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God is in the silence 🤫

Hello to all my blog readers! Somehow March is over and it’s April. You know what they say– time flies! 

A lot happened this month. There’s a lot I could talk about. But something that is fresh on my mind and that is definitely worth highlighting is our silent retreat that took place last weekend. 

 Coming into the silent retreat, I was kind of an emotional wreck. With the end of fellows on the horizon and decisions about the future that need to be made, I was feeling overwhelmed and tired. I wasn’t sure what the silent retreat would hold for me… maybe in the silence I would hear from God about what He wanted for the future. Or maybe I could at least get some rest. But either way, I was headed into a weekend of silence while also feeling emotionally exhausted. 

The silent retreat was beautiful. The space was gorgeous, the content was wonderful (shoutout to Mary Young!), and I truly felt like I was able to sit with my Father in peace. We began our silence on Saturday night after dinner. We had to be silent all the way through breakfast the next morning! And shortly after breakfast on Sunday, our silence continued until dinner that night. During my silence, I spent a lot of my time in prayer and just walking around. I was able to walk through the stations of the cross, which is a really special way to observe all that happened to Jesus leading up to his death on the cross. As I walked from station to station, I felt like I was walking with Jesus on his journey. I journaled and read and sat; it was so quiet and just really good.

And no, I didn’t receive a vision from God about clear next steps about my future. But I think I took away something even more important than that. Throughout the whole weekend, I could feel God’s presence. I could hear Him saying to me,

“Emily, there is nowhere that you can go that I have not already been. I go before you, 

and I am with you.”

As I walked the stations of the cross, as I read in Scripture about His death, I was reminded that Jesus died for me, that He did all of it because He loves me. My God delights in me and is pleased with me and there is nowhere I could go where that would be untrue. This silent retreat was the place where I could be reminded of all of this. It seems kind of simple, but to me it was so refreshing to hear this from the Lord. It’s allowing me to see more clearly and feel confident in the decisions I need to make! 

At the beginning of the weekend, Mary read us a short book called God is in the Silence. And even though it’s a children’s book, I am learning that it’s so true… God is in the silence. I hear God more clearly when I strip all the other distractions away. And so I’m hoping to add a little more silence to my life because it’s truly where the Lord is! 

Well blog, that’s it for now. Here’s to being more silent! And here’s to the last full month of fellows! How in the world did we get here?!

Peace and blessings,

Emily💗

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Moments with Mal #7

Spring has sprung, and my allergies are in full SWING! March has been full of so many fun events like two friends got married, host-sister Anna turned the big ONE years old, we road-tripped to the ACC Basketball tournament where Clemson had its short reign of being a basketball school, and Janie, Trey, and I went to our friend Emily’s SPENGA (spin + strength + yoga) class! See pics below for all the fun moments of this month. We also ventured back to Greensboro this month for a sweet silent retreat. So many March moments and only some madness, but this month, I’m most thankful for the moments spent with my host family! 

Last roundtable, Ashley asked us, “What is one ✨Fellows Rhythm✨ that you’re really thankful for or loving right now?”

Well (drum roll please)....I’m really loving the rhythm of family dinners on Tuesday which looks like playing with Anna before she goes to bed, having family dinner with Nick and Meg, and then all watching some movie or show. I can’t ever pinpoint what genre it will be either because we watch such a diverse selection. We went from a 90’s kick with a Harrison Ford movie to watching a new Netflix spy series this week. All of this to say, I love the quality time I get to have with my host family. 

Coming into Fellows, I wrote that I was nervous about the host family side of it because it was the part of the program I knew the least about. 

Job- ya expected. 

Classes- cool, I’m in college and know what that’s like. 

Roundtable and Fellows- I’ve been in Christian communities similar.

But Host Family, who or where am I living? I have roommates, but this feels different. I’m excited, but I want to know more of the details.

7 Months later, I’m here to say that my host family is one of my favorite parts of the program! 

Living with the pastor and his family has given me the chance to ONE know who is teaching on Sunday. Growing up, I only knew my pastor when I went through confirmation, so for just those 7 weeks, we were tight. But now, I’m watching tv with my pastor and discussing post fellows plans. BIG DIFFERENCE. I know “who” rather than “about who” is speaking each Sunday. I see what is valued in the church and by our church leadership played out through the little interactions in the house. I see the normalcy and simplicity in it all. When I only knew of my pastor as the person on stage each Sunday, it was easy to lift them up on a pedestal and say my problems are too out there to bring to them. I would be very unlikely to go to someone on church staff because I didn’t have any connection with them. Instead, through Fellows and my host fam, I can see that I’m part of a deeper community within the church!

So TWO living with the pastor’s family has enriched my perspective of the church community. Church feels less of an obligation and more of a want to go because I get to see these people I’m doing life with- whether that means I only see them on Sunday or I see them throughout the week. I get to gather, laugh, and usually share lunch with some of them afterwards. This month I’ve reached out to more people outside of Fellows that go to Apostles because I can see this larger community surrounding us that I want to get to know as well. All of this makes me hopeful and PUMPED to continue to go to Apostles during this next season of life! 

Lastly, THREE, living with my pastor has encouraged me to grow in my understanding of Jesus as a teacher that walked along people. I didn’t fully process that I was learning this until I was talking to my sweet friend Beth. The more we talked, I could see this clearer image of how Jesus was human, was a teacher IN the crowd, and was a teacher AMONG his friends. The disciples were literally walking alongside and living with Jesus. They saw how his actions matched his words. So, in a very real sense, I’ve been able to grasp how approachable and caring Jesus is as a teacher to his friends and children because I’ve seen it through Nick, Meg, and Anna’s (plus Kevin + Suzy…the dogs) lives together. For instance, Meg has taught me more about cooking and discernment this year. Anna has shown me joy in how we celebrate all she does. She’s a crawling master now and can stick out her tongue so quickly when you ask where it is. We’re still working on saying Mallory. Nick is always learning and asking how someone’s day was. There’s a genuine curiosity there. Kevin and Suzy can be crazy, fun, and crazy fun. All of that has pointed me back to Jesus and how he brings us altogether in times of discernment, celebration, learning, crazy and fun. He is a teacher that has gotten on our level and walked alongside us in the everyday life moments. What sticks out to me the most as I write this is that I haven’t learned this through any special or grand gesture done, but it has been through witnessing my host fam simply sharing their lives with me this year. 

So, I’ll say it again…thanks so much for welcoming me into your lives and your home this year Comiskey Fam!!! 

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Alexa, play "The Dog Days Are Over" by Florence + The Machine

Derren and I have nicknamed the feeling that accompanies the first two months of the year: “the jan-febs.” The jan-febs ooze through every crack in your otherwise well-orchestrated life, freezing and thawing, making the cracks bigger and bigger, driving a wedge between you and your enchantment with the world.

As the latter half of the jan-febs, February is the final boss to be defeated before the bliss of springtime settles in, and I become reacquainted will all things good and lovely.

I. HATE. THE. MONTH. OF. FEBRUARY.

For one, it’s cold. But it isn’t snowflakes cozy cuddle sweater hot chai latte with almond milk let’s drive around and go look at Christmas lights-cold. The novelty has long worn off, and each day is a seemingly endless trudge into the gray, 35 degree void, where each day is the same and the sun makes her joyless departure promptly at 5 o’clock. It’s like something out of the Truman Show. I think. I’ve never seen it.

Another thing I hate about February is that it’s VALENTINE’S DAY. Love, marketed to the masses, as something to be won if you have just a little more money, use this makeup to become just a little more sexy, display your affection by making these grand gestures that will make you just a little bit more desirable. A capitalist scheme to pit us against each other in the name of comparison LOVE. A cheap substitute for the real thing. And we’re all buying into it.

Something about the whole month just feels OFF. My lips are dry and cracked. I’ve been wearing the same sweatshirt for like, four days. Everyone around me is calling out sick. My skin hasn’t seen the sun in what feels like years. It’s too cold to go for a walk, and on the occasion that it’s not, it’s so dreary outside that I end up feeling even WORSE than when I was inside. It’s the shortest month of the year, but I think it might never end.

Can I tell you a secret? 

No, come closer, I don’t want everyone to know.

I didn’t hate February this year. 

I didn’t hate it at all.

There were a lot of really cool moments in February. The girls went to Wilmington, TWICE. I got to meet so many cool women at Apostles and dang, I love this place! I spent a lot of time with my “host sister,” Risa. We celebrated Emily, Neil, and Matt. I ate so many hotdogs at the Cardinal. I planned my wedding. Beth Finneran invited us over to make Valentines, and BOOM: I don’t even hate Valentines Day anymore. I kind of love it.

We’re already on the rollercoaster. It’s not like we can get off now. The guy has already strapped us in, and he’s drinking a Diet Coke while the automatic voiceover about keeping your hands and feet inside the carriage is playing. I’ve realized that it’s just way more fun to enjoy the ride than sit there and complain about it. It’s not like anything I do can make it stop once it’s started.

At the risk of being cliche (a risk I’m willing to take, but JUST THIS ONCE), there’s something so poetic about February. Each year, after an all-too-long and bitter winter, spring comes without fail. You can’t earn springtime. You can’t do anything to make it come faster. Punxatawny Phil (I don’t know how to spell his name and don’t care to look it up) can’t ACTUALLY make it come six weeks earlier. And yet, when it does arrive, it’s the best thing ever. It’s such a gift. Only a God who is good would be able to command the sun to rise just a little earlier, and to linger a little longer at the end of the day for us to bask in its warmth. Springtime is the promise of renewal and revival, the earth awakens from its dormant slumber, and life is once again breathed into the world. It feels like I’m learning how to breathe again for the first time.

At our women’s retreat, the speaker, Beth, highlighted that waiting is a spiritual discipline. In 2 Peter 3:8-9, the Lord is described as long-suffering. He waits, for years, for generations, for his people to come to him. He waits for us to learn the lesson He’s taught us a thousand times already. As ones striving to be more like Christ, we too, must become long-suffering. The Israelites waited for the promise of the coming Messiah. We wait for him to return. And until then, we wait for the promise of springtime, too.

Spring just wouldn’t be the same without the pain of winter.

PGFWABF & XOXOXO

MADELYN

 2 Peter 3:8(b)-9 
With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is long-suffering, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

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I miss Instagram, but God...

Well, Lent season is upon us! And I’ve never really practiced Lent before. I grew up in the Baptist tradition where we never really followed the church calendar (or at least if we did I was unaware of it??). But being in Christian circles for most of my life, I’ve always had a loose understanding of what Lent is… a time to give something up for self-improvement or for dieting purposes… right? 

But this is the first time where I am actually practicing Lent and understanding what it really is. Lent isn’t so much about going on that sugar-free diet that I’ve been meaning to start, but it’s actually about letting go of whatever is twisting the desires of my heart away from the Lord. Lent ultimately is a reminder that apart from Christ we are nothing; truly, we are nothing. The season begins on Ash Wednesday, a day where the body of Christ comes together and is reminded of our mortality and our finite-ness. I was able to go to my very first Ash Wednesday service and it was a surreal and humbling experience. As I got up from my seat and made my way towards the front of the sanctuary, I remembered that I do the same thing every Sunday to receive communion. Except this time, instead of receiving the bread and wine, ashes were smeared on my forehead and I was told that I am dust, and to dust I shall return. Probably the most humbling thing I could ever hear. 

So going back to the desires that are leading me away from the path of life. I wanted to give up something that would hurt, something that would be really challenging for me to walk away from, something that would allow me to rely on the Lord and look to Him for assurance and stability. As many of you may well know, I love social media. I love Instagram. I love TikTok. I love BeReal. I love sharing my life and I love how social media makes me feel connected to the friends who are no longer close to me geographically. And that’s not all bad! But for me, social media is a slippery slope. All the good things I like about social media and the good intentions I have can quickly turn to self-glorifying, self-consuming, and self-obsessive thoughts about how I am portrayed and how I measure up to others on these apps. And those thoughts and desires are not life-giving; they do not lead to Christ. And so, I decided to lay those things at the feet of Jesus. It’s been almost two weeks and I can honestly say that it has not been easy! I miss social media and the feeling of connectedness I had. But in those moments where I feel like something is missing, I want Jesus to fill that space. I try to pray in those moments and ask God to cleanse me from the inside out. Or maybe I’ll look at a piece of Scripture. I want to be reminded of God’s goodness constantly and that true joy and satisfaction can only come from Him.

And there are so many ways to feel connected without social media. During this lenten season, I also wanted to try to be more intentional with the people I care about by sending a text message or making a phone call. To me this feels even more personal than seeing a photo on Instagram. My prayer is that I will feel more connected during this season; connected to God and connected to the people He has given me, despite the loss of social media. 

I will leave you with this blessing from Kate Bowler. 

A Blessing as Lent Begins

Blessed are you, ready to open yourself to a new joy, a doorway that until now has been hidden.

In this culture of acquistion and gain, blessed are you who desire fresh ears to hear what might be a bit too loud. Who take the next step to turn it down a notch and make more space for God.

Who discipline yourself, with time, intention, and hope, anticipating God to show up in your discomfort. Trusting that when we need God, God promises to be there.

God, give me courage, give me strength, give me hunger for you. Let this set time of less be a chance for more of You.

Let this fast be an entrance into the discernment I desire, the divine presence I’m longing for, and the hope to will what You will, oh God, to be who You’ve called me to be.

— Kate Bowler, a blessing from Good Enough

May God bless our seasons of less!

Emily 💗💗

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Baseball’s Back in D.C., where it needs to be (our national game in our capital city)!!

What’s up everybody! 

February has come and gone and with it baseball has returned. Because of that, February is always one of my favorite months. You all should cheer hard for those Atlanta Braves this year! My birthday is also in February. I was born on leap day so my birthday isn’t on the calendar most of the time. I do appreciate the consistency of it occurring every four years. To make this blog fellows-y and about more than baseball and my non-existent birthday, I am going to give a blurb about why each fellow is cool to be around.

Alec: He is consistent in the way that he cares for other people and that is admirable! Friendship with him is fun (even though he is from Kansas), and I want to be as caring and intentional as he is someday. 

Ian: Ian is hilarious. There is a period there because there is no doubt about it. Ian is insightful and encouraging and very pleasant to be around. He is cool because of his depth, insight and sense of humor! 

Neil: Neil is a jack-of-all-trades kinda guy. He will tell a good joke, or have a good conversation, and he will even pick me up when the Wolfpack aren’t playing so well (unless it comes at the hands of the Clemson Tigers). Needless to say, he has that dog in him along with the other fellow dudes of Raleigh. 

Linsey: Linsey is super kind and wears cool clothes. Someday I wish to have a style that’s cool and being friends with Linsey is getting me there one slow step at a time. You rock!  

Mallory: Mallory is thoughtful and a good friend to everyone. It’s refreshing to have people in your life that care about you and are easy to be around, and Mallory is one of those people. 

Emily: “I just wanna rock.” Emily says this a lot, and it’s true to who she is. She rocks out and helps people around her rock out! All we wanna do is rock and roll and Emily helps the fellows do just that. 

Madelyn: Madelyn has this crazy energy that pumps up the people around her. She is easy to excite and will 100% do something crazy and fun on a whim, and she pulls other people into that! 

Derren: Derrren is so so so funny. She is super wise and knows a lot of stuff. I don’t know a lot of stuff so Derren helps me know more stuff. Even though she joined us from the trenches of Chapel Hill, Derren is always there for a light or serious conversation and it’s fun to be with her in that. 

Janie: Janie has by far and away the best music taste of the group. That is one of the highest compliments I can give. I don’t know what I would do if there wasn’t another fan of the Strokes in the group. Janie is also so creative and artistic in everything she does. 

I hope this was encouraging for all of the fellows that read it and the people who stumble along this post as well. It’s a blessing to be in an awesome program with some awesome people. 

Until next time,

Matt 


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Neil's February

February was another great month for me as a Raleigh fellow. One of the highlights was the first weekend of February when we went on the church-wide men’s retreat in Wrightsville Beach. I found this to be a great way to meet a lot of the guys in the church that I might not have met otherwise. I thought our speaker, Thomas Dixon, delivered a great message and I really enjoyed discussing his talks with our small groups afterwards. We started a few new classes in February: Christ in culture with Nick Comiskey, inductive bible study with Eric Bolash, and world view with Scott Steele. Nick’s class is very intellectual and has led me to doing a lot of reflection and has also led to a lot of great discussions in class. Eric’s class has been really cool for me as I have been learning how to simplify bible verses, and how to break them down so they are easier to understand. Scott’s class has been very interesting, as we are learning about how the lens we see the world affects how we see everything and everything we do. One of the highlights in February for me was my birthday, because the rest of the fellows community made me feel loved and appreciated. I also really enjoyed going to Friday morning fellowship, which is the bible study that my host dad, Bo Batchelder, is in charge of. This was a really cool way to learn about God’s word and to hear different perspectives from all around the world. February was another great month for me in this program, full of unique experiences. I can’t believe that there are only two months left, but that means that I have to try and make the most of the time I have left here.

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FUN, Festive, and Flowery February

The weather this past month, unreal. If only February could be like this every year. We have had so many 60+ degree days and it even reached 80 degrees last week, WILD. While the environmentalist in me is in fact worried, I have been LOVING IT. Not only have the literal flowers and trees started blooming, but I also feel like I have really started to bloom in Raleigh. I am feeling more excited and at peace with the idea of staying in Raleigh each day. That’s right, I am staying. Let the house hunt begin!  

February felt like it was a month of non-stop celebrations and adventures. We had 3-ish fellows birthdays this month (shoutout to Emily, Neil, and birthday-less leap-year baby Matt). The gals went BIG for Emily’s birthday with an incredible weekend getaway to the sea to get well! Despite that being the one weekend with temperatures below freezing, we braved the icy wind and walked on the beach, soaking up every ounce of salty air and sunshine that we could. We also closed out the month back at the beach for our church women’s retreat (this time it was sunny and 75 with people out on the beach strolling, SUNBURNT, and SWIMMING (IN FEBRUARY PEOPLE). I was truly shook. Between our weekends at the beach, I had my parents come to town one weekend, and some JMU friends visit the other, so I have checked off almost all the tourist activities Raleigh has to offer - North Carolina Museum of Art, went inside the state capital building, walked the full length of downtown, showed my friends my favorite food and coffee spots, tried a new donut place, and went to THE NUT (the big acorn statue downtown that the fellows make sure to take all family and friends to upon visiting). It is always fun to see worlds collide as my college friends got to meet the fellows, my parents got to meet my host family, and they all got to see this great city I now get to call home! 

While I am so grateful they all got to come visit this month, and I had an amazing time with our weekends at the beach, on a real note y’all, I am exhausted. I do not think there was a single day in February that I slept past 8:30 am and rarely did I go to bed before 11 pm. But God has been so gracious in his provision and care for me this month. It is bittersweet to know that the days of life looking like this are winding down fast. I wish I could press pause and stay right where I am a while longer. Keep living life alongside all ten of my fellow fellows. Keep going to Ashley’s house for roundtable every week. Keep the simplicity of a three day work week. This has been a season of abundant blessing and inner healing. Long and tiring days, yes, but when I finally lay my head down each night it is full of thankfulness for the things I get to do and be a part of here. This place is so special. The community we get the honor of being a part of is rich, vibrant, and full of the Spirit. I am absorbing as much of it as I can hold onto and cherishing the gift that it is. 

One of my favorite artists, Chris Renzema, has a song that encapsulates a lot of what I have been feeling lately. The lyrics are:

 “You're the living water

God, we thirst for you

The dry and the barren

Will flower and bloom

You're the sun that's shining

You restore my soul

The deeper you call us

Oh, the deeper we'll go

There has been so much sweetness in going from a place of thirsting to a place of blooming. God has been cleaning out areas of my heart that have cracks and holes of hurt and insecurity and restoring them to wholeness. Wholeness that comes from knowing his love and goodness. Knowing his care for me. Seeing him draw me to the light and fill me with his love. I feel like this year has been a season of healing and equipping. I am seeing my roots deepen and my life beginning to bud. I feel an excited anticipation for the flowers and fruit to come! (I’m realizing this blog is feeling a bit in conflict with the season of lent that just began, but I guess the resurrection came early for me this year.)

-Linsey

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Ah! bright wings

The earth is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man’s smudge and shares man’s smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown bring eastward, springs —
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.
— Gerard Manley Hopkins, “God’s Grandeur”

Hey blog. Long time, no read. 2023 has been a whirlwind so far, but we all knew that Jordan year would have us busy. The ceiling is the roof after all. Cheers!

A few weeks ago it was my turn to lead a Roundtable discussion with the Fellows and our gracious hosts Sam and Ashley Crutchfield. We talked about liturgy and what it means to us and why we think it might matter. I learned so much from this conversation: they talked about the ways that liturgy can help us truly live into the story of the Gospel, encounter the living God, and train us in faith even when faith feels hard. I am so, so grateful to my fellow Fellows for engaging so thoughtfully on this topic that means a lot to me. I went away from our evening together feeling so encouraged by what they all had to say.

The first weekend in February, the six girls of the Raleigh Fellows program packed up and headed over to Wilmington, North Carolina to celebrate dearest Emily’s 23rd birthday! There’s something really special about the beach in the middle of winter—it’s empty and quiet and beautiful and you get to enjoy the beach for what it is, unassisted by the loveliness of a warm summer day. In true Louisa May Alcott fashion, we “went down to the quiet place, where [we] could live much in the open air, and let the fresh sea breezes blow a little color into [our] pale cheeks” (Little Women)—there truly is something internally healing about the beach; someone should do a study on this.

Lastly, it’s been such a gift to start new classes this semester. Every Monday, we have a double-header with the pastors of Apostles, starting with Nick’s class on the book How (Not) to Be Secular by James K.A. Smith, where we discuss all things fragmentation and haunting and cross-pressures. Big stuff (maybe don’t ask me about it? Kidding, maybe)! We finish off Mondays with Eric’s inductive Bible study class, where we learn to observe, interpret, and apply Scripture, practicing these skills by going through the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7. It’s been such a treat to learn from the other Fellows during this time, as Eric lets us take the reins a bit as we continue in the Sermon each class. On Fridays, we gather with Edward to learn about the New Testament—so great to revisit really familiar stories and ones I’ve spent less time reading, learning more and more about the person of Jesus (we’ve just gotten through the gospels). To the epistles we go!

February has reminded me so much that “the earth is charged with the grandeur of God”! May we all notice the reason why, as the narrator in the poem above does: suddenly startled (“ah!”) by the God who dwelled here with us and continues to do so through the Holy Spirit. I’m running headfirst into spring; I feel like God’s grandeur is quite easy for me to notice in the clear blue skies of an 80 degree day.

Warmly (literally, it’s 73 degrees right now),

Derren Lee

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Moments with Mal #6

We’ve been listening to a lot of Sound of Music in my host family’s house- just ask Anna about Do Re Mi !!! So, I wrote my own version of “My Favorite Things” (Fellows Version). Julie Andrews, if you are reading this, hey! So glad you know about the Fellows program. Also, love your work. Feel free to sing the lyrics in bold in your free time. Could even be a Superbowl ad next year for TFI…

Walks on the beach and coffee in hands 

The guy who sang “500 miles” must have been a fellow because we have walked many miles on the beach or around Raleigh this month! When people come to visit us in Raleigh and ask what we like to do, I’m always like well… we try a coffee shop and then walk. Maybe at the end of the program I’ll total up all the miles. Coffee walks have become the fellow ladies’ favorite pastime activity. It has been a great time to talk, process, and hangout with each other. Even when we went to the beach for Emily’s birthday at the beginning of this month, you could’ve found us on the shore walking in our puffer jackets. Then when we turned around. The wind was nailing us (plus it was 20 degrees outside), so our stroll on the beach turned into a run back to the car. 

Superbowl wins and Galentine's plans 

My host fam loves the Chiefs, and by association, I also celebrated this win! The Chiefs won the Superbowl! Everyone was decked head to toe in their chiefs’ gear that Sunday at church. We also had galentine’s events galore this month which is probs one of my fav valentine’s day traditions besides watching all the rom coms out there. Beth, who has consistently been there for us, hypes us up, and goes to Apostles, hosted a galentine’s party where we made valentines and chatted while enjoying a charcuterie board. Later that same week, we had Chipotle with our small group girlies. Everyone got all dressed up, and the boys even waited on our tables. It just felt like a week full of celebration!

Bright sunny days because it’s spring 

I’m not sure if the groundhog saw his shadow or not, but I’m absolutely loving the shift in this weather we’re having. Spring fever is real…I even made a new playlist to celebrate. We've gone on more walks before round table since it’s actually LIGHT outside after we’re done with the workday. It was even so nice outside that we went to an outdoor hockey game altogether as a Fellows class! At the end of this month, we also went back to the beach for an Apostles’ Women’s Retreat. It was so warm that we could actually walk on the beach rather than run back. The retreat was a fun and a sweet way to see how big the body of Christ truly is. I’m also thankful for how intergenerational our church is. For instance, I was receiving advice from a few women in their 80s about being patient and what to expect in my 20s. I even got guidance on what to do when raising an emerging adult (which is way further away!!). Everyone, despite age or how long they had been at the church, had space to share and discuss with each other which is a cool sight to see. Many alumni fellows who have stayed were there at the retreat as well, so it was a hopeful time to see how this fellows community is lasting, big, and great at karaoke!

These are a few of my favorite things! 

When My alarm goes off

When the pickleball stings

When I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don’t feel so bad!

Thanks, February, for being full of some of my favorite moments so far!!! 
-xoxo Mal

P.S. Julia Andrews, can you confirm any plans for Princess Diaries 3?? We watched the second one for Emily’s birthday and we’re just curious. Thanks! Come visit the Raleigh Fellows anytime!

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Em's January 🥶❄️☃️

WHADDUP 2023!!!

Whew! January slayed. More professionally put, January was a really good month.  And this is coming from someone who doesn’t really love the month of January. Not only is it painstakingly frigid, but the new year just kind of freaks me out. The thought of having 12 whole months ahead of me is daunting… What will the year hold??

But this January was different. This month and the material contained within equipped me with tools that I think set me up well for the year ahead. I got a glimpse into how I was intricately wired by my Creator, I gained some great insight on how to live a meaningful life, and I’m beginning to develop my own understanding of how my beliefs fit in with the broader culture in which I am immersed. Allow me to unpack that really long and wordy sentence. 

At the world-renowned Vocation and Calling Retreat, we had the opportunity to meet Bruce, who shared his ideas about God’s calling on our lives and the biblical understanding of work. I met with Bruce for a one-on-one session to discuss my results of the three different assessments I had taken (The Highlands Ability Battery, EQI, Trumotivate). I won’t bore you with all the minute details of all the results, but I will say that it was awesome to piece together how God uniquely created me. God made me with special gifts and abilities and these gifts are meant to be used!! I was so encouraged by Bruce during our session. Through my results he affirmed me in my aspirations to become a speech language pathologist. He shared that my motivations and giftings align well with my career goals. It makes me so excited to pursue a career as a speech therapist! Bruce, if you’re reading this, you’re the best. Thanks for hyping me up. 

This past weekend we had the privilege of learning from John Richmond at THE John Richmond Retreat (January was a retreat-heavy month 🫠). John shared with us his 10 rules for a meaningful life. He and his wife also shared with us some principles for spousal selection, but I’m going to have to put those in my pocket for another day because I’m not really in my “spousal selection” era. 

Of all the rules John shared, my favorite were rules number 8 and 9: Be Generous and Happen to Your Life. Being generous means so much more than putting a 50 dollar bill in the offering plate at church. We can be generous with our time by being available. John told us to wander, to meander, to tarry… to be available. This can look like freeing up my schedule to go grab a coffee with a friend who just needs to be heard. It also means giving those around me my full attention (John refers to this as “giving people my five senses”) so that I can be fully present with them. We can also make generous assumptions about people’s motives. Instead of assuming the worst in my coworker’s abrupt text message, I can be generous by choosing to believe that maybe they received some hard news or are just having a bad day. Being generous is cool! 

Rule #9 is Happen to Your Life. I’ve heard this phrase before but more in a cliche type of way. But after hearing from John, I think there’s more to it than that. We happen to our life when we let go of control. We can’t control what happens to us, but we do get to decide how to respond. I’m thinking about this in the context of my plans for next year. I plan to go to graduate school, but will I get into the places I apply? What if I have to move far away from the people I love? What if I don’t get into my top choice school? These are fears of mine because they are out of my control. But I can rest assured that the Lord brought me here to Raleigh to bring glory to His name and He can just as well plop me somewhere else. And He will still be God. And He will still be glorified. AND the good news is that I have control over my attitude towards potentially living somewhere new (or maybe staying in Raleigh…). I’m learning how to happen to my life by being okay with not knowing. It’s a good place to be. 

And finally, I’m really enjoying our class called Christ and Culture taught by our senior pastor, Nick Comiskey. So far we have been defining what it means to be “secular” and how our understanding of Christianity fits into the secular world in which we live. The class is essentially framed around these questions: How is that 500 years ago, unbelief in God was almost impossible, while today believing in God is uncommon and contrary? How did this change happen? We’ve talked some about the idea of a “God-shaped hole.” Many times Christians understand non-believers as people who feel like they lack meaning or purpose; they have a God shaped hole in their hearts. And while this may be true for some, we live in a culture where many people don’t feel like they are lacking; they live seemingly purpose-filled lives without knowing Jesus. To be secular today means to believe that Christianity is only one of many options to live a meaningful life. So the question is, how do we live out and share the gospel in our postmodern culture? Where does Jesus fit into all of this? These are questions we are working through in class and ones that I’m figuring out for myself. But it’s super “heady” stuff and it’s challenging for me! I love it! 

Well, that’s it for now. Today is my last day of being 22 so in honor of that I will leave you with these lyrics that have absolutely nothing to do with anything I have just said but have everything to do with being 22: 

We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time,

It’s miserable and magical,

Tonight’s the night when we forget about the deadlines

It’s time,

I don’t know about you, 

But I’m feeling 22. 

- Taylor Swift, 22

Bye for now, talk to yall when i’m twenty-three 👋👋👋

Peace and Blessings,

Emily

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JANUARY: MOVING FORWARD (part 2)

If you haven’t read my December post, scroll down and read that one first!!

My past is haunted by who I could have been, and my future is haunted by who I am yet to be. 

I came into my fellows year with no idea what I wanted to do, but with a pretty clear idea of who I wanted to be. I figured that if I knew where I found my identity, that certainly with a little bit of time and introspection, I’d leave this year with a clear path to my ideal vocational calling. Five-ish months in, and I am less confident than ever that I could possibly know what I want to do with my life. I see a hundred different futures for myself played out in my mind. It isn’t just aspiration; it’s something deeper. My conscience is plagued by the ghosts of my potential. I’m afflicted by the idea of all that could be, and all that won’t. In a word, I’m haunted. Dramatic I suppose, but it’s something that takes up more than its fair share of my mental real estate.

*enter Bruce, stage left*

Bruce led our mid-year fellows retreat, which coincidentally enough, was all about … you guessed it: ability, vocation, and calling! We spent the week learning about our natural skills and abilities, our emotional IQ, and (in my opinion) most importantly, our inner motivations that drive us to do the things we do. Bruce met with each of us individually to discuss career plans, relationships, and how to live out our own purpose-driven lives. In this time, he affirmed something in me that I’d been long suspicious of: perhaps there isn’t one path. Maybe, just maybe, I could spend my life doing a hundred different things, that there are a hundred different versions of me out there that I get the privilege of discovering. 

God created us in His image. Like Him, we are multifaceted creatures. His likeness manifests differently in each of us. 

I’m walking into 2023 (is that really what year this is? Sounds made up to me) more confident than ever that my future is in His hands. When the elusive “what are you doing after fellows?” comes knocking at the door with ever more ferocity, I can stand with confidence in the “I have no idea.” And I’m okay with it. I’m like, really, really okay with it. I will not miss out on what is for me. I will certainly not miss out on meeting the woman He has created me to be. 

So what changed? My attitude. Nothing more, nothing less.

Cheers to 2023, and cheers to more “I have no idea”s

PGFWABF

MADELYN

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DECEMBER: LOOKING BACK (part 1)

I held out on writing my December blog post because I just wasn’t feeling ~inspired~ enough. In the chaos that is all too characteristic of this age, by the time I finally did feel a spark of inspiration, my computer was in California, being repaired at the Apple factory (or headquarters?? Or… something?). So here we are. At the advent of a new year, with nothing to report.

Because of this, my December post and my January post will be its own little anthology, a two-part collection of separate yet complimentary pieces. These were written together, and are intended to be enjoyed as such.

The month of January is named for the Roman god Janus, which is a piece of lore I had learned in my 6th grade Latin class, then promptly forgotten. I was lucky enough to be reminded of this fact by Bruce, our mid-year retreat facilitator (and so much more!). But we’re not at that point of the story yet. In Latin, the word janus also means doorway. “Capital J” Janus is the deity who oversees beginnings and endings, transitions and time. He is believed to have two faces: the face of a young man looking forward, and the face of an old man looking back. It is from this Janus that we derive the word “January.” It is from this lens that I will attempt to reflect on this past year and the year to come.

I am the oldest I have ever been and the youngest I will ever be. 

I’m already 22??? Sometimes I see groups of middle schoolers wreaking havoc at a Target or something, and think “oh, that was me two years ago.” And hours later, I’ll still be thinking about it, only to realize that this was in fact me, TEN years ago. At the same time, I find myself at work, and I know Nothing. They probably don’t trust me with Anything. I’m the butt of all the jokes about being “the baby” of the office. There’s so much still for me to learn, and so much life left to live. I’m only 22???

I have this journal called “one line a day,” and that’s exactly what it is. I write one line, every day, for five years. I’ve had it for about a year now, and while it’s cute to look back and see what I was doing each day, it’s real intrigue is in the story it tells not by the day, but by the year. I thought I was happy last year. And I probably was. But it pales in comparison to the exuberance and lust I have for life now. My relationships were sweet last year, but fade into the background against the fullness of love that has infiltrated every corner of my world now. Not a day passes apart from the backdrop of God’s goodness – it’s colored everything. 

The real intrigue of spiritual healing is that “slow work is fast to God.” I don’t remember who told me that (Mary Ellen? David Spickard?), but I think about it every single day when I write in my journal. We don’t get to see our healing in the day to day, but in the years we get to see that He is doing a new thing in us. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

Madelyn

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Jam-Packed and Juicy January

Wow. January was quite the month y’all. 2023 is starting off strong. The amount of information I received and digested this month from retreats, new classes, roundtables, and personal life reflection reached a new all-time high, and my mind and body are feeling full. This month was a deep cutting examination into who I am, what am I doing, and where am I going.

To start it all off, we began the month with our mid-year retreat back at the wonderful Ashley’s lake house that I am so grateful we get to enjoy. We spent the week diving into calling and vocation through the lenses of both biblical understanding on the broad topic and personal application based on a series of assessments we all took over break. These assessments taught us things like what type of learner we are (spatial, visual, auditory), how we process things, what our top motivations are, and our emotional-IQ, all very fascinating and insightful. As part of this retreat we also got to each sit down with our retreat speaker Bruce and unpack all this information and what it meant in regards to the industry we want to go into and the job we are looking to have. For me, Bruce and I spent a lot of our time discussing the discernment process of deciding if it is worth it to chase after a “dream job” that might take you away from the place you want to be, or if it is worth it to prioritize the community and place you feel is the best fit even if the job there is unknown or less than ideal. I left this retreat feeling like I had lots of new language to explain how I think and the type of learner and worker I am, as well as having a better sense of how my motivations align with the career I am aiming for. But I also left carrying the weight of unknown as to what specific job all that knowledge will drive me towards. 

Amidst my pondering of all this, this month I got the pleasure of going to Booyah Brr with Apostles’ Student Ministry. BOOYAH. You may be asking, what in the world is Booyah Brr? Well, Ian, Mallory, Hayes, and I packed up three cars and one 15-passenger van and drove 3 hours through the middle of nowhere to Scottsville, Virginia for a wild and wonderful weekend of Anglican church camp. It was quite the adventure, we played pac man in a muddy maze in cloudy, 40-degree weather, karaoked to Taylor Swift in front of the whole camp, slept in bunk beds stacked three high with no safe way to climb up them, and learned that none of the students have noticed any of the rebranding efforts that have gone on in our church over the last couple of months (essentially my entire job, so that was humbling). But all in all it really was a fun weekend of super sweet bonding with the students that I thoroughly enjoyed. Camp life will forever and always hold a special place in my heart.

Now back to the deep soul searching. This month we began a whole new set of classes, including New Testament, Christ in Culture, and an Inductive Bible Study on the Sermon on the Mount, all fantastic so far. Our Christ is Culture class is centered around discussion on the book How (not) To Be Secular by James Smith, which asks the questions of how society has moved from a time when it was almost impossible 500 years ago to deny the divine within society to our modern era where it is now almost impossible to believe in the Christian faith. I am really excited for our conversation in this class of how to engage with nonbelievers in the discourse of life’s meaning and purpose and thinking about what aspects from our modern culture can we celebrate in terms of advancement and discuss where has society gone too far to the point where the need and understanding of God is hard to see. This is a topic I really relate to as I often find myself sifting through the culture of our generation to figure out where I align with the ideas and beliefs swirling around me and where I am willing to draw lines based on the biblical truth I ground my life in. 

On top of that, over break we all interviewed our family members to collect information to help us write our genogram papers for our family systems class. We also spent time with our teacher mapping out the discoveries we made in those interviews looking for patterns between generations that may exist. It has been really cool to see how the lives of my great grandparents and parents have translated down into the values and practices of my own upbringing. It has also made me think a lot about the relationships I have with my family members and given me the desire for further closeness between us as I continue into adulthood. 

Like I said, this month held a lot of deep or “juicy” content. Sorry if it wasn’t the fun, gossip “juiciness” you may have hoped for. And I didn’t even get into the John Richmond retreat which was also awesome, he gave us a “framework for a well-lived life” through his 10 family rules and a conversation on successful spousal selection (now that was juicy). But I bet you’ll hear more about that through some other fellows blogs. Anyway, that’s all for now. January kick started the year with quite the punch!! I feel like I’m really beginning to hit my stride here in Raleigh and continually so grateful to be here, so thankful for and obsessed with my fellow fellows, and amazed and in awe of our courageous, beautiful, and wonderful director Ashley.

-Linsey

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January with Neil

My first month of 2023 in Raleigh Fellows was a blast, and was also full of lots of meaningful content. I headed back from Christmas break on New Year’s Day to Lake Gaston, where we had our week-long mid-year retreat. The mid-year retreat was an awesome opportunity to learn about our gifts, our strengths and weaknesses, our motivations, and our career callings. We took our Highlands, EQI and TruMotivate assessments before this retreat so that Bruce Lowe, the expert that stayed with us, would have time to analyze and prepare our results. We then met with Bruce one on one and did a deep dive into the results of these assessments. I found this to be very helpful, as I am still not exactly sure what I want to be doing post-fellows. Bruce told me things that he thinks I need to improve on, tips on how to improve in these areas, and ideas for jobs that he thinks would fit with my strengths and my motivations. We also started our New Testament class in January, which is taught by Edward Dixon. I have enjoyed Edward’s first few classes a lot, and I think his teaching style really helps me learn the material. In our family systems class, we have started working on our genogram project. This project requires us to interview our family members and ask them questions about their family when they were kids. Working on this project has been really cool, and has helped me learn a lot about my family that I never knew. This past weekend, we had the John Richmond retreat where we learned about life lessons and spousal selection. John Richmond is a great speaker, as he has lived a fascinating life and has tons of amazing stories. I loved this retreat because of this great content, and because of the time I got to spend with the rest of the fellows and with the Crutchfields. Although I am scared by how fast this year is moving, I am very excited for February and all that it has in store.

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Moments with Mal #5

A fun fact about me is that I’m a serial song listener. You know how you get upset with the radio (if you even still listen to the radio) for always playing the same songs on repeat until you are so annoyed you switch the channel so fast or hit the skip button on Spotify? Yep, that’s me. I binge listen to the songs I love at that time. 

One song I’ve had on repeat lately says this:

“There are blessings all around you

Open up your eyes

Feel the sunlight fall upon you

Let it free your mind

There are blessings all around you

Take a step outside

Let your heart shine in a new light

See it come alive”

I share that because one of the things we get to do as a Raleigh Fellow is get plugged into the church community through serving in the youth group at Apostles. This isn’t a paid ad by Hayes for why everyone should lead at youth, but it is always so fun to see fellows of past and present along with other young adults going crazy while playing a game and then diving deep into the word with kids from 5th graders to seniors in high school. The Lord has used this time to speak to me through their questions about the gospel John. There are passages you hear over and over as a believer in church, but even in last night's convo, we talked about if God has unconditional love for us, then why does He say keep my commandments to remain in his love. Sounds pretty conditional? These are some questions even as adults we can overthink, and we can feel like I must prove myself as a believer. What does it mean to a 9th grade girl and a 23-year-old to hear that they are chosen and loved by God? These are the things He reveals to us just in little convos with each other. We went from there and discussed what He really means about remaining in His love and how following His commandments is one way we show that we love him. It’s not an obeying thing, but it’s us understanding Him and his heart for us more. 

Being involved in a youth group also meant I got to say BOOYAH a lot this month and basically made the word popular again. We went to a weekend camp called BOOYAH BRR, and it was just like the name. Booyah and Brr. So fun and so cold. I have never been to camp in Virginia, and that was first something I was so shocked by. Being from Georgia, Virginia always felt so far away, but lately, I have crossed the state border 3 out of 4 weekends this month just for retreats. I knew this would be a fun weekend because I also got a chance to bond more with the girls in my small group for a weekend. We got to play volleyball, do these literally games from the TV Show Survivor, and run for our lives during archery tag. I learned when it comes to flight vs. fight, I was SO FLIGHT. I would be hiding behind the obstacles as Rachel gave us a pep-talk. Towards the last rounds, we felt confident knocking our arrows, but I was still sending the arrow and screaming/running quickly away. I took on the role of picking up the other arrows and handing them to people to fire. It’s honest work. 

Archery tag left us laughing, but the best moment was probably when we put on the best performance of “Love Story” by Taylor Swift (obviously) that got the crowd out of the bleachers and dancing. There was a karaoke night, and our cabin decided we were going to go big…we had a surprise fake proposal planned during the bridge. Just as the song was building though, they started to fade out the song! Linsey (our videographer and choreographer) and all the boys started chanting to keep playing the song. How could there be a surprise proposal if we NEVER got to that part of the song? All of us on stage began singing without the music, and slowly the background music was added back in. The boys from our church hopped up for the surprise proposal, and a spotlight was turned on. We sang, “He knelt to the ground, pulled out a ring, and said…” At that moment, everyone came running from the bleachers to join the dance party on the gymnasium floor. 

What started as a little moment turned into a big dance party. The same could be said about what Jesus stirs in our hearts. There’s lately been a similar phrase in Christian communities of “planting seeds” to describe this idea of growth. Jesus was stirring up this joy, but also, he was stirring up these conversations that weekend that would lead to a deeper understanding. We talked a lot about how Jesus pursued us just like Hosea pursued Gomer. A lot going on in one weekend- BOOYAH! As I walked to the early leader meeting I was reminded of the song from earlier. There are just a lot of blessings all around us- from the crisp morning to the sun shining overhead, to the lack of cell service so I could focus on the moment (lol), and for Ian and Linsey also being there to share in the laughs and the bringing back BOOYAH as a popular phrase. There were also BRR moments like walking back to the cabin post shower at night. This camp had outhouses- BRR, but even those moments, we can count blessings. Our teeth might chatter, but we could see the stars above, and thankfully, go back to a warm cabin for late night talks. 

Jesus is stringing these little moments along during my fellows year; like the retreats we had this month were full of discovering more of who He made us to be. Some of the things I’ve learned is I need to be an engineer in a non-engineering setting. I like to be a key player on a team, and I’m motivated by it. I scored 50/50 on the introvert/extrovert test which of course made me say, “Great. I’m divergent.” However, our teacher helped me see that I can thrive in a group setting while also being able to do work on my own and finish the job. I need a balance of which is something I hadn’t realized. I always just assumed I was an extrovert. This was helpful to understand when asking in a job interview what it would be like every day. Am I on a team? Am I just reporting to someone? Can I create spaces to experience both without getting burnt out? We had another retreat that gave us a good framework for living well. A lot of this year has been advice like this, but it’s because it all matters. Sounds simple, but even as I listen to Matthew McConaughey’s memoir, he says the same thing. This message is constantly being shared all over. We learned about making generous assumptions, understanding we have influence in our life over how we react, and that finishing the job matters. 

The only weekend this month that I didn’t venture to Virginia was when I got to go to Carolina Point, a YoungLife camp. Yes, this month my go-bag stayed packed. Clemson WyldLife was going there for weekend camp, and I was asked to sing. I got the opportunity to see old familiar faces from the school I led at, some girls that were my first friends at the school were now serving on the work crew, and I saw my sweet teammates from last year. Again, the idea of blessings all around us. This month was all go-go-go, but I still got a chance to step outside and see all that He has done and is doing currently in my life through this community.

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Neil's December

The beginning of December feels like a long time ago to me right now, but I am looking back and remembering all of the fun things we did last month. All month long we “elfed” another fellow by being their secret Santa and giving them fun gifts once a week. At first, I was pretty stressed out about doing this, but it ended up being really fun. I had Mallory as my secret Santa, and she guessed that her Santa was a girl, which means that I did a good job. Ian efled me and did a great job getting me things that I love. We wrapped up our Old Testament and just leadership classes in December, which were both great learning experiences for me. We also did the second session of our Enneagram class, which I found really interesting and informative. The last week of December before Christmas break was very fun and full of Christmas parties. Both the fellows party at Ashley’s and the Comiskey’s parties were great, and they both got me ready for the Christmas season. Break was very relaxing for me, and got me ready to come back to Raleigh for an even better 2023!

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We're still caroling

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!
— Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

A couple of weeks ago I reread A Christmas Carol, the classic story by Charles Dickens. I read the actual book for the first time last December, and it’s a short read, so I decided I’d make it a yearly rhythm to revisit it every Advent season soon before Christmas. I’ve seen the different movie adaptations of it so many times, but reading it especially reminds me of the grace of Christmas—the way Jesus comes into our midst, draws us to Himself, and charges us to love the world as he loves us.

We still use “Scrooge” colloquially to refer to grumps who hate Christmas cheer, but when I think of Scrooge I think about a man whose life changed radically when he was met by three Spirits, encounters which initially terrified him but turned out to be acts of grace. Scrooge ultimately becomes generous, hospitable, and honest—“He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew,” and people even “laughed to see the alteration in him,” because he was so different from the Scrooge they once knew. After his time with the Spirits, he raises his employee’s salary, buys his family a Christmas feast, and donates generously to those in need. I cannot help but think of the rich young man in Mark 10 when I read about Scrooge’s heart change. The young man asks Jesus what to do to inherit eternal life, given that he’s always kept all the commandments. Jesus tells him, “‘You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.’” Mark tells us that the young man is “disheartened” and “sorrowful,” and he walks away from Jesus because of his great wealth. Scrooge, to me, feels like the rich young man had he not walked away.

So here’s to 2023, and here’s to Christmas all year long—may we remember the grace of God with and among us everyday, not just in December. At church on New Year’s Day, we sang Christmas carols, because that’s something worth remembering and celebrating all the time.

“For my eyes have seen your salvation

that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples,

a light for revelation to the Gentiles,

and for glory to your people Israel.” — Luke 2:30-32

Merrily,

Derren Lee

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The Weather Outside is Freezing…

What’s up y'all! 

The month of December is now over, and it was indeed a cold one.  In this month we all finished up classes and headed home for the Christmas season. This is truly one of my favorite times of the year. Spending two weeks at home was so refreshing and needed. I really enjoyed sharing the time I’ve had in the fellows program with my family. One of my favorite classes to share with my family was our enneagram class. The enneagram has always been subject matter that is hard for me to sit with… until now. I always felt like it was simplified into a mechanism to type people and do nothing more, but the class helped broaden my view on that. I’ve enjoyed reading the book, “The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up,” and processing all of the relationships between the numbers when healthy and unhealthy. Initially I thought that I was a nine on the enneagram, but that was only because I really struggle with conflict. Both the class and the book have helped me realize that the enneagram is so much more than that. Even with guidance on how to approach the enneagram, discerning my number has been difficult. However, my time with the content has been more focused on learning about the various relationships between the numbers to better understand the greater network. Moving on from that I do think that I have a good idea of what number I actually am. I believe that I am a self-preservation six with a seven wing.  What most sticks out regarding the self-preservation six is the emphasis on safety. I felt relatively called out by this. The self-preservation six is often warm and friendly as a means to stay safe. The way that the self-preservation six handles conflict is by being friendly in confrontation so that they won’t be attacked. The fear of conflict (or not being safe)  resonates more with me than the desire for peace in type nines. Self-preservation sixes often view the world as gray and not black-and-white. That also stuck out to me. The seven wing makes sense for me, most specifically for my impulsive drive to go and do things. Needless to say, the enneagram class was one of my favorite parts of the month. 

Now for a funny story from the month because I just have to talk about it. Let me be clear in saying, Christmas in the McKnight household was a blast and it always is. However, Christmas this year was a little rocky and was almost really rough. We lost power leading up to Christmas day. The longest absence from power was on Christmas Eve. What was supposed to be “rolling blackouts” in the words of Duke Energy lasted the entire day. My family and I fled from our home later in the day to go see the new Avatar movie. Upon leaving the movie my mom received a message from Duke Energy apologizing for the inconvenience and saying that power should return at 6:00 p.m. on December 25th. WHAT?!?! December 25th? That is what we were saying in our car that Christmas Eve night. In the midst of the confusion and anger my younger brother Bailey didn’t miss the opportunity to say something amazing. He said, “It’s crazy to think that in a freezing house with absolutely no power we still have so much more than so many other people.” Dang Bailey… Go off (It was a real true meaning of Christmas moment haha). Anyways we returned to our humble abode in the illustrious Davie County and our house had power! So Christmas day was back on the tracks and all was well. God is good, even if the power would have stayed off.

Thanks for reading and talk to ya next month, 

Matt


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