NO FREE SHOUTOUTS

Good day to my loyal subscribers here at the RF blog. This is your host William Simas, and thanks for tuning in!

On todays episode we are going to be giving shout-outs the people that have been making things happen this past month. Quite a lot has gone down since our last episode, so there is quite a bit to cover. And remember, there are NO FREE SHOUT-OUTs, I’ve been paid handsomely for each of these.

SHOUT-OUT THE STATE FAIR: we had a wonderful time attending the fair as a class of fellows. It’s special to spend time with everyone outside of classes and bond over Krispy Kreme burgers, Livestock, Fireworks, and GODs chosen Holy state of North Carolina. Also shout-out Virginias boyfriend Pete <3 for coming along, being goofy, and making a killer vlog. Also shoutout Gretchen for leaving her keys in her car, and shoutout Hunter for the entertainment as the three of us waited together, way too late, for her car to be unlocked. I was belly laughing for approximately 45 minutes.

SHOUT-OUT THE JIM AND JANET WHITED: these sweet people have cared for me so well, keeping me fed, and navigating the dynamic of a faithful NC State fan live in their UNC household. Their grace towards me comes directly from God, and gives me hope that some UNC fans can be good people.

SHOUT-OUT THE MEN AT CHURCH OF APOSTLES: myself, Bunna, and Luke went to the mens retreat this month, and had a really special time. It was awesome to get immersed in the community of men at the church. The talks were amazing ranging from honor to confession. We got to see how deep Gods roots are in these people, through how they know and care for one another.

SHOUT-OUT DAVID SPICKARD: he has been leading my favorite class so far, and it has been an amazing opportunity to learn about the heart that God has for justice, and the call for us to be leaders that pursue justice in all we do. David has offered up amazing scripture and insight to how to practically identify and confront injustices in our community and in the world. Also shoutout David and Alice Spickard (and Meg I guess) for having us to dinner this past Thursday. Good food and vibes.

SHOUT-OUT MY BOSS DARIN MCCLURE: as a fellow member of the NC State Wolfpack, he just gets it. He has been kind enough to have bless me with tickets to 2 games, in which they have been victorious over Marshall and Clemson(Sorry Virginia). My Job at Darin’s company Mid-Atlantc Associates, has also been such a blessing. I have gotten to learn so much at various sites/projects about different environmental assessments. I have gotten to test for soil gas, inspect a vapor intrusion mitigation system, and test for lead and asbestos on the roofs of some buildings. Lots of super cool experience and knowlege.

SHOUT-OUT THE CRUTCHFIELDS: Thank you to Ashley and Sam for opening their home to us on Wednesdays for cooking, eating, cakewalks, trick or treating, and most importantly quality conversation and community. It has been such a safe space to enjoy time with one another to get silly and be friends, while also diving deeper into heavier conversations about our faith. Roundtable has been such a blessing. Sam lead one where we got to identify and talk about the labels we put on ourselves that arent true, as well as the labels that God says are true about us. Exercises like these are impactful personally, but also have helped our community to grow in vulnerability, trust, and affirmation.

FINALLY SHOUT-OUT GOD: This month has been so very full. Full with activity, stuff to learn, and great people. Greatest of all, it has been full in the Spirit. God has worked in so many of the big and small moments this month, and I’m thankful that I ended up in this program.

Thanks for tuning in. And remember, NO FREE SHOUT-OUTS

Hi friends, my name is Luke Aminuddin (Ah-ME-new-din). As I write to you now, I am currently in a Starbucks less than a mile from Church of the Apostles–host church of the Raleigh Fellows—where I am working on some assignments for my fellows course curriculum. Straight up, it has been a whirlwind of a month here in Raleigh. It hasn’t been easy to focus and devote time and energy to the fellows courses in the midst of massive life change in my post-undergraduate career. But, by far, my experience as a fellow to this point is highlighted by the class sessions. Every book we’ve read in preparation of this fellows year and the class sessions I’ve experienced have been extremely thought-provoking and spiritually fruitful. I grew up in the church, led middle student ministries in other organizations preceding fellows, and I always sought fellowship and others who could teach me more about God in the context my faith. But I’ve learned so much more than I could imagine about myself, God, my relationship with God, my place as a young man in the church community, and new ways in which I can approach my faith. With all that said, know one thing: being Christian is not easy and takes constant work, but we live on this earth to work for the Lord—so delight in the work you have now because we don’t know what God has planned for us. For some, the summer reading books and the classwork are “chores” or busy work that gets in the way of other responsibilities as a fellow. My perspective is that God wants us to work hard to better ourselves as living vessels of Him so we can use the gifts He’s given us to bless the world and live in the way of Christ. Always seek to learn and pursue ways to strengthen your arsenal of knowledge.

I’ll end by briefly mentioning two other things that have been momentous thus far. Foremost, I feel blessed that my work as a reading tutor with my student through Neighbor-to-Neighbor (N2N) has immediately led to fruit. I am extremely grateful that God has lit a fire in my student to want to learn and to love learning. In fact, his mother told me a few weeks ago that the tutoring sessions has not only allowed my student to maintain pace with his primary school education, but that he is actually flourishing and excelling in his coursework. I thank God for putting him and I together as mentor and mentee, and that God will continue to bless our future sessions. Finally, I want to express my overwhelming gratefulness for God’s hand in securing my job placement for the year. It was a long, arduous process, but I finally started a position (two Thursdays ago) at Wells Fargo as an administrative assistant for a private wealth management group. I did not expect to work in finance (given my politics degree) but I feel extremely blessed that God has given me an opportunity that allows me to learn more about wealth and income management. Most fellows don’t go through such an extensive onboarding process for a nine-month internship, and it was not easy to wait for things to move along. But I think I am in a place where I can truly prove my God-given skills in writing, research, data analysis, collaborative group thinking, and presence in public forums. I pray that God continues to be with me as I continue on in this position.

Cheers, and happy October!

Many blessings,

Luke Aminuddin

Howdy doody buckerooni!!!

It’s cha boi Hunter (Boy) otherwise known to the Raleigh community as Bunner, Bunah, Bunter, Boy Hunter or just good ole Hunter when Girl Hunter isn’t around.

What a blast it has been so far, an exhuasting but exillerating one to say the least! I remember getting advice about the first few weeks to rest up because it will be exhausting but just never expected it look like this but I’m so glad it is, that being said, waking up is hard. I hate mornings, I’m such a night owl and have spent my college career going to bed as late as possible and sleeping in late and loved it…that just isn’t possible anymore and wow I wasn’t prepared for this. Having to actaully get up begin life before noon everyday for work, church, class, study time for class is just something I truly never imagined I would do but here I am, and it is getting easier but that’s life.

I can see some of the work that fellows sets us up for life wise, whether it’s done intentionally or not, but I bet it is. Showing us that we can run the rat race, while having strong and consisten fellowship, being genuinely involved in a church, serving within the community, and having time*** for myself is so incredibly possible, and I’m so thankful for the way that it’s being shown/taught to us.

Some things I’m grateful for:

1. Hospitality - Between my own host family (Shoutout Julie & Shea Tisdale) and every other family, there has been nothing but love, kindness, and genuine relationship shown to me.

2. Guy community - This year there are only three guy fellows, including myself, which can be hard but there are a number of past older guy fellows that love us like their own and want to know us and instill wisdom.

3. Youth Ministry - I lead Young Life in college and didn’t leave my time leading passionate or on fire for continuing it again, but now I get the opportunity to lead Middle Schoolers and it’s actually one of my favorite things of the week. Being able to let my inner child out and just be goofy and weird with these dudes is a blast as well as leading along some stud leaders: Luke, Simas and Neil.

Til next time!

-Bunner, Bunah, Bunter or just ole Hunter

Why would I leave?

I often get asked why I chose to do The Raleigh Fellows Program when I have lived in Raleigh my whole life. To which I reply “I love it here, why would I leave?”. The 3 words I would use to describe this month would be:
LIT
CRAZY
MOVIE

And yes, I am 22 years old. 

Although I have lived in Raleigh for 22 years, I was still extremely nervous to start this program. I knew I was going to be coming in with one of my close friends (shoutout SIMAS), but who were the rest of these jokers gonna be? Will they like me? Will I like them? Will they laugh at my jokes? (this was very important to me). Spoiler alert, I do in fact love these jokers, and they love me too.

The friendships definitely began to blossom at the lake. The one on one partnerships were huge in establishing those connections. I was lucky enough to have one on ones with Bunner, Virginia, and Linda May. I left each one on one feeling so excited and hopeful for how my friendships with everyone were going to look for the rest of the year. Although I left the lake without having “official” one on ones with everyone else, I still had meaningful, silly, and intentional conversations with everyone. I truly felt all the prayers that I was receiving.

Some of you know that I struggle with anxiety. Not once did I feel anxious on the lake trip. NOT ONCE! Guys this is kinda huge. Our God is so good. If you have been praying for me, I definitely feel it. Thank you forever and forever.

In other news……

IM WORKING AT REFUGEE HOPE PARTNERS! and I friggin love it. I’m working in non-profit administration and middle/elementary homework help. I also get to work with girl Hunter so that’s a treat in itself. The staff is so loving and welcoming and has made starting my first “big girl” job so much fun. Getting used to working a big girl job is taking some time to get used to, but I get to be in a field that I love with an amazing staff, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m also living with the BOLASH FAMILY!

PK DUUPPPEEEE. Just kidding. Living with a host family is so crazy. I say crazy in a “lit crazy movie” type of way. I’m living with another family while my own family is 15 minutes down the road, which is totally weird if you think about it. But oh how sweet it is to be living with the Bolash fam. They love me so well and treat me like I am one of their own. I especially have enjoyed hanging out with their daughter, Risa. Risa and I actually went to college together but didn’t really become friends until now. God is so freaking good because I not only get to live with Eric and Robin, but Risa. She has been a blessing to me and I am so thankful for her. My goal during my time with the Bolash family is to turn Eric into a gleek. We’ll see if I can succeed.

Overall, my first month has been one lit crazy movie. A month of full schedules, navigating north Raleigh, making new friends, missing my college friends, spending too much money on coffee, and so much growth in my relationship with the Lord.

xoxo,

Gabi <3

God's Fingerprints: September

At our orientation retreat, Ashley gave us a letter written by someone in last year’s class (s/o Mallory Larson) with encouragement and advice as we began this nine-month journey. Toward the end of her letter, she wrote something along the lines of “be looking for God’s fingerprints throughout your days”.

In our Old Testament Genesis readings, I’ve been reminded of God’s nature as a Creator, specifically that he delights in his creation and especially delights in humanity. This is also referenced in one of my favorite scriptures, Colossians 1:16-20 which says “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things and in him, all things hold together…He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross”.  

His fingerprints are truly over every inch of this world and our lives, as he holds them in his hands. 

Our second Old Testament class, taught by Emily Walker, led us to identify God’s original design for the nature of humanity. In the first two books of Genesis, we see that humanity is: man and woman created in God’s image, God-breathed, to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue the earth. God created us and saw that we were very good. He created us to enjoy him and his creation, to embrace a relationship with him, and to interact with him as the living God of the universe. Emily asked us if this is how we think of our humanity now. Even after the fall, this image of humanity is what we are restored to through Jesus (Colossians 1:20). As followers of Jesus we are called to understand who we were designed to be. I believe God designed us for the garden, as described above. And because of the fall, we do not live in full glory but we have it to look forward to when God creates a new heaven and a new earth. In the meantime, I believe that in his mercy God gives us a glimpse of glory or shows us his “fingerprints” when we stop to notice them. 

We are doing a series in Exodus at church and Pastor Lauren spoke last Sunday on how the heart of God is to reveal himself to his people. He did this with the Israelites constantly telling them that “they will know” their provisions are coming from the Lord himself. Because we face the reality of living in a fallen world we often doubt God’s faithfulness, goodness, and provision. But he promises to draw near to us when we seek him. Pastor Lauren recommended some practices to heighten our awareness of God. Aka to notice his fingerprints. 

It will be my goal this year to be doing just that. So I’d like to share some of “God’s fingerprints” I’ve noticed throughout this first month as a Raleigh Fellow. Here are a few big ones from September: 

• In general, the overwhelming provision of this program: my gracious host family (Barbie Burgess), my job (medical assistant at NeighborHealth) my mentor (Marilyn Young), the community of the Fellows alum (s/o my buddy Derren) my fellow fellows (aka my 9 new best friends) and our courageous leader (Ashley Crutchfield). 

  • I’ve been blown away when reflecting on how God knew exactly what I needed for these next nine months and placed me with these exact people in these places for my good. 

• Sitting by the pond during quiet time at Fall camp feeling absolutely exhausted by the weekend but hearing the words of Psalm 23 “He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul”.  

• It was certainly a little rough leading at a youth retreat so soon after we hit the ground running, but at this moment I was reminded of Jesus’ example for us to slip away and find stillness in alone time with God. Also a moment of appreciating his beauty in creation.

• Similarly to above, during our first spiritual formation class we had individual, unhurried, silent time with God to invite the Holy Spirit to uncover whatever he desires within us. 

• We had just meditated on Matthew 11:25-30 and in this silence & solitude I felt like I was receiving a hug from Jesus like a child collapsing into a hug from their parent. A hug where I released my heaviness onto him and I stood up feeling lighter. Just as Jesus invites us to do in verse 29 by taking upon his yoke and finding rest for our souls. 

• And maybe the most important one…I treated myself to Smoothie King after sharing my testimony and they made extra of my order so I got another free cup.

  • 🙌 Jehovah Jirah

Every day is a gift!

- Virginia

September: Scary, Slay, Sweet, Surprising, Spontaneous, Spoiled, Spectacular

September: Scary, Slay, Sweet, Surprising, Spontaneous, Spoiled, Spectacular

Heyyyyy Blog, Girl Hunter (some call me Lizzy???) entering the chat!🫡

I cannot believe it has already almost been a month since I started this thing called Raleigh Fellows and man has so much happened since the first day, September 6th.

Deciding to do Fellows was exciting but also a little scary for me. The idea of entering into a completely new and unknown community and putting off what I had for years decided was the next step for me, OT school, seemed a little daunting. I think it has already been evident that surrendering the decision to do Fellows to God and trusting Him with it was and will continue to be one of the best decisions I could have made for myself.

When thinking of a word to describe time with my 10 new besties (Ashley included, of course), the first word that comes to mind is “slay”. Meeting a new group of people can be intimidating and it was that at first, but I think that feeling quickly faded as I was able to have super sweet conversations with everyone early on. I have loved seeing the similarities and differences among our group and how these bring us together. It was honestly a little surprising how fast we all seemed to click and mesh, but this has made me really excited for the next 8 months (and hopefully more) of doing life together!!🫶🏼

Something that fills my cup is spontaneous adventures and spontaneity is absolutely a word I would use to describe the past month in this program. From swimming with the water mat out to main lake at orientation retreat (sooo random but was totally here for it), cookout runs, late-night hangs, and coffee shops, the fun hasn’t stopped!

I have also felt so spoiled this past month. From the INSTANT (like fr) fame that you get as a Fellow at church and in the community, but also from my host family (shout-out the Vincent’s), my buddy (shout-out Mallory Larson), and my mentor (shout-out Rebecca Sipe). I have felt beyond loved and cared for by these people and have already learned so much from each of them. This has definitely been a highlight for me so far and I have been overflowing with a sense of gratitude for the impact I know they will have in my life!

I am working at Refugee Hope Partners and this was a little hard at first, learning the rhythms and being thrown in, but after finishing my third week and growing more into a routine there I can confidently say that God is growing a desire in my heart for this population and the injustices that are present there!

God has already taught me so much about myself (turns out I am more of an extrovert than I thought I was and saying no to fun things is hard for me???). I am also learning to balance my time and my relationships outside of Fellows and the new ones I have made from Fellows.

With this being said, September was spectacular and I cannot wait to see how God continues to reveal things to me and prune me during this program!!!

Key Moments: Orientation Retreat, Church Intros, FALL CAMP, pickleball, 1st YAM hang at Bowstring, testimonies, starting work at RHP, 1st roundtable chef experience with my cooking partner (shout-out Simas), 1st and 2nd girls’ night (MMGPN), and of course LOTS of coffee ☕️

Peace and Love, 

Girl Hunter 💕🤠✨🪩

This Is A Big Dump

Hello my friends! Simas/William here!

I’m pumped to finally put some pen to paper and share about my experience jumping into all the crazy and wonderful parts of becoming a Raleigh Fellow. For this post I think I want to just give an outline of all the major aspects of being a Fellow, my experience with them so far, and how I’ve seen God work in them.

The Whited’s

My sweet host family! When arriving back in Raleigh I moved in with the sweetest couple, Jim and Janet Whited. They were both CPAs and are both quite involved with Church of The Apostles. They are a UNC family which is hard, but we have bonded in spite of it. They are so kind to welcome me into their home and let that be my home base as I jump between all the activities I am about to list. I have seen God through the Whited’s in their provision of sustenance in meals, and space to be at rest. They reflect God’s desire to give us space to prepare and be sent out in the world, and they use their resources accordingly, equipping me to be filled up and be engaged with the Holy Spirit throughout my days.

Classes

I thought i was finally done with school?!? Why am I enjoying this?! These are two questions I have thought to myself the past couple weeks. It has been so cool to have classes on Mondays and Fridays. To come into them excited to learn rather than scared of making a bad grade is so refreshing. God has been tugging at my heart especially with David Spickard’s “Just Leadership” class. Hearing about how intertwined justice is with the identity of God, and what that means for us has me so excited to learn ways to be disciples of Jesus that pursue justice daily. I’m so thankful to have teachers willing to share their wealth of knowlege with us on such an array of things; justice, the old testament, spiritual formation/practices, health and wellness, and much more to come!

Roundtable

Its hard to say for sure, but Wednesday nights might just be my favorite time of the week. The chance to all come back from our places of work and gather at Ashley(the fellows director)’s house. We get to catch up and make jokes, as two of the fellows are preparing dinner. We then get to share in a meal prepared by our friends, for our friends. At dinner we get filled up with food and with community. After dinner so far we has been going through and doing everyone’s testimony, which has been such a beautiful experience. Going from being complete strangers with these people, to sharing hard and heavy things about our lives, and how we have seen God in the face of it all, has been life giving. After such a short time I already love these people.

I’m Basically A 6th Grader

Who would have thought that getting placed as a leader for 6th grade boys would be the best thing ever? DEFINITELY not me. It has been so much fun getting to meet the guys at youth group and get to form relationships with them. We have already gone to youth ministry FALL CAMP with them, at which I discovered that by most metrics I might as well be a 6th grade boy. We laughed, yelled, ate too much candy, told ghost stories, and just about everything else 6th graders are into. It was great to be able to walk through some hard things with them during small group time, and I’m so impressed by the way some of these kids opened up. I’m excited to keep leading small group with them this year to hear about where they are at with God, and so I can share about how he has changed my life.

Work?! Commuting?!? Responsibility?!?! Dangerous Chemicals!?!!?

Starting off work at Mid-Atlantic Associates has been so cool. My little Tuesday-Thursday mini work week has been a cool way to dip my toes into the adult world. I have gotten thrown into the middle of things so fast, which is really cool. I have been double checking data from lab results of radon levels at redevelopment sites, learning how to/performing property condition assessments, and going on site visits to write reports, mark off areas with hazardous chemicals and more. This job has been such a cool opportunity to learn things I never thought I would, such as the repair and replacement costs for any and every HVAC unit in existence. I have been learning how to view work as good, and from God. That we are designed to work, and God is present in and cares about the work we do.

Amare The Math Man

On Monday nights we go to Neighbor to Neighbor to mentor and tutor underprivileged kids in Raleigh. It is an amazing organization that has become ingrained in its community, with many programs that uplift and enrich the lives of people facing poverty and systemic barriers to success. My kid is named Amare, and he is a sweet and energetic 3rd grader. I am helping him with math, and he is a competitive guy, so we have battled it out in a math board game which he calls “The Frog Game”, and he’s quite resilient and has beaten me a couple times. He’s getting really good at his subtraction. I’m excited to be a part of is life, and am certain that I will learn just as much from him as he will from me as I hear about his life. I see God in the long term vision and commitment to prosperity that Neighbor to Neighbor has for it’s community is a beautiful representation of Jesus’s longing and commitment to the renewal and thriving of our souls, as well as our communities. ALL of our communities, especially those facing oppression, poverty, and injustices.

Filling In The Gaps

There has been so so so much more going on in the time between all these commitments. Amazing friendships and connections have been formed between the 9 other fellows in our class, Ashley, her husband Sam, the countless Raleigh fellows alumni, staff at Church, teachers, church members, youth group kids, coworkers, and more. We as fellows have been filling our gaps with amazing people and some fun activities. There have been some great times at coffee shops(shoutout SIR WALTER), pickle ball, game nights, family dinners, and more. God has been so present in the big things we have been doing, but I have been so aware of the Holy Spirit and how it has been present and filling in the gaps, keeping me energized and expectant that it will do great things in, to, and through this community.

I Love Raleigh.

See ya next month,

William Simas

What am I doing here?

Hey y’all, Gretchen here, and I am so thrilled to be writing this blog! Reading the old Fellows’ blogs is what showed me the heart of this program, and I’m so glad I get to leave my mark here for future Fellows to read as well. Some quick facts about me: I take a lot of naps, I have a cat named Smokey, my favorite color is green, and I’m from Mississippi. Now, onto the blog…

If there’s one constant thought I have had during my first month in Raleigh, it is, “What am I doing here?” A couple more-accurate-to-my-feelings questions would be “what did I just do” or “did I really just move 12 hours away from home?”

All valid questions.

You see, moving a couple of states over and not doing research on the city you’re moving to really sets the stage for sheer confusion and disorientation when actually arriving at said city. I have no clue where I am, no knowledge of the city’s culture, severely lacking in cozy coffee shop locations, constantly surrounded by strangers, etc. The short of it: I feel out of place.

The cool part is, I’m learning to be okay with that.

I automatically have to rely on people around me, something that’s always been hard for me. I also have to trust God a lot more as well. Trust that the relationship with the people with those around me will deepen. Trust that someday I will get to work and back without Google Maps. Trust that I already have a place in this world, it’s not something I can find for myself. Trust that I’ll find a rhythm to the life I find myself in, and be thankful for the changes that come my way.

So, in closing, I’m going to rejoice in my inadequacies. I get to be weak, which in turn makes me strong (thanks Paul). And that’s really cool.

Gretchen

Where do I begin?

This is SO exciting!! My first blog! I always thought it would be cool to be a blogger- so I guess now I get to live out my dreams.

I hope over the next nine months you feel like you have an inside look into my life and maybe even feel like you have a friend on the other side of this screen!

So first blog… where do I begin?

This past month has been a whirlwind but I have a feeling that’s how the whole year will be. I wanna make sure I soak it all up because man has the start been sweet!!

To start the year off, I’m gonna share a few things I’m already learning:

1. I’m not good at slowing down

I guess I’m more extroverted than I thought? Or maybe this is just how it goes in the beginning. Our schedule is jam-packed in the best way possible, so finding time to slow down and be still is a challenge but something I hope to grow in.

2. Vulnerability is scary and uncomfortable, but so beautiful

We’ve had the opportunity to share our stories over the past couple weeks and let each other in more than I have with some of my closest friends (crazy, I know.) It’s been one of the most nerve-racking and beautiful parts of the program so far and I’m so excited for the way God is going to open my heart to those around me and to Him.

3. God is in every space and detail

I find it easy to separate sacred from secular instead of inviting God into every space or even recognizing that He’s already in every space. He’s everywhere. In everything. Thank you, Mary Young, for this reminder:)

4. The Fall Camp hoedown will most certainly not be my last hoedown

Who was gonna tell me how much fun Do-Si-Doing is? This may be a bold statement but I probably had more fun than the students. I’d also like to take this moment to say leading youth at Apostles has been such a highlight for me so far!

5. Answering work phone calls takes more courage than expected

I’m so thankful for my internship placement and know that I’m learning new skills each day, the first skill being getting used to and building the confidence to pick up the phone! It’s okay if you laugh at this.

6. God is here; I’m the one who fails to show up to Him

He’s always here. It’s often me who lacks awareness of His presence amidst every day life. So I’m learning what it looks like to show up to Him.

7. Pickleball will become a frequent activity

There’s not much else to add. I love pickleball and love how much people in Raleigh love it too. If you can’t find me, catch me on the court.

8. My fellow Fellows and church friends are a gift and God is so purposeful to place me back in Raleigh

I’ll never not thank God for his intentionality and kindness in bringing me to Raleigh to be a part of this program. I know it’s only the beginning but I have a feeling my fellow Fellows and the Apostles community are going to impact my life deeply (they already have!)

Well, I’m pumped for this year. I can’t wait to continue sharing the ways God is present and at work through my time as a Fellow!

May He bless and keep you,

Meg

My Strange Addiction: Crayon Labeling

Hi, current friends, new friends, and blog friends!

My name is Linda May 😊!! I am soo excited to be here and to be able to share with you all a peek into what life has been like in Raleigh so far! In the Fellows Program, we all can work a part-time job. I am pumped to work at the Church of the Apostles and join the children’s ministry team (eek!). I get to help organize, create, be a piece of the church body, and much more. Whatever the children’s ministry needs help with, I am your girl.

Recently, I have been introduced to the label-making machine. …. Yeah. …Guys. I really love this thing (I have already used an entire roll of labeling tape). And if I am being honest, I may have gotten in a little too deep into labeling. I will give you some insight into what got me to question myself and how I may be obsessed with labeling things.

Two words: Crayon. Carousel.

*Alt. Two words/AKA: Temptation Island*

In my most recent project, I was in a swift stride, labeling every crayon in the Sprouts (the name of one of the Nursery rooms) classroom. I would go into each section of the crayon carousel by color and label the corresponding room that it belonged to. 100+ crayons later, I was a dangerous woman. Now, was this the most helpful activity? Debatable. Did I further the good of the group by labeling crayons? Maybe not. But was I killing it?! ABSOLUTELY. Did I feel my power growing with every crayon I marked?! Um-HECK YES!

So yeah, I was on top of the world

…Until I wasn’t.

Spoiler alert: I had to stop labeling crayons. I was gently reminded that I was not brought into this role in children’s ministry to solely mark crayons in the corresponding room they belonged in. There was more to my dream job than crayon labeling.

Sometimes, I get stuck labeling crayons that go beyond the more profound meaning than just a crayon. In life, I can get comfortable somewhere, know what I am good at, and keep doing it. The crayon labeling was nice. It was not scary, and it was not new, and it felt safe.

Going into this year, I felt very resistant to change. I love my Virginia home, community, job, friends, and life. I felt safe and comfortable in the familiar, and I wasn't ready to relinquish the control I thought I had over my college life. Yet, I am discovering that amidst this churning and resistant feeling, I can trust that the Lord is doing good things in Raleigh. I do not need to be my own savior, and I do not have to understand every aspect of my new life immediately. I can still take moments to miss and cry and say goodbye to my college life while laughing, being silly, trying new things, and making such sweet and new friendships. The great thing is that both of these things can co-exist with God. I am grateful for how the Lord sees me so clearly. How he sees what my heart is made for. He knows there is more to my life than I feel comfortable with, and He has such good plans for me. Here I am!

Father, thank you that I do not need to label any more crayons.

#IamsoexcitedtobewithmyRaleighFellowsfam #firstblogpostIhopethateveryonelikesit #hashtag

Written With Love,

Linda May (LM)

Let’s get rooted

First blog alert !!!

Here we go! I’m officially a month into Raleigh fellows. It is more than anything I could ever imagine. I’m already grateful for the love, joy, tears, challenges, lessons, and new opportunities. Let’s start with some general updates about what happened in September. 

I started my journey down to Raleigh quite a mess. I cried the entire drive from Richmond, VA to Raleigh, NC. I think I was processing a lot of emotions from graduation and leaving my childhood home. But so quickly I was welcomed into a warm and inviting home at the Patel’s house! Living with the Patel’s has been such a blessing so far. Even though their mini labradoodle is quite literally obsessed with me, we’ve all been getting along so well. On my first night, I used my tool kit (thx for that dad) and felt so settled and grounded in my new space. Since arriving in Raleigh, I’ve really been trying to authentically be myself. 

At our orientation lake retreat, I spent most mornings sitting by the lake enjoying the water. I also really enjoyed taking people out on the jet skis for rides on the lake. So excited to have 9 new best friends. Raleigh Fellows doesn’t joke around with friendships! These people will literally be your new best friends within the first week of knowing them. 

September was also full of a lot of firsts. First youth group (aka the deal), first day of work (thanks for all the prayers btw, I’m officially working as the communications and marketing coordinator at Mission Triangle), first retreat, first young adult ministry, and first girls night (mmgpn: iykyk). I have loved adjusting to the new rhythm and schedule of the fellows program. I also love having the freedom to add in my own interests. I’ve been running around the neighborhood recently, to get a better feel for my surroundings and just to move my body! Speaking of movement please ask me how hard I boogied at our hoedown throw down line dancing night at fall camp (hint: I was REALLY sweaty).

So I wanted to try this whole writing thing but truthfully I’m a BIG list person, so buckle up we are changing gears!

What has God been teaching me?

• Be slow to speak, quick to listen 

• What does it mean to make roots? Being present, being all in, giving my attention and time to those around me 

• Why Raleigh? What if He takes away the comfort of familiarity, will I still trust in how He’s called me here? Still working through this, I think God will slowly reveal things to me as I continue to discern and listen. Familiarity and comfortability is an easy appeal, but I can already tell the Lord is leaning me off of what I know and what is easy to me.

• How to be a leader? At my job at Mission Triangle, we’ve been doing a staff devotional where we discuss how to lead like Jesus. I’ve learned so much about humility and grace. 

Okay now some fun facts I just couldn’t end this blog post without:

Things to know:

1. You can kill cockroaches

2. Caroline Simas is the Raleigh Fellows mascot 

3. Daisy (the mini labradoodle) is literally obsessed with me 

4. Linda May is a rat (but the good kind)

5. Don’t take your shoes off or they will be gift wrapped 

6. I fell in love with pit vipers

LAST THING! I decided I wanted to end each blog post with a REPORT from that month: 

Guidelines on the REPORT:

R- what I’m reading (scripture/ book)

E- something fun I’m eating

P- what music I’ve been playing

O- something I’m obsessed with

R- recommendation on something to try/do

T- how I’m treating myself 

September REPORT: 

R- I’m reading Generous Justice by Tim Keller & Philippians 

E- I’m eating Trader Joe's chicken chow mein 

P- I’m playing Coast to Coast by Houndmouth 

O- I’m obsessed with the golf range (dragging fellows there one by one)

R- I recommend calling your college best friends

T- I’m treating myself by running to move my body 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:6-7

With all the love, Maddie Roberts

{Insert Trendy & Spiritual Goodbye Heading Here}

It is officially crazy that the Raleigh Fellows Program is coming to a close. It feels like just yesterday we were sitting awkwardly with each other for the first time in the lounge at the church. What a year it’s been and what a gift it was. I’m sure that gift will keep on giving for a long long time. Nevertheless there is a job here to finish with this final blog post, and that job will be done. Some highlights from my April included but are not limited to our time at the study center in Chapel Hill, writing a rule of life and visiting Asheville (my future homeland). 

The two sessions that we had with Matt and Andrew of the UNC study center were truly splendid. You know that I really enjoyed this because it pains me to admit that there is anything good going on in Chapel Hill. We spent a lot of time discussing vocation and calling all the while receiving two informative packets that I will certainly be holding on to. Despite having a plan for the next little while with Young Life, my time at the study center affirmed feelings on my end towards the future and will only help me be open-handed with the Lord when I refer back to my notes. I’m also excited to use my time at the center as a reference and resource for when I move onto something new. Furthermore, I have been working on building a rule (or rhythm) of life and I’m excited for how it will impact my life after the program ends. The idea here is to incorporate things that you want to pursue in life and turn it into a rhythm. Some things in my rhythm so far are a two hour time of solitude once a month, practicing examine biweekly and sabathing (maybe this isn’t how you’re supposed to say that) every week. I am also going to incorporate prayer daily (hopefully haha) and time to call old friends and grab a beer with new friends. It’s been such a cool practice to attempt establishing a rhythm of life and I’m excited for the tweaks that God makes in it as time goes on. Lastly but not least(ly), I visited Asheville, NC. This is where I will be going on Young Life staff, and I had a great visit. Getting to meet so many people in the area was a blast, and it was sweet to think of how God has built a community of so many people there who love him. I am excited to be a part of it! But also dreadfully sad to be leaving Raleigh. I feel like God is going to teach me a lot in my transition to Asheville so I’m expectant of that good stuff. 

There it is. The last fellows blog is officially accomplished. It has truly been a pleasure getting to share about my year on this blog. I’ve also loved reading about the rest of the fellows on this blog. It is really sad that the program is almost over, but instead of being sad I’m just going to be thankful that it has been so rich and such a blessing. There are so many people God has chosen to impact me deeply, and that is something worth praising!

That's all folks

Dang y’all, it’s really over. At this point it feels like we are doing everything for the last time, and even writing our last blog is a somber moment. Fellows has been an awesome experience where I have learned a lot, met so many great people, and I think I have grown a lot as a person. I’m so glad I made the last-second decision to do Raleigh Fellows, and to join this quirky group. I am looking back at the first day of the program in September and laughing, as I was kind of freaking out that I had made a mistake. Since then, it has been a great experience filled with retreats, classes, work, roundtables, and fun hangouts. Although I have known when the program was going to end for months, I am sad now that we are here. I have loved my time here, and it makes me sad that my time in this program has come to an end. We still have our end of year dinner and end of the year retreat which I think will be great opportunities to reflect on the year, to discuss what we have appreciated most about the program, and to spend one last retreat together as a group. Although I am sad that Fellows is over, I know I will always look back on this year with fond memories, and I am excited to see what happens in the next stage of all of our lives.

-Neil Evett

Give us this day our daily bread

Hey blog! Can you believe it!!!! We’ve reached the last blog. Where’d all the time go???

The last blog is kind of a lot of pressure. How do I tie this up nicely? Should I just recap the whole year and all my highlights? I mean, I guess I could. But I’m not going to. I’m going to end my blogging career talking about the Lord’s Prayer.

This weekend I was in Charlottesville  (go hoos)  and I visited the church I attended in college. We talked about the Sermon on the Mount and the Lord’s Prayer. One of the main points of the whole sermon was focused around the phrase, 

“Give us this day our daily bread.”

Jesus doesn’t ask for an abundance of bread. He doesn’t ask God to provide him with tomorrow’s bread or the week’s supply of bread. He asks God for the bread needed for that day. I feel like this year was one marked by God’s provision of my daily bread. Day by day, month by month, the Lord gave me exactly what I needed at that moment. 

I came to Raleigh grieving the end of college and feeling slightly uprooted from all that I’ve known. In those moments, God gave me my daily bread by providing me a new community full of beautiful people who embraced me and loved me. My nine other fellows are so special and I’ve never grown so close so quickly to a group of people before. Ever. And it’s because of God’s daily provision. 

He provided me with a host family who I quickly came to love. Through His daily provision, the strangers who were helping me carry all my stuff to their guest bedroom quickly became the people who felt like real family to me. Marilyn, Matt, Tucker, Hannah, and Virginia have shown me what true gospel hospitality looks like. I hope we can all be friends forever. I love them so dearly and it’s because of the little moments I’ve shared with them… the daily-bread-moments,  if you will. 

Mary Ellen Bradford has become the older sister I never had and didn’t know I needed. She’s someone who holds my feelings and thoughts with grace and compassion. Her kindness makes me want to be kinder. I just think that we were destined to be friends. In the day by day, God provided me with Mary Ellen and I really could not be more grateful.

I’ve always wanted a mentor who can pour wisdom and truth into my life. And so God gave me Meg Bach. Wednesday night dinners at Meg’s house have become a sacred and special time for me. Throughout the year, God has used each meeting with Meg to encourage, challenge, and grow me. I hope to be half the woman that Meg Bach is. God provided me with one of the strongest models of faithfulness and devotion through her. 

I could go on and on about all the different ways that God provided for me this year (there truly are so many!). But the point I’m trying to make is that these special relationships and the things I’ve learned through these people didn’t just come all at once. Day by day, God slowly introduced these people into my life. He slowly grew these relationships. In His daily provision, He was doing a work here in Raleigh that would be so utterly transformative for me. As I stand here at the end of the year, I look back and see how God was slowly piecing all of it together. He gave me my daily bread and I’m finishing the year so full and satisfied.

My hope is that the rest of my life is lived this way: not asking God for my life’s worth of bread, but just simply waiting expectantly for my daily provision. My prayer is that my hands remain wide open for what the Lord has for me and the faith to trust that He gives me exactly what I need, no more and no less. Feeling fully known and loved, I am stepping into the rest of my life knowing my Father in heaven is delighted to provide for me. 

It’s been so good here. Thank you Jesus for all of it! 

Peace and blessings,

Emily 🥰😍👋

Caamp Enthusiast (Vol. Last)

Hey y’all! The end is finally upon us and Fellows is coming to a close. While somethings will be staying the same, I’m really excited for the opportunities ahead. While I will be staying at RHP for the summer, I will also be starting at Hope Reins as a Program Specialist. I have never worked with horses (lowkey scared of them), but I am really excited for this opportunity as it seems like a really awesome fit for what I want to pursue as a career. These past 9 months have been crazy in terms of what we have learned and I feel as if I haven’t had tons of time to process all of it throughout Fellows. While I see this summer as a time of fun and adventure, I think it will be awesome to take a step back and slowly process what we learned. Thankful for all that Fellows taught me and all the friendships/relationships that were formed over the year. Looking forward to what God’s next steps for me are!

IMA

Active April

Y’ALL the sun has been OUT, Raleigh is GREEN, and the pickleball courts have been POPPING. Truly nothing makes me come alive like some warm and sunny weather. This past month I have gone on numerous long walks around my neighborhood where I have been overwhelmed by the beauty of nature, matched with a feeling of intense gratitude that I get to live here. I love the reminder of God’s goodness that I get from enjoying his creation and remembering he created me with the same intentionality. Raleigh is beautiful in the Spring and the luscious green leaves everywhere have been giving me life! 

April has also been an active month in terms of work and activities. Between Holy Week, figuring out plans for post fellows, and squeezing in all the must-dos on my Raleigh bucket list, April has kept me on the grind. The good news is that Jesus rose from the grave regardless of if all my work got done, we found a place to live after fellows (and I have a job), and we even fit in a spontaneous trip to the beach on a random Saturday afternoon, praise God!! Despite the weird phenomenon where life seems to start speeding up as summer approaches, I have been trying my best to soak up every moment and not take for granted these last days of the program. THAT IS RIGHT, we are t-minus 7 days left of being a Raleigh Fellow, WILD. 

With the end of sight, this month has also been one of reflection and anticipation. I truly can not express enough just how sweet these past nine months have been. Since the day I arrived, I have felt nothing but welcomed. It is so clear to me that the Lord called me here to Raleigh and he has taken such good care of me every step of the way. He has shown me an exceptional portrayal of the body of Christ through our church community, He has taught me what faithful Christian leadership looks like through my church staff that I have the privilege to work with, He has given me great friends to laugh with and be challenged by, and He has taught me how to draw close to Him and rest in His comfort. This year was not without its hard moments, but I still have nothing but good things to say about it! There were lessons learned in all of it and I definitely think I am coming out a stronger version of myself because of it. 

I cannot wait to really settle down into this life I have begun to build here! Thanks to anyone that has been a part of this journey with me and for anyone who has been reading along through it all. PEACE OUT BLOG!!

-Linsey

We're Not in Kansas Anymore (Vol. LVIII)

Good Afternoon Blog Goers, (scroll down if you want to skip me talking about the NBA)

Do these things have a time stamp of when they are posted? If they do, I fear that I will be exposed for how long these things take me to write. Maybe I will have to edit that greeting to say “Evening” instead. I guess I will leave it for now. In my last blog I didn’t continue the volume number because I honestly had no idea which edition it was since I was SLACKING. Therefore, I just guessed on this one. Volume 58 sounds pretty good and is also the current super bowl number that we are all looking forward to watching this year. That reminds me that I didn’t even watch the super bowl this year because I was on a flight home from the great city of Boston. Well that’s not entirely true. I got to watch the Chefs do what they do best (win football games) and all of the commercials on the plane ride home but with no volume. It was actually horrible. Reading lips is hard. This was especially true for the queen Rihanna’s halftime show. That reminds me that I still need to re-watch but with audio playing this time.

Alright, alright I will stop talking about a sporting event that finished almost 3 months ago. Although, a sporting event that hasn’t finished yet is the NBA playoffs. The NBA is funny to me because during the regular season, I literally could not care less about any of the games that transpire. However, as soon as the playoffs start, I am all in. In fact, I am watching the heat play the Knicks right now as we speak. The heat, who are the 8 seed, just beat the bucks, who were the 1 seed, and the last two games of the series might have been some of the most entertaining basketball I have ever watched. Jimmy Butler, who plays for the heat, is that guy. He’s awesome. My prediction is that the heat upset again in this series. The Knicks have Jalen Brunson, who is also that guy and also awesome but Julius Randle is just a bum. Its actually so amazing the “playoff effect” has on some players and how they can just elevate to an unstoppable force who literally makes any shot they take. Something about sports… they are truly incredible and people invest such an incredible amount of time into them. You didn’t ask but this is my playoff prediction. The Heat will advance to play Boston (which I want because jimmy butler is so amazing, but also I want the knicks to win because their fanbase is just so dang entertaining whenever their team is doing well (they are literally insane)), and Denver will advance to play the Lakers. The Lakers will play the Kings as they win game 7 tonight and LIGHT THE BEAM. I really don’t like the Lakers but unfortunately they just have been able to do some amazing things with Lebron and Davis. No matter how old they get, they still just dominate. Also Austin Reaves (shock the nation) and Rui Hachimura have been going nuts. From these teams, Boston and Denver will advance to be in the finals, and once that happens I really have no idea. the Denver nuggets have a crazy lineup. They literally have a guy (Nikola Jokic) that’s plus/minus is so incredibly positive that you wonder how they ever lose a game and another guy who just awakes in the playoffs (Jamal Murray), along with a great supporting cast including a Kansas Jayhawk known as Christian Braun, who actually gets minutes. Love him. But all that being said, something always happens to them. They are quite literally a team that you sit there and wonder why they haven't won a championship yet in the current decade. Also the Boston Celtics, are just the Celtics. They are just super consistently good. They have a ton of experience in the playoffs and a lot of hungry players for a championship. They also are like the current leaders for total championships won by a NBA team. That partly is because they were so dominant when the NBA started and literally won like 5 in a row or something ridiculous before the Lakers decided they were gonna be the showtime team. All that being said, I think this is Denver’s year. I would be ecstatic for Christian Braun to get a ring. Imagine that: You win the NCAA tournament and then in your first year in the NBA, you get a ring for winning the NBA finals. That would be crazy, and I hope that Christian gets that to happen for him. He is such a dog and I love him. He also dunked on Giannas, which is so crazy, like soooooooo freaking crazy.

READ HERE: I got carried away with talking about sports above so if you think you wouldn’t care about that, you can just start reading here.

Enough about basketball. No like literally, I wrote so much about basketball just now and I didn’t think I had it in me. I have a feeling a lot of people don’t really want to read about everything I said but I am gonna leave it there anyways. Lets talk about April. Do you guys enjoy the question “So what’s new?”. I have been learning that I enjoy this question less and less. I think when you get older, this question just starts to be more and more mundane. I think this is because, as you get older things just kind of get less and less new. This is true in a way of you have just lived such a collection of experiences, that finding “new” is genuinely very hard but this is also true in a way of you just stepping into a stage of life where most of your days/weeks/years are pretty similar. That thought might scare some people. It kind of scares me. I don’t really want to “be boring and old”. I very much want to be “new and interesting”. As being someone who craves a rhythm though, this also kind of brings me some peace in knowing that rhythm will exist. What do I know though? Obviously everything because I am a 23-year old. Back to the matter of that one question I previously brought up though. I have found myself just asking it and being asked it a lot to garner a response whether by me or others of “nothing much really. Just kinda doing the same ol, same ol”.

Now, I don’t bring this up to condemn or shame that. I think one of the biggest problems (not that I don’t struggle with it. In fact, I probably struggle with it more than the average person), is that we aren’t okay with boredom. One thing I have learned this year, is that a lot can come from boredom. The state of boredom allows us to peruse our thoughts. It allows us to notice things that we don’t normally notice in our super busy lives. It also is an active way to stop idolizing excitement. That last part is a thing that I have been especially dealing with this year. I don’t really like to be bored. Does anyone? I often am looking for the next thing to do at all parts of the day. Sometimes I can even be in the middle of an event and then be wondering what’s next, in a way phasing my presence out of what is currently happening. All of this being a result of never wanting the fun of life to end. Here’s a question: do you ever find boredom in your relationship with the Lord? I swear I do all the time. I actively schedule time being outside, playing a game or a sport, and entertaining myself but I rarely schedule time with the Lord. Or if I do schedule time with the Lord I allow it to have exceptions where all of a sudden I am throwing it to the back burner. All of this to point out the idea of idolizing excitement. Rather than relying on the one who tells me that and who I believe that life is found in, I often rely on entertainment to give me life. Praise the Lord for the space that Fellows has given me to realize this.

I honestly lost where the train was going with this thought and I am feeling a little reluctant to reread everything so hopefully these next few sentences somehow tie-in to what I was talking about. Having idols in things are so much more than just black and white. Someone hit me this past week with the thought that they knew people who were “idolizing marriage”. You might hear that and say “well duh” but I had never really thought of that before. I think of idols often in things that are fairly negative rather than things that are fairly ordinary or good or God-honoring things. In it all, it’s the core theme of pushing Him out, so that the idol can take the center stage. For me this happens a lot with allowing the chase of excitement to take the center stage amongst many other things. Boredom gives us the chance to not have something on the center stage. It gives us a chance to re-find God in the show. Rather than run away from it, I want to try and embrace it regularly with this chance to re-find Him. If you find me complaining about boredom in the future, I just ask that you would please remind me of this statement that I have made.

Well guys, that’s it. Thanks for reading my last blog ever (holy smokes). As someone who doesn’t journal ever, this has actually been a surprisingly great activity. It has allowed me a space to reflect like I often don’t want to and a space to truly analyze what is at the forefront of my mind. Thank you fellows for giving me this experience amongst the countless others. To say it one last time via this square space box:

May He Bless your month,

Alec

All the saints in heaven are people you've never heard of

I thought it would be appropriate to start my final blog appearance with a journal excerpt from my meditation time in our spiritual formation class. Because spiritual formation, that’s the whole point, isn’t it?

“When I was younger, I prayed a lot for things like getting a good grade on my upcoming test. And then, when I grew to be so much older and wiser, I laughed with a sort of implicit condescension on people who prayed for things like getting a good grade on an upcoming test. Certainly God doesn’t care about things like that. Certainly the creator and king of the universe has better things to worry about?

But he’s swept the pedestal out from under my feet by showing me just how much he loves me. God doesn’t worry, but he does care. God doesn’t toil, but he does work.

At the risk of sounding theologically dishonest, God cares so much about the little things. I’m willing to bet that he does care how I do on my test, or about my job interview, or whether I like my wedding dress. And he also cares about the bigger things: how I learn about the world, and how my vocation and marriage point back to his kingdom. It’s not either-or, it’s both-and. The little things are the big things.

Like a parent who wants to see their child do well, he cares about the things we do, but their outcome has no bearing on his love for us. He’s the parent who’s there to embrace his crying kid when they fail their test. He’s the dad who takes his daughter out for ice cream after she’s just been dumped by the guy who was not even that cool to begin with. He’s the mom who picks up her teenage son from a party when he’s drunk and can’t drive home. The one who celebrates with us when we get into college and (finally) get approved to rent our first apartment (or the one who co-signs as our guarantor when we don’t). We’re his kids.

Don’t fall victim to thinking God isn’t for us just because things don’t turn out the way we would have had them. We’re putting together a puzzle that we only have like, four of the pieces to. This year has been a lot like that for me. I’ve been learning to cut my losses and ditch my expectations. To embrace unlikely friendships and spontaneity. To let myself be proven wrong — in fact, to challenge God to prove me wrong, and rejoice when he does.”

Our worldview teacher (and Holder of Many Other Titles that He May or May Not Consider to Be Impressive but I Certainly Do), Scott Steel(e?), was discussing the theology of “a calling” - namely, what is our calling? He said “all the saints in heaven are going to be people you’ve never heard of.” Ordinary people, living unremarkable lives, who are so, so precious in the sight of God. The ones who have stored up their treasures in heaven. Scott spoke of people whose earthly lives were not so much about what they did, but how they did it: with love, excellence, and glory to God. What a gift it is to live an unremarkable life, comprised entirely of the little things.

And I think that’s what Fellows is about: learning how to live ordinary, extraordinary lives.

Fellows has brought me more than I asked for, more than I expected, and more than I deserve.

What a delight this year is,

Madelyn

Moments with Mal #8

“Scary news is: You’re on your own now.
Cool news is: You’re on your own now.”

— Dr. Taylor Swift, NYU Speech 2022

I listened to this speech recently to fully get myself hyped up for the Eras Tour. I won’t give any spoilers away because after only walking in with knowing a few things, I walked out of Mercedes-Benz feeling like the whole thing was a fever dream and dream come true all at the same time!

This speech also was pretty great as I’ve been telling people this past month that I am in my discernment era aka was in the process of making all the big decisions it seemed- Where to live? What house? How do I pay for this? What job? What’s changing, and what will be the same? Ultimately, what do I do post fellows?

Taylor’s answer: you’re on your own kid.

That’s true…and not. While it feels like I have to answer all these questions on my own, my discernment era has brought me back time and time again to how much I need the Lord. I sought lots of advice, and after all the anxious walks and talks, I was still left with a yearning for just wisdom from the Lord. 

At the end of the day, we’ll always have discernment eras, but what’s great is that they’re not long term. Cue the music, we’re exiting the discernment era and entering into the adult world, but before we do, I’d like to write this last blog thanking four official/unofficial mentors in my fellow’s life. 

1. Kim Patterson!! You welcomed me into the office from the very first day, literally walked with me often, and spent lots of time unofficially helping me process all things fellows. You are my friend in the office that always helps me think outside of the box, the one that always checks in with people, and the one bringing them together even if it’s with our WVCW pool-noodle microphone! 

2. Robin Vincent!! You’re my actual mentor that quickly turned into one of the best friendships in the church that I could ask for! I wasn’t sure what having a mentor would be like because of the weird ones I had in college, but the first time I came to your house, you sat me in those FAMOUS chairs in your kitchen and made me feel right at home. Usually, I can be shy and take time to open up, but with you and at your house, I always felt so welcome and known. You have opened your home up for girls’ nights (even when the episodes of the Bachelor were TOO CRINGY), and you always sat and wanted to know everything going on. You are always there for me, your students, or kids to talk through the fun and hard things, and I’m so grateful!

3. Beth Finneran!! You are an icon and a great friend! After meeting you at Shark Tank and talking about the Winx Club, you came up to me at church to specifically show me a picture, and it made my day! Some of my favorite moments of this year alone were the Galentine’s party at your house (talk about creative and exciting), hanging out with you, Meg, and Brooke around Christmas, and then celebrating Easter at your house. While I didn’t find the golden egg…singing the ABCs with Anna and getting to just hang out with your family that day was too sweet, so thank you!! You seek others out, remember the little things, and invite people in so well! 

4. Ashley Crutchfield!! I’ll do this more formally at the lake, but I can’t end this blog post without thanking our FEARLESS director. I know us fellows can be MISERABLE AND MAGICAL. You are this amazing friend and leader for each of us that would MEET ME AT MIDNIGHT, let me sit in your house for hours to talk (@discernment era), send me a list of tv recs, or be the ultimate hype woman. I’m thankful to be staying in Raleigh because that just means more time hanging out, singing All Too Well (10-minute version) many more times, and seeing you be the amazing connector you are! You bring people together, keep the door open, and share with others while doing it all in pink or glitter. I knew the first time we talked on the phone about Fellows that you were this courageous and cool person that I wanted to learn from, and that gut feeling was right! 

So, I’m on my own, but not really. Thankful for this Raleigh community, and even more thankful to keep continuing friendships and life here!

-xoxo Mal

See you around!

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”

— T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

Hey blog. Happy May! A great friend of mine Madelyn once said, “You can’t earn springtime.” That’s been sitting with me especially deeply this month. God bless spring!

Two weekends from now I’ll be a Raleigh Fellow ALUM! I’ll be processing the goodness of this year for a long time—it’s truly flown by. I’m so thankful that so many things the program has introduced me to will continue long after we’re done with our Fellows year. I’m excited and glad to keep calling Raleigh and Apostles home. I could have never expected how settled and rooted I’d feel here after only a few short months.

Miss Kassie wrote us a letter that we all got on our welcome retreat that I reread this week. In it she mentions the “sacred temporariness” of this year, and while I’m grateful for the things I love that are just beginning, I’m struck by the end of it all! Never again (I assume) will I work a 24-hour work week and play pickle ball every Monday afternoon and live with a host family and experience freshly all the other unique parts of a Fellows year! But I’m learning that seasonality is a gift: there is indeed “a time for every matter under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

For the last time on this blog!

Derren

“Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy.” — Henri Nouwen