simple joys.

“Let my love touch the deepest most hidden corners of your heart and reveal to you your own beauty, a beauty that you have lost sight of but which will become visible to you again in the light of my mercy. Come, come, let me wipe away your tears and let my mouth come close to your ear and say to you, “I love you, I love you, I love you”. - Henri J. M. Nouwen

“Once your heart has heard the music, it is happy only when it is dancing” - Robert Benson

“You have set my feet in a spacious place” - Psalm 31:8

“Return to your rest my soul, for the Lord has been good to you” - Psalm 116:7

“They will be like a well watered garden, and they will sorrow no more” - Jeremiah 31: 12

“You are my God” - Psalm 31: 14-15

“I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours” - C.S. Lewis

Theses are some quotes and verses I have loved this past month. I hope these truths are inspiring, comforting, and exactly what you need in whatever season you are in!

always,

Berkley

Learning Credence

“I’M NOT ENOUGH UNLESS YOU COME. WILL YOU MEET ME HERE AGAIN?”

-One time God took my hand and led me into a portrait gallery. I saw visions of CS Lewis and the Obamas, MLK and King David, FDR and my parents- their likenesses expressed on thin canvas. I realized walking hand and hand with my Lord it was a hall of my heroes. The people I most looked up to decorated the walls around me. God led me to the end of the hallway under a big arch, and there laid an empty frame- its tag read “Landon Whitley”. I looked up and with tears in my eyes. He said to me “Stop trying to paint your own portrait, thats my job.” -

It’s been a month of waiting. Questions dance in my head about purpose, plight, and permanence. I want to have the reigns. I want to plow my way forward into this next chapter, but I know that I can’t. I was given the gift of the previously described situation in prayer. One that I understood with a heavy heart at first, but slowly slowly realizing what a blessing it is.- I am not in control

I am not in control

I am not in control

and that is SOOOO HYPEEE. SO while February comes to an end, and it’s been a hard one, I look forward to spring and the promise that it holds. God’s in control and everyday I get to work in His will towards a purpose that HE alone supplies. So less go. He is good and faithful. I will trudge forward with the knowledge I just have to obey. Thank you Raleigh Fellows for helping me get to that point.

Here is a piece of my mind that I wrote sometime in the past few weeks.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

February is closing his eyes, again. It’s been a long day, a long road trip, a long gun fight where I didn’t seem to be a winner (all just a little bit more hurt).

His bottom lip is throbbing in the spot he wanted love but got fear of the future instead. He’s listening to sad music and pulling his sheets close.

If I could talk to the moon I would tell it everything I did wrong.

If I could talk to the sun I wouldn't want to, just touch it and pull it close to my chest.

We all froze over just a little bit. We all need a little thaw, a little melt, a little warmth to open our eyes. 

Tomorrow, he thinks, I’ll tattoo every broken part of myself with the word trust. I’ll make sure it’s worth it. I’ll sing praises to You in the morning when I’m tired and wondering if I made a mistake. Even if you tell me I didn’t. Every step forward  is just another drop of rain on a dry field. I’ll sing to you until I don't have my voice anymore. February falls asleep with one palm on his heart, the other reaching toward the sky- so will I.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

LANDON

Stomach Ache

This month was a blur. It was the second hand and not the hour hand. You might think to yourself, “duh, Jack it only has 29 days making it the shortest month.” To that I would say, “you’re so right. I didn’t think about that.” But in reality, I DID think about it and didn’t want to address that to you because, yes, even that seems like conflict to me and guess what: I’m a 9 so here have this run-on sentence and let’s be done with it.

Anyways, yeah that month went fast. The days are getting longer, I’m sleeping less (not a bad thing), I am learning more and more about discipline (see my last post if you haven’t already); here, have another poorly structured sentence (last one I promise)! I finally got my official acceptance letter into graduate school after a scare that it might not be in the cards. I have been enjoying my job more and more. I got to go out to my test plots and do some preliminary testing on my research vines for UGA. Just yesterday, Darby and I applied for an apartment in Athens, GA. Lent is in full swing. Lots to comment on (dang it, I did it again).

RE: grad school scare. I received a call from my professor that he got a job at Penn State and will be moving there next month, therefore there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be able to attend grad school. Long story short, a professor that I knew well at A&M is now the head of the department at UGA and will be taking me under his wing instead. I like to call this a “last-minute save.” During the time of waiting, Darby and I had two choices: freak out or trust that God is sovereign. I am proud to admit that, while both happened, the latter persisted. God is sovereign and it was truly edifying to each of our faiths to experience that. I am so thankful for my God and my fwife (future wife (Darby (see last post))).

RE: a few preliminary grad school tests. Last week, I was able to go to my test plots in Hendersonville, NC to prune Merlot and Chardonnay vines. My research is on delayed pruning techniques to bring out a delay in bud break of different Vitis vinifera cultivars. Please, ask me about this in person if you so wish to be bored to tears, but damn if it doesn’t truly pump me up. If you know the story of the 1981 Christian athlete's classic film, “Chariots of Fire,” about the Christian Olympic track runner from England named Eric Liddell, then you know that he famously says, “when I run, I feel His pleasure.” (Honestly, this is probably another run-on sentence but for this one, I do not apologize). Well, when I’m in the vineyard pruning vines, I feel His pleasure. It was unexplainable, but I finally understood what Eric Liddell was referring to. I get to go back tomorrow night and Wednesday to finish those pruning trials, and I truly cannot wait.

RE: apartment in Athens, GA. This past weekend, my buddy Josh, my super-extra-special buddy Darby and I stayed the weekend in Athens to find the place that DD and I will live when we get married. And dadgummit we found the perfect place. Despite all of the anxieties, God came through once again. To quote my mother, “God is bringing you down there so He isn’t going to leave you homeless.” We’re once again praising Him for that!

RE: lent. It has come at the perfect time, (a nod once again to God’s sovereignty). This year I am giving up social media. I have likened it to eating an entire 3-lb. bag of Haribo gummy bears. (Now, if you know me, you know that in my humble, yet experienced gummy bear opinion, Haribo remains supreme against those posers such as Trolli or Black Forest). I have been consuming and consuming and consuming the different flavors of social media: Instagram is the green one, Facebook the yellow, Tik-Tok the red, and Twitter the white. I really didn’t look up after eating handful after handful until I noticed that the bag was empty. Lent is a chance for me to detox from fructose and gelatine. I look at the empty bag with a stomach ache. I have the opportunity to break into a new bag but I am choosing not to because frankly, I’ve just had too damn much. It is still early in the season, but this time has been so refreshing. I find that my mind is less cluttered. I have time to sit, time for creativity to sprout and less time for my teeth to rot from my skull. I have more room to hear and to listen, and boy oh boy is that sweeter than any flavor that I waste my health away on. I am so thankful for my God. He just thinks of everything!

Whew, this has been more info than you, Gracious Reader, probably care to know but thank you anyway! Pray for me and Darby as wedding, school, life after Fellows, etc. start to come together!

Reading: The Green Mile by Stephen King, The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson, The Body by Stephen King (finished), Pet Sematary by Stephen King

Audiobooking: Needful Things by Stephen King (finished), Scythe by Niel Shusterman

Listening to: And It’s Still Alright by Nathaniel Rateliff, Half Moon Light by The Lone Bellow

-Jack B

Leap day

Another month, another blog. Leap day gives us an additional day to submit on time. Does this mean everyone will have their blog submitted in time? Probably not and that is because we are all humans. We miss the mark time and time again, failing to live up to our expectations, others expectations, and most importantly God’s directions. By the grace of God we are forgiven and free. We need to eliminate our expectations for ourselves and others, then remove ourselves from the daily or hourly courtroom of judgement, because only God’s judgement matters. We can free up so much emotional and physical real estate in our lives by changing this mindset. God has already judged us and given us grace so that we can share that grace with others and be a living example of his grace.

Living life this way is incredibly difficult, especially for myself as an enneagram one. I focus so much on being right and making sure others are right too that the world becomes black and white, right and wrong.

Fellows senioritis is upon us as we only have 2 months left *gasp*! Brad McGinity asked me what my goals are for finishing out the year and staying on track as Fellows is coming to an end. I hadn’t thought about this yet as I am still living day to day and failing to revisit my goals and objectives. I encourage everyone to take some time to think about what they want to accomplish this month, the next 6 months, this year, etc.

Also, don’t tell Ashley it is your birthday if you don’t want to be the center of attention.

- Tim

I’m 2/2 this semester Ashley.

February_AS

There is no better hope made available to us other than hope in Christ. Eric Bolash

When the Bible talks about blessedness it doesn’t mean I had ice cream today and drive a BMW. Eric Bolash

Jesus first comes to a people before a place. You need to change first. Brent Campbell

Politics are Christians outsourcing the Gospel to other people. Brent Campbell

Be careful what you mentally rehearse. Eric Bolash, from his own mentor.

Holy Amnesia- not remembering our shortcomings pushed by guilt, but propelled by the perfect holiness of Christ. (loosely interpreted) Edward Dixon

He has it all in his hands. I couldn’t mess it up even if I wanted to. Nick Greene

Transformation has to do with the way the walls separating us from others and from our deepest self begin to disappear. Jean Vanier

Transformation gives us the audacity to advance along a road of unknowing. Jean Vanier

Free advice coming from me this month. If you like to read, stick a book you can freely pick up and put down in the center console of your car. My fellow fellow, fella Tim, reminded me of such a brilliant idea. Pull it out when you are early to an event. If it is nice out, go on a walk with it shoved in the back of your pants like a pastor, find a bench and read. Do not—I repeat—DO NOT read and drive, you buffoons. 

My center console book that I am rereading during this period is Living Gently in a Violent World, written by the late Jean Vanier (1929-2019) and Stanley Hauerwas. Vanier was initially a French philosopher who, after a divine intervention moment, was responsible for L’Arche communities getting more attention. If you have read much Henri Nouwen, you’d know the significance of L’Arche communities. Nouwen’s life was completely changed with his life engaging with Adam, a disabled member of the L’Arche community (read about it in his book, Adam: God’s Beloved). The L’Arche US website gives this for the description, “We are L’Arche. We are a people with and without intellectual disabilities living, working, praying, and playing together in community.” Vanier established L’Arche in 1964, and reconciliation between peoples has been occurring ever since. With noticeably difficult conditions and treatments of disabled people at the time, there was a need for the faith community to step in somehow. Hauerwas is a theologian currently teaching at Duke University and has to be one of my favorite voices in the world of justice in a theological realm.

Again, you should read the book. I will not get into the bulk of the essays by both, but there is some beauty in how each have found a way to walk faithfully the path set by God for them. Hauerwas, at a talk last fall at Hi-Wire Brewing in Durham, was quoted for saying, “I went to seminary to see if this all was true,” referring to the Christian faith. The skeptics that brought him into theological academia were the same internal pushes from the Holy Spirit that brought Vanier face to face with the broken relationships we have with disabled people. 

Over this past weekend while all of my attention was fixated upon taking the LSAT, a big report was published. On Saturday, Christianity Today put out a report that included an investigation into Jean Vanier due to six women coming out to reveal allegations towards sexual misconduct. Go and read it for the full details. I am not going to give a cliche about how all good things come to an end, because this wrecked me pretty substantially. The only other time I had felt somehow betrayed by someone of high regard was when Evan Stephens Hall (singer/guitarist for Pinegrove) was reported to have sexual coercion allegations against him. Both of these figures were doing something incredible for the Kingdom (whether they were totally cognisant of it or not). Evan preached on stage, giving voice and empowerment to areas and people who had none. He also makes incredible music. As a follower of both, this felt like a personal attack on me. My reaction probably constituted a public personal response, but in a sobering effort I sought God instead. 

How do we respond when our heroes are just as vulnerable as us? They had it figured out, and God you still couldn’t save them from themselves? Save the victims from them? How could so much wisdom and goodness be gifted, only to be forgotten in detrimental ways? Establishing a worldview in which these voices are loudest can lead us to demise if too much weight and faith is in human exemplars of Christ.

A consistent theme in my life, and I imagine one in the lives of most religious people, is that of what to do when we fall? JD Greear wrote a book, Stop Asking Jesus Into Your Heart: How to Know for Sure You Are Saved, which was more a push against a pious false narrative that when we sin we must repent, re-ask Jesus back into our heart, promising never to do it again, only to fall a month later. This is an exhausting episode of life if we continue to strive so hard for so long, and let ourselves down.

I think of Church of the Apostles (where we Fellows are stationed for the year) and the sermon series in which we are in going through Hebrews. I am going to word vomit the past two months of sermons now. Throughout we are learning of sentiments that position us not to neglect our need for God’s redeeming grace, to know that Jesus took a position lower than angels to accomplish our salvation, that he came lower to know fully our suffering so he could step in with us. The good stuff comes in chapters seven and eight, when we learn that we have a great high priest sitting at the right hand of majesty in Heaven, and that great high priest is the greatest hope we can hold onto. Hebrews 10:14 says, “For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy,” (NIV). He, being Jesus, and those being made holy being us. 

Last night, our church put on a pretty remarkable Ash Wednesday service, complete with dimmed lights, periods of kept silence, ASH, and a great homily from one of our professors. I didn’t know what to do about the service, it all felt gloomy (intentional) and somewhat ambiguous. But low and behold, on my drive home my brilliant host brother, Perk, revealed to me what his takeaway was. One of the prayers we prayed had instruction to hate the sins that God has already forgiven us for, through Christ’s death. There is a turn here, call to repentance if you might. This lent season seems to be defined by prayer and fasting, ultimately to be more in tune with God and establishing a deeper understanding of Christ’s sacrifice. Both of the practices seem to be disciplines for eradicating the barriers we put up in our life in between Christ and ourselves—sin. 

Now that we are back on the subject with a few scriptural pieces and a service to back me up, I am going to shed light on one of the more profound pieces that has helped me reconcile my heart to Jesus in light of the sin I have experienced. I look to John Steinbeck and his book East of Eden. To even attempt to pull out a small section from this masterpiece may be considered sinful, for which I repent and won’t publicly do again. 

~At this point I became fully aware of the fact that this is 2 ½ Google doc pages long, so I am not even going to give you, the people, what you want. Go read East of Eden yourselves. I am so sorry.~ 

In all honesty, I dream of the day where I can see Jesus face to face, and finally know that there was someone who conquered sin. I will continue to follow people whose voices are pushing me towards the kingdom, knowing fully that, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3:23, NIV). We have to hold that in contention with what we are told in Hebrews as well, that despite it, we have a high priest who is not only approachable and willing to take our sin, but loves us in a way we cannot comprehend. Learn to hate the sin and not the sinner when it comes to our heroes. Will Campbell, a Southern Baptist preacher making noise in the civil rights era, was once asked how he can love the oppressed black community and still minister to KKK members. Campbell responded with, “Well, I guess it’s because I am a goddamned Christian.” Again, to quote my soul-friend Will Campbell summing up the Gospel, “We are all bastards, but God loves us anyways.” 

Obviously I hope you read this and are pushed somehow to systematically rid of sin in your life, seek God and forgiveness within it, the power to continue further, all that jazz. But if you haven’t already noticed I like to pull from people who speak freer than me in books, poetry, articles, etc. Had it not been for the authors in my life, I wouldn’t understand Christ as I do now: regardless of the author believes in and preaches a Christian God. All I am saying is pick up more books. Get a Good Reads account online to track, get recommendations, and see how far you have come. Friend Jack and I, he loves Stephen King and I shoot myself in the foot for reading six books at once. Call me self-rigtheous, but call me. 

Thanks,

Austin

The Costs of Control

Hi everyone -

Y’all know what FOMO is right?  

The fear of missing out. 

Here are my cute as heck fellow fellows hanging out at waffle house on a snowy Friday morning. 

TELL me this isn’t literally adorable.

Guess what - I willingly chose not to come.  Not because I had anything else to do, but because I was tired and I wanted a morning in my home, making breakfast, on my own agenda. 

So that’s what control can cost you. Fellowship.  Among a host of other things.

I think I’ve quickly learned that I rationalize my fear of missing out by inducing my own choice.  I can’t fear missing out if I’ve actively chosen to miss out.  And why do I choose to miss out?

To assert my own power. 

To feel as if I have control. 

To do what I want to do when I want to do it without consideration of others. 

And let me be the first to tell you how much of a damn privilege that is. It’s a privilege to be able to 1) have control be my coping mechanism and 2) to actually execute it. 

---

Control has served me well.  It’s protected me.  It’s fought for me.  It’s fought for others. 

But it’s also crippling me.  Because the truth is, the result of my daily trials and triumphs are not from a world spinning in chaos, but from the reign of the everlasting God who is in complete and careful control.  God is ruling the earth with me in mind.  He is ruling the earth FOR me, so that I can focus on our relationship together.

Part of me wishes giving up control was as simple as typing these words.  The rest of me knows that I would crumble to pieces if this coping strategy was stripped from my hard drive in a matter of seconds. 

So instead, it looks like gently moving the needle closer to God having complete control.  Recognizing where I’d like to control myself or others, recognizing what that’s costing me or those around me, not shaming myself for adapting this mechanism of self-protection as a young child in the turmoils of the world, and seeking the prayer and wisdom of others walking alongside me.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word. Just to rest upon His promise, just to know “thus saith the Lord!”

Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus Hymn

I’m looking forward to the sweetness that is to come with trusting in Jesus.  May lent be a small demonstration of a lifetime to come of trusting in the Lord’s provision and steadfastness and deliverance. Amen.

xoxo,

Martha Anne

Laughing my way towards becoming whole

"O persistent God, deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles, but through the expansion of them.... deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me. Accentuate my confusion until I shed those grandiose expectations that divert me from the small, glad gifts of the now and the here and the me. Expose my shame where it shivers, crouched behind the curtains of propriety until I can laugh at last through my common frailties and failures, laugh my way toward becoming whole" -Ted Loder

At the beginning of Fellows Ashley made us read a poem and consider the idea of becoming undone. The Lord undoing our lives that we believe we have made progress in to show us that real progress is when he comes into the picture to take it down and reminds us it’s not about what we are building. 

Well so much of me feels like I am back here again... I do not want to be here or admit I am here, I am standing in piles of broken pieces trying to gather them and hold them together. It doesn’t all fit in my arms, pieces are falling, pieces I really care about and I can’t reach down and grab them because then more will fall.  I am pulled in two different directions one is to sit here and piece it back together. The other part of me looks at it all and wants to give up.

God time and time again wants to reshape and rearrange a lot of what is happening on the inside. This unearths fears and places where we grasp for control in our lives. What a blessing though… he stops our selfish lives and turns us around saying do you see what you have been holding onto and creating for "safety".

Here is where I feel the layers of surrender. 

In Luke 7, we read about an intimate, holy encounter one courageous, young woman had with Jesus. Not only was she brave enough to walk into a home full of men by herself, but she also humbled herself at the feet of the King. She literally gave everything she had. She broke the jar of perfume that would’ve taken a year or more to save up for and poured it all over Jesus’ head and feet. She kissed his feet, wiping them with her hair. 

Here I am again praying that I learn what it looks like to give my alabaster heart to the Lord daily. I give up the pieces I have created and wanted control over and I give him my heart because he is doing transformative work there that I can't control. So here is all my heart, all my soul, all I own, you can have it all. May I continue on this lifelong journey laughing and smiling with the Lord offering up my broken heart.

krista b

Bink's Declassified Fellows Survival Guide

Welcome to Bink's Declassified Fellows Survival Guide. This post contains 7 things you’d ever want to know (or NEVER want to know) about Ashley Crutchfield and her wacky fellows program.

Tip #1: Never…and I mean NEVER talk badly about Ashley’s dog Chip, no matter how many times it bites you.

Tip #2: Always give her a hug when you first see her.

Tip #3: Never book a flight for a trip without running it by her first. (For more info, talk to Berkley).

Tip #4: When approaching a conversation with Ashley, make sure you block out at least 15 minutes and be prepared for some thought-provoking questions.

Tip #5: Just say yes. Don’t think twice about it. If Ashley asks you to do something, do it. It’ll be worth it in the long run.

Tip #6: If you’re on a retreat and you feel like you need some space every once in a while. Ask Ashley to take her van for a little drive. You’d be surprised at what 20 minutes of driving around the middle of nowhere can do for your brain.

Tip #7: DO NOT wait until the last minute to submit your blog post!!!

Peace n Blessings,

Alex Behnke

January_AS

My life was not worth the truth. Ray Hinton

We are bodies of broken bones. Thomas Merton

The kingdom is not the community of believers, that is the church, it is the renewal of the entire world by the King through his people.  Paige Benton Brown

Resentment for what we do not have is the number one reason we do not use what we do have. Paige Benton Brown

And one who understands the nature of tragedy cannot take sides. Will Campbell

Rarely when we endeavor to rule over trail does our body finish before our mind.

One of the more intensive realizations that has come to fruition this past month has been how God has come through in all of the things that I have myself wrapped up in. Particularly in the movements throughout the day. Some call it the dance (oh how much do they love calling it that, but what if you can’t dance? Just a thought). Some call it the rhythm. Whatever it is, just act like a monk: work, pray, eat, pray, read, pray, sleep… pray. The prayer throughout the day creates a sustained posture of gratitude and nearness with the Lord. One time in particular has been influential in all my days. I don’t necessarily cherish the time, but golee something has been occurring in my mornings with God and I have painfully sewed it to my being. I have looked to the Psalms in the morning to see and hope for God to be with me throughout the day (as if that wasn’t the case despite my efforts). I have often struggled with the Psalms, to the point in which I needed to find a book by Thomas Merton called Praying the Psalms. If you haven’t picked up on it already, I am slow to allow my heart to know the Lord, which is a problem given our greatest command from Jesus calling on Deuteronomy in Mark 12 to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength,” (vv. 30, NIV). Mind and strength are pretty much a given at this point, I don’t need to explain my credentials or speak to my testimony, but just trust me that holding fast to the Lord is something that has gripped me for a long time. To love something with my heart and soul is, well, it seems unsubstantial.

Contemporary Christian culture has really emphasized on these things, which I don’t think is all that bad, as long as they are in balance with the other two concepts in the command. This can be said about myself. Hiding behind rhetoric, words, and discipline. Truly, it feels like a high school clique that I am not able to fight myself into; the “heart and soul” clique that is. Man if I could just be in that crowd, then I’d know, then it would make sense. My judgmental self (Lord remove me from the thrown) consistently sees the heart and soul as things manipulated and fickle, eventually leading me to ask how I could begin to know something in my heart or soul? 

My mind tells me that 2+2=4.

My body tells me that fire is hot.

What does my heart tell me? Feelings? Don’t those come and go? What does my soul confirm? A calling or vocation? How can I know?

St. Augustine (that is pronounced “say-int August-in” by the way, kind of like the ending of my name, you fools) has a repeated quote that goes like, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.” That is what my heart tells me. That when I am not resting or seeking God somehow, I suffer. Little by little, maybe, but a little can go a long way. And I can attest to this, it is true, because I have lived in accordance to that longing and God has blessed the time. As for the soul, beats me. Seriously, send some soul definitions or an expert on the soul. Part of my hope is further learning a little something from the Psalms in both of these arenas. Thomas Merton says, “For God has willed to make Himself known to us in the mystery of the Psalms,” (p. 8 if you care). This resonates with my whole relationship with God. It is absurd how many questions, how much skepticism, and wonder I have when it comes to God. Somehow this mystical God loves us, and I can trust that, because when my heart is resting in God my burden is light and it is easier to believe the grand story of the Bible. God loves Son, Son loves us, and Son believed God and what was done, so it seems like a good place to start.

I’ll end with a potentially overused illustration. The other evening, I had dinner with a friend of a friend’s, and as we were walking back he stopped me. “

Do you know the word for sin in Greek?” 

Little did my new friend know, I studied Koine Greek, which allowed me to flex the whole, “Hamartia, another translation may be to miss the mark.” Which this may be a conversation for another time, but my Greek lexicon had never showed me that as a possibility. For the sake of entertaining my friend, and any talk regarding this line of reasoning, we went on. 

“That’s right,” he said as he began to pull back an imaginary bow, “Say, if I were even a centimeter off from this distance, do you think I could hit that target?” One eye closed, gritting his teeth, he was referring to a sign across the street that resembled a target.

“Well, at this distance, I imagine you wouldn’t hit it at all,” I said. 

“Again, correct.” 

He didn’t say anything but went across the street and as I followed, walked straight up to the sign which was about chest height. With his imaginary bow, his left fist “holding” the bow practically touching the sign, he said “Now? What do you think? Am I walking home with a kill?” 

He need no response. We both knew. This week in my mornings, I have been in Psalm 73, in which the author anguishes over the lives of others, and how they walk around taking and grabbing and accumulating much. But it is the wrong stuff and it moves them from God and the good that comes with God. Becoming their own gods. Towards the end, the voice is satisfied with knowing God and not following the others, and eventually states, “But as for me, it is good to be near God,” (vv. 28). To be near God, what a necessity! Say I am a ways from God in one way or another. Even a small act could turn out to be so far from God. If sin really is missing the mark, then why in the world do I continue to choose distance from the Good Lord? Walking faithfully does not mean walking from a distance. It is personal. Side by side, sometimes face to face, with God. It is clearer to discern what God’s will is, it is easier to hear and receive the truths spoken, and compassion is warmer than ever near the Lord. Pull close friends, and hold fast. God wishes a flourishing life to be one of close proximity. 

Thanks,

Austin Spence

Reflect

Life continuously moves forward. Time doesn’t pause. During childhood we are ingrained with numerous different beliefs and ways of life and we rarely challenge them. Society surrounds with the idea that busyness=good/success and if we aren’t busy then we are doing something wrong. Just talk to a high school or college student and they will likely talk about how busy they are. If we are busy 24/7 and fail to take time to think about what we have done and what has happened to us we miss out on the necessary time to process, learn, grieve, celebrate, grow, change, praise, and thank God.

So you probably already knew this and at a shallow level I would’ve said I knew this too. However, how often do we make this a regular part of our routine? I wanted to start this post talking about reflection for the sake of accountability. By May I want this to be a part of my daily routine. I operate alongside the ready-fire-aim group and I can’t wait for to take the next shot.

January held some pretty incredible experiences, headlined by the career calling and vocation retreat led by Bill Fullilove. During this retreat we learned about our natural gifts, core motivations, and emotional intelligence (EQi). Each fellow had 1-on-1 time with Bill to discuss their results, potential career paths, and how to work on improving our emotional intelligence. After this incredible experience I had the opportunity to go on a company retreat to Palm Springs, CA. The company I work at, 15Five, is focused on helping equip people to “become their best self” which is an incredible mission. While the company mission lacks the faith aspect, it hits some of the other components of living in the world as a Christian. This trip was very fun, but I was ready to get back to my routine and begin to apply what I had learned the week prior under Bill’s teaching and be with all the fellows. I have gotten to meet with my mentor and discuss the test results to game plan practical steps I can take to improve my emotional intelligence. Since settling into my routine, influenced by the Rule of Life created on the first retreat, I have been pursuing what is next career-wise whether it is at 15Five or somewhere else (consulting???). I am excited for the new classes this semester on New Testament, World View, and Inductive Bible Study. We just had a one day seminar on resilience which highlighted a lot of positive habits for us to be healthy people and become increasingly resilient as we will inevitably face trials and challenges in life.

That is all for now. Keeping a commitment to Ashley this semester on timely blog posts. Currently 1/1

-Tim

Tears .

Over this past month I have been very teary. . .

It seems as though sadness and heaviness have characterized a great deal of my emotions lately. This sounds really hard, but honestly it has been somewhat freeing. It has given me the space to be raw and find healing and hope in the midst of a challenging and overwhelming season.

I am currently walking through a book called: Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard (I am sorry to say it is taking me much longer than I anticipated to finish this 130 page book) and I have yet to read a page without tears beginning to well in my eyes or a knot forming in my throat. The story is about a girl named “Much-Afraid” who lives in the Valley of Humiliation, but finds the courage to begin following the Chief Shepard up to the High Place. It is a slow and steady walk - one that looks daunting and even like it is going in the wrong direction. But Much Afraid is slowly learning to trust the shepherd and know his promises are true
. . . I still have a great deal of the book left to go, but I love it.

I really recommend reading it. . . .

. . . I don’t think i’m great at blog posts. I really do get frustrated thinking about “what I SHOULD write about” or “what is GOOD to write" about”. I know there is no formula, but I feel like my thoughts are always scattered so I don’t know what to write about.. I am sure part of the melancholy season I am finding myself in right now has much to do with feeling overwhelmed by the next steps to come, but even the weight of life that is happening currently. I know these sentences and feelings are not original. I am aware I am not alone in feeling them. . . they’re just part of life. sad. hard. weary. . . funny how our world knows these things come and yet the remedies offered are so unfulfilling and even more exhausting. . .

How sweet is the Lord to offer us R E S T and a place to come before him in weariness.

I am grateful that as many tears as I have cried in my life, the Lord has wept oh so many more for me. That is humbling. It makes me truly remember how DEEPLY the Lord cares for his children and knows what the weight of this world is like.

Thank you Lord for loving us perfectly. I am grateful.

-Berkley

The Line

You stand in line. You rock gently back and forth to the beat of your own music. A person walks up to you and tells you to stop moving. You stare in confusion as they walk away. Why are they allowed to move and you aren’t?

You stand in line. Sunglasses protecting your eyes from the harsh florescent lights blaring above. A new person comes up to you, and demands you remove the sunglasses. They then walk outside, placing the sunglasses over their eyes. “It’s because it’s bright out.” they explain. You explain that it’s bright inside as well. They cannot hear you, you are in a bubble. No one can hear you.

You stand in line. A third person walks up to you, yelling at you to get out of line. You begin to move away, frustrated by their own arrogance and anger, but they suddenly change their demeanor. “It was just a joke, don’t be so literal!” they laugh. You stare, unsure why they think yelling and downtrodding is funny. You stand in line. Seconds, minutes, hours, pass by. You check your watch - it’s been 2 minutes. Another few hours pass by - it’s been 4 minutes.

You stand in line. You want to sit down, but are yelled at for resting. “No one else is tired, you’re not tired either!” you are told. You tell them you are indeed tired. They cannot hear you, you are in a bubble.

You stand in line. You suddenly become aware that you have no idea why you’re in line or what it’s for. You’ve been there so long you’ve forgotten why. Or did you never know to begin with?

—————————————————————————————————————————————————

I wrote this in a moment of doubt. Its nothing but an expression of a deep-seated feeling found in the dark confines of your gut. Questions of “Is this worth it?” “Am I doing whats right?” “When will this period end?” “Is He faithful to show me the fruit of my efforts” “Is it selfish to want Him to show me fruit?” “What are my intentions?” etc etc etc ——All thoughts and feelings produced by an unbound faith in Him.

Today I am thankful that He is faithful, and that he shows this faithfulness when I need to see it. Not only that, but he displays his faithfulness in explicit concrete ways where his wayward son (me) can see and be reminded of it.

“He will Surely Do IT!”- 1 Thessalonians 5:24

Best,

Landon

Es geit mir gut

I’m learning a lot. If the Fellows program is about anything, I think it’s that. I am coming to understand what discipline is and why it’s so important. I look at disciplined people with even more reverence than before. People such as my fwife (stands for future wife (that’s Darby)) or some of my closest friends that I lived with in college. Something as small as making your bed every day or actually getting up when your alarm goes off really goes a long way. A couple of months ago I found a neat app (Pimsleur) that teaches you virtually any language by means of repetition of the most used words and phrases and their contexts. This year I’ve tasked myself with learning German. So guten tag, friend! Danke for reading this blog post. Yets, ich verstere kine Deutch abba spater ich spreche vela Deutch! (Hopefully)! I guess the downside to this means of learning gives me an inadequate german spelling skill but oh well. Anyways, I play this app for 30 minutes a day on my drive to work instead of plugging in an album or audiobook. For me, this has been an act of discipline. I am using my time wisely, learning a new skill that I enjoy rather than listening to the same songs on repeat (lol). I’ve seen this translate into other sections of my life as well. I’ve taken up running. I feel more confident in my abilities at work. I have significantly more time with Jesus in the morning. Truly I equate all this to my new found disciplines. Pretty cool I guess this stuff really does work. Whodathunk?

Bis morgen,

Jack

P.S.

Currently reading: The Green Mile by Stephen King, The Drama of Scripture by Bartholomew and Gohmeen, The Universe Next Door by James W. Sire, The book of Job by Job (maybe?)

Audiobooking: Misery by Stephen King, The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson

Listening to: boygenius by Phoebe Bridgers/ Julien Baker/ Lucy Dacus, Yola, Pinegrove, and eagerly anticipating the next album from The Lone Bellow

Watching: The Outsider, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Down Pour

It’s been a while.

I would like to formally apologize to Ashley Crutchfield for being the most inconsistent about my blog posts. It’s not that hard, I’m just truly the most forgetful person I know. PLZ FORGIVE ME.

A NEW YEAR. Which also means halfway through Fellows... mer mer.

Coming back from our Career, Calling and Vocation Retreat brought an entirely fresh wave of thankfulness and gratitude. How the heck did I end up here and how in the world am I ever going to not think back and remember this year as one of the best of my whole life? God has been so gracious to bless this entire process of “becoming” - even in the midst of being undone.

Back in September, I thought God had good things in store for this year. Almost like a little bucket of blessings He was planning on just sprinkling around. 

No, that’s not how it happened. It feels like He picked up the bucket and physically dumped it all out. A down pour.

I was hesitant to come back to my job after this week with Bill dreaming about the future and all the possibilities it holds. Yet, coming back to Grubb was like coming home. I love what I do and I LOVE who I get to do it with.

My host-family, parents and kids, bring me so much joy. Hannah, the middle-child 6th grader, makes sharing a jack-and-Jill bathroom more fun than I ever thought possible and sings more than I ever knew anyone could. My host-mom is teaching me the power of prayer, which is one of my words for the new year along with my life.

My mentor is a gem. Sweet Meg is the most intentional woman and listens so well. Not the kind of listening to respond, but listening to understand. She asks me hard/good questions and is teaching me the importance of pausing.

I’m extremely hopeful for class this semester as well, since it will be very difficult to top the last. We are now moving into New Testament, learning Inductive Bible Study and World View with Family Systems Theory and Spiritual Formation carrying over as our year-long classes. 

The COMMUNITY. These people are the best friends in the world and I’ll never stop being thankful for getting to walk through this journey with these incredible ten Fellows hand-picked by the Lord. We’re at the stage where we’re comfortable in the silence and don’t feel pressure to simply fill the space. Just enjoying their presence is all I need most days. The generosity of the community at Apostles continues to astound me with how they steward their resources (mostly food, yay) and open up their homes to us.

I’m so thankful and so hopeful for the coming months:

To grow in awareness of myself and my actions while actively pursuing what God has for me in the world.

To explore what it looks like to intentionally pause more and make prayer more of a priority.

To see His plan unfold and boldly step into whatever He has for me after these last five months.

To know that the same God who made me feel so loved this year is the same God who has promised to be with me in every step of every year to come.

xoxo

Adelaide

in the mundane

Well. Here we are.

I am now halfway through the Raleigh Fellows Program and can hardly fathom it. It overwhelms me to even think of summarizing these past few months (since i’ve missed a few blogs I’M SORRY ASH) into a single blog post. I could never do it justice.

Instead, I am going to give a small recap of these past few weeks. Coming into the second half, I was feeling a little unsettled. After two weeks home in Alabama for the holidays, I wasn’t sure how I felt about leaving quite yet. I was most definitely missing my Raleigh peeps, but also felt anxious about leaving my family and the comforts of home. For the first time since I moved in September, I once again pulled out of my hometown driveway with a packed car and tears in my eyes. I spent the first half of my eight hour drive wrestling with the doubts and anxieties I had about leaving home.

That all changed when I picked up sweet Adelaide (aka SWAG) in Greenville, SC. Because of some car difficulties, she needed a ride back to Raleigh and I was passing right through. During those next four hours together, the Lord began to cover me with a peace that comes only from Him. He used that car ride with swag to calm my fears and remind me of the sweet friendships that he had blessed me with through this program. He reminded me that He was bringing me back for a purpose- and that there was joy ahead.

The next day we packed up and our fellows class drove to Virginia for our mid year retreat. I can’t even fully explain why I adored this week so much. I think it was just experiencing joy in the mundane moments together. It was in the moments of waking up to the sunrise on the bay to spend time with the Lord. It was in the moments of worship in the morning with slippers on our feet and coffee in our hands. Or laughing on the dock in the freezing weather while wrapped in blankets. It was in the moments of just sitting in the living room while working on our laptops- not even talking, but just being together. It was going on spontaneous runs with the girls. Or the moments of dancing around the kitchen while cooking and playing music. It was watching the bachelor together and eating out of tubs of ice cream. Or staying up late talking with face-masks on. It was just sitting around the table and eating meals together.

I loved every moment. Because these are my people. And it doesn’t matter what we do- I’m just overjoyed that I get to do it with them. Especially in the mundane.

Until next time,

Emme Slaton

~h o p e~

I feel like I have been going full speed and I don’t want to take my foot off the gas pedal because, if I slow down, I will see things about myself I don’t want to.

I have been very contemplative since the end of the year and our first semester as Raleigh Fellows. There have been conversations, assessments, and incidents, along with many other things that have caused me to look inward. I can’t say it has been easy because it has revealed to me things in my life that I need to work on and change.

Upon this realization, I felt a wave of defeat. I have so many broken areas in my life that need to be mended but I don’t feel like I have the capacity to do so.

So, I floor it. I go faster and faster. One impulsive thing after the other, to find only temporary fulfillment. Eventually, I crash into a ditch where it is dark and lonely. I’m in pain and the only way to distract myself from the pain is to pull my broken self out of the ditch and start going full speed again despite my dysfunction.

It’s pretty obvious I need some healing and restoration that can only happen if I slow down. I have found that spending time in solitude with the Lord is essential. I knew this before but never put it into practice because I never slowed down enough to make the space for solitude.

My sweet sweet friend gave me a journal for Christmas and wrote this poem in the front of it:

“ May you recognize in your life

the presence, power, and light

of your soul.

May you realize that you are never alone,

that your soul in its brightness and belonging

connects you intimately

with the rhythm of the universe.

May you have respect

for your individuality and difference.

May you realize

that the shape of your soul is unique.

May you learn to see yourself

with the same delight, pride, and expectation

with which God sees you

in every moment. “

(FOR SOLITUDE//To Bless The Space Between Us)

I didn’t know it but these were some words that my soul was desperate to hear. And OH MY, the Lord is GOOD. The Lord was so purposeful in where He placed me. He surrounded me with with some of the sweetest friends and mentors that continually speak truth into my life, no matter what. I find HOPE in their words, the words that the Lord, so purposefully, gave to them. Every little part of this fellows year has given me a glimpse of the HOPE that was gifted to us when Jesus died on the cross us.

peace + love

ANNA

THE FELLOWS AT ANGUS BARN

AMY + YUMI

WE LOVE THE 818 GIRLS

Hope in the Healing

Hi blog!

Today is the end of our first full week back in Raleigh and MAN am I glad to be back. This place is home and it felt really sweet to be welcomed back with open arms. I’ve spoken enough about my winter break and our mid-year retreat to last a lifetime, so I want to focus on something else that’s been on my heart recently.

“When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to wait on him.”

Matthew 8:14-15

This short account appears in three of the gospel narratives. After Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mount, people came toward him asking to be healed or for their loved ones to be healed. In one account, Jesus heals without it being requested of him, while in the other two the disciples tell him of the illness Peter’s mother-in-law has and ask for healing.

The narrative in Matthew reminded me of the scripture in Luke where Christ raised a widow’s son. Various translations say “his heart went out to her” or “he had compassion on her.” And I love how Rembrandt depicted it — Jesus touched her. When Jesus saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying sick in bed, his instinct was to reach out his hand to her. No thoughts about if he would get sick, no thoughts about if he should, no thoughts about if it was right to do. He was compelled by love to reach out his hand and heal her.

Christ healing Peter’s Mother-in-Law by Rembrandt

I’m in much of the same season I was in last semester (can I even call them that when I’m not in college? do adults just reference time according to weather seasons? share thoughts in the comments below) of tending to a slow and difficult process of growth. It’s a healing process I’ve willingly and somewhat not willingly stepped into. I’ve often been frustrated at myself in this current stage because I’m not able to feel my emotions at my normal level of depth. Anger and pride come quickly, while joy and sorrow do not.

But the purpose of healing is what? In my mind, it’s to allow our minds space to focus on things of greater importance. When you’re not sick, you mind drifts away from your body and to those around you, to the sunshine, to the wind, to Christ. When you’re not sick you can serve with your whole heart and mind and body. I’m sure that’s not the full purpose of Christ’s healing, but we’ll leave it at that for now.

What about before you’re completely healed? What about when Peter’s mother-in-law was lying sick in bed, knowing she should be caring for her children or knowing she might die? I can’t imagine how desperately she wanted to be well.

Beloved… do not feel ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, see that it is the perfect preparation in providing a home for something Holy.

Scott Erickson, inspired by Jesus Calling

I can’t speak for Peter’s mother-in-law, but I’ve absolutely been ashamed of my emptiness, my lack, my heart as it sits in the middle of healing rather than being at the end. I’ve been mad at myself and mad at God for having this season be so long. I’m ready to be fully HEALED.

And then I see this picture. And I hear these words.

Martha Anne, don’t feel ashamed of your anger, your emptiness, your slow growth. I know when you’ll be fulled healed. And only with and through me can you be fully healed. I’m preparing you for something Holy. I’m preparing you for the ability to get up and serve me, wait on me, minister to me.

There is hope. There is hope in the slow and toilsome healing that this is all preparation for more. I may not know what the rest of this healing process will look like, but I can hope in the potential that this will end and Christ will have the victory. I can only hope that at the end of this, I will have the strength and joy to love and serve the Lord as Peter’s mother-in-law did right after she was healed.

I hope you spend some time looking at the image above and noting what comes to mind for you. Do you picture Christ as reaching his hand out to you? Do you believe that Christ served us in death so that we may serve him with our lives? Do you see and hear the ways that God is asking you to be a home for something Holy? And that Holiness being Himself?

xoxo

Martha Anne

3 Bible verses challenge

What a year it has been! I was asked a “table question” at dinner during a work outing. The question is “What day in the past year would you relive and why?” Most years this question would have been pretty easy, but this past year has been a different case. In the past year, I have served alongside 10 other Clemson students serving in a leadership capacity for the ministry that brought me back to Christ (FCA). This included the highs of seeing God work to leading a team on a mission trip to Philadelphia and laughing endlessly while serving others. Then I graduated college from the greatest university, Clemson (Go Tigers!). Two days later I was on a plane with my family to Japan to visit my brother whom I hadn’t seen in over a year and my first time outside of North America. I got to spend the summer in Raleigh living with my best friend, Nate, and acclimating to the city I hope to spend the next years of my life. Fellows started with an unforgettable retreat at Lake Gaston as I gained a glimpse into the vast depth of the hearts of 11 strangers (yeah Ashley is definitely included in this) and how they care so deeply to know God and love others. I got to stand beside Nate’s side as he married Zoe. Each day with the fellows has been just as noteworthy as the aforementioned events from cooking for roundtable with Berkley to classes with Benji, Jason, Jon, etc. to nights with the boys and all the spontaneous hangouts. Ultimately, this question helped me appreciate everything good in my life despite the lies and insecurities in my head. There is a benefit to reflecting on the past especially in my position to remember the good times God has blessed me with and not get caught up in the day to day snares and sins of life. This reminds me of the book of Judges as Israel failed to pass on the stories of the blessings God had given them and they returned to sin time and time again.

I have started meeting with Chris Byron from Apostles. Ever since I interviewed with him I wanted to be his friend and learn from him. Before Thanksgiving he challenged me with coming up with 3 Bible verses which have impacted me during Fellows. The first story which stuck out to me came from a sermon I heard a couple weeks before Fellows started but it really started to work in my heart throughout Fellows. This was the story of Mary and Martha which I had heard a dozen times before, but I always had been taught and understood Martha as doing the wrong thing. What I have learned is not that Martha was doing the wrong thing by her actions but in her heart. Martha’s means of hospitality and service align with how I serve others best. Martha’s heart was the problem in this story as she was upset with her sister Mary for not helping her prepare food, but instead Mary was sitting under Jesus’s teaching and making Jesus and his disciples feel welcome by just being with them. I can grow and learn to be more like Mary, but I was created more like Martha. I experienced this situation while serving with FCA, but the lesson I was being taught didn’t come to my realization until I heard the sermon in August about Mary and Martha.

These two stories from Judges and of Mary & Martha have taught me two great lessons I hope to put into practice and pursue. This blog helps me with the first one even when I fail to type one up for November (sorry Ash). I’m still figuring out what the third Bible verse/lesson is to fulfill his challenge, but at the moment I am just being patient and trying to eliminate setting expectations, but instead asking God what he has in store for me because God is not disappointed in us because he does not set expectations for us. He accepts us as we are and welcomes us time and time again.

So as I wait to figure out the 3rd Bible verse or relate the expectation setting to a story in the Bible I will finish reading “Abba’s Child” and continue to learn who God wants me to be as my true self and not some worldly expectation I have for myself. I am continuously amazed and astonished by what I am learning in this program and if I don’t have enough material to write a blog for January then I am just not reminiscing enough because this next month is going to be so full I will not have time to breath.

- Tim

Fun year right?

Well yeah it was. I am going to skip out on the year wrap up because I feel like my last couple posts have been that. I’d like to share with y’all something that I have recently learned. It feels so easy, and, in theory, it’s relatively simple, but it is something that I have gone practically my whole Christian life without.

We have been tasked with reading a book called “Abba’s Child” by Brennan Manning. Aside from the Holy Bible itself, (and Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis) I believe it is the most essential book to living a life dedicated to Christ. ‘The cry of the heart for intimate belonging’ is the subtitle and the rest of the book does nothing but echo that. Chapters range from ‘Come Out of Hiding’ to ‘Present Risenness’ to ‘The Rabbi’s Heartbreak.’ Chapter 3 is called ‘The Beloved’ and its truth is one that I have been overlooking and evading for as long as I can remember. Straight and to the point, the idea is this: “Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.”

Sheesh.

I have been believing the opposite deep, deep down for so long. How is it so? How have I forgotten my Father’s thoughts and feelings about me? Day by day it seems as though nothing changes, but as you look back on months and years, everything seems different. I am haphazardly quoting Lewis but the sentiment stands. How is it that the weak enemy’s voice can trump the truths of the Hero? It is because I have not been myself. Manning calls this the Imposter self, and it is the being that has inhabited me. Abba’s Child has rearranged my mirror-view. I am Beloved by God and, as Mike Yaconelli puts it: “for some strange reason, that seems to be enough.”

I am beloved by God, and for some strange reason that seems to be enough.

Stay tuned for how things are different following this refreshed information, but I’m really excited to say the least.

-Jack Bobo 12/31/19

December_AS

Anxiety may be the dizziness of freedom. Soren Kierkegaard 

Forever is composed of the Nows. Emily Dickinson

To be liked by everyone you would have to be the blandest person ever. Matt Haig

Life isn’t about what you are doing, but about what you are being. Matt Haig

Reading isn’t important because it helps you get a job. It’s important because it gives you room to exist beyond the reality you’re given. It’s how humans merge. How minds connect. Dreams. Empathy. Understanding. Escape. Matt Haig

The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates

Of what value is learning that does not turn to love? Anthony of Padua

The artist is not one who creates beauty, but the one who looks for it. Brennan Manning

I have been reading a lot lately, occasionally writing, even wrote a huge piece on my thoughts regarding the author of the poem below and his impact on me. Yet the added words feel fleeting and unnecessary. It’s sad really.

Because once someone dared

to want you,

I know that we, too, may want you.

When gold is in the mountain

and we’ve ravaged the depths

till we’ve given up digging,

it will be brought forth into day

by the river that mines

the silences of stone.

Even when we don’t desire it,

God is ripening. 

I, 16 from The Book of a Monastic Life by Rainer Maria Rilke

Similarly to the speaker in this piece, I don’t always want what God has to offer me. In fact I try my hardest not to be a recipient of what God has to offer. I’m fixated upon what I can do in the world, and it tends to end in vain. I get this overwhelming sense that God constantly is just waiting for me to lean on my pickaxe, bloodied and blistered hands, dust lining my lungs, and give up digging. I am still a child, and God sees these things and probably smiles (hopefully), perfectly willing to step in whenever I feel the weight of myself trying to press on here. In attempt to sum up his work in a few words, Karl Barth said, “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Next time you hear that jingle, remember one of the greatest theologians has copyright. In all seriousness, I hope to attach this to my being everyday, in hopes that I am compelled to live out of this and only this.

Peace,

Austin Spence