Raleigh Fellows Blog — Raleigh Fellows Program

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Jam-Packed and Juicy January

Wow. January was quite the month y’all. 2023 is starting off strong. The amount of information I received and digested this month from retreats, new classes, roundtables, and personal life reflection reached a new all-time high, and my mind and body are feeling full. This month was a deep cutting examination into who I am, what am I doing, and where am I going.

To start it all off, we began the month with our mid-year retreat back at the wonderful Ashley’s lake house that I am so grateful we get to enjoy. We spent the week diving into calling and vocation through the lenses of both biblical understanding on the broad topic and personal application based on a series of assessments we all took over break. These assessments taught us things like what type of learner we are (spatial, visual, auditory), how we process things, what our top motivations are, and our emotional-IQ, all very fascinating and insightful. As part of this retreat we also got to each sit down with our retreat speaker Bruce and unpack all this information and what it meant in regards to the industry we want to go into and the job we are looking to have. For me, Bruce and I spent a lot of our time discussing the discernment process of deciding if it is worth it to chase after a “dream job” that might take you away from the place you want to be, or if it is worth it to prioritize the community and place you feel is the best fit even if the job there is unknown or less than ideal. I left this retreat feeling like I had lots of new language to explain how I think and the type of learner and worker I am, as well as having a better sense of how my motivations align with the career I am aiming for. But I also left carrying the weight of unknown as to what specific job all that knowledge will drive me towards. 

Amidst my pondering of all this, this month I got the pleasure of going to Booyah Brr with Apostles’ Student Ministry. BOOYAH. You may be asking, what in the world is Booyah Brr? Well, Ian, Mallory, Hayes, and I packed up three cars and one 15-passenger van and drove 3 hours through the middle of nowhere to Scottsville, Virginia for a wild and wonderful weekend of Anglican church camp. It was quite the adventure, we played pac man in a muddy maze in cloudy, 40-degree weather, karaoked to Taylor Swift in front of the whole camp, slept in bunk beds stacked three high with no safe way to climb up them, and learned that none of the students have noticed any of the rebranding efforts that have gone on in our church over the last couple of months (essentially my entire job, so that was humbling). But all in all it really was a fun weekend of super sweet bonding with the students that I thoroughly enjoyed. Camp life will forever and always hold a special place in my heart.

Now back to the deep soul searching. This month we began a whole new set of classes, including New Testament, Christ in Culture, and an Inductive Bible Study on the Sermon on the Mount, all fantastic so far. Our Christ is Culture class is centered around discussion on the book How (not) To Be Secular by James Smith, which asks the questions of how society has moved from a time when it was almost impossible 500 years ago to deny the divine within society to our modern era where it is now almost impossible to believe in the Christian faith. I am really excited for our conversation in this class of how to engage with nonbelievers in the discourse of life’s meaning and purpose and thinking about what aspects from our modern culture can we celebrate in terms of advancement and discuss where has society gone too far to the point where the need and understanding of God is hard to see. This is a topic I really relate to as I often find myself sifting through the culture of our generation to figure out where I align with the ideas and beliefs swirling around me and where I am willing to draw lines based on the biblical truth I ground my life in. 

On top of that, over break we all interviewed our family members to collect information to help us write our genogram papers for our family systems class. We also spent time with our teacher mapping out the discoveries we made in those interviews looking for patterns between generations that may exist. It has been really cool to see how the lives of my great grandparents and parents have translated down into the values and practices of my own upbringing. It has also made me think a lot about the relationships I have with my family members and given me the desire for further closeness between us as I continue into adulthood. 

Like I said, this month held a lot of deep or “juicy” content. Sorry if it wasn’t the fun, gossip “juiciness” you may have hoped for. And I didn’t even get into the John Richmond retreat which was also awesome, he gave us a “framework for a well-lived life” through his 10 family rules and a conversation on successful spousal selection (now that was juicy). But I bet you’ll hear more about that through some other fellows blogs. Anyway, that’s all for now. January kick started the year with quite the punch!! I feel like I’m really beginning to hit my stride here in Raleigh and continually so grateful to be here, so thankful for and obsessed with my fellow fellows, and amazed and in awe of our courageous, beautiful, and wonderful director Ashley.

-Linsey

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January with Neil

My first month of 2023 in Raleigh Fellows was a blast, and was also full of lots of meaningful content. I headed back from Christmas break on New Year’s Day to Lake Gaston, where we had our week-long mid-year retreat. The mid-year retreat was an awesome opportunity to learn about our gifts, our strengths and weaknesses, our motivations, and our career callings. We took our Highlands, EQI and TruMotivate assessments before this retreat so that Bruce Lowe, the expert that stayed with us, would have time to analyze and prepare our results. We then met with Bruce one on one and did a deep dive into the results of these assessments. I found this to be very helpful, as I am still not exactly sure what I want to be doing post-fellows. Bruce told me things that he thinks I need to improve on, tips on how to improve in these areas, and ideas for jobs that he thinks would fit with my strengths and my motivations. We also started our New Testament class in January, which is taught by Edward Dixon. I have enjoyed Edward’s first few classes a lot, and I think his teaching style really helps me learn the material. In our family systems class, we have started working on our genogram project. This project requires us to interview our family members and ask them questions about their family when they were kids. Working on this project has been really cool, and has helped me learn a lot about my family that I never knew. This past weekend, we had the John Richmond retreat where we learned about life lessons and spousal selection. John Richmond is a great speaker, as he has lived a fascinating life and has tons of amazing stories. I loved this retreat because of this great content, and because of the time I got to spend with the rest of the fellows and with the Crutchfields. Although I am scared by how fast this year is moving, I am very excited for February and all that it has in store.

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Moments with Mal #5

A fun fact about me is that I’m a serial song listener. You know how you get upset with the radio (if you even still listen to the radio) for always playing the same songs on repeat until you are so annoyed you switch the channel so fast or hit the skip button on Spotify? Yep, that’s me. I binge listen to the songs I love at that time. 

One song I’ve had on repeat lately says this:

“There are blessings all around you

Open up your eyes

Feel the sunlight fall upon you

Let it free your mind

There are blessings all around you

Take a step outside

Let your heart shine in a new light

See it come alive”

I share that because one of the things we get to do as a Raleigh Fellow is get plugged into the church community through serving in the youth group at Apostles. This isn’t a paid ad by Hayes for why everyone should lead at youth, but it is always so fun to see fellows of past and present along with other young adults going crazy while playing a game and then diving deep into the word with kids from 5th graders to seniors in high school. The Lord has used this time to speak to me through their questions about the gospel John. There are passages you hear over and over as a believer in church, but even in last night's convo, we talked about if God has unconditional love for us, then why does He say keep my commandments to remain in his love. Sounds pretty conditional? These are some questions even as adults we can overthink, and we can feel like I must prove myself as a believer. What does it mean to a 9th grade girl and a 23-year-old to hear that they are chosen and loved by God? These are the things He reveals to us just in little convos with each other. We went from there and discussed what He really means about remaining in His love and how following His commandments is one way we show that we love him. It’s not an obeying thing, but it’s us understanding Him and his heart for us more. 

Being involved in a youth group also meant I got to say BOOYAH a lot this month and basically made the word popular again. We went to a weekend camp called BOOYAH BRR, and it was just like the name. Booyah and Brr. So fun and so cold. I have never been to camp in Virginia, and that was first something I was so shocked by. Being from Georgia, Virginia always felt so far away, but lately, I have crossed the state border 3 out of 4 weekends this month just for retreats. I knew this would be a fun weekend because I also got a chance to bond more with the girls in my small group for a weekend. We got to play volleyball, do these literally games from the TV Show Survivor, and run for our lives during archery tag. I learned when it comes to flight vs. fight, I was SO FLIGHT. I would be hiding behind the obstacles as Rachel gave us a pep-talk. Towards the last rounds, we felt confident knocking our arrows, but I was still sending the arrow and screaming/running quickly away. I took on the role of picking up the other arrows and handing them to people to fire. It’s honest work. 

Archery tag left us laughing, but the best moment was probably when we put on the best performance of “Love Story” by Taylor Swift (obviously) that got the crowd out of the bleachers and dancing. There was a karaoke night, and our cabin decided we were going to go big…we had a surprise fake proposal planned during the bridge. Just as the song was building though, they started to fade out the song! Linsey (our videographer and choreographer) and all the boys started chanting to keep playing the song. How could there be a surprise proposal if we NEVER got to that part of the song? All of us on stage began singing without the music, and slowly the background music was added back in. The boys from our church hopped up for the surprise proposal, and a spotlight was turned on. We sang, “He knelt to the ground, pulled out a ring, and said…” At that moment, everyone came running from the bleachers to join the dance party on the gymnasium floor. 

What started as a little moment turned into a big dance party. The same could be said about what Jesus stirs in our hearts. There’s lately been a similar phrase in Christian communities of “planting seeds” to describe this idea of growth. Jesus was stirring up this joy, but also, he was stirring up these conversations that weekend that would lead to a deeper understanding. We talked a lot about how Jesus pursued us just like Hosea pursued Gomer. A lot going on in one weekend- BOOYAH! As I walked to the early leader meeting I was reminded of the song from earlier. There are just a lot of blessings all around us- from the crisp morning to the sun shining overhead, to the lack of cell service so I could focus on the moment (lol), and for Ian and Linsey also being there to share in the laughs and the bringing back BOOYAH as a popular phrase. There were also BRR moments like walking back to the cabin post shower at night. This camp had outhouses- BRR, but even those moments, we can count blessings. Our teeth might chatter, but we could see the stars above, and thankfully, go back to a warm cabin for late night talks. 

Jesus is stringing these little moments along during my fellows year; like the retreats we had this month were full of discovering more of who He made us to be. Some of the things I’ve learned is I need to be an engineer in a non-engineering setting. I like to be a key player on a team, and I’m motivated by it. I scored 50/50 on the introvert/extrovert test which of course made me say, “Great. I’m divergent.” However, our teacher helped me see that I can thrive in a group setting while also being able to do work on my own and finish the job. I need a balance of which is something I hadn’t realized. I always just assumed I was an extrovert. This was helpful to understand when asking in a job interview what it would be like every day. Am I on a team? Am I just reporting to someone? Can I create spaces to experience both without getting burnt out? We had another retreat that gave us a good framework for living well. A lot of this year has been advice like this, but it’s because it all matters. Sounds simple, but even as I listen to Matthew McConaughey’s memoir, he says the same thing. This message is constantly being shared all over. We learned about making generous assumptions, understanding we have influence in our life over how we react, and that finishing the job matters. 

The only weekend this month that I didn’t venture to Virginia was when I got to go to Carolina Point, a YoungLife camp. Yes, this month my go-bag stayed packed. Clemson WyldLife was going there for weekend camp, and I was asked to sing. I got the opportunity to see old familiar faces from the school I led at, some girls that were my first friends at the school were now serving on the work crew, and I saw my sweet teammates from last year. Again, the idea of blessings all around us. This month was all go-go-go, but I still got a chance to step outside and see all that He has done and is doing currently in my life through this community.

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Neil's December

The beginning of December feels like a long time ago to me right now, but I am looking back and remembering all of the fun things we did last month. All month long we “elfed” another fellow by being their secret Santa and giving them fun gifts once a week. At first, I was pretty stressed out about doing this, but it ended up being really fun. I had Mallory as my secret Santa, and she guessed that her Santa was a girl, which means that I did a good job. Ian efled me and did a great job getting me things that I love. We wrapped up our Old Testament and just leadership classes in December, which were both great learning experiences for me. We also did the second session of our Enneagram class, which I found really interesting and informative. The last week of December before Christmas break was very fun and full of Christmas parties. Both the fellows party at Ashley’s and the Comiskey’s parties were great, and they both got me ready for the Christmas season. Break was very relaxing for me, and got me ready to come back to Raleigh for an even better 2023!

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We're still caroling

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!
— Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

A couple of weeks ago I reread A Christmas Carol, the classic story by Charles Dickens. I read the actual book for the first time last December, and it’s a short read, so I decided I’d make it a yearly rhythm to revisit it every Advent season soon before Christmas. I’ve seen the different movie adaptations of it so many times, but reading it especially reminds me of the grace of Christmas—the way Jesus comes into our midst, draws us to Himself, and charges us to love the world as he loves us.

We still use “Scrooge” colloquially to refer to grumps who hate Christmas cheer, but when I think of Scrooge I think about a man whose life changed radically when he was met by three Spirits, encounters which initially terrified him but turned out to be acts of grace. Scrooge ultimately becomes generous, hospitable, and honest—“He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew,” and people even “laughed to see the alteration in him,” because he was so different from the Scrooge they once knew. After his time with the Spirits, he raises his employee’s salary, buys his family a Christmas feast, and donates generously to those in need. I cannot help but think of the rich young man in Mark 10 when I read about Scrooge’s heart change. The young man asks Jesus what to do to inherit eternal life, given that he’s always kept all the commandments. Jesus tells him, “‘You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.’” Mark tells us that the young man is “disheartened” and “sorrowful,” and he walks away from Jesus because of his great wealth. Scrooge, to me, feels like the rich young man had he not walked away.

So here’s to 2023, and here’s to Christmas all year long—may we remember the grace of God with and among us everyday, not just in December. At church on New Year’s Day, we sang Christmas carols, because that’s something worth remembering and celebrating all the time.

“For my eyes have seen your salvation

that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples,

a light for revelation to the Gentiles,

and for glory to your people Israel.” — Luke 2:30-32

Merrily,

Derren Lee

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The Weather Outside is Freezing…

What’s up y'all! 

The month of December is now over, and it was indeed a cold one.  In this month we all finished up classes and headed home for the Christmas season. This is truly one of my favorite times of the year. Spending two weeks at home was so refreshing and needed. I really enjoyed sharing the time I’ve had in the fellows program with my family. One of my favorite classes to share with my family was our enneagram class. The enneagram has always been subject matter that is hard for me to sit with… until now. I always felt like it was simplified into a mechanism to type people and do nothing more, but the class helped broaden my view on that. I’ve enjoyed reading the book, “The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up,” and processing all of the relationships between the numbers when healthy and unhealthy. Initially I thought that I was a nine on the enneagram, but that was only because I really struggle with conflict. Both the class and the book have helped me realize that the enneagram is so much more than that. Even with guidance on how to approach the enneagram, discerning my number has been difficult. However, my time with the content has been more focused on learning about the various relationships between the numbers to better understand the greater network. Moving on from that I do think that I have a good idea of what number I actually am. I believe that I am a self-preservation six with a seven wing.  What most sticks out regarding the self-preservation six is the emphasis on safety. I felt relatively called out by this. The self-preservation six is often warm and friendly as a means to stay safe. The way that the self-preservation six handles conflict is by being friendly in confrontation so that they won’t be attacked. The fear of conflict (or not being safe)  resonates more with me than the desire for peace in type nines. Self-preservation sixes often view the world as gray and not black-and-white. That also stuck out to me. The seven wing makes sense for me, most specifically for my impulsive drive to go and do things. Needless to say, the enneagram class was one of my favorite parts of the month. 

Now for a funny story from the month because I just have to talk about it. Let me be clear in saying, Christmas in the McKnight household was a blast and it always is. However, Christmas this year was a little rocky and was almost really rough. We lost power leading up to Christmas day. The longest absence from power was on Christmas Eve. What was supposed to be “rolling blackouts” in the words of Duke Energy lasted the entire day. My family and I fled from our home later in the day to go see the new Avatar movie. Upon leaving the movie my mom received a message from Duke Energy apologizing for the inconvenience and saying that power should return at 6:00 p.m. on December 25th. WHAT?!?! December 25th? That is what we were saying in our car that Christmas Eve night. In the midst of the confusion and anger my younger brother Bailey didn’t miss the opportunity to say something amazing. He said, “It’s crazy to think that in a freezing house with absolutely no power we still have so much more than so many other people.” Dang Bailey… Go off (It was a real true meaning of Christmas moment haha). Anyways we returned to our humble abode in the illustrious Davie County and our house had power! So Christmas day was back on the tracks and all was well. God is good, even if the power would have stayed off.

Thanks for reading and talk to ya next month, 

Matt


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Dashing and Dazzling December

First off, I would like to say that this blog is coming to you live from Colorado, so no matter what the time stamp on this post says, I am blogging while still in 2022. But Happy New Year east coast! 

This past month was truly full of Christmas cheer and shenanigans. It was a quick three weeks in Raleigh between Thanksgiving and Christmas break, but it was such a sweet time of Secret Santa elfing, Christmas parties, light festivities, and visiting the iconic Angus Barn (a Raleigh icon, truly spectacular). I think December often feels like the fastest month of the year for me, I blink and before I know it, Christmas has passed and the New Year is charging towards me. I keep feeling like I just need to get to the next moment that I can put life on pause, take a breath, and rest before hopping back into full steam ahead. But I’m realizing there is no pause button. The days keep coming. 

So, instead of trying to stop everything I’m learning to take moments and just be present with God. Ground myself in his peace and comfort, and realize that he is with me and around me and going before me. We had a class this past month where we learned a spiritual practice called Emmanuel Time. Essentially, it is visualizing God with you and taking time to speak to Him and hear from Him. It has been a really cool discipline for me to practice over the last month. I have spent most of my time with God just sitting; soaking in the peace and comfort I feel from His presence. Hearing encouragement and feeling strengthened just by God being near me and me drawing near to him. 

During Advent we sang different versions of ‘O Come O Come Emmanuel’ each week. Emmanuel - God with us. Praise the Lord that God came down to be with us so we could experience his presence in a tangible way and that the spirit was sent to dwell in us. That is exactly what I have been clinging onto this past month, God with us, God’s spirit in me. During Advent we spend so much time thinking about Mary’s story, the travel, the details of Jesus’ birth, the conditions in which God came into the world. My church back in Northern Virginia where I spent Christmas Eve proposed this thought: what messy manger of yours is Jesus entering into? As I picture Jesus being born in the manger with the mess and noise of animals all around, my own life feels similar, a bit loud, chaotic, and unplanned. But I also picture a peaceful-silence taking over as the Son of God breathes his first breaths on earth. It’s that moment that I seek in my Emmanuel time. God stepping into my life to restore what is broken, set the world in order of His priorities, and surround me with the comfort of His presence.

As we step into the New Year, I am so excited to experience his presence in a deeper way than I have ever experienced before. Christ was born into the world, he dwells with us! We are not alone and we hold hope for what is to come! What a joyful Christmas message!!

P.S. While writing this I realized I don’t know the difference between Immanuel vs Emmanuel, I googled it and google says Immanuel is the more modern translation?? Who knows!

-Linsey

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We're Not In Kansas Anymore (Vol. IV)

Greetings and happy holidays all who are reading this! I hope that the past week or so has been full of family and a very merry atmosphere. For all of my midwestern readers, I hope that you survived the winter weather that the weather channel could not stop covering (my family is absolutely obsessed with the weather channel. It’s all we watch when KU isn’t playing… and apparently there was some bad winter weather over the Christmas weekend). I was lucky and got to spend Christmas in Charlotte and not in Wichita this year, which basically means I got lucky because I would’ve probably lost my luggage and gotten stuck in an airport for a few days (Just a few days, no big deal). At least that’s what happened to a lot of people in the country. It was also nice to not fly into a snowstorm where the windchill was negative thirty degrees. All I gotta say is count your last second switch ups on the Christmas plan blessings sometimes y'all. I have a feeling that this blog is going to be a little shorter than my usual novel since we technically didn’t do anything program related for the past two weeks (still not an adult with a full time job yet so I can still have a winter break hehe >:)). I am also very aware that I have said that in the past many times and they honestly have somehow gotten longer. What’s up with that? Do I have a problem with lying? Unfortunately, we do not have any time to venture down this road because we must blog on! How lame is that, “blog on!”? Talk about cringe.

Anywho, my Christmas break was great. Thanks for asking! Seeing the Kuthan squadron was awesome. I missed my friends in the old ta town (that’s what we call Wichita sometimes), but was able to make some great memories in the old er town this weekend (my family I visited lives in Denver, NC so you can see what I did there. I know it was clever. Also, who knew Denver was in NC. Isn’t that so weird?) Honestly nothing huge happened. Santa come through, and time with the folks was quaint. Yep, that’s about it for this paragraph. Get ready to move a line down. Here we go… Waaait… Waaaaait… okay now!

As I am watching the CFB playoffs, (Can I get a “RIP” in the chat for KU football? And KSU football? Tough trotting troopers.) I will be honest with y'all. I have no idea what happened this month. I figured out I didn’t put any notes in my phone like I usually do. And this blog is due today??? time to put my college skills to the test of doing things extraordinarily last minute with great proficiency. That’s engineering school for y'all. Should I leave that last sentence in there? Eh, why not? I am feeling ~dangerous~ today (this is probably due to me watching TCU absolutely downgrade this Michigan football team at the moment. Let’s go frogs. They called me crazy for backing them today. (I really am just starting to share anything on my mind in this. I guess that’s what you get in these.) Can’t wait for them to choke and then me face the consequences of showboating before the clock hits zero.) Guys Look what I just figured out. Condiments are gross. You can strikethrough things. That is crazy. Might use that later, I guess we will see.

Okay, I promise I will be serious now. Y’all aren’t just reading this for me to goof around. This month was hard but also good. It is hard to realize how fast time can move. Somehow we have already hit the halfway point in this program. It feels in reality like it has been maybe a month or two. I know that is cliche, (anyone know how to add the accent over the e?) but it really is weird. There are some moments where time is slow and some where it is fast. It always seems like time is fast when reflecting on the past, doesn’t it? This is something I thought about during break. It was only a few months ago, I didn’t really know anyone who lived in this city. Now I know several amazing people and the many stories that come with knowing them. I mean this is the stuff you see in movies. Main character moving to the big new city and starting a new life there. You can get so comfortable where you are that you really do forget what the beginning was like. It has been a fruitful experience to have the remembrance of the beginning of this city not too far in the rearview mirror. It has helped me to remember the many other beginnings along the way to this point. There was a beginning that started in a random basement where they were attempting to preach about some guy named Jesus in Wichita, KS, one that started at a camp somewhere in Georgia, another beginning started in a different camp in Missouri (camp’s are crazy and very apparent in my life haha), another at a book club I found myself at, another beginning in my parent’s pit area in the winter with a few friends and a few Heineken 0%’s, another at a house that miraculously came on the market 10 days before a few guys and I needed to move in somewhere, and now a beginning in a city over 1,000 miles away from one I know so much about. That is a long, long run-on sentence. My deepest apologies. But these are some beginnings that mean a lot to me personally.

For anyone reading, it was not my original intention to lead us here, but I would encourage you to take a moment and reminisce on the past. What are some beginnings? Doesn’t have to necessarily be faith-related (although, those usually are pretty good beginnings), but what are some beginnings to a friendship, beginnings to a hobby, beginnings to a skill, beginnings to a career, etc., that mean a lot to you? Take a moment this holiday season and reflect. Isn’t that what the calendar turn of New Years is about… reflecting? Beats me, I don’t know. I am just on my soap box right now. I will go ahead and step off of it now though.

Thanks for reading this month’s update on my life and the thoughts that have spawned during the past few weeks. I know it wasn’t much but maybe that’s a good thing for y’all who are reading. I hope that you got something out of it or maybe laughed at my goofiness that took up over half of this collective text. In the spirit of the new year, here are some things that going into the new year that I would love to have prayers for if y’all would be so kind:

  • Confidence, confidence, confidence (will this one ever not be on here? Probably not, I think everyone can use a little prayer for confidence in this day and age.)

  • Eyes to see the little ways that God is working

  • Margin in the days to seek out the Lord

  • A heart to be present no matter where I am

Thank you again for reading this update. As I always say, if there are any ways that I can be praying for you guys or if you just want to chat, please do not be afraid to reach out. As a usual ending point, here are a few pictures from the past month that make me smile:

“Neil going horizontal Christmas edition”. This was taken at the Raleigh famous Angus Barn. People will really do a lot to be here during the holiday season.

This was fellows secret Santa. I had a double whammy experience of knowing who had me and the person I had, knowing I had them. Try not to get too lost in that sentence of a lot of “had”.

This is maybe the blurriest photo you will ever see (its giving “low quality photo, high quality people”), but I had to share that in a white elephant I went to, someone gave me a lizard and it sat on my shoulder. I had to give her back but that was crazy.

That is all for now. May He bless your month of December,

- Alec

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Emily's Ode to 2022 (but mainly the last 4 months 😃)

Do you ever have those moments where you kind of dissociate from whatever is going on and look around and just feel so happy to be where you are? For me this usually happens with family. We’ll all be gathered around the table or something and I’ll look around at each person and feel warm and that’s when I realize that this moment will be etched into my memory forever.  

Recently this has been happening more and more for me. Moving to Raleigh and meeting all these new people and learning all these new things, I find myself looking around and being so grateful for where I am. As I sit here and write this on this (rainy) last day of the year, I really can only think about how much these last four months as a fellow have meant to me. The godly wisdom I get to hear from my mentor, host family, and others in the church; the material I get to soak up and learn in class; the laughs I get to share and the community I get to build with my fellows. It all feels so rich and full! So of course I can’t help but step back and look around and be so thankful for where the Lord has brought me this year. 

As I was thinking about what I wanted to write today, I came across this in my journal and I think it sums all of this up pretty well:

“And all the while I couldn’t be happier with where I am. I get to be with some of the most wonderful people that I have ever met. I get to learn from such wise people. I am tapping into parts of my own heart and relationship with Jesus that have never been touched before. I know this is where I’m supposed to be and I know it was good for me to come here.”

I only hope that 2023 is full of more moments like these. Ultimately I know that it’s Jesus who is making all of it so sweet.

Happy new year!!! See y’all in 2023!

Peace and Blessings,

Emily 🤍🤍

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Moments with Mal #4

First of all, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year! Second of all, for this blog post, here’s 12 Festive & Fun Fellow Moments with Mal!!

#1 13.1 miles of fun and running through Raleigh with Madelyn and Janie 

Back at our very first retreat, Janie and I talked about doing a half, and Madelyn was down too. To be honest, my training started strong, and then… I needed LOTS of convincing that we were actually doing this when it came to running 6 miles just for training. After signing up and encouraging each other, we did it! Plus we had a little cheering section at the end, and celebrated with burgers at MoJoe’s, so it doesn’t get much better than that when talking about running a half! 

#2 Sleepover with last year’s Fellow Ladies

Something I loved when I was learning about the fellows program was hearing about past fellows staying in Raleigh afterwards. It got me excited and hopeful for a future community after all this, so it was really sweet to have a sleepover with the girls from last year!  

#3 My secret Santa was Neil, and I had no idea

The fellows christmas party was a blast, and Neil surprised me with a great gift! I had no idea he was my secret Santa👏👏 

#4 Having dinner with my buddy Kris

Best gluten free pasta ever!! Enough said. 

#5 Cookie Decorating Contest at Work

Let’s just say, it’s an honor to win first runner up in the cookie decorating contest as an intern. Love seeing this type of community at my workplace and walking away with the 2nd place title. 

#6 Hanging with my Host Fam

Had many movie nights this month after family dinner which I love. My host sister Anna also had many fun holiday outfits for this month which will brighten everyone’s day! 

#7 One of my friends from college came to visit 

My friend Swed came to visit and met all the fellows! It was so fun to see worlds collide and show her around Raleigh! 

#8 Seeing Christmas Lights 

Going to find amazing Christmas lights displays is one of my favorite things to do around the holidays, so it was a lot of fun when Ashley took us on a field trip to see several houses all lit up during our Christmas Party! 

#9 Dinner at the Bolash’s

We went to the Bolash’s- had dinner, also saw some WILD Christmas lights, and Robin read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever  to us. 

#10 The Kids’ Christmas Pageant at Church 

It was simply amazing. This one is you had to be there moment, but I loved every minute of it. 

#11 Teaming up with Janie’s host sister to give Janie presents 

I had Janie for secret santa, so Rachel and I teamed up to surprise her with gifts. Couldn’t have done it without her! The best moment was when she helped me hide a present in Janie’s car right before youth group. 

#12 Fellowsgiving

We celebrated in December, so it counts! Lots of food, laughs, and stories shared as we went over to Ashley’s and hung out with fellows from all different years.

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All the Leaves are Brown (ALLLL THEEEE LEAVES ARE BROWWWWWNNNNN)

What a beautiful time it is to be in the City of Oaks. That’s right, I’m talking about you Raleigh North Carolina. November was an exciting month for me. First and foremost, I was FINALLY able to get my car to pass inspection so I could get my new tag. Seriously, it took me an incredible amount of time to accomplish something that really shouldn’t be that difficult. This is due in large part to me not realizing that Wake County required an emission test to pass inspection. Who knew? Unfortunately, this is something that my blessed 2007 Honda Accord wasn’t able to accommodate. She still can’t. However, the people of the local DMV were able to grant me a waiver so that I could get it passed. Now back to regularly scheduled programming… 


Something that really stuck out to me in November was the presence of God’s Kingdom. I will get into that a little bit here. Guys God’s Kingdom is everywhere. It is literally everywhere. I find myself forgetting that often. That must have been on God’s radar because he showed up in countless spaces in the month of November. One example of this happened whilst I waited in an incredulously long line at the local DMV (backtracking right to my DMV experience haha). I encountered two different people while I waited in line both pointing me in the direction of Christ by the way he showed up through them. The first of which was a lady who found herself in line right behind me. We started chatting it up about random stuff which somehow brought up her daughter who is graduating from NC State in December. I’ll take this brief moment to give a passionate GO PACK! I’m sure a lot of Tar Heels will be reading this blog and to you I say read ‘em and weep… of course talking about yall’s box scores across football and guess what, basketball too, ever since you played that beautiful Wolfpack football team. Where were we? So the aforementioned kind lady bearing God’s image expressed how badly she wanted her daughter to get a good job post-graduation in December. To that I responded, “Well, yeah it’s hard sometimes,” not inspiring much confidence. To this she responded, “Well God will be good.” It can be so easy for me to gloss over that, but blessed be that woman of God’s Kingdom reminding me. A while later, as we waited in line, a gentleman about 4 people in front of us, only wearing one shoe I might add sporting many holes in his clothes bundled up in a blanket, walked right outside to a lady clearly shivering while she waited and offered up that blanket for her. What a beautiful and tender image of how we are to love God’s people. This man clearly didn’t have much to give, but he gave all that he could. In five minutes, that man loved a lady he didn’t know better than I may have loved anyone in my entire life. I didn’t say a word to this man, but the way God touched my heart through his actions will not be forgotten. 


In summary, the presence of God’s Kingdom in November showed up constantly and reminded me that God is indeed good and will continue to be, and also that his Kingdom brings light into a dark world through the way that it loves. What a beautiful reminder the Lord gave me in November. I am thankful for the way that he always shows up even when I miss or neglect it. Thanks be to God!

I know this blog wasn’t super fellows related, but I just had to talk about that a little bit. Thanks for reading if you made it here. 

  • Matt

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NOVEMBER'S POWER RANKINGS

In lieu of a formal blog post and photo collage, I have decided to shake things up a bit and dub November the month of the POWER RANKING! This was inspired by Neil, who, early on in the year, decided he was going to publish a weekly “power ranking,” and rank each of the Fellows #1 – 10 based on a category or metric unknown to the rest of the group (which we then had to try and guess). He actually only ever made one power ranking, but nonetheless, it was iconic enough to be worthy of a blog post theme.

Aaaaaaand, I’m not going to make you guess the category. In no particular order, I present to you…

*drum roll*

TOP TEN MOMENTS FROM NOVEMBER AS A FELLOW! I hope re-living them with me is as exciting as me actually living them.

  1. Carpooling to Neighbor-2-Neighbor: from squishing far too many people into a car, to the soundtracks we listen to as we zoom around downtown, to getting there early so we can play some basketball, these little moments make Raleigh feel more and more like home.

  2. THE LAKE with Jason Young: a lake retreat is bound to make the top 3 in any power ranking. Learning how to nourish your spirit is best paired with attempts to fit 11 people in a hot tub.

  3. Celebrating Ashley’s *21st* birthday: oh, and the ONLY proper party attire is sweatpants and athleisure.

  4. Late night cookout runs: especially delicious after losing an ultimate frisbee tournament.

  5. Girls night consisting of frozen nuggets and babysitting Anna: Nick will certainly not love to hear that we sang Taylor Swift to her for two hours. You gotta teach ‘em young.

  6. Bocce Ball with the Batchelder’s: technically this happened in October but was just too good not to include.

  7. Shopping at Food Lion for Matt’s and my roundtable dinner: we went a little too far over budget last time, but thanks to Food Lion and their sweet deals and savings, we redeemed that this go ‘round.

  8. Pickleballin’ in this gorgeous gorgeous Carolina weather: autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place? Sign me up.

  9. Bananagrams: Classic, epic game. This will always make the list.

  10. Micah 6:8 conference @ Camp Oak Hill: boy oh BOY, and this cannot possibly be overstated enough, am I glad to be a Raleigh Fellow.

Honorable mention for the worst part of the month: getting sick!! Do NOT recommend it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – the small things are the ones that are really the big things. Thank you for taking a little peek with me into this life of which God has already ordained every minute.

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow

Madelyn

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November Heart

Moses said, ‘Please show me your glory.’ And he said, ‘I will make all my goodness pass before you.’
— Exodus 33:18-19

Hey blog. I’m writing to you a few days late, and my only defense for that is that November ended on a Wednesday, not a weekend, and I, of course, was very hard at work, no time for blogging (my apologies Ashley Crutchfield). But, delays and all, here’s a couple of thoughts from the past month.

I think about Exodus 33 a lot. Moses asks God to show him His glory, and God responds that all of His goodness will pass before him. It seems that for God the two are the same and it’s wild to me that resting in God’s goodness could be the same as beholding His glory but with God this is true. It’s hard to articulate what that means to me but at the very least, it’s a great comfort and hope.

This feels extra evident when we come forward for communion each week, bringing all of ourselves to the table that’s been prepared for us in advance. When I feel great, and when I feel terrible, I get to receive the body and blood of Christ, hearing the words, “The body of Christ, broken for you in love, Derren. The blood of Christ, shed in love for you.” God’s glory and God’s goodness hit me in the midst of ordinary, everyday things like bread and wine.

So this month I’ve been praying that God would help me direct my focus to His goodness, and I’ve seen it in so any places. Within shared meals, meaningful silence, Christmas concerts. Through wise friends, Fellows retreats, and Sunday prayers. I hope that this would continue as the Advent season continues, that I would notice something beautiful that I’d otherwise miss had I not been paying attention. I want to have a heart that is both curious and receptive when glimpses of beauty and goodness reveal themselves. Something really magnificent was happening in that manger in Bethlehem so many years ago, but it was quiet, unassuming. Very few actually knew at the time that “to us a son is given,” whose name is “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6). But the Lord revealed it to the shepherds nearby: Luke 2 tells us about how the “glory of the Lord shone around them” and about the announcement of “good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” The shepherds responded in the way that I would like to, saying, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” Intrigued and in light of this glorious announcement, they moved toward goodness in the form of a child. May we all move toward the light, “glorifying and praising God” for what we experience, the way these shepherds showed us.

Warmly, hopefully, gratefully,

Derren Lee

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We're Not In Kansas Anymore (Vol. III)

Greetings from the past month that involved a gained hour of sleep and days where the sun all of a sudden sets before 5 pm everyday. Hmmmmmm. What else happened during this past month? Oh yeah, happy belated thanksgiving to those who are reading. Hope it was a fun time of thankfulness with the fam. Ummmmmm, oh oh oh, crazy month for leaves everywhere. Y’all. The trees here (please do not get confused, I love every one of them), they just never stop shedding leaves, needles, acorns, etc. Honestly name anything and trees here probably drop them. I cant even see a single inch of grass or cement in my host families front yard. Like I am not joking there are a lot of leaves that fall here. I will try to snap a picture. Maybe. Potentially. Also maybe I forgot. (I definitely forgot, whoops)

Anywaysssss, the month of December is here and another monthly recap is being demanded (s/o to my fans). Similar to the other months that have passed since I came here, the pace of this program is moving at a full out sprint. It is truly crazy to think that December is already here. In order to combat this fast paced environment where things are very easy to forget about from month to month, whenever I write these blogs, I utilize a running note on my phone of things I want to talk about. Over the month, In the heat of a thought or experience I write a few words down to make note of something I want to share with y’all. The motivation behind it, as I said, was to stay organized on the tracks I try to put down for the ride that these blogs are, but indirectly it has been genuinely refreshing before typing away to have a moment to reflect on the past month of my thoughts and experiences. Reflection and remembrance are so good y'all (random Segway alert). The Old Testament is a brutal grind to get through, but reading it and being able to reflect on and remember what the Lord has done for His people has been so fruitful. With that thought, I encourage y’all to take a moment and try to reflect and remember on moments where the Lord was ever-present. All that being said, in the spirit of trying to successfully transition and move on, I am having trouble deciding where I should start. Okay, I think I have decided. Actually, I still haven’t (tough). Okay, now I think I am ready. Yep, I am ready now.

Contrary to the month of October, we had a few retreats this past month. The one retreat I would like to talk about was our Micah 6:8 retreat, which we ventured to the regionally famous camp Oak Hill to attend. If you pull out your bible and whip it open to page 780, and you have the ESV translation, (which is probably the undisputed champion of translations (I swear some biblical scholar said that once, just like that too, same exact phrasing and everything (I really need to calm down with these layered parentheses))), you might find a verse that reads: “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”. Thus the retreat centered around the topic of a Christian’s call to do justice in the world. One thing that was said that stuck with me was that: “When trying to figure out our vocational calling from God, it should be understood that as Christians we all share the same primary calling of being those who do justice in the world.” I don’t know if y’all have ever read the ol’ test, (that’s slang for Old Testament. Feel free to sling it around as us young folk do), but I have been reading a lot of it these past few months for one of our classes. In the rapid reading of it, which at times has been an absolute gauntlet to get through, I have noticed that the text is littered with moments of God trying to create a structure that justly takes care of the poor in the community of Israel.

I believe that when most people think of justice, they think of catching someone in their acts of injustice and giving them rightly due consequences or, in simpler words, punishing wrongdoing (at least that is what I initially thought). However, if you look at the Hebrew word for justice (which is “mishpat”), there is this retributive translation but there is also another translation pointing to restoration of the victims who were caught up in the injustice. It can be seen in the Old Testament that this latter translation is forgotten often, which ends up kindling God’s anger. Various times did He stop blessing the people of Israel due to their treatment of the poor and their avoidance of those who needed a restorative justice. It was obvious that justice mattered a lot to Him. Before this Fall, I had never once heard of the concept of gleaning in the Bible. It was a command from God that basically said that whenever people harvested their fields, they should leave the edges of their fields unharvested so that the poor and needy could freely be able to harvest food for themselves. Not in a way that created a competition for rations, but in a way where there became truly enough extra on the edges to provide for those who were in need. It is obvious that this mattered to God and it begs the question: “How can we be gleaning in our lives today?” Obviously we are not all farmers, but are we leaving edges of our harvest for the poor? For me as an engineer, this was a weird question to be faced with. There’s a portion of my possible answer that points me towards wanting to glean the financial blessing the Lord has given me. Though, there’s another portion that points to me providing services in my profession in order to further help those who are in need. An example of this at our retreat was an architect working extra hours past what was required on their workload to help with a plan for affordable housing at a charge that was almost free. Obviously that is a very specific example but the topic is something very interesting to chew on and was something that stuck in my mind during the retreat.

Quite the transition but I just wanted to state that I love music. There is this feeling you get when you listen to some songs where all you want to do is dance. There’s like a magic that leaks out, no matter how bad of a mood you’re in, which reaches you and just makes you start nodding a head or tapping a foot. I love the songs that are capable of doing this and I hope all of y’all can relate to this experience. I think that magic lies in the beats and production of the song. Now I love a good beat that gets you moving but I want to talk about the other magical element that I believe lies in music. This element is lyrics. Some songs really just give you words that stir something up in you. Maybe it’s a stirring of something that you have already felt before. On the other hand, maybe it’s a stirring of something you have never felt before (or maybe its giving you words for something you couldn’t have possibly come up with on your own). The reason I bring this up is because I heard a song this past month for the first time and I would love to share it’s lyrics with y’all. Honestly, you should probably just look up the song and listen to it in it’s wholeness but I will still share it with you anyways. The song is called Gratitude by Brandon Lake and the Lyrics go:

“I know its not much

But I have nothing else fit for a king

Except for my heart singing

Hallelujah, Hallelujah”

I don’t know if initially this stirs anything up in y’all but let me tell you it really stirred something up in me. I believe that either subconsciously or consciously, we are always trying to prove our own worth. At least, I know that is true for me. Rather than coming to terms that God made each one of us equally and that everyone is worth a multitude in the eyes of our creator, I highly seek the validation of those around me. I love these lyrics because it carries my imagination to a spot where I am in front of the Lord and I am not too sure what to do. In the sight of Him, I am overwhelmed by the thought of how He has been involved in my life, constantly moving things for my good in His great love for me. What can I do to repay this? I have had so much gratitude for all the ways that I have clearly seen Him at work. I owe Him so much. However, what can I possibly offer to the God of our universe? I truly have nothing at all in my possession that could be fit for our King. In the truly overwhelming realization of this, the only thing I can do is let my heart pour out an endless amount of Hallelujahs in my natural desire to praise Him.

As you can see I have started a new paragraph. I really wanted to add more to that last one but it felt like it didn’t really need anything. Speaking of the word “anything”, I don’t think I have anything else left to share on this installment of my monthly blogs. It is also almost midnight and my eyes are telling me that I need to wrap this thing up so maybe I should try to do that.

If you have been praying for my past few months here, I just wanted to take a moment to thank you and ask for ways that I can be praying for you during my next month here in Raleigh. To provide an update on myself, here are some ways that you can be praying for me for this next month:

  • Energy and rest

    • the fire-hose of information and activities is really getting to me, I will be honest

  • Eyes to see the Lord everyday in the little things

  • A compassionate and sympathetic heart towards those who need

  • To be overwhelmed with His love for me

  • To stop comparing

  • Community at work

    • I would love to start talking about my faith with them so just prayers that I can get windows to do that

Thank you so much for taking time to read this installment of my blog. I hope it wasn’t too long and that you got something from reading it. Shoot me an email/text if you’d wanna hear about anything else I am learning or if you’d wanna just chat about the few things that I thought about this month. In typical fashion here are a few highlighting photos over this past month to end the blog:

This be the squadron taking one of our iconic “Neil going horizontal” pictures at the famous Camp Oak Hill. Please ask me why it is famous later.

Also at Camp Oak Hill there was an ultimate frisbee competition where we got to compete with the Memphis fellows program. We 1000% brought the energy but unfortunately did not bring home the ship. As they say though, there’s always next year.

Also went to an UNC game. Nowhere near as electric as Allen Fieldhouse is for the Jayhawks but we all already knew that. Sadly I did not have the gall to wear a KU jersey into this arena but maybe one day I will.

Here's a photo of me back home with my roommates in Wichita, KS. It felt unbelievably good to be home. Also my roommate Ryan hand-painted that picture in the background. Hit me up if you want any “modern art” from him.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading.

May He bless your month of December,

- Alec

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Caamp Enthusiast Vol. 3

Hey Hey ! November has been a incredible month full of many highs and lows. We had many retreats and a lot of fun adventures. Unfortunately, I got really sick the week before Thanksgiving, which made it really rough going into our break. While I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving, my host family (Shea and Julie Tisdale) graciously had me at their Thanksgiving celebration. I also got to see a good friend of mine and his family over break. It was just a great time reminiscing about our past experiences in high school and college. It brought back a lot of memories of community and it made me reflect on how the community around me has influenced me in the past. I was reminded of a lot of sweet moments in college with my roommates and campus ministry. I remember the love and intentionality that I experienced and how God had used those moments to shape me. Coming back from break, I’ve been inspired and encouraged to continue forming a community like that again here in Raleigh!

In Chirst,

IA

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Nifty and Noteworthy November

(I’ll be honest I just wanted to use the word nifty cause it’s fun)

As I am sitting here getting ready to write my third blog post, I realized that on all three days I have written my blog, it has rained. I’m sure there’s a more poetic way to express this idea but I’m comforted by the thought of taking a deep breath as the rain falls and letting all the stress and tiredness from the past month wash away with the rain. Don’t get me wrong, November was a great month full of wonderful things, but as December begins, I feel the need to clear my mind and start fresh as another full month begins!

Before fully clearing my mind of November, I’ll fill you in on all the highlights. 

Since we just celebrated Thanksgiving, it only feels right to say how thankful I am to be here in Raleigh as a fellow. I adore my fellow fellows. You know these people are something special when we can spend 96 straight hours together on retreats and yet I am never not excited to see them again. We also got to celebrate our director Ashley’s birthday this month which deserves a shout out because this woman deserves endless celebration (she’s all things fun and wonderful). Thankful for you Ashley!! Another thing I am thankful for this month is our teachers/speakers. We get to hear from so many wise, faithful, and fun people as a part of this program that are constantly opening my mind and teaching me new things.

One of my favorite lessons from this past month came from our speaker Jason Young on our most recent retreat. He said “contentment is the central developmental task of midlife… to find contentment put yourself in a place of discontentment and learn to deal with it.” Since moving to Raleigh the hardest thing for me has been feeling insecure about not knowing what comes next after fellows. This is the first time in my life there haven’t been any set next steps and it’s DRIVING ME CRAZY!! I’m a planner. Not having a plan or even an idea of what comes next is very uncomfortable for me. I want to trust God’s plan and provision, and I know when the time comes for fellows to end I will have a new step, but for now I definitely need to embrace Jason’s advice of learning to deal with the discontentment. The reality is I can’t plan out the rest of my life even if I tried, so I’m learning to make the uncomfortability of not knowing the new normal. I’m seeking God’s peace in the present and leaning on him for discernment of how to move forward. Jason shared the verse Jeremiah 6:16 with us which has given me a lot of comfort lately, “This is what the Lord says: ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths; ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.’” 

The big picture plan is already filled in for me, glorify God and enjoy Him forever. The details may be blurry for now but at least I know which direction to head in. Thanks for reading!

-Linsey

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Neil's November

I can’t believe I am already writing my blog post for November; it feels like this month has flown by. I think a reason for that is I feel like I have finally gotten into a rhythm with the Fellows schedule. The first week in November, we went on our Micah 6:8 retreat at Camp Oak Hill in Oxford, North Carolina. All of the fellows programs from around the country went to this retreat, and it was very interesting to see these other groups and how they interact with each other. Although I did not love the food or the sleeping arrangements at Camp Oak Hill, I think the retreat made our group closer, and it really made me appreciate a lot of the aspects of the Raleigh Fellows, especially our fearless leader Ashley. I have continued to enjoy working at Redeeming Development Group, where I have experienced increased responsibilities over the last month. Our Old Testament and Just Leadership classes have continued to be very interesting, including an awesome field trip to Mt. Pleasant Worship and Outreach Center in Just Leadership. I loved learning about the amazing impact that Pastor Phillip Walker has had in that area, and the goals that he has for the future in that area as well. Before Thanksgiving, we went on another retreat, led by Jason Young, to Ashley’s lake house. I had a lot of fun on this retreat, and I really enjoyed learning from Jason about the six stones. Even though Thanksgiving break was less than a week, I missed the other fellows and Ashley when I was gone, which shows me how much I am enjoying being a part of this program. I have a busy but fun November, and I am looking forward to what is going to happen in December!

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