighbor 2 Neighbor, and a ton of other good things the Raleigh Fellows has to offer. But what Kassie and Luke said has stuck with me over the month.

Kassie replied by talking about how she teared up from something as small as a sunny day where it was 75 degrees outside. She elaborated on how it meant Spring was coming and there’s so much to look forward to while still staying grounded in the present. She talked about the budding of the flowers and how God is in every detail of creation. Luke replied by saying something as simple as, “the little things.” He went on to talk about how his workplace hasn’t been the greatest, but he’s seen growth with some of his co-workers and how that’s such a testament to the Lord.

Both of these comments, while Kassie and Luke may think they just got swept under the rug, have really affected the way that I view everyday life with the Lord. As someone who started a relationship with Jesus late in high school and felt worth by being hardworking and doing the right thing, for years I felt most worthy of God’s love by waking up early, spending time with the Lord, and starting my day that way. Throughout college this mentality never swayed, and I tried to be intentional and disciplined enough to make sure all of my days started this way. It was what I knew, and it was how I felt like I was doing what was right as a Christian man. I want to emphasize here how it is a really good thing to daily come to the table and spend time in the living word of God. But I also want to stress how I’ve been affected by thinking God’s love is conditional to a set time and place every day. Kassie and Luke have helped me to see that God is all around us at all times and is constantly making Himself known to us if we would just open our eyes to see Him. I’m reminded of Chapter 6 of Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning in which Manning says:

“If our faith is alive and luminous, we will be alert to moments, events, and occasions when the power of resurrection is brought to bear on our lives. Self-absorbed and inattentive, we fail to notice the subtle ways in which Jesus is snagging our attention.”

This quote is so true and is a reality check to me as to the ways I’m noticing the present risenness of Jesus in the here and now. He’s constantly trying to snag our attention and tell us, “Look! Here I am! Right next to you!” The reality is, He really is all around. To think that He’s limited in His ability to present Himself to us is absurd. I’m eager when looking into the future and noticing all the small things that are around me that are little testaments to the Lord’s faithfulness throughout the day.

 It’s crucial to realize that we can’t close God in a box and take Him out whenever we feel like it or whenever is most convenient to us. His love is unconditional and timeless as well as devoted and enduring. He’s a jealous God who desires our love for Him through faith in His son who died on the cross for us. And if we aren’t present to the risenness of Jesus and the resurrection life that accompanies it, we aren’t living into the true selves that God longs for us to become. With that being said, here are some of the smaller things that I’ve noticed the Lord in over the course of the month thanks to my friends who provoked me to start noticing.

-        Praying over every meal, not just when we sit down together on Thursday nights.

-        Conversations with pastors and people in the church outside of the church setting.

-        Celebrating my mom for her birthday dinner in Asheville.

-        Being with my high school friends and having conversations about real life, not just sports and insignificant stuff.

-        Taking the 2 oldest Boulton boys to the Trinity basketball game.

-        Talking with some of the high schoolers in the youth group about their lives

-        Driving with my friend Peyton to Charlotte for a concert.

-        Time with Sam Crutchfield and the rest of the Raleigh Fellas.

-        Writing my mid-year reviews for the Fellows.

-        Going on runs and thankfulness for a healthy body.

-        Thrifting with Brendan.

-        Serving at the Galentines Party for the youth group kids.

Jacob McCarthy

Namaste: Greeting Love and Transition

Rewind to the second month of Fellows. I’m being celebrated by my Host family (S/O to Tal, Michael, Calley, and Sushi Mangum) for my 23rd birthday. Along with the spectacular birthday affirmation notes, the Mangum family blessed me with a membership to a hot yoga studio downtown. Since October, I’ve had the privilege of going to hot yoga (108 degrees hot to be exact!!!) about three times a week. My experience thus far has been incredible: the rhythmic motions, postures, and transitions have created a sense of comfort in my own body as well as my mind and spirit. Throughout my practice, I’ve synthesized four points of reflection. 

My first point of reflection relates to my inner life. At the beginning of class, the instructor prompts us to make an intention for our practice. An intention can be anything – a single word, a person, or even a prayer. I’ve found myself finding differing intentions in class, but the person I give it to is the same. I give it to my younger self. I honor the little girl who has a high ponytail, mud on knees, and ready for an adventure. I intentionally tell her that she is loved and treasured. I whisper to her that the Father has grace, care, nurturement, and patience for her. I give it to the Kris who didn’t know any of these things growing up. Giving myself these intentions have been powerful and healing as I work through past trauma.  For this, I am grateful.                                                         

A second point of reflection relates to the motions, gestures, and transitions throughout class. My favorite instructors, Claudine and Ali, frequently verbalizes that transition don’t need to be fast, they just need to be embraced. Transitions are essential and important because they create the flow of the yoga practice. Often, postures are hard, and I fall or become misaligned. In times when postures are hard and I stumble, both instructors encourage me to respond and react gracefully as I transition into the next posture. I love this philosophy because it doesn’t negate my falling(s) but instead embraces failure with grace. The transition between postures reminds me of the transitions of life. Transitioning – like life – means either change or failure. Regardless if it’s the former or latter – or both - I must learn to embrace difficulty and change with gentleness, care, and patience. This reflection point has encouraged me to embrace my failings and respond with grace rather than shame, which is what I tend to do far too frequently. For this aspect of yoga, I am grateful. 

An additional reflection point is similar to the former. Claudine and Ali will ask us to begin class with palms faced down in surrender. At the end of class, they invite us to posture our palms upward in praise. I love this posture because it’s very illustrative of the Sermon on the Mount and, more specifically the Beatitudes. Eric Bolash, our inductive Bible study teacher, has been leading the Fellows to study the Sermon on the Mount. I’ve learned that the first Beatitude – being poor in spirit – was intentionally put first because it’s the beginning point of our walk with Christ. This means recognizing and acknowledging our depravity apart from Christ. In a similar manner, at the beginning of class I arrive poor in spirit. I surrender everything to the Father, confessing that I am nothing apart from Him. Throughout class, I breathe out the bad fruit/lies in my life and breathe in Truth with each new posture. I invite the Lord and Holy Spirit to bring in His blessing upon me. Then, at the end of class, I have my palms up in praise that I have an aboundingly perfect Father who is full of mercy. For this aspect of yoga, I am grateful. 

My last reflection point relates to a couple phrases frequently verbalized by all the yoga instructors. Typically, throughout our practice, the instructor will say, “Be selfish in here so that you can be more selfless out there”. This word has encouraged me to create space and care for myself, even outside of class. Another phrase that every yoga instructor says at the conclusion of every class is “Namaste”. In response, all the yogis respond “Namaste”. After my first-time practicing, I had no idea what this meant, so of course – like any 5 on the enneagram does - I looked it up. I found that Namaste simply means saying hello or goodbye in a respective manner. It’s communicating to another person to leave the current space with peace. I love this greeting because it reminds me to greet myself and others with care and tenderness. For the words of encouragement I receive during class, I am grateful. 

So, to say that hot yoga has been impactful for me would be an understatement. My practice has led me to surrender and praise the Father and through this form of worship, I’ve given permission to 23-year-old Kris to love, care, and nurture the little, younger, and innocent Kris. It’s through the discipline of loving the Father and loving myself exactly where I am when I show up on the mat that I’ve found more strength to love others. Overall, I am grateful. As I continue to practice, I want to welcome the changes in life that will occur soon (AHHH, Fellows is almost over!!) and continue to love.

Kris

My friend, Lauren

If you know Lauren, you know how good she is. I know that is such a vague word to use when describing someone, but seriously Lauren is so freaking good. She has been a treat to me in the Fellows program.

Lauren and I had no hard time finding ways that we could connect with each other. From marvel movies, to trying new coffee shops just to realize we stand for corporate coffee and will always choose Starbucks, and to obnoxiously singing Hamilton songs everywhere. But one of my favorite conversations that I had with Lauren was on a Genogram retreat with Jason Young.

The assignment was to identify where you've been hurt in life and then to place tape on your bodies to share your scars with each other. This was such an intimidating exercise, and really vulnerable too. When I found out I was paired with Lauren for this exercise, my anxiety crept away. Sharing my scars with Lauren was easy, sharing that information with her felt like she had walked alongside me in every moment that the piece of tape depicted on my body.

When I think about Lauren I’m reminded of Ruth in the Bible. (another point of connection Lauren and I have, as we both love the book of Ruth.)

14 Again they cried openly. Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye; but Ruth embraced her and held on. 15 Naomi said, “Look, your sister-in-law is going back home to live with her own people and gods; go with her.” 16-17 But Ruth said, “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!” 18-19 When Naomi saw that Ruth had her heart set on going with her, she gave in. And so the two of them traveled on together to Bethlehem.

Being friends with Lauren often feels like this. Lauren is a friend that goes where you go and stays where you stay. You know when her presence is gone and you feel her willingness to love others well is servant hearted. I often feel like there’s no point in hiding who I am with Lauren, as I know she loves me for all of me and chooses to celebrate that with me. I’ve got no doubt that I’m not the only one who feels this way about her.

I love you steadfast sister,

melon.

Reflecting on January

Wow, I can’t believe January has come and gone so quickly. I know that I’m a little late here, but I would still love to share my thoughts after reflecting on January. 

The first 10, or 11, or I don’t even know how many days, we spent at Lake Gaston were definitely eventful. We headed off to Bracy, VA to hear from our friend Bruce who lead us in the Career, Calling, and Vocation retreat. This was jammed packed with knowledge, where he talked to us about the gifts, desires, and opportunities that the Lord has specifically chosen for each of us. This was really neat, especially doing a lot of introspective reflecting and acknowledging the special ways that God has knitted us all. 

We spent the first half of those days enjoying the retreat, and the next half in quarantine, thx COVID. :/

While some of those days were really long, I have an even greater appreciation for the community that the fellows has offered me. This has been an answer to a prayer that I’ve had for a long time. 

After we got back to Raleigh, I turned 23! Woohooo! It was really sweet to see how much this group has wrapped its arms around me, and I felt really loved! I spent my birthday dinner at my host family’s house, and the Miedema’s also showed me so much love! I am so thankful for their family and the way they have embraced me into their home. That following weekend, I thought I was going to meet one of Jacob’s friends, but when I walked up the stairs I saw two familiar faces. My parents surprised me!! They flew all the way from Texas to see me and I got to spend some much needed time with my favorite people! I am still shocked they were able to pull off the surprise, and shoutout Kayley who went the extra mile to keep it that way. 

We also went on a retreat with John Richmond, who was the former US Ambassador for Human Sex Trafficking. I know, crazy! This was a really unique opportunity, and he talked to us about the “Richmond family rules”, which has been a guide for them on how to do life in a way that is honoring Jesus. My favorite one, ‘be generous’. It sounds so simple, but I love how he spoke on not only being generous with our monetary gifts, but also our people. Introduce friends to friends, and the idea of “giving generous assumptions” has really stuck with me. 

All that to say, January, you were full, fun, fleeting, and freezing. Thx for the mems <3

-Hayden

A picture is worth a 1000 words

The month of January was FULL. We hit the ground running as soon as we arrived back in Raleigh from December break. To be frank, it was challenging to set aside time to write a blog. So, instead of expressing my journey through January with words, I am going to do so with pictures! After all, you know what they say, “A picture is worth a thousand words”.

SNOW DAY at Lake Gaston during our career and vocation retreat

Celebrating sweet Hayden’s bday

Catch us April 30th running 13.1 miles @ Sunrise beach

… You already know

THEY ROCK!!!…. oh, and arcade games are cool too.

Spontaneous decision to get nose ring$$$$

Because it only makes sense to visit the nut downtown when you live in the City of Oaks

In case you didn’t know, some of us really like hotdogs

Tennis partner dynamic duo?!??!

Yes - I’m the person who plays a song on repeat until mastering the lyrics. This song has been really helpful throughout the month of January as I processed our vocational/career calling and John Richmond retreats.

Remember that time when we almost got stuck at Lake Gaston?

Kris