All Aboard the Raleigh Trolley! (Vol. V)

Oh hello. January really flew by, and we are really 8.33% done with 2022 already. Kinda wild. It’s time for another monthly check-in on how I am doing in these 4 areas of life: social, physical/health, occupation, and spiritual. 

Social

The fellows spent the beginning of the new year at Docksology (Lake Gaston) for our Career, Calling, and Vocation Retreat. As some of you already know, the retreat came to an abrupt ending, with many of us getting or being exposed to COVID. There is no better place to do quarantine than a secluded lake house. That was a wonderful time spent with other fellows, but health and emotion tends to take a toll during any type of quarantine. Since coming back to Raleigh, I would say I have been emotionally balanced. I have experienced some joys and some sorrows, some laughs and some hardships. I am working with a lot more people at my new job than my previous, which can be overwhelming at times to my introverted self. But I really like the work that I am doing (more on that below). 

Physical / Health

My health and hygiene was atrocious during quarantine haha, but getting back into a regular rhythm helped with that. I am getting sufficient sleep I suppose,  as playing soccer and lifting makes me a little more sleepy by the end of the day. I have developed somewhat of a proper night routine; I started charging my phone outside of my room at night. Doing that keeps me from wasting hours before I go to sleep (and first thing when I wake up). I didn’t have the opportunity to play any music at a Sunday church service due to being out of town, or the random weekend ‘snows’ that took place this past month. 

Occupational

After our little quarantine episode, I started working at Refugee Hope Partners (RHP) alongside Kris Levesque. I typically spend the mornings doing administrative work, personal projects, or helping out in a daycare center while some parents are taking English classes.  Afternoons are spent tutoring math and English to elementary and middle school kids. This is drastically different from the engineering work I was doing beforehand, and I am engaging with a lot more people throughout the day. While it can be tiring at times, I really like teaching, and I am slowly beginning to see the fruits of the labor at RHP. Outside of the occupational aspect, I want to continue to build on my relationships with the kids, staff, and interns. This job likely won’t be something I keep doing after Fellows, but I am grateful to be working here in the meantime!  

Spiritual

I read the book of Hebrews in the latter half of January. Our Old Testament professor Aaron Gann told us to check out Hebrews after finishing up the OT. Personally, I think it is a good book to read for those who are either: maybe hung up on seeing OT tradition as an ultimate thing, or having a hard time seeing the parallels of Jesus in the OT, and these obviously aren’t the only two reasons. But from what I got, Jesus is the better, upgraded, 2.0 version of every person and every thing in this world. He is above the angels (Ch. 1), He is the purest and greatest human to ever live (Ch. 2), He is the better Moses/Abraham/Isaac/Jacob/etc. So when we begin to wrongfully put our trust in the things of this world (money, people’s approval or love, land, strength and influence, and so on), we need to be reminded of what is true. The riches He has for us in Heaven far surpass any type of wealth we could accumulate here on Earth. The love He gives us is much greater than anything we could experience from the people in our lives. We have a ruler who can empathize with our weakness, and provides us with enough strength to overcome temptation time and time and time again. I look forward to implementing this idea that Jesus is the greater _____ in many areas of my life. 

Alright, time to get off this trolley. Until next time!

BB

** Some Fellows Pro Tips from  the month of January

- Always pack extra underwear, socks, and whole outfits in case you find yourself in quarantine

- I only recommend a Polar Plunge if a hot tub is readily available. Don’t be like Harry Potter in 7 part 1.

- Give yourself at least  2 hours for Genogram interviews, and don’t expect them to go as planned.

- Cook white rice in small portions. Or get the microwavable packs. Or just don’t cook rice ever again.

Austin’s Top 10 - January 2022

*This is not ranked in order, just an overall top ten from this month*

1. Fire Master

At Lake Gaston me and Noah built a fire in the snow. It took a lot of time and effort, but we got it done and it was the best.

2. John Richmond

John Richmond is one of the wisest people I’ve gotten a chance to listen to. Getting a chance to listen to him and his family talk about their families’ values and rules was an honor.

3. Werewolf & Body Body

Not only did our retreat with John Richmond provide a lot of wisdom, we also had a lot of fun. We played a lot of this game Werewolf with John’s son Mount, as well as body body with the whole family.

4. The woman at the well - John 4: 4-14

“4 Now he had to go through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. 7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) 10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” 11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” 13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” “

5. Music Bingo

Natalie and I went on a triple date last week with Sam/ Mary Ellen & Noah / Ali and we found a music bingo night. We may or may not have had to use Shazam a few times, but it was a lot of fun. Things took a turn however as I won a round of music bingo, only to tie with someone else, and then go on to lose in a tiebreaker for a magnificent $5 gift card.

6. Snow

Another big highlight from January, snow. Snow is the best, it is the only redeeming thing that can come from the weather being freezing cold, so thankfully we finally got some this year.

7. Get Right Season

First, I got an Apple Watch. Second, I’ve started running/ going to the gym on a more regular basis. So, watch out.

8. Pinball

I think I played more pinball in January than I ever have before. There’s a chance that the one pinball machine I used tells everyone that they made the top 10 high scores, but either way I made the top 10 leaderboard on one of the pinball machines in Boxcar.

9. Biblical Finance

One Fellows class that we had this month was biblical finance. I really enjoyed listening to and reading scripture about what the Bible says about money and how you should take care of it. Being a man of finance myself, I found the class very interesting and look forward to the second-class next month.

10. Cameron Indoor

NC State basketball has been a train wreck this season, and our game against Duke didn’t go to well for us. I was able to still have a great time however because Noah and I drove out to Durham and scalped tickets for the game. We didn’t get to sit together but we still both got tickets and it was an awesome experience getting to see a game inside of Cameron.

Quarantine

I started the new year heading back to Raleigh, negative Covid test in hand, to get ready for the first retreat of the year. I hadn’t seen my friends since our Christmas party, but I didn’t realize how much I had missed them until I saw them. Joy welled up inside of me and any doubts about coming back went away. We packed up into our cars and headed back to Lake Gaston for the retreat.

The retreat is called “Career, Calling, Vocation.” Over break each of us had to take a few assessments for this retreat. Our teacher, Bruce, went through these assessments with us, helping figure out things were good and bad at and ways to work on both. The one-on-one time that I had with Bruce gave me a lot to think about, to help me with my journey of being who the Lord desires me to be even more.

About half-way through the retreat however, Covid struck. Taking all the precautions and following guidelines, half of us left to quarantine and the other half stayed to quarantine at the lake house. We finished the rest of the retreat over Zoom and after that me, along with seven others watched all of Harry Potter for the rest of the week. Quarantine at the lake was actually a blessing, it was time to spend with each other and be lazy with each other. When quarantine ended, I was ready to go. I wanted to start to put into practice what I had learned over the retreat.

So here a month later and I still reflect on the time at the lake house and the conversation I had with Bruce. I’m still figuring out a lot of what we went over and how to apply it and it’s been a slow and hard process so far, but it’s been fulfilling as well. Thank you, Jesus, for these friends and for all lessons I’ve learned in 2022 so far.

-Dyl

Monthly Examen

If you know me well, you would know that I’m someone who likes to remain busy and have a full calendar. This doesn’t always mean I have to be with someone, but I like the idea that my day has structure and every moment is filled with either a goal to accomplish, a relationship to grow, or time to be with Jesus. While I typically view this as a good thing, it makes it easy for me to finish a day and not reflect on what just happened because of the thought of what tomorrow will look like. Will I be just as productive? How will this situation or conversation go? Will I have work to do when I get online tomorrow morning? I’m thankful for this month and the opportunity it’s given me to slow down, be okay with the uncomfort that a life without routine brings, and to really focus on what God has done during the day.

One of the most impactful and transformative parts of January for me was a Monday morning at the Young’s house. It was there that Mary Young introduced us to the Spiritual Formation practice of Examen. Examen is a way to reflect on your day, week, month, or any period of time in order to see where God is at work. From the packet she gave us about Examen, a 5 step process was listed. Here are the steps:

1. Gratitude: It’s fitting that the beginning of any time we have with Jesus be to acknowledge His power, goodness, and love for us. Taking a moment to be grateful for who God is before entering into personal reflection is crucial because a failure to do so would eliminate God from being present over the period of time we’re reflecting on. If I don’t acknowledge His faithfulness, I will fail to see how He was involved in every aspect of my day.

2. Petition: Asking God to remove obstacles and distractions from the time you’re spending with Him in silence is a remarkable thing.

3. Review: This has to do with consolations and desolations over the period of time you’re spending time with the Lord about. The review portion of Examen has to do with events, responses, feelings, and emotions. It’s important to not just recall what happened, but also how it made you feel and how you responded.

4. Forgiveness: Ask God to heal you and forgive you from all the poor reactions and emotions you had. There is power asking for mercy.

5. Renewal: Look forward to tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. Take delight in the fact that you’re growing more and more into the person He created you to be.

Today, my good friend Kassie sent us a podcast from “The Next Right Thing” on the practice of Examen. In it, Emily says this.

“The daily examen is a technique of prayerful reflection on the events of the day in order to detect God’s presence and discern God’s direction for us. It can help us see where God is working in our lives every day.”

It’s funny how something so simple as recalling the events of your day, week, month, or year can be such a powerful tool that reminds us of a God at work. I think the most important distinction, though, between “recalling the events of your day” and "Examen” is that Examen takes events and emotions and allows us to discern God’s direction for the future. I hope to put the practice of Examen into my everyday life and give God space to continue developing me into the likeness of His Son. That being said, here are my consolations and desolations from the review portion of my monthly Examen of January.

Consolations:

• 1 on 1 with Bruce at Lake Gaston. I felt very known and seen and he really pushed me to address the negative parts of my personality.

• Harry Potter movie marathon. Half Blood Prince is unmatched. Let me know your favorite of the series if you’re reading this!

• Multiple runs training for a half-marathon. Sunset Beach, April 30th, be there.

• Hayden’s parents visiting and having a fun night out. Greg and Elizabeth are incredible and it’s so evident in the daughter they raised.

• Movie night with the youth group at Hayes’ house. We watched Rocky IV and it was sick.

• Afternoon tennis with my fellows friends and college friends. I love seeing all my favorite people together.

• A weekend with John Richmond. John is incredibly wise and I could listen to him talk forever.

• First Neighbor 2 Neighbor back. I was really excited to see Demauri and he felt similarly to see me (I think). We played 1 on 1 basketball and then got challenged by a couple other kids. I love playing sports with those boys.

• Kassie’s Round Table on voting. I love how she led us in conversation in something that we take for granted sometimes and show how it’s a good thing.

• All the Fellows guys. I just really feel the Lord moving in the relationships with the boys and I’m really grateful for all of them <3.

• Boulton’s + Fellows Dinner Night. There was a night that a lot of the Fellows came to the Boulton’s and we all cooked dinner together. We cooked, listened to music, and laughed together. I’m thankful for the Boulton’s hospitality and eagerness to care for all the Fellows.

Desolations:

• COVID. Most of the Fellows got wiped out at the beginning of 2022 but we stuck to the guidelines and everyone recovered!

• The first couple runs of my training. I’m not who I was in high school anymore. But it’s okay, BACK ON TOP SOON!

• Sleeping in. There’s been multiple days where I’m too exhausted after waking up to get out of bed and it’s affected my time with Jesus in the morning.

• Hot Tub Rash. Don’t get into a hot tub without air filters for as long as I was in there. No matter how many chemicals your Fellows director uses in attempt to substitute for the lack of air filters.

May this be an encouragement and an ask of accountability to regularly practice examen.

Until next month.

Jacor

January

You know what it is, Blog time 😎.

I first would think it’s appropriate to say the lovely and Beautiful Ali (my fiancé) has MOVED TO RALEIGH!!! I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. The Lord is so, so good and faithful. Ali-cat has started her professional working career (girl-boss) as the Production Coordinator for the men’s clothing company, Johnnie-O. So basically I’m finna have the cleanest wardrobe out of the whole crew. I know this is a blog post about me, but Ali is such a huge part of me, so it’s super fitting to share this huge news for us. ALSO, this job would never have been possible if it weren’t for the Raleigh Fellows program (well maybe somewhat tiny possible but let’s just roll with it). My super awesome host family Mary and Jason connected Ali with someone in Hayden’s host family and got the ball rolling there. Even her living situation, wouldn’t be possible without Mary and Jason, so shoutout to the Young’s again.

So if you’re reading this and thinking “why should I do this fellows program?” One reason is a full-time job has already been found and that person isn’t even a fellow. Maybe I can listen to that myself and really not worry about putting pressure on myself to find a job come may. Yeah, I just exposed myself.

However, I’ve come to rest with the terms of what I am doing right now. And I absolutely love it. Going on retreats, taking classes, leading youth group, working part-time, living with a host family, and having great community is exactly what I need right now. I am super faithful that God has positioned me exactly where I am for a reason and that come May (or whenever) I will know exactly why. But right, now I am super thrilled to be living the way I am and roll with the punches that are thrown at me.

So here are some other highlights from the Month of January:

• John Richmond Retreat- listen, if you don’t know who this dude is, FIND HIM. I’m telling you John has knowledge that no amount of money can buy. I am super grateful that Ashley has him as a connection because he can really bring the heat.

• Basketball season- I love hoops. The Blue Devils have a real shot and the Mountaineers are rolling.

• Snow- I was sad that when I left Boone I realized I probably wouldn’t see snow this year, but I did and was very satisfied.

• Friendships- Thinking about my relationships with all of the other fellows on September 7th and now on February 2nd, it’s just so funny. I now feel like I’ve known these people my entire life.

• Getting to see my little buddy Jordynn- Just absolutely precious. I’m telling you this girl has my heart and she has no idea. Jordynn is 9 years old and has it harder than I could have ever imagined. I’ll share this story because something that I’ve been working on is sharing my emotions to others. This week at Neighbor to Neighbor, I saw Jordynn for the first time in about a month and half. Over that month and a half, some really hard things have happened to her. So when I got to her, my heart exploded when she ran up to me with the biggest smile and squeezing hug. How can someone so young be so joyful after something so hard? We proceeded to sit with each other and laugh and play while doing her Dreambox and playing with play dough. Then, I caught myself just watching her and no joke, tears start rolling. I couldn’t keep myself together. And due to the circumstances, I didn't want her to think something was wrong (because that’s the last thing she needs) so I went to the bathroom to wipe my tears and praise God for Jordynn and how He has allowed her to be a part of my Monday’s. I just can’t get enough of her.

I want to reiterate how much of a privilege it is to walk on God’s Earth every single day, and how everything belongs to him. Especially you, reading this on your screen, belong to someone who loves you so deeply and longs to be with you all of the time.

❤️🤟🏼

ŃØÄH

Slowness of the Season

I think a lot of people will tell you that January is the slowest time of the year. The fresh coat of frost on the ground in the morning, the slowly rising sun followed by constantly freezing temperatures, and the hangover after a frenzied holiday season all make January have this slow feel to it. However, what my fellows' experience has taught me is that it is so easy to feel God in the slowness. Let’s be honest, slowing down is very anti-American of us. As a society, we live a fast-paced lifestyle where if you are busy it must mean you are living life right. As they say, a full calendar equals a full life. What I’ve come to realize is that’s not always true. Here are a few things I’ve begun to notice God is doing around me as I’ve slowed down.

1. Lake Life- For a few of my fellow fellow’s, Lake Gaston has been all they’ve known this month and they are probably (and rightfully) tired of it. But for me, going to Lake Gaston for the John Richmond retreat was the breath of fresh air I didn’t know I needed. Before this trip to the lake, I had left that sweet batch of 35 miles of paradise with bruised ribs and covid in my previous visits. I think it's safe to say that I have this love/hate relationship that on my side is all love and on the lake’s side is more like hate. However, this weekend for me was an incredible example of what life can really live life in community. We laughed, played, rested, talked, and just existed with each other. Yes, we’ve done that every time we’ve gone to the lake, but something about this time felt different. It felt Holy. Our posture towards life felt different. It felt more real.

2. Noah and Jordan- As fellows, we participate in this amazingly awesome afterschool program in South East Raleigh called Neighbor to Neighbor. Each one of the fellows is paired with a student to be their mentor in either reading or math. At first you might be thinking, as I did, that we are just their to tutor and then leave. That the impact might be very little. If that is your feeling then I would challenge you to drive down there on Monday afternoons at 4:30. That is where you can see Noah interact with Jordan. It is the absolute sweetest, holiest thing that you will ever see. Anyone that looks at them is left smiling. What makes it even more special is that Jordan has lived an incredibly hard life, a life that no little girl should have to go through. But you would never know watching her interact with Noah. Her smile never leaves her face and she looks free of all the pain of the world. This past Monday, the boy I tutor, Divine (who is amazing), stopped what he was doing to look up at them. After a while of staring, I realized that he was smiling and laughing along side them. That’s what joy is. That’s what happens when you slow down.

3. NeighborHealth Center- Okay, so if you have been following my blogs with a close eye, you might have noticed that I haven’t really mentioned my work. Well blogger nation, here you go! During my fellows year, I have the absolute privilege of working for a non-profit health clinic determined to help the underserved in the Raleigh community. It is a fantastic example of kingdom-building work in the city of Raleigh. However, I am not involved in the clinic side at all. Instead, I work over at Summit Church in the administrative offices. At first, I was bummed not to be over at the clinic and not be working alongside any of the older fellows who were there, but I have grown to really enjoy the people I work alongside at Summit. I have loved getting to talk to them about their kids, their families, their hobbies, their favorite sports, and just their lives in general. The women and men here have loved me so incredibly well and I am so thankful for them. It’s so funny that in the slowness of this season, I’ve gotten to experience life with more people. Major shoutout to Stacy, Susan, Cherita, Amanda, Bob, Larry, and David!

-Luke Harvin

Growing Younger in Surrender

I want to share song lyrics from Chris Renzema’s song called Older Than our God: 

For the joy of innocence
Dreaming things that don't make sense
Keep me as a child
And for the things we've left behind
The space between out heart and mind
Keep me as a child

For we've grown older than our God
We've grown older than our God

I found these lyrics particularly helpful as I read our assigned reading from Brennan Manning’s book Abba’s Child. Manning discusses the importance of embracing our inner child by seeking authenticity in ourselves. He suggests that accepting our inner child is a doorway to a more enriching and authentic relationship with Christ. Embracing our truest and most authentic self means acknowledging our shortcomings, weaknesses, and places of pride and self-righteousness. Renzema’s lyrics express Manning’s point; that we, as fickle humans, tend to grow older than God: the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end, and the infinite and eternal being. 

So, what does it mean to grown older than God? 

Scripture informs us that childlikeness is a prerequisite for growing closer to Christ. We see this in Matthew 18:3-4: “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven”. 

I take this piece of Scripture to mean that we must embrace a sense of wonder, innocence, and humility when in relationship with Jesus. This means embracing a childlike posture when approaching Christ. I am reminded of two common scenarios that have been helpful for me as I reflect on child-like faith. The first of which occurred this past summer while I was teaching Sunday school lessons. Quite often kids blurted out unfiltered question(s) or comments. They didn’t care what their peers thought of them. The idea that their reputation would be belittled was not a thought in their mind. Nothing was at stake. They asked questions from a point of awestruck wonder in our Savior and sought answers in a posture of humility. On the contrary, I find myself so often worrying about my reputation that it hinders and limits the questions I ask or comments I make. It’s a harsh reality but my image is fragile, and I don’t want to shatter it. 

The second scenario occurred at Refugee Hope Partners (my Fellows internship). After our preschool session was over, a child began speedily running to her mom and unfortunately stumbled on the ground. She immediately reached out her hands and unashamedly cried for her mother. The sweet girl received her mom’s gaze with utmost comfort. In this event, the little girl did not draw on self-reliance, but on her parent – the one who knows best. I think this scenario makes for a great illustration of how I should run to the Father. I find myself increasingly becoming more self-reliant in times of struggle and also when I acquire more knowledge. Throughout this process, I’ve found myself loosing wonder in Christ. The Truth of the Gospel becomes stale, and I begin to experience what Renzema mentions in his song lyrics, “a gap between my mind and heart”. 

I’ve come to conclude that growing older than God - for me at least - means functioning under an illusion of God based off earthly knowledge and experiences. I tend to work my way toward understanding God through listening to podcasts and sermons, reading Scripture and Christian books, and performing in ways that seem holy. Though not necessarily bad things, my avarice-oriented and consumeristic mindset often blinds my ability to see Christ through the lens of a child. The point: I subconsciously think acquiring enough knowledge will help me feel like I have control over my relationship with God. I seek to master God rather than be mastered by God.

The passage in Matthew 18, Renzema’s lyrics, and Manning’s book all point to the importance of bearing the image of Christ as a child. It’s clear to me that I want to strive to grow younger in surrender, to break the prideful walls down in my heart, to run unashamedly to Jesus, and to embrace the warmth of being a beloved child of Christ. As I begin my journey in the latter half of the Fellows program, I want to make it a priority to remind not only myself, but also my fellow Fellows of our true identity in Christ. As a People, we must be like a child in faith because we are children in Christ.   

Kris

All Aboard the Raleigh Trolley! (Vol. IV)

Welcome to 2022! December was a whirlwind of a month, and we are like almost halfway through January, but it's time for another monthly check-in on how I am doing these 4 different areas of life: social, physical/health, occupation, and spiritual.

Social

Emotionally speaking, I have been doing well! December is usually a month where I get to spend time with family, which I always appreciate very much! Most of the month was spent either feeling joyful or grateful. This past month, I finished up a few Fellows classes, planned and attended a Bachelor Party up in Harrisonburg, shared a meal with the Fellows at Angus Barn, had our end-of-year Christmas party, celebrated Christmas at my new-ish home with the fam, and was Best Man in my brother’s wedding on New Years Eve. The week leading up to Christmas was very restful; all of the family was home, and my sisters and I were able to spend lots of time with our brother as he was preparing to go off and become a hubby. Those last few days with Braxton (my brother) were spent watching Hamilton and many other Marvel movies, and playing FIFA until 1:30/2:00 in the morning. Christmas day was 73 degrees I believe, and the 4 of us went to a soccer field to run and kick around as if we were all 8 years old haha. I truly appreciated that week, and we quickly got busy with wedding stuff after Christmas. Despite the filled schedule and sleepless nights, I had an amazing time reconnecting with extended family, new family, and old friends. I gladly welcome Emma (Braxton’s wifey) to the family as another sister; nothing against my bro, but we need some more brothers (in-law) to balance out this new sibling dynamic, but that won’t be for a little bit haha.

Physical/Health

Still kickin a ball around every week, and I wasn’t very consistent with going to the Y. Got a little crazy and went rock climbing a couple times with some Fellows and friends. My sleep schedule began to deteriorate once the structure of Fellows was lost, but at the cost of spending time with friends and family. The Omicron-variant really began to ramp up towards the end of the month, but my family and I were safe and healthy during the holiday season, and up to the wedding.

Occupational

As you probably already know, I got bamboozled out of a job, and my last day of work at the engineering firm was November 30. I spent the entire month of December unemployed, but I tried to make the most out of our allotted work days. I spent some of the remaining work days volunteering at Church of the Apostles, Refugee Hope Partners, Note in the Pocket, and Alliance Medical Ministry. Most of my tasks were just busy work, and they didn’t have much to do with engineering. But I really appreciated the work I was given, and I liked spending time with the Fellows employed at each of those respective places. I spent the latter half of the month working on my Resume, and started thinking about what it could look like to pursue a career long-term in the RDU area. My mentor, Eric Bolash (a king fr), reached out to some friends and helped make some connections for the pursuit of industry work later down the road, and I am grateful for all of the wise words he offered during my little unemployment stint.

Spiritual

For this month, I want to briefly focus on a book I finished over Christmas break. I started reading ‘Garden City’ by John Mark Comer earlier in the Fellows year. It is one of the best books I’ve read to this day, and it's ending came in a timely manner with my job situation. Generally speaking, it could be perceived that my job loss is very much a bad thing and an inconvenience to my schedule and finances and what not. God obviously has a plan for everything, and He is the only one who knows what lies ahead, so I have learned to place my trust in the Man with the Map. I really liked my previous engineering job, but I knew I didn’t plan on pursuing that full-time after Fellows. I think the Lord just provided an opportunity to broaden my occupational horizon and explore different types of jobs (no better time to do that in a year where I am living rent-free with little to no expenses). As sad as it is, the holiday season is typically filled with fueling self-righteous desires, and we tend to spend time thinking about what gifts/things we want, or where(who) we spend our time (with). Because of this, I really liked being able to serve people in the church, and at those companies, as it was a way for me to stop thinking about myself and my needs. As I worked those other jobs, it was easier for me to see how those other companies have a direct impact on helping people. Whether I was folding clothes, teaching kids, tending to a garden, or cleaning up things in the church, I felt those jobs were more meaningful at times than my previous engineering job. Comer highlights in the book that every single job presents us with the opportunity to spread the gospel, even if it may seem there is no direct impact with the work you are doing. Exercising the fruits of the spirit in the office, or even sharing meals with co-workers, are just a few ways in which we can be impactful in the workplace as believers. Your job can be a playground for kingdom-work, even if your occupation isn’t ministry-related! I look forward to enacting this mentality at every place I work moving forward.

Alright. This trolley long as a mug, but it’s time to get off. Until next time!

BB

** Some Fellows Pro Tips from the month of December
- There is a slim chance your professor may bring their puppy to class. I guess just try to focus, maybe??

- Bring warm clothes (and an extra beanie) for your outing at Angus Barn, because you may wait hours for a table.

- Don’t try to figure out who your Secret Santa is.

- Go on walks around the North Hills development when you have the time, you will appreciate it.

Reflection

December! A month filled to the brim with the goodness and joy that has been so plentiful since I moved to Raleigh North Carolina. 

This month provided some of that Christmas spirit I was really hoping for, whether that was through Secret Santa elfing, Christmas cookie swaps at work, Zoom calls with my college friends, or spending the Christmas season with the Vincent’s !!!!!!

This month also provided space for reflection of what the past year has looked like, whether that was through sitting down and reading through past journal entries, or on the drive both to and from Tennessee. I found myself looking back in order to make sense of where I was now, which led me to continue thinking about what I wanted my life to look like moving forward. I read through my desires and hopes, I read through prayers that were answered, some in ways I never expected, but really I saw the Lord's loving kindness through every part of the story.. His redemption is weaved throughout all my seasons! 

December also revealed to me that I see my Imposter self more than I would like to admit. “Imposter” is the name that Brennan Manning uses in his book Abba's Child to describe the false self that we all use to distract us from knowing the deep true self. This true self knows what deep intimacy with the Father looks like, and beckons us to come see for ourselves. 

 My imposter self is motivated by busyness and all those self-centered activities that bring instant gratification. Brennan Manning speaks to the core of my Enneagram 9 heart when he says “While the imposter has performed superbly, I have assumed a passive role in relationships, stifled creative thinking, allowed myself to be intimidated by others, and then rationalized my behavior by persuading myself that the Lord wants me to be an instrument of peace.. At what price?” 

Woah. Full transparency, this excerpt, this whole book, has shook me to my core and exposed me in a lot of ways. It falls right in line with this beautiful but hard journey I have started of accepting my false self, acknowledging my own brokenness, yearning for the Father, and reminding me that there is a tenderness that comes from Him that will surpass my understanding. My Father is out there repeating that same phrase “its okay to be yourself.” 

there I find my freedom to love and to be loved. 

I saw variations of this when I reflected on all that 2021 brought me. The journey of understanding yourself through the eyes of our Lord is both so exciting and so scary. It plays into everything we do within the Fellows and within our lives as believers. Knowing I am never isolated on this journey is what makes me so excited for all that this next semester will bring! I know that we will all continue to live on this narrow path of life with The Father, and He reminds us that its okay to stumble!! 

There is so much to look forward to!

I’ll finish out by sharing one of my favorite poems right now!

The limp by Jim Branch

i walk with a limp

a true thing of beauty

that came about

when you took me to the ground

wrestling and struggling

when you tore me to pieces

that you might make me whole

thank you

for loving me

too much to allow me

to continue to live falsely 

to continue to be someone 

other than the one

you created me to be

that you would care enough

to wound me

your beloved

that i might live truly 

and become my truest self

makes this limp

a true thing of beauty

a living reminder 

of your great affection 

All the love,
Lauren

December, fires in bellies, & how I saw God in both

Hello to all the friends and avid blog readers that find themselves here once again-it’s so good to have you back! “It’s SO good to have YOU back!” The previous statement is one I find myself hearing quite a bit lately. I heard it today as I walked into work; my boss greeted me with the biggest hug and couldn't help but say it over and over. I heard it again on New Year’s Eve when I walked through the door of the Bolashes’ home as I returned to Raleigh from Christmas break. Ashley expressed a similar sentiment when I decided to stay and quarantine at Lake Gaston after our career, calling, and vocation retreat took a turn that was less than desirable (yes, covid ran its annoying and frustrating course per usual). But despite such a rocky start to our second semester of fellows, I find myself SO glad to be back HERE.

December was a month where I found myself wishing I had more energy, more hours in the day (especially when the sun is setting on my way home from work *insert crying emoji here*), and more time with God. I’ll be honest. For Advent to be a season about joyful expectation and eager anticipation about the coming of our Messiah, it felt more like a hurried and rushed, kind of pacing back and forth waiting for me. I kept praying, “Lord, please let it slow down. It’s passing by too fast!” I felt like the whole month was a wash, because I didn’t enjoy Christmas the way I desired to. (Okay, I know it seems like this blog post has taken a turn for the worst, but hang on! It gets better; I promise.)

Like I mentioned earlier, the past week consisted of a retreat, positive covid tests, and a whole lot of goodness I’m going to try and put into words (spoiler alert: the following sentences don’t do it nearly enough justice). Our speaker at the retreat, the lovely and former Australian, now U.S. citizen-Bruce, spoke with us about what our future may look like and what God has in mind for His people when it comes to work and life and really just everything. During one of his lectures, he said something that caught my ear and had my full attention at once. He said, “You need to ask yourself what puts a fire in your belly”. ALRIGHT LORD! I’M LISTENING NOW!! And while I’m still sorting out my answer to this profound and worthwhile question, I think the most notable thing to address here is how this call to action beckons us toward Jesus, God himself in the flesh.

I can’t imagine how Mary responded to realizing the Savior of the world would come to be in the world through her earthly and virgin body, but I like to think it felt something like ‘having a fire in your belly’. The point I’m trying to make here is that the Lord’s timing is SO MUCH BETTER than the instant gratification-fake stuff we trick ourselves into wanting. For me, I wanted so badly to enjoy Christmas at the time it was happening. For Mary, I bet she just wanted to survive, so the first Christmas could actually take place how the angel told her it would. Don’t get me wrong y’all, I’m surely not trying to compare myself to Mary, the mother of Jesus, here. What I am trying to do is take note of how the Lord’s redemptive work comes to us in the most unexpected and unlikely places.

My quarantine at Lake Gaston was a time I’m going to hold near and dear for the rest of my life. There’s just something about being told you have to stay home and can’t go anywhere for a week that makes you better, physically and spiritually. My week at Lake Gaston got me to pay attention to how the Lord’s knack for making things new and right is tucked into every corner and pocket of this life, we just gotta have eyes that want to see it. Funny how I notice the Lord more when I pay attention to the life he’s given me instead of fixing my fleeting heart on the feelings that come from my present circumstances. Huh, would you look at that? God is real good at what He does y’all! IT. IS. GOOD. to be back in Raleigh for semester 2! Praying the second half is just as humbling as the first.

With joy and in Christ always,
Kassie Starnes

My friend, Noah

In 2017 I began college at Appalachian State University. One night I was waiting for my friends outside of my dorm, and I met this guy. It was cold, it was awkward, and he talked a lot. I think if you would have told me and Noah that we’d be college friends for four years and after that we’d both move to Raleigh together, I’m not quite sure how we would have responded. After living that out I can speak into the last 4 years, (but specifically the last few months) with Noah.

I know we as believers hear this all the time, but God really blesses us, sometimes in ways of which we are praying for, and some in ways we never expected at all. I think one of the biggest blessings the Lord has given me this year is Noah.

Moving to Raleigh to do a 9 month program alone is scary! I remember joking around with Noah (as we do often) asking him to apply to do the Raleigh Fellows program. All of my playful jokes definitely had a subtle serious tone, but Noah just laughed every time I suggested it. LOL at him because he’s stuck here now. In all seriousness it was an unexpected blessing to have Noah here with me, especially at the beginning. I don’t think he knew it, but he was a big source of comfort for me.

Noah is that reminder that God has me, that God is with me, and that I’m not doing this all alone. How kind and loving of the Lord! Like that unexpected blessing, this season has been a lot of getting to know my brother Noah on a much deeper level. That four year friendship prepared us well for this season God has called us to. A season of breaking through walls, and finally seeing one another on the other side. What a humbling experience this has been for me, to think I knew Noah then is silly, because I really know him now. Thank you GOD.

In the past few months, Noah and I have gotten to stand with each other while we have both gotten engaged. In 2022 we’ll be in each other's weddings. And forever we’ll continue to thank God that He has allowed us to be in each others lives at such a deep capacity. I love the season we’re in, Noah!

I love you brother!

Your sister, melon

And I go Back to December All the Time

WOWWW!! I really just referenced Taylor Swift. These fellows girls have an influence on me.

Well ladies and gentlemen who come across this post, I am thrilled to be writing about my past month or so. I think it’s most important to start with this banger of a life update:

I’M ENGAGED!

Yes, engaged. As a fellow. So don’t let anyone tell you it’s impossible! The lovely and beautiful Ali is going to be my wife and I am so flippin excited. What is really cool about this season of life is that I have so many people in a relatively new place that are absolutely thrilled for me and love Ali and I like they’ve seen us through every step of our journey. I have had multiple people from Church of The Apostles send me well wishes in this new chapter of life and tons of advice on planning a wedding (which it’s really just Ali’s wedding that I’m happy to be invited to). I now have joined the elite team that consists of my good friend Mary Ellen of the “engaged ones” (shoutout Melon).

More so of what has gone on in the program, Secret Santa was absolutely vibrant. One of my favorite things is getting to do things for others and Hayden was so lucky enough for me to draw her name for Secret Santa (lol). I started off with a BANGER leaving her favorite snacks and candies on her car, which wasn’t hard because she lives right across the street from me. BUT THEN, I was humbled very quickly because she caught me. However it wasn’t necessarily my fault, our lovely youth Director and former fellow Hayes, came into class one Friday and read a silly poem that I wrote for Hayden. But he took it over the top and got down on one knee and delivered her the Starbucks coffee that was to go along with it. But while he kneeled next to her, he was reading off the text message that I sent him and of course, Hayden looked down at the phone and saw my name sitting at the top. Nice going, Hayes. But my secret Santa was Brendan. Good ole BB. During this, my favorite thing he did for me which was hilarious, was putting a bag full of ring pops on my car the day before I left to head to Boone to propose to the lovely and beautiful Ali. He also had a fake ring box that inside was an open ring pop (may have been licked once or twice) a long with a note that was super encouraging.

These silly examples however are super important to why these people have been such an unexpected blessing in my life. I think over the past few weeks of our break, I have really started to lock in on the future, and what life is going to look like come the end of May. I’ve recently put a ton of pressure on myself to figure that out. But reflecting on such sweet memories like the ones I have shared with you all in the past four months, makes me realize that I’m going to be okay. As long as I continue to have a living relationship with the Lord and letting him in on the beautiful things that are going on around me, I am going to be okay. I recently had a reality check with parents, and as much as I was expecting them to want to hear how I needed to have my ducks in a row, my mom assured me of this:

“I don’t know what life is going to bring you in May. If that’s a job, or whatever, but I do know one thing. It’s all going to be okay.”

Im not an emotional person, but this got to me. It gave me an immediate image of how God loves us. Holding us in his arms if we are crying, laughing, smiling, frowning, you name it. He is going to hold us gently and tell us that we are going to be okay.

Here’s to a great few more months.

❤️🤟🏼

ŃØÄH

December

December for me is always a time of rest and reflection. It’s always nice to look at the life I’ve lived for the year and see where I’ve been along the way and reflect on it. This always helps me figure out the things that I hope for the next year and things that I can work and improve on. December consisted of a few weeks of Fellows obligations and then a few weeks of Christmas break. Both parts of the month made for a great way to end the year and focus on the things to come for the rest of the Fellows year.

For the last round table, we played Secret Santa. This was a really special moment, just seeing how much time and effort everyone took to get their person a gift. All of the gifts were so well thought out and I think it really was encouraging to see that everyone in our group really cares for each other and that we take the time to be close and intentional with each other.

The Christmas break was really wonderful as well. I had a lot of free time, which was nice considering the busy schedule that I feel like I’ve had the past few months. I was about to get a lot of rest while I went back home for two weeks. Christmas with my family also made for a very relaxing time.

As I said earlier, even though I did have a nice break to be a little lazy, it gave me a lot of time to really think about the last few months in Fellows. Between classes, round table, and retreats, I’ve learned a lot and this break gave me the opportunity to sort through a lot of those things and start to think about the future after Fellows and what that looks like.

-Dyl

Austin’s Top 10 - December 2021

*This is not ranked in order, just an overall top ten from this month*

1. Secret Santa

Shoutout to Kassie for being the best Secret Santa of all time. I had absolutely no idea who had me for secret santa, and she consistently surprised me with perfectly timed and meaningful gifts. Also, Dylan didn’t know that I had him so that was successful as well.

2. Christmas

Christmas is the best holiday. There is nothing better than wearing pajamas all day, spending time with family, eating good food, giving/ receiving gifts, and most importantly celebrating the birth of Christ.

3. Christmas Caroling

One of my favorite things from this month was an improvised stop in the middle of the Fellows Christmas party in which we stopped at my parents house and caroled for my mom.

4. Hickory

My mom is from the great city of Hickory, NC. My family went to visit my grandfather, aunt, uncle, and cousins over Christmas break and it was a very sweet time spent with family that we don’t get to see often.

5. Eulogy

One of our Fellows classes this year is spiritual formation with the great Mary Young. One assignment was to write a eulogy written from the perspective of a loved one. It was an extremely challenging and vulnerable assignment that I was very nervous about sharing. Having now shared it though I really appreciate the space that we get in that class to dream with the Lord about our future.

6. Fantasy Football

I am officially the champion of my college friends' Fantasy Football League. Dame Time.

7. Natalie’s Birthday

Natalie turned 23! I loved getting to celebrate her. The weather even though it’s winter was really nice so we spent most of the day outside of the art museum, having a picnic and also spending time with her friends. Then we had a great dinner with her family and played a lot of scattergories. 

8. NCAA Football ‘14

Arguably the best video game ever created, thanks to #10 I spent a lot of time playing this over our Christmas break.

9. Spider-Man: No Way Home

My sister and I went to see the new Spider-Man and it was amazing. I will not spoil it in case you haven’t seen it yet, but you should go see it ASAP if you haven’t yet.

10. COVID

This is on the list not because it was a good thing, but because it took up a majority of the month of December. I was exposed to COVID so I began to quarantine, after a week I thought I was in the clear however I then tested positive for COVID on the 10th day from my exposure. Making my quarantine extend for a very long time :) 

Present Over Perfect

What’s up peeps! Geez, 2022 has already started with a whirlwind. Just in case you were wondering, yes Covid is still real and it is not a fun-filled time. I could have never imagined that I would be spending the start of this wonderful new year closed up in a corner of my room in my host family's house. At first, that might seem sad, and while yes it is unfortunate, I would love to point out the positive side of quarantine while being a fellow. 

First, my host family has been incredible. If you haven’t had the privilege to meet the wonderful Frank and Jessica Bartolini you totally should. They have been the absolute definition of living with a servant's heart. Since the moment I tested positive they both have gone above and beyond to make me feel so comfortable and loved. They’ve brought me food, showered me with jokes, and have consistently checked up on me throughout this whole experience. They also have these two amazing kids, Gabby and Evan, who serenade me with violin, piano, and a karaoke machine every afternoon. Who wouldn’t want their own private concert??

One of the best things about this semester so far has been the ability to take a glimpse of the life I’m living. Both our vocational retreat (with my man Bruce) and quarantine have taught me to take a step back and look at my life with a new lens. I’ve learned that I honestly don’t thrive in the fast-paced lifestyle where relationships get glossed over. I’m just not wired that way. I’ve learned that the true beauty of life comes when you stop drinking life from a firehose and start drinking from a glass of water. It comes when you start being present, over perfect. 

True life comes when you realize you shouldn’t flub who you are. You shouldn’t push down the ugliness just to save face. You should be real with those who love you because guess what? They love you. True life comes when you value relationships and memories over a To-do list. It comes when you don’t live a rushed life and miss God’s beauty in it all. 

So, in the craziness of life, choose to be present over perfect. 

-Luke Harvin

My Imposter

Although the wintery magic of what December would usually look and feel like in Raleigh was absent this year, the presence of God during the month was just as piercing as one of those cool winter nights. I look back on December and almost laugh to myself about how perfect God’s timing is. A mixture of anticipating the coming of Jesus, Ashley’s beautifully decorated house, efling our secret santas, and great reading choices throughout the month of December made for a perfect way to start off 2022.

The biggest thing I learned this month through the readings of The Way of the Heart by Henri Nouwen and Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning was, how Brennan Manning says, “The imposter must be called out of hiding, accepted, and embraced. He is an integral part of my total self.” For the longest time, I’ve noticed the part of myself that isn’t really my true self and usually deal with this “false-self” or “imposter” by either ignoring it, trying to get rid of it, or believing that it’s my true-self. But after reading and reflecting on the imposter, I’ve come to an appreciation of that part of me that acknowledges my brokenness and tears down the idea that I’m anywhere close to perfect. I think it brings me closer to Jesus because it’s a confession of my need for help.

As for looking ahead to 2022, I’m excited and anticipating the confrontation with my false-self. It’s my belief that recognizing that the true-self and false-self are both very real parts of our earthly bodies will bring us closer to Jesus. We can’t be our true-selves all the time because we’re only a sliver of the perfection of Jesus. But as followers of Christ, we can’t continue to believe that the false-self is who we are. Here’s to a year where every day brings the imposter out into the light and a year of becoming more and more like our true-selves.

-Jacob McCarthy

Esse Quam Videri

I was in a recent conversation with an Apostles church member. In our conversation, she mentioned the phrase, “esse quam videri”. After silently responded with a confused and puzzled gaze, she immediately told me that this was the North Carolina official state motto meaning to be rather than to seem. 

I feel like this Carolinian phrase has accurately summarized my experience being a Raleigh Fellow, especially in the past few weeks. Too often we find ourselves masking attributes of our personhood that we don’t want others to see. Our masks act as veils that hide our beautiful brokenness. I’ve found in my experience – specifically this month – that I’ve torn the mascaraed from my face. I’ve chosen to answer the “how are you today?” question with candor, even if my answer was not pleasant. This leap of courage has been the breeding grounds for acceptance and authenticity. Every Fellow who’s asked me this question has responded with a heart posture geared toward loving me. They each have taken care of me with their warm gazes and sweet hugs. 

The idea that community has allowed me to feel authentic rather than superficial reminds me of our spiritual formation class. During our first class, Mary Vandel Young, challenged us to be space creators, which can be characterized as physically showing hospitality with our body language while also having a curious heart posture. I take this to mean that as a Body we ought to embrace this posture to love others the way Christ loves us. Just as Christ meets us in brokenness, so should we when engaging with our fellow brothers and sisters. The Apostles community has done exactly that. 

Being a recipient of this heart posture has allowed me to feel comfortable being myself without a façade or veil. It’s been a gift to BE KRIS, rather than to simply just seem to be. I’ve received the blessings of sweet fellowship with my mentor, my host fam, our director Ashbut, church members, and – of course – my eleven fellow Fellows (I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH). I have been warmly embraced by many hands and held by souls. I have been welcomed in safe spaces. 

So, thank you to everyone who has made me feel welcomed and loved. I cherish this gift deeply.  

Kris

Excellence over Passion

At the beginning of November, we have a retreat called Micah 6:8. Which reads: He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To at justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. The retreat was focused on this scripture and how with this mandate, we should go and live our lives according to it.

Before I get into more of what I learned from the retreat, I wanna take some time to just say how very blessed I am to be with my friends in this program. Some of my favorite parts of the weekend was eating meals with them. Another highlight was the first day we played football in a field. These friends also are trying to live by this mandate, but also remind me that it’s always good to take some time and to play.

Besides the mandate above, the thing that stuck out to me the most that our speaker, John Richmond said was that we should call people to have more than passion, but to have excellence and work ethic. That we shouldn’t fear failure but to prepare for it. To risk the possibility of failure. What is the cost of not going for it?

This really struck a chord with me. I feel like I am pretty passionate about a lot of things, but I don’t think that I’ve ever strived to be excellent at anything I’m passionate about. That included Jesus and Justice. John ‘s words really made me take a step back and really start to question myself and to tell myself that my passion is not enough, that I have to go above what I’ve been doing and strive for excellence. I’m still trying to figure out how to combine passion and excellence in my walk with Jesus and how passion and excellence looks in other things that I care about, but I feel like the Micah 6:8 retreat along with Fellows have given me the tools to do all this.

Going forward I want to be passionate and strive for excellence with Jesus. With the Micah 6:8 mandate and all the other things that I am passionate about.

Thankful for all these friends that I get to walk through these months with and that I get to watch them be passionate and strive for excellence as well.

-Dyl

Povember Nlog Bost

Nothing grand to say this month guys. In fact been feeling a bit dumpy lately feeling like I don’t measure up. Fellows was described to me once as “an embarrassment of riches”. So many good things all at once you often don’t feel deserving. And I certainly feel as though I fall short of stewarding all of these gifts well. My good friend and mentor (Pauline Byron I’m looking @ you!) always encourages me, in my worst times with the Lord, to just say one thing out loud to Him that I am thankful for. Changes my whole mood and perspective around. So here are a few things I am thankful for about November:

1. When my host sister says “I love you” when I tell her goodnight.

2. The town of Virgilina.

3. Being brave enough to start counseling.

4. How my mentor Pauline gives me a hug and a kiss for every greeting.

5. Joining a rock climbing gym and actually getting stronger.

6. Feeling like I am friends with my coworkers.

7. The Wolfpack.

8. Kassie buying me an acorn sign at Hobby Lobby because it reminded her of me.

9. Taking a nap at my friend Natalie’s house if I need to.

10. Austin’s family’s football tailgate.

11. A puppy brought to class.

12. The best BBQ I have actually ever tasted at an establishment called Redneck BBQ Lab attached to a gas station.

13. Really experiencing autumn leaves for the first time in a while.

14. A walk on the beach while at home.

15. The Raleigh skyline.

16. The freedom to dream what I would like for my next job.

17. Celebrating birthdays of people I really love.

18. Visions of me sitting somewhere peaceful with Jesus.

19. Making friends across the country.

20. Host family always leaving coffee in a mug for me in the mornings.

I could go on & on now that I have started but wow! I feel better already. There is always so much to be thankful for if I just slow down and choose to find it. Gnight bl0og.

-KK

All Aboard the Raleigh Trolley! (Vol. III)

I wanted to start off with a joke about fungi, but we ain’t got mushroom up in this trolley that we are about to board! It’s time for another monthly check-in on how I am doing these 4 different areas of life: social, physical/health, occupation, and spiritual.

Social

I feel I have been relatively steady, emotionally speaking. Classes have been going well, and while we are still covering topics that require a lot of thinking or self-reflection, I have generally been more prepared to talk about / discuss those things. I am really appreciative of the other Fellows in this class, and I feel like I have learned some much about everyone this past month (I think everyone would agree that we are all known much more on a personal level, and I am glad that will continue to develop throughout the year). We started off the month at the Micah 6:8 Retreat at Camp Oak Hill Retreat Center up in Oxford, NC. That was an amazing weekend where we got to learn more about biblical justice and mercy. It’s important to remember that there is only one true Judge, but we are instruments in the orchestra of His Kingdom work, and we all play a role (big or small) in pursuing what is right in this world. On this retreat, we also got to reconnect with old friends, and meet other Fellows from the different groups that attended that conference. On the other weekends/days off, the Raleigh Fellows were: celebrating birthdays, enjoying time with the youth of the church, making ridiculous PowerPoint slides, dancing the night away after our Shabbat Dinner with Aaron Gann, attending an NC State hockey game at PNC Arena (go Ice Pack), and many other things. Thanksgiving break was spent at the new home with the fam, and it was one of the few times a year where we got to have all 6 of us under one roof, sharing a meal at the dinner table. It will probably be one of the last, as my younger brother prepares to become a husband next month!

Physical / Health

I have been playing indoor soccer weekly to stay in shape. Despite the drastic changes in weather, I haven’t been sick or bedridden any, maybe a cold here and there. Some days my hands are pretty cold, some days my hands are moist and sweaty, and I can’t quite explain this phenomenon. I am getting proper rest at night, except for some nights where I fall asleep late watching a game or highlights or something on YouTube. I would like to get back into the habit of having electronics off at least 15-20min before bedtime. 

Occupational

Work was actually going well at the beginning of the month. I was starting to see the fruits of my labor, and I was starting to engage with more people at the office through conversation, projects, etc. One week, I had a meeting with the CEO and the CTO of the company, and on November 17, 2021, probably around 8:33am, I was told that the company could no longer keep their part-time employees, and I was told that my last day of work for that company was November 30. There is nothing wrong that happened with either me or the company, nor is there any bad blood between us two parties. It was simply just time for us to part ways. The company is generously providing a severance for the month of December, so I am not too worried, financially speaking. But for this next month, I will be trying to find another part-time job to work for the remainder of the Fellows year. I may ask that you just pray for wisdom and guidance on my end when it comes to job-hunting and decision-making in the near future, and I ask that you pray for opportunities to arise throughout this next month. 

Spiritual

For this month, I would like to focus on prayer, and spending time with Jesus. One of our Friday classes for Fellows was taught by Pauline Byron, and this was the topic of conversation. We ran through a 10 minute prayer, and during that time we were prompted with some tasks/questions: ‘Leave your thoughts and worries aside..’, ‘Imagine yourself opening a gate, where do you find yourself?’, ‘Where do you see Jesus in that place..?’, ‘What is He saying to you / what is He pointing out to you?’, ‘What should we be thanking the Lord for?’. This ‘liturgy’ was recorded and shared with us after the class, and I have been trying to listen to it every morning while journaling my thoughts, visions, and answers to those questions. I feel I am much more productive, much more appreciative, and much more receptive to what the day offers on the mornings I am able to listen to the recording. Those 10 minutes sometimes drag on, and sometimes they fly by. I am not always calm, or at ease, or focused when I go through this prayer, but it’s a neat little way to exercise creativity when engaging in conversation with Jesus. I have done it enough times to ‘see Him in the different places or areas of my life, or where I want to be’, and honestly, it’s a reminder that He is always present wherever we might find ourselves throughout the day.

Ight, time to get off the trolley. Until next time!

BB

** Some Fellows Pro Tips from  the month of November

- For those considering becoming a Fellow, don’t expect the cabins at the Micah 6:8 Retreat to meet any high standards. Pack more than 1 sheet for your bedding, as your cabin might be a lil chilly at night. 

- Don’t wear a white button-down to a dinner where consuming red wine is an obligation.

- Bring a hot chocolate packet with you on Sunday morning to mix with the church coffee. Nothing against the church's coffee, but those bootleg Sunday-morning mochas absolutely slap when it's cold outside.

- If, one day, you ever decide to eat at Moe’s Southwest Grill (2nd to Chipotle, which is a cold take), the best Moe’s in North Raleigh is the one on Falls of Neuse, above I-540.